WHY DO CYBERPATHS PREY ON OTHERS?

(This is merely an attempt to answer the question "WHY did they do this?" This explanation is by no means final or complete. - Fighter)

excerpted from: "Why Do People Abuse?"


Understanding Abuse
People have difficulty understanding the motives of people who are involved in abuse. Why people choose to abuse other people is a common question.

Abuse situations must be lived in and experienced before their internal logic makes any sense. However, we can try to do our best to understand.

Why Do Cyberpaths Abuse?
The first question, "Why do people abuse other people?" has multiple answers. Some people internalized a particular relationship dynamic, namely the complementary roles of "abuser" and "victim". They are familiar with and fully understand the terror of being the helpless victim from their own childhood experience. The opposite of being a victim is not simply opting out of abuse; it is instead, to be abusive. Given the choice between being the out-of-control victim, or the in-control abuser, some of these people grow up to prefer the role of the abuser.

As they become adults, they simply turn this relationship dynamic around and start acting out the "abuser" side of the relationship dynamic. By choosing to be the aggressor and abuser, they may get their first sense of taking control over their own destiny and not being at the mercy of others. And the anonymity and disinhibition the internet provides feeds that.

Besides, online - others are only objects, not real people.


Still other people who abuse end up abusing because they have an empathy deficit, either because of some sort of brain damage, or because their innate empathic abilities never developed properly.

Such abusers cannot or will not relate to other people as people, choosing instead to treat them as objects. In effect, they confuse people for things. They treat people as though they were there solely for their convenience and do not otherwise have an independent, important life. Far too easy to do online!

Abusers who treat people in this manner are very likely psychologically ill, incurably so. They may have an antisocial, sociopathic or narcissistic personality disorder, and they may have anger or impulse control issues and addition (internet, sex, love & drama) issues on top of that!

Such cyberpaths may abuse via the net because of the benefits they receive from doing so, for instance, sexual or financial gratification, or the simple allure of power over other people's lives.

SOURCE

Craiglist Ads Used by Thief

A Pennsylvania college student is charged with posting fake online ads to lure victims and rob them.

Police say 22-year-old Corey Jackson of East Stroudsburg would use the free classifieds site Craigslist to find his victims.

Police say Jackson posed as a buyer interested in jewelry and stole expensive rings from the sellers, and offered the sale of a computer but took the cash then wrestled the laptop back.

Jackson is in Northampton County Prison under $75,000 bail on charges of robbery, theft, and related counts.

He also faces charges in Philadelphia in a robbery June 18, when police said he responded to an online ad, doused a man with pepper spray and stole a $14,000 diamond ring from him.

original article here

Online Dating -- Dangerous for Your Life

by Jamie Ramirez

Sitting behind a computer, I could be anyone I wish to be. I could be a 13-year-old boy from Kansas who likes to play videogames. Or I could be a 47-year-old woman from another country looking to get married to a single American man. The point is: I could take on any identity and no one would ever have to know.

Online dating is potentially very dangerous. There's no assurance that the person you are talking to is really telling the truth. There's no way of knowing if they have a criminal background, was once or are married or has children.

Blind dates are different. Usually, a friend or an acquaintance has recommended a person who they think would be compatible for you. If someone is referring you on a date with a suitable single, he or she are using his or her judgment and knowledge of what appeals to you.

Online dating services simply use a questionnaire to match up singles through common answers and common interests. A computer does not have the ability to make a judgment call or to decide compatibility for two people. It simply matches answers.

People can also lie about who they are. Behind a computer, anyone could take on any identity they choose. Online dating is dangerous because everyone has access to a computer. That includes rapists and child molesters.

According to a study conducted by the American Psychological Association in August 2004, less than 5 percent of online sexual offenders used force to sexually abuse their victims when they decided to meet.

Victims said they already felt close bonds with their attacker before meeting with them.

People just need an Internet connection. But why put your life at risk for the chance to go on a date? Some would argue that love is worth taking a risk. Call me old fashioned, but I don't think love is worth putting your life on the line.

original article here

N.H. Sexual Predator Uses Online Dating to Find Victims

Information sought on Hampton, New Hampshire sex-assault suspect
(from 2008) Following a probable cause hearing involving sex assault suspect Thomas Currier on Wednesday, prosecutors involved in the case are urging anyone who may have had contact with the Hampton Falls resident to contact police as soon as possible.

Currier, 34, of 6 Marsh Lane, is currently being held without bail at the Rockingham County House of Corrections and has been charged with aggravated felonious sexual assault.

The charge alleges that Currier drugged a female dinner guest and then sexually assaulted her at his home Aug. 3.

At his Wednesday hearing held in Hampton District Court, Currier waived probable cause through his attorney, Olivier Sakellarios.

Sakellarios argued the issue of bail during the hearing, stating his client should have the right to post some type of cash bail and not be held without even the possibility of release.

Deputy County Attorney Tom Reid petitioned the court to maintain Currier's bail status during the hearing and told the court the alleged sex assault may not necessarily be an isolated incident.

Reid said that according to several women who have come forward since his arrest, Currier has displayed a course of conduct over the past several months that leads Reid to believe Currier is a danger to the community.

Currier is alleged to have met the women through various online dating services, such as Match.com and PlentyofFish.com, and allegedly made attempts to get women to meet him at his residence.

Reid also revealed Currier is currently being investigated on another outstanding charge of criminal threatening and theft.

According to the deputy county attorney, on Aug. 7, Currier is alleged to have invited another woman over to his house and after she refused to engage in some type of relations with him, he threatened to shoot her and then stole her purse and money that was inside of it.

All of the individuals that have come forward have reported Currier getting angry when they refused to meet him at his home alone, said Reid.

Another disturbing factor, Reid said, is that Currier's 11-year-old daughter was present during some of the encounters.

Reid said that if the court chose to amend bail, he would ask for it to be set at $500,000 cash.

"The community is in too much danger from him," said Reid.

Sakellarios argued Currier is an upstanding citizen and father and should be given the opportunity to work and provide for his children.

The Manchester attorney even presented a witness at the hearing and stated that she was familiar with Currier and he never made any sexual advances toward her when she spent the night at his house.

Since Currier was arrested, two other women contacted Foster's via e-mail with similar stories of having nearly met up with Currier at this home.

The women were directed to police, who later confirmed the woman relayed similar information to law enforcement.

During the hearing, Reid maintained that all of the women that have come forward so far have no relation to each other and no motive to bring forward such allegations.

Ried urged anyone who may have had contact with Currier online or in some other form to notify police.

Following the hearing, Judge Francis Frasier said he would take the bail arguments under advisement and make a ruling at a later date.

Original article

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two men are in custody in New Hampshire on rape charges, in a case in which police say women were drugged, then raped after meeting the men through an online dating service.

After the arrest of 34-year-old Tom Currier of Hampton Falls this month, authorities said they heard from other women who reported online contacts with Currier. He is being held without bail on two rape charges.

Saturday, police announced another man, 32-year-old Shawn Hutchins, was arrested on two counts of rape and one of acting as an accomplice to Currier. Hutchins is being held on $500,000 bail.

Meanwhile, police want to hear from anyone who has had online contact with Currier or Hutchins. They say Currier met women on Match.com and Plentyoffish.com. They say he went by the name AWalkToRemember08 on Plentyoffish.com.

Second article

Pornography & the Cyberpath

(writing in dark blue is from EOPC)


It is well-known that pathologicals (psychopaths/ sociopaths, narcissists) frequently have an addiction to porn. That goes for Cyberpaths as well. Many Cyberpaths hide their porn addiction and others reