Online Players, Internet Predators, Cyberpaths, Dating Site Frauds, Cyberstalkers... whatever you call them - they need to be EXPOSED! Did they take your heart? your trust? Harass you? Tell your story... Share ideas for dealing with them... ('FAIR USE LAW' APPLIES TO ALL ARTICLES)
A version of this article was published as: Suler, J.R. (2004). The psychology of text relationships.
(EOPC's comments in dark blue)
excerpts: Even though cyberspace is filled with all sorts of sights and sounds - and becoming more multimedia rich every day - most relationships among people form and grow within typed text. E-mail probably accounts for most one-on-one relating, but message boards, chat, and instant messaging also bring people together. Even web sites, especially those of an autobiographical nature, can lead to friendships and romances. The site starts out as a one-to-many relationship between the creator and the readers - and over time, contact via private e-mail between a reader and the writer refines that relationship and moves it to a more personal, one-on-one level. Such text relationships are not unique to cyberspace.
Below are a list of hypotheses that I've gathered from articles I read and written, and from my discussions with all sorts of people, online and off.
The relationship between f2f (face to face/ or real-life) and online relationships
For some people, text relationships encourage more self-expression and self-reflection than f2f communication. For others, less.
Some people experience text relationships as more predictable, safe, and less anxiety-provoking than f2f relationships. (and easier to be manipulative and lie, also)
Some important aspects of a person may be obvious in-person but almost invisible online.
Elements of people's online relationships may reveal what's missing in their f2f relationships.
In text relationships, some people explore their interpersonal style and experiment with new behaviors. What is learned online can be carried into offline relationships.
Online relationships form and disappear more easily than f2f relationships. (objectification)
Intimacy develops more rapidly in text relationships than in f2f relationships.
Absent f2f cues and stimulation
Lacking f2f cues, text communication can be limited, ambiguous and an easy target for misunderstanding and projection.(and predation)
Lacking f2f cues, text communication disinhibits people, encouraging them to be more open and honest than usual, or encouraging them to act out inappropriately.
The lack of touch and body contact can significantly reduce the experience of intimacy in text relationships.
Some people are attracted to the silent, less visually stimulating, and non-tactile quality of text relationships.
People struggling with social anxiety or withissues about shame and guilt may be drawn to text relationships in which they cannot be "seen."(or predatory narcissism, or sociopathy)
Once you find out what the cyberpath is they may do a combination of any of the following:
Disappear and/or block you and/or change their nicknames, identity & emails
Lash out at you
Smear you
Belittle you & call you names
Tell everyone that you both know you are "crazy" or "stalking them" or (the oldest one there is) you're a "scorned man/woman."
many other nasty, malicious things worthy of a 9 year old
This is betrayal. This is what pathological people do when their 'mask of normalcy' is pulled off. You reel from it because you can't understand. You can't imagine what happened to the attentive loving guy you met who seemed understanding. Nothing happened. That wasn't the REAL PERSON. This monster who is out for your virtual heart is the real person.
Everything else? was a lie.
All you will get now is narcissistic rage. Anger that you busted them. And threats of harm to you, your family and so on. Just read through the stories on the right of our exposed predators and see how they treated their victims.
Take a look at Ed Hicks, Doug Beckstead, Dunetz/ Yidwithlid, Brad Dorsky orDan Jacoby . Look at how they were to their targets once they got bored or angry with them. Watch their rage, their blame-shifting, their guilt tripping and their disappearing acts from the lives of people who people who really loved and cared about them.
The one thing we can tell you here at EOPC is that 90% of the time, the threats are a form of "control by temper tantrum." Like a 6 year old they are mad that you won't play their game or said "NO MORE" to them. Or they got bored and don't want to play with you anymore, so your emails and attention is suddenly ANNOYING. Now they kick, scream, say rude things & stomp away hoping you will be so upset you will let them start up their game again. Either with you or someone else.
Or, that you are so scared of them you dare don't expose them or tell others. DON'T FALL FOR IT!
And don't for a second think they haven't told their online friends, offline friends, partner/ spouse, job... that you are "obsessed with" them or a "scorned" person. So when you send just one more email or make one more call hoping for explanation, closure, something... they say "see!! see how she is!! she's nuts and won't leave me alone! she's trying to manipulate me!"
What childish bull.
If you really want to help them? Expose them. Make them accountable. Don't let them scare you into silence. Help others stay away! Maybe they will get their relationship/ marriage right. Maybe they will go into LONG TERM counseling. The odds are 98% of them don't.
"The world is a dangerous place to live, not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein
But don't let them scare you. Stand up to a bully no matter how long or what it takes. Take back what they took from you. Your power, your dignity and your peace of mind. - EOPC
~~~~~~~~~~~~ Betrayal, when realized, is a phenomenal existential feeling. Suddenly, your world is no longer the one you believed in. You question reality, but most of all you question yourself.
How, you wonder, could I have been so naive, stupid, blind, trusting, unseeing, unknowing? It may be difficult to believe, but these questions are good. YOU are the normal person, the one who aligns reality (he was so nice to me, he was my friend) with a cognitive belief: he ACTS as if he likes me, he TELLS me he likes me, I see no reason not to believe him because in my past, people who act and speak this way, CAN be trusted. There is congruency. But not now.
Suddenly, you learn that someone trusted - a spouse, lover, family member, close friend - has been putting you down, lying, manipulating others against you, and yet maintaining a stance of intimacy with you.
The world is not clear, the ground you stand on is wobbly. You will never feel good about this. You will not "Get Over" it. But you CAN move forward. You can do so by realizing that no matter how awful the betrayal, YOU are the normal person and this betrayal comes from rage.
This person envies you in some way, is enraged about it, and MUST put you down behind your back. They MUST harm you.
They have no choice. But you do.
In the world of normals, after we get over the shock, we can use this experience to become stronger, to help others, to learn to avoid this particular toxin, and to calm ourselves that the higher moral ground is ours. It's too bad this person acted as he did, we wish he did not, but we are NOT diminished by their pathology. Wiser, sadder, but never diminished. ~~~~
EOPC believes that cyberpathy is a form of pathology. Either narcissistic or sociopathic/ anti-social. Because its exploitative and the cyberpath has no remorse or guilt. Therefore we publish this article for the victims of cyberpaths.
Don't believe they aren't hurting you on purpose. They are. You are not the 'object' they treated you like. Stand up and tell them. They will probably disappear from your life while painting themselves as the victim - OF YOU!
Stop giving them the opportunity - stop trying to "get through" to them, stand up for yourself and starting healing you!
Hurting You Isn't Something Narcissists Do by Accident by Kathy Krajco
In all the jabber about narcissism, the worst noise is this idea that hurting you is something narcissists do by accident.
If you get nothing else out of "What Makes Narcissists Tick," get the message that frees you of that ridiculous belief. Which is nothing but a baseless assumption.
I don't ask you to take my word for this. Test what I say when I say that narcissists hurt you on purpose. Anyone can test any narcissist.
Here's how: The next time the narcissist is hurting your feelings or making you feel low, let your feelings show and tell him or her how they are making you feel asking them to stop it.Be prepared for a shock. Any normal human being would soften and let up, but a narcissist will do exactly the opposite.
What does that mean?
Is revving up their engines, kicking in the afterburners, and running you right over an "accident" after you show your soft underbelly and beg them to let up on you?
It's no "accident," that's for sure.
Want to see a narcissistic rage? That's no "accident" either. The test: Just fall to your knees in tears begging them to have a heart and stop kicking you around like dirt. The narcissist's response? He or she blows up into a rage. Is that rage an "accident" when nothing but how deeply they are hurting you provokes it?
No, it's a willful and wanton outrage.
Now hear this: THEY DON'T DO IT BY ACCIDENT. They aren't just inconsiderate and touchy.
Test their "touchiness" (if you can do so safely, or have somebody not at the N's mercy test it - someone who can defend themselves).
Rage right back in their face. Act just as wild right back in their face. Threaten right back. Speak abusively right back.
Now any normal person would be provoked to rage by your doing this in their face. But narcissists are so UNtouchy that they do the opposite. Watch how instantaneously the raging narcissist becomes meek and mild and switches to his "I-wouldn't-hurt-a-fly-mask."
Don't take my word for it. Test it.
You CANNOT insult a narcissist who isn't in a position to bully you! It's impossible. Try it, you'll see. Your lack of vulnerability gives them skin a foot thick! (Not to mention a rubber spine.)
"Touchy" my you-know-what.
They aren't touchy at all. So perceived slights aren't what set them off. The VULNERABILITY of a TARGET OF OPPORTUNITY is what sets them off - IF there are no witnesses.
That's predation, not touchiness.
Narcissists aren't inconsiderate of your feelings. To the contrary, they are extremely considerate of your feelings. Your feelings are exactly what they are trying to affect. They closely observe how you react every time they do something to hurt you.
And they are like sharks, able to smell a drop of blood a mile away. Why? Because your hurt feelings are their pain killing drug.
They are addicted to it. Ever since childhood.
That's what their mental illness is, an addiction. (In fact, all addictions are classed as mental illness.)
So where do people get the stupid idea that narcissists aren't to blame for what they do?
It's asinine to think that narcissists can't control themselves when we see them controlling themselves perfectly whenever witnesses are present. So, what? being behind closed doors makes them suddenly out of control of themselves? Baloney.
Their problem isn't lack of self control; it's lack of conscience. Conscience is what makes people behave the same in the dark as in the light of day.
Okay, they have an addiction to trampling people. They are hooked on the childish high they get from throwing somebody down, stepping on the victim's back, and thumping their chest with a Tarzan yell.
But since when does an addiction amount to a carte blanche? An addiction is just a TEMPTATION. It doesn't remove the addict's responsibility to resist that temptation.
If a heroin addict sees you with heroin, he will attack and may kill you for it - IF there are no witnesses present.
But do we absolve him of his responsibility for the crime just because he's addicted to heroin? Of course not.
Same with the narcissist. Since childhood he has done this mind-altering drug of abusing people and is addicted to it. He addicted himself.
Yet addicted as he is, he demonstrates the ability to control himself by behaving whenever witnesses are present, misbehaving only when he thinks he can get away with it.
Innocence that is not.
He does what he does because nothing but getting his drug matters to him. So he has no conscience. He lives to get it, whenever he can get away with it.
So, hurting others isn't something narcissists do by accident. It's how they live.
The victims of narcissists must understand this. They must quit falling for the masks predation conceals itself behind.
I don't care how much the poor, little, ole narcissist whines that he didn't mean to, and claims that he has an excuse because HIS feelings were somehow hurt, and weeps about what a miserable childhood he had and how sad and forlorn he'll be if you go away, and all that crap. It's a joke.
Painful as this is to admit, the victims of narcissists MUST understand it. It's the bottom line. It predicates your choices.
Don't take my word for it: test and see. 2 + 2 = 4. Always. Even on Thursdays.
(U.S.) Prosecutors say a Los Angeles man created 130 phony Facebook pages and posted Craigslist profiles to harasshis 16-year-old ex-girlfriend.
The Los Angeles city attorney's office says 22-year-old Jesus Felix pleaded no contest on Wednesday to two counts of violating California's new impersonation law and one count of making harassing telephone calls.
He was placed on five years' probation and ordered to perform 30 days of road-crew community service. A one-year jail sentence was suspended on condition he complete anger management and sex therapy classes.
Prosecutors say in a news release that Felix created Facebook pages and Craigslist listings using photos of his ex-girlfriend. The girl's mother discovered online profiles with her daughter's contact information as well as sexually explicit photos.
The Internet impersonation law went in effect Jan. 1.
We are reposting this as it applies to many of our predators. (see list on left of our previous cyberpath stories)
It is time for this site to post some information about the sex addicts online. Many cyberpaths are also sex addicts. Oh, they won't seem like perverts up front. (we have used the male gender. your cyberpath could be female)
They will convince you they are nice guys, lonely guys, misunderstood, needy; that they "LOVE" you (even though they have NEVER met you), that they are religious or spiritual (see article: Lures of the Online Predator; on this site) and then slowly they ask you to 'turn on your webcam,''send me some pictures of your body parts or you naked,"''send me some underwear/ a lock of your hair" and a variety of requests that by the time they make them (i.e. - by the time they have controlled your mind to think only the best of them and to ignore red flags) - seem very innocent and even romantic - but in reality? should send you RUNNING AS FAR AWAY FROM THEM AS POSSIBLE.It is a slow & insidious process of brainwashing and manipulation - so wake up and stay safe. - EOPC ------------------ Warning Signs of Cybersexual Addiction:
Routinely spending significant amounts of time in chat rooms and private messaging with the sole purpose of finding cybersex. Feeling preoccupied with using the Internet to find on-line sexual partners. Frequently using anonymous communication to engage in sexual fantasies not typically carried out in real-life.(some do turn to escorts/ prostitutes - using online booking & hooker review boards to find real-time sex - some look at reunion sites to find victims and recycle them.) Anticipating your next on-line session with the expectation that you will find sexual arousal or gratification. Finding that you frequently move from cybersex to phone sex (or even real-life meetings). Hiding your on-line interactions from your significant other. (Dunetz/Yidwithlid, Dan Jacoby, Doug Beckstead and John Gash fit this model) Feeling guilt or shame from your on-line use. Accidentally being aroused by cybersex at first, and now find that you actively seek it out when you log on-line. Masturbating while on-line while engaged in erotic or suggestive chat. ( please read the links here: Ed Hicks, Dunetz/ Yidwithlid, Dan Jacoby and Doug Beckstead fit this model) Less investment with your real-life sexual partner only to prefer cybersex as a primary form of sexual gratification. Sex addicts often turn to the Internet as a new and "safe" sexual outlet to fulfill their compulsions without the expense of costly 900-lines, the fear of being seen at an adult bookstore, or the fear of disease among prostitutes.
Understanding what makes Cybersex & Online Love addictive. Sexual compulsivity over the Internet is not just a result of deviant individuals engaged in acting out, but with remarkable speed, the mental health field has witnessed those with no prior criminal or psychiatric history engaged in such behavior online.
The Model of Cybersexual Addiction is used to explain how the Internet creates a cultural climate of permissiveness that actually serves to encourage and validate sexually deviant behavior.
The Model examines the Anonymity of online interactions that serves to increase the likelihood of the behavior, the Convenience of email and chat rooms making it easily available to users, and finally, the Escape from mental tension derived from the experience which serves to reinforce the behavior leading to compulsivity.
---------------
Excerpted from an article by By Robert Weiss, LCSW, CAS
Healthy romantic love is a unique experience which can encourage bonding, intimacy and the opportunity to play and explore with that special new person.
Romance, with or without sex, encourages personal growth as each new relationship forces new insights and self knowledge. The beginning stages of a potential love relationship can be intense and exciting. Most people easily relate to that "rush" of first love and romance; the stuff of songs, endless greeting cards and warm memories. Healthy intimacy, however, is characterized by more than romance, intensity and sex.Intimacy evolves over time. Loving relationships develop partially through utilizing those first exhilarating times to begin to build a bridge toward deeper, longer term closeness. It can be difficult for anyone who is not a love or sex addict to understand how love or sexuality can be exploited or evolve into destructive patterns of addiction and compulsion. Yet for the love and sex addict, romantic love, sexuality and the closeness they offer, are experiences most often filled with pitfalls, anxiety and pain.Living in a sometimes chaotic emotional world of desperation and despair, fearful of being alone or rejected, the love addict endlessly longs for that "special" relationship. Caught up in the constant search for a partner, the addict's endless intrigue, flirtations, sexual liaisons and affairs, leave a path of destruction and negative consequences in their wake of his or her behavior. Ironically, the love or relationship usually has few options to resolve these painful circumstances except by engaging in even more searching, creating an escalating cycle of desperation and loss. Just when seemingly "safe" in the rush of a new romantic affair or liaisonthe troubled Love or Sex Addict grows steadily more unhappy, fearful and bored and ends up pushing their partner away or looking outside the relationship for yet another new intensity or "love" experience. Thus the cycle begins anew.
Unlike the healthy person seeking partnership and sex as a complement to their life, the love and sex addict searches for something outside of themselves (a person, relationship or experience) which will provide them with the emotional and life stability that they themselves lack. Similar to a drug addict or alcoholic, love and sex addicts use their arousing romantic/ sexual experiences in an attempt to "fix" themselves and remain emotionally stable.
When love and sexuality are used as a way to cope, rather than a way to grow and share, partner choice becomes skewed. Compatibility becomes based on "whether or not you will leave me", "how intense our sex life is" or "how I can hook you into staying", rather than on whether you might truly become a peer, friend and companion. Addictive relationships are characterized over time by unhealthy dependency, guilt and abuse.Love and sex addicts will use seduction, control, guilt and manipulation to attract and hold onto romantic partners. At times, despairing of this cycle of unhappy affairs, broken relationships and sexual liaisons,some love or sex addicts may have "swearing off" periods (like the bulimic/anorexic cycles of overeaters). The addict believes that just "not being in the game" will solve the problem; only to later find the same issues reappearing when they re-engage in any type of potential intimacy. Typical Signs of Love or Sex Addiction Include: Constantly seeking a sexual partner, new romance or significant other (trolling online for new partners or having a bunch of them going at the same time) An inability or difficulty in being alone Consistently choosing partners who are married, attached, emotionally (or logistically) unavailable Using sex, seduction and drama/ intrigue to "hook" onto a partner Using sex or romantic intensity to tolerate difficult experiences or emotions Missing out on important family, career or social experiences in order to maintain a sexual high or romantic relationship When in a relationship, being detached or unhappy, when out of a relationship, feeling desperate and alone Avoiding sex and sexual acting out (being online, seeing prostitutes, etc) for long periods of time to "solve the problem" Returning to previously unmanageable or painful relationships despite promises to self or others (returning to spouse, significant other after a horrible period of acting out and swearing you will change/get help, etc) Mistaking sexual experiences and romantic intensity for love Not everyone who has engaged in one or two of the above has an addiction problem, many people may have their judgment skewed by a difficult person or situation from time to time in their lives. However, when these situations become the norm, lived over and over again in some form or another, the diagnosis can be made. Love and sex addicts who are not in recovery, like any addict, do not learn from their consequences and mistakes. It is only when the pain of these behaviors and situations becomes greater than the pain and challenges of creating change, that recovery begins.
(Love & Sex Addiction doesn't seem like much at first, can be FACILITATED by the internet and will lead the cyberpath to slowly & covertly manipulate the target in a relationship that FOR THE PREDATOR, no matter what they SAY, is about SEX ONLY.
When they are done they move on with some lie for an 'excuse', leaving the target wondering what happened!
Targets frequently have severe PTSD and PSAS from the relationship. Trauma Counseling is needed quickly for targets. - EOPC)
(from 2005)by APRIL BETHEA (www.charlotteobserver.com)
A Mecklenburg County judge on Thursday refused to lower the $25,000 bond for a Virginia man indicted on a felony bigamy charge and arrested in Charlotte after his case was featured on the "Dr. Phil" program.
That means Charles Edward Hicks, 61, who has waived extradition, likely will remain in a Mecklenburg County jail while Virginia authorities prepare a governor's warrant that would send him back to that state, said Elizabeth Trosch, an assistant public defender who represented Hicks in court on Thursday.
"We're done with him in North Carolina," Trosch said.
Hicks was indicted earlier this month in a Chesapeake, Va. courtroom on a felony charge of bigamy. He was arrested in Charlotte on Dec. 12 after a Shelby woman who had seen Hicks featured on the "Dr. Phil" show that morning recognized him as the boyfriend of her sister and called police.
Hicks reportedly has been married seven times and divorced five.
I am the victim of a real live con man, bigamist, and in my opinion as well as many others, that my ex bigamist husband Ed Hicks is a textbook psychopath (sociopath/antisocial). Guess what? I met Ed Hicks on the Internet. It is my belief that the Internet has given these emotional vampires a whole new supply. Online dating sites allow these predators to be anyone they want to be and they present themselves as charming and charismatic, but they are MASTER manipulators that exhibit psychopathic and narcissistic traits.
Like so many Internet Predators - Ed Hicks....
lied to me about every facet of his life;
chopped away at my self esteem;
disrespected my boundaries;
took away my ability to trust another man;
forced me to refinance my home to make up for the money he took from me;
manipulated me;
controlled me;
used, betrayed, deceived, and emotionally abused me.
Unless people who use these dating sites start doing full background checks on the people they meet there and start a relationship with, they may find themselves in a situation similar to mine... or worse. I was not too smart because I did not do a background check; however, since I knew he was a U.S. Federal Government employee with a Department of Defense "Secret" security clearance, I thought that signaled verifiable integrity. I was wrong.
I cannot fault the Internet for my nightmare, nor can I really fault the online personals sites, albeit - I believe these personal sites that you pay money to join have the responsibility to make the members of their online dating communities aware of these types of predators and con artists. I believe they have the responsibility to put this information in a prominent place on their sites, not buried somewhere within the recesses of their pages so their members rarely find it. I believe they should link to databases and websites that contain honest information about these predators.
I urge each of you to BEWARE. You are taking a BIG risk in putting an ad online; you are taking a big risk in meeting someone on the Internet. You must protect yourself and learn the signs, the red flags of the online predator. Read all you can about cyberpaths, internet predators, online predators... all terms mean the same and they attack ADULTS as well as children! Read all you can about psychopaths (sociopaths). Your own best defense is educating yourself.
I am so very lucky; I am not financially ruined -- I am scarred, yet I feel so blessed. It could have been worse for me; it really could have. Some of Ed Hicks' wives are still emotionally ruined whether through depression, PTSD or addiction; some are financially ruined and will be for a long time. One thing we all have in common after the tornado of havoc this MAN creates, we are all victims of emotional & psychological abuse from this vampire; some are also victims of his physical abuse.
I must add in defense of meeting people on the Internet, had it not been for the support of the caring survivors of other psychopaths that I met through the MSN Psychopaths forum (no longer in use), Donna at Lovefraud.com, and the group behind Exposing Online Predators and Cyberpaths, I would not be where I am today.
Yes, I met all of these wonderful, kind, compassionate people on the Internet! They have given me the courage, the strength, and the fortitude to become "a force to be reckoned with". Tennessee Williams character Blanche DuBois, said it beautifully in "A Streetcar Named Desire", "I have depended on the kindness of strangers". Yes, I met these "strangers" on the Internet; strangers who proved themselves and have become lifelong friends.
Put it in perspective, educate yourself, and beware of online predators, con men & women and other pathologicals who are lurking out there in cyberspace. (Thank you for your courage & perspective!! Sandra now runs the site FIGHT BIGAMY to provide outreach and support to victims of bigamists. - EOPC)
More on Darren Meade; paid smear-campaigner and internet abuser. Kudos to this site for calling out religion abusers, like our cyberpaths. Many meet victims on Religion-based dating sites or religion centered websites. Beware!
excerpts: Religious Sociopath's relate to true Christians as wolves relate to sheep. The Bible warns of this. Wolves will come to divide and scatter sheep. The apostle Paul warned Christians in his day for three years, day and night with tears, knowing wolves would come and leaders will rise up within their midst, twisting the truth to mislead so they can get their own following. The apostle Peter also warned of this happening. A Religious Sociopath is a highly intelligent person who is manipulative and cunning with superficial charm. Justifying his selfish motivations as permissible because “God wants me to do it for the good of the group,” he does not recognize the rights of others. His motivation is sometimes revealed in the indecent ridicule of humiliating victims, justifying it by saying he needs to “keep order” or to “protect his flock.” If he can get away with the ridicule, he gains more control. Religious Sociopath's feel they are entitled to have their way, since it is their right to abuse people. Being extremely sophisticated liars, they decide to believe their own lies at will. They are extremely refined in their quickly thought out persuasive answers, knowing to whom and when they can lie and get away with it. Friends and other people are just opportunities to exploit and control. They do have friends for many years, but the friends all end up as victims because a Religious Sociopath does not truly love others. The love, friendliness, and compassion is feigned. It is actually hatred. There is no remorse for those who are hurt or crushed by them. They don’t truly empathize, but have contempt, disdain, and scorn for others and for God. The sympathy is feigned. A Religious Sociopath preaches and believes the Holy Spirit is using only him, and the Holy Spirit in practice cannot teach others, motivate others, or comfort them. Only the Religious Sociopath can teach and provide comfort; all others need to go through him or the leaders who follow him. He loves deception and is intimately familiar with mind control techniques. A Religious Sociopath says what it takes to satisfy people for the moment, but does not follow through or deliver on promises. He conceals his deep contempt for sincere Christians as he politely helps them understand what he wants them to do. A Religious Sociopath wants to control every aspect of his victim’s lives for his own self gratification, concealing it within lengthy messages, scripture woven with truth and lies to conceal the true motivations. This brew of truth and perversion allows him to gain the confidence of sincere Christians who know the Bible, and then slowly deceive them with false doctrine over time. Religious Sociopath's crave the admiration and approval of others, but at the same time hate those who they control with their deception. Their doctrine is motivated by their licentious lust for control; for the need to have even more naive victims who will willingly do what they ask. They feel no remorse for the devastation in people’s lives and relationships, just as Proverbs 26 states. FOR MORE ON THIS READ: A RELIGIOUS SOCIOPATH
This sniveling little weasel bible-punching mortgage broker (with
whom I had no prior correspondence) spammed me with his message of
Christ’s love and the (admittedly subtle) offering of sound mortgage
guidance. Click here to read his email.
Take note of his footnote disclaimer: “You received this email as a result of your ongoing business relationship with Darren Meade.”
This is 100% unadulterated Christian bullshit. Not one word of that
sentence is founded in truth. We never had ANY contact of ANY kind. He
is a lying spamming jackass.
Darren’s email included contact info all of which now lead to dead
ends. Read on to learn why, but first listen to this hypocrite spew his religious delusion.
The Downward Spiral
Since this rant was added to the site (late-2006), I found the
following self-authored blurbs about Darren on two different websites
containing other contact info which are also now dead:
My name
is Darren Meade with Victory Mortgage Lenders, and I look forward to
working with you. Together, we can work through this and position
ourselves to really succeed when this [real estate] cloud lifts,
ensuring great years ahead.
Darren
Meade is a national and local real estate financing expert. He is
available for speaking engagements, personal coaching and
consultations. He may be reached at (949) 499-1785.
And another…
Over
the course of several years I went from being homeless to living in a
condo on a golf course and representing the United States in
international events culminating in winning the middleweight title of
the IFBB Mr. North America bodybuilding competition. At the same time I
co-founded a nutritional which exploded in the nutrition market and by
age 27 I made my first million. Being young, I then squandered my first 3
million to turn around and build it again and again…slow learner at
times!
I’m not too inclined to believe much of this, but I can tell you that
Victory Lenders (which he owned) is now out of business. His website is
gone, no trace of the company can be found anywhere, and his email
address and all of his phone numbers lead nowhere or to someone else.
Must be hard to schedule Darren for all those speaking engagements,
personal coaching sessions, and financial advisory consultations that
Mr. Meade was quick to boast about.
These are just two of many highly-inflated
self-authored endorsements that I found with a simple internet name
search. I don’t see the need to post more as they’re all filled with the
same tripe…less you read what others are saying.
Now read just one of manycritiques of Darren’s business savvy and character:
Much
like Darren Meade of Victory Lending (Yes, the homeless boy turned
bodybuilder turned nutritional supplement king turned mortgage lender),
one wonders exactly how much koolaid they might have consumed, and if
there will be any long-term mental health impacts to the frequent
regurgitation of bull. However, at least with David Lereah, there is at
least some formal education to qualify him as a somewhat credible
source; if my personal trainer began giving me financial advice, I might
have to ask him to stick to what he knows best…it’s the ultimate
expression of the shoeshine boy offering stock tips.
However,
the difference between the 2 seems to me to be the voracity of their
arguments. In one case, Darren obviously believes the crud he’s sharing.
He speaks with all of the voracity of a Koresh believer. He might
rather endure great pain or even death before admitting any wrong. His
lending will only end when those providing the money end it for him.
Consider that he might actually lack the mental discernment ability to
know that what he’s selling is toxic waste of the lending kind.
Follow the Phony
Google this idiot’s name and see for yourself. Seems like our little
Christian friend has a penchant for jumping from job to job, getting
himself in trouble, and then playing the part of the perennial victim.
Here’s some bad news for Darren at The Ripoff Report and assorted tales of woe with the equally repugnant (and alleged) Met-Rx founder, Dr. Scott Connelly.
This little tidbit should eventually put the slimeball on ice. Also enjoy Darren’s lame attempt to play the part of the victim on Fox News.
The Coup de Grace
I can’t vouch for the validity of any claim against Mr. Meade, but none of this sounds good for the fellow – and this one
takes the cake. It appears that this jackass actually claimed that god
directed him to harass people. The rest is pretty god damn bad.
If any of this
is true, Darren may have some profound legal woes in his future. Decide
for yourself. (Is it just me, or does he look like a creepy Matthew
Perry?)
And here’s a gem from rexxfield.com, specialists in combating online defamation. ..... There is a great email posted up from Darren (begging to make rent) because he’s about to be homeless. I’m sorry, but where’s Jesus in all this?
Video Killed the Lame-io Star
Someone posted this video parody of Darren getting bounced by a high-profile attorney in Los Angeles.
And I’ll close with this gem.
I wonder if he’s still living on that golf course. Doubtful, I’m sure.
Perhaps Jesus can assist.
(an article everyone who goes online should read; whether you are an abuse survivor - or just vulnerable! - EOPC) An abuse survivor e-mailed me saying how she seemed to attract men who want to exploit her. On the other hand, good people seemed to run from her. Tragically, this is the common experience of abuse survivors, whether they be men or women. I had often puzzled as to why this is. The woman sent me a couple of photos of herself and suddenly I understood. No, she was not dressed to seduce. The reply I sent her was a little gentler than the following, but here is the essence of what I said:
Your photos, though nice, give the impression that you are sad, shy, lacking in confidence and aching for love. An evil man(cyberpath/predator)might look at those photos and think to himself, “I bet her self-esteem is so low that she thinks no decent guy would want her. Her need for love and for a boost in self-esteem seem so great that if I let her think that I could meet these needs, she would be so scared of losing me that she would give me anything I want, no matter how perverted. (sounds EXACTLY like Yidwithlid, Beckstead,Capers and Jacoby) If I initially treat her tenderly and kindly and flatter her, I’ll have a good chance of turning her into little more than my slave. Then I could treat her however I wish.” (read our past Predator exposes: Hicks, GRIDNEY/ Yidwithlid, Jacoby, & Beckstead in particular!) If, on the other hand, a man saw you as happy, confident and relatively content, he’d assume you are quite choosy as to who you relate to and how far you would go. He’d assume you have none of the desperation that pressures some women to compromise their morals to get the love they crave. Anyone with evil intentions would be likely to back off and look for someone who seems more vulnerable. Not only could this be a factor in men with evil intent being attracted to you, it could cause good men (or good women who are lesbians) tofeel tempted to try to get their way with you. Because they are honorable, they are likely to run from you, fearing that if they stayed close to you they might yield to that temptation.
Regardless of how resistant to sexual pressure they really are, people with low self-esteem and who crave love give the impression that they are vulnerable to exploitation and/or seduction. Upon finding such a person, immoral people feel emboldened to test their suspicion that they have found someone they could seduce.
People lacking in self-esteem are likely to mistakenly believe that sex – not their personality – is their only way of winning the love they desperately need. They fall for the horrible lie that their only chance of receiving even an illusion of the love they crave is to yield to sexual advances.
This makes them highly vulnerable. So intense is the pressure, that they need far superior self-control than what other people need in order to remain sexually pure. Moreover, abuse survivors are strongly tempted to accept the lie that because they have been mistreated before, they have little purity left to protect.
As if these strong pressures were not enough, abuse survivors find resisting an evil man much harder than other people find it because they have suffered the past horror of having done everything possible to resist and yet still being overpowered. Having suffered situations in which resistance was impossible causes them to lose hope that they could ever successfully prevent anyone from exploiting them. They become convinced that any attempt to resist would be a futile waste of effort. Sexual & Emotional predators know this, so they are on the look out for emotional/ verbal/ mental/ or sexual abuse survivors!
A tragically large number of abuse survivors have mistakenly thought that perhaps they have low morals or are evil or that God is against them, since that they seem to attract sexual predators. This is most certainly not so. The thought is so obviously incorrect that, theoretically, there should be no need to deny it.
Sadly, it needs to be spelt out because sexual offenders are skilled at cruelly manipulating tender consciences, causing their victims to have a mistaken view of themselves.
The truth is that abuse survivors tend to attract repeat offenses simply because they are hurting, and sexual predators, like beasts of prey, think the wounded might be an easier target.
Knowing why the wrong sort of people might try to exploit you can be a relief. There is nothing wrong with you, other than the simple fact that you are hurting. I am sure what you really want to know, however, is how to prevent this attention. It’s easy to say that self-esteem, confidence and feeling loved is the answer, but the difficulty is knowing how to grow in these things.
By Sue Thomas Cyberstalkers have been in the news again recently, but not much mention has yet been made of another unpleasant phenomenon haunting the Web: the emotional vampire. Making himself (or herself) quite indispensable, this person is your best friend, your most fantastic lover, the wonderful family you never had. For some, online relationships offer the chance not to find the love of your life but to get kicks from manipulating the emotions of others. In the worst cases, these individuals carry the deceit into real life.
As we all know, e-mail gives those good with language the ability to wrap a relationship around with such intimate text that soon nothing else matters but an intense one-to-one filling every waking minute. You might pretend to be several different people to several different lovers, with some identities sustainable offline, others not.
Thus, when I first met my lover, he was a female grad student called Cindi. Also a professor in a virtual classroom. Also a man called Rhyys. Also a top-level university administrator. Also a cyborg called Plex. Also a devout Catholic. Also a sadist called Gandore. Also a devoted husband and father. Also a very sad, very frustrated small-town inadequate person with a need to exploit and control.
The story of what happened to me in cyberspace is, on the surface, pretty similar to the familiar tale wherein net user No. 1 pretends to be something s/he is not, thereby tricking net user No. 2 into falling in love with her/him. What's different in my case is, first, the number of people who were deceived; second, the fact that the perpetrator is a respectable, high-ranking academic who, one would think, has no need to pretend to be a female chemistry student wearing dangly earrings; and third, the fact that the man seems to prey specifically on artists and writers.
So what did this rather plain, little-traveled, only son of an upstate New York Polish grocer actually do to ensnare so many intelligent men and women? Well,he identified our creative passions and used them as a template to form himself into what we most desire. He is an emotional tourist warming his hands on the fires of other people's lives, focusing his attentions on artists and writers because their imaginations are so near the surface that it's easy to plunder them. For example, since I write about computer technologies, he did his research, read all of my books and articles and made himself into what he knew would fascinate me most: an ungendered cyborg. With another woman who writes vampire fiction he became a vampire slave master, a persona that, though pathetic, would probably raise hilarity among his students.
For more than three years I was mesmerized by him despite the open bewilderment of friends and family, who couldn't imagine what I saw in such a homely character. But none of us guessed the truth: that I had given three years of my life and promised the whole of my future to a sociopath who preys on others for his own gain without regard to the consequences for his victims.
Another description would perhaps be "succubus," a demon who assumes female form to have sexual intercourse with men in their sleep, though in his case, it is in order to have sex with men online. He is a shape shifter who molds himself into whatever is needed and constantly searches for new forms to take. Although a familiar type in the flesh, his ease in setting traps online makes him something new: a cybersuccubus. And the peculiarities of his practice make him very hard to accuse.
While I have no idea why he did what he did, I can at least outline the story.
In 1995 I began researching a novel set in the online community of LambdaMOO, a virtual space in which several people in different locations can talk to one another online by typing simultaneously, creating a constantly moving screen that shows short, abrupt sentences that manage to convey personalities and emotions at a surprisingly complex level. In a MOO (a multiuser domain that is object oriented), words are all you are -- and so the more adept your language, the more effective your presence.
In this setting, on a day in November 1995, I was type-talking with a female postgraduate student bearing the fanciful online name of Cindi and a description to match. ("A 5-foot-10 green-eyed redhead with a runaway imagination and a fuzzy idea of the line between virtual and real. She runs five miles or so every morning to make sure all the pizza she eats doesn't take up residence. Her hair is short enough that her earrings can dangle when she walks.") She introduced me to one of her friends, a middle-aged chemistry professor recently promoted to a powerful administrative position at his private Connecticut university. "All his students love him!" she told me enthusiastically. His online name was Rhyys.
I was briefly involved online with both of them, but the relationship with Rhyys soon became intense. We were talk-typing online several times a day until Christmas Eve 1995, when, in a slow and emotional ritual, we each typed our real-life names. After that, there was no going back. I already knew by then he was a devout Catholic, that he had been married for 20 years, that he had one small child, born late in the marriage. Of course, I should have turned away, but I did not. Instead, I opened my heart and he walked straight in. I'd never met him, never even heard his voice on the phone, but he felt like my lover, my brother, my best friend and my colleague all rolled into one. I was especially struck by his thoughtfulness. For example, he stated the need for some kind of message system in case either of us was taken ill. And who would tell Cindi, he asked? Something had to be worked out. He promised to give it some thought. A few days later he was begging me to trust him: "Just stay loving me," he wrote. "I will try with all I have to not let you down. Don't be scared of crawling under my skin, I won't crush you," he promised. Looking back on it now, it's hard to explain exactly why I took any of that romantic tosh as seriously as I did. And why did I connect with him so strongly in the first place? All the usual manifestations of attraction were there -- the faster heartbeat, the heightened sense of that one other person, the erotic intimacy-- and yet there were no bodies. Nor was there any chemical or physical interaction beyond those we imagined, invented or role-played. But the fact is, despite the lack of all those usual signals, I fell for him long before I even heard his voice on the phone. I suppose I formed an idea of him through the "tone" of his voice -- the words he typed and the stylistic nuances of his phrases, plus a sense of his personality conveyed by what he actually said in those phrases. Our huge ability to imagine combines with an intense desire to find perfection and creates, as we say in England, a silk purse out of a sow's ear. But that moment of free fall in the weightlessness of anonymity can lead to a very painful crash to earth when you discover that the person you fell for was only exciting because you imagined him/her to be so.
It's reminiscent of the famous experiment of biofeedback suits, when a couple (he in Paris and she in New York) were hooked up remotely with the intention that they would arouse each other via remote touching and mutual feedback. It seemed to work very well, to be enjoyable for both, and it was only later discovered that in fact the connection had failed right at the start and they never had been connected at all. In other words, they had been arousing not each other but themselves! In my case,
my lover's cliched phrases of love and passion created a facsimile of emotion that was as effective as the real thing, and the fact that they had never been connected to the truth was something it took me a while to discover.
In July 1996, nine months after we first met online, he flew to England to meet me, and we fell instantly in love. That summer, I also went to his hometown in New England. But in September, he made an astounding confession: Not only had he been posing as a woman online all the time he had known me, but that woman was Cindi! While I was not shocked by the gender-bending (that is part of everyday life in cyberspace), I was very shocked by the lie. But I was in love with him, and I was used to Internet life, where people often try out new identities. And after all, I was writing a book about the subject. How could I really object to this new revelation? I was so steeped in the mysteries of the Web that my ardor overrode my caution, and I saw his duality not as deceit but as a marvelous bonus: two lovers for the price of one. He deleted Cindi from LambdaMOO, but her memory remained strong, especially when we met in real life and I stared into his pale eyes to see her looking back at me. We had always played around with gender boundaries, and Cindi's continued ghostly presence made everything somehow even more complete as we grew closer and closer. She was still part of us.
The powerful effect that Rhyys had on me was his apparent presence in my previous books. In my first novel, "Correspondence," a woman is transformed into a software virus permeating her cyborg lover's body. In my second, "Water," the main character imagines a man into existence with the power of her desire. In another, the characters are attracted to each other purely by the power of words, just like the text interface of MOOs where words are all you are. Thus, I felt that I had written this man several times already, and now here he was manifested in the sometimes-virtual, sometimes-real flesh.
My new novel turned into a mixture of invented and real online experience. Rhyys (not, of course, his real name) and I were leading a heady life, logged on for hours every night, type-talking endlessly, exchanging histories, exchanging intimacies. We experimented with programming new environments and other personas. I recorded our often bizarre interactions, writing them into my book, and if they sometimes seemed pretty strange, they were real for us even if nobody else would ever believe them. We exchanged genders. We invented new genders. We created virtual cyborg bodies and played in them. We built laboratories, caves and whole sequences of rooms, all programmed into the ever-changing textual interface of a MOO. By now, I was absorbed and obsessed by him: his imagination, his eroticism, his intensity. When we were together in the flesh and I looked into his face, I could see it shifting from male to female, from softness to hardness, from dream to reality. I could not get enough of him. He had become my only muse. I dedicated my novel to "My Beloved Technician." I wanted to be with him and write about him forever.
by Alison Smith Squire When Alison Peters’ 42-year marriage hit a rocky patch, she sought comfort with a man she met on a dating website. But unbeknown to Alison, 65, a teacher, her new romance was an internet scammer – who was to cruelly fleece her of £120,000.
Today, Alison who is now living in a caravan and trying to piece her life back together said: 'I can’t believe I was so stupid. I thought I was an intelligent woman. But I have lost my savings, my home – and almost completely lost my marriage.
'My life has been left in ruins.'
Alison’s nightmare began last year after she decided to try online dating.
She says: 'I’d recently moved out of the home I shared with my husband David, 68. We were going through a rocky period in our 42 year marriage. “David said he wanted a fresh start. He wanted to sell our house. He wanted to buy a boat and go sailing round the world without me. I was devastated. I hoped he was having a mid-life crisis but then he put our house on the market and we’d both seen solicitors and decided to divorce.'
A few weeks earlier Alison, a mum of two and grandmum of four, had been to a friend’s wedding.'She was marrying a wonderful man she had met on the internet,' she recalls, 'and so as my marriage was over I thought why not. My profile said, "Woman going through divorce... I am looking for friendship, good conversation and companionship". I put up a photo and was amazed when a few days later I had seven replies.'
One was from Steve Myers. Claiming to be a widow aged 55, he said his wife had died twelve years ago. Half English and half Hungarian, he’d lived in America for a long time but he now had houses in Virginia, the U.S. and Croydon. Says Alison from Basingstoke, Hants: 'Steve claimed he worked as a self-employed petroleum engineer earning £100,000 a year and travelled the world. 'Within an hour of messaging, I found myself pouring my heart out to him: "You deserve better," he wrote sympathetically after I’d said how devastated I was about my marriage.
'He sent me a photo and when I saw his kind face, I couldn’t help but warm to him.'
The next day Steve rang explaining away his unusual accent with the fact that he travelled so much. Over the next few days Alison could barely wait until the evening when they would chat online.And over the next couple of weeks his emails became affectionate. 'He would write, "You’re someone I could marry" and when I said I was a Christian, back came another email full of bible quotes.'
Within five weeks the pair had agreed to meet. But as the big day arrived there was a problem. Recalls Alison: ‘He told me he’d been called to the US. He said, ‘"There’s an oil contract in Malaysia that my company bid for – a $5.2 million dollar contract. I need to go to a conference in the US run by a large energy company."'On his way to the airport, I got another surprise phone call: "You couldn’t top up my mobile phone credit could you?" he asked, "Only I’m not going to be able to do it while I’m away." 'I said, "Of course not," What was £50 pounds between friends…' Over the next couple of weeks, Steve continued to email. It was agreed Alison would pick him up from the airport and Steve sent his flight details. 'My stomach tingled as I imagined us running into one another’s arms,' says Alison, who booked a hotel for him. Only the day before he was due to return her mobile rang. She expected to hear Steve’s voice but it was another man on the end of the phone.'The Asian sounding man had a message for me. There had been a big explosion and accident on the site in Malaysia. Unfortunately Steve had to cancel his flight to the UK and fly to Malaysia that day. The news hit me in the stomach. I’d been so excited to meet Steve at last. I’d even already paid for his hotel room.'
A few days later, in November, Steve rang, this time asking for $12,000 to buy equipment. Alison admits: 'A tiny part of me nagged that it wasn’t genuine. But he told me he was going to give me a share of the 5.2 million dollar contract. And when tenatively I mentioned about scams Steve was so offended.'
Over the next few weeks she wired over the rest of her £23,000 savings. 'Once my daughter Catherine overheard me talking about money with Steve but I assured her I wasn’t sending him money,' she says. However, she was still paying £50 a month for his mobile phone bill and Steve had promised her he’d soon be back in the UK. And by now January 2012 she’d taken out two bank loans on the internet and sent over another £20,000 for more equipment. 'But when Steve asked me for more money to pay tax I told him he’d have to wait until the house I shared with David was sold.;
Then in February Alison rang husband David to discuss the house. 'Just hearing his voice made me realise how much I wanted to be with him, she recalls, 'and David felt the same about me. 'I told Steve from now on our relationship could be on a business footing.'
In February the house was sold and Alison moved into a caravan until she could afford another property. But Steve needed more money.'Steve had so many bills to pay and was under so much strain, he’d been diagnosed with prostate cancer. So I sent him £70,000. It was terrible news but at last the contract was finished.
'Steve': This is one of the pictures that the scammers pretending to be a man called 'Steve' sent to Anne
'Steve': This is one of the pictures that the scammers pretending to be a man called 'Steve' sent to Anne
‘At the same time I received an email from an organisation called Crown Third Party Finance to let me know 5.2 million dollars was waiting to go into my account.'The only snag was before it was to be released, I’d have to pay £10,000 for a special certificate.' Alison had no money so went to David, who thought it was a scam – but Alison showed him documents and convinced him to hand over the money. She says: 'I expected to see millions in my bank account soon.' But, of course nothing ever arrived.
On her daughter’s advice, Alison went to the Police – who believed she’d been part of an elaborate sting. They promised to investigate but warned Alison she was unlikely to get the money back. 'As soon as I got home, I emailed Steve,' says Alison, 'I was in a terrible state. I said, "You’re a scammer and I’ve gone to the Police. Because of you I’ve lost everything …"
'Incredibly, Steve emailed back denying it was a scam. But by then I knew it was. I put my head in my hands and wept. When I found Steve wasn't real, but a person made up by some scammers to dupe me I felt so betrayed. At the time I had liked him so much. At my lowest my confidence was bolstered. At the time I truly believed I'd found a true companion, someone who understood me. To find out he wasn't real and just concocted for me was terrible.'
She adds: 'Thankfully David has stood by me. And in fact he has helped me through this terrible time. In a way it's brought us both closer together and it's made us realise we don't want to throw away 42 years of marriage. We still have our ups and downs but we're determined to make our relationship work. A few weeks ago he moved into the caravan with me and has bought a boat. We are hoping to buy a little bungalow together.
'But I will never get over losing so much money. I still wake up every morning and ask myself how I could have been sucked into a scam like this. I still feel incredibly foolish for believing all those lies. But the lies were clever and I was at a vulnerable stage in my life. Even the Police said I was "ripe for the picking", I only hope telling my story will warn others.'
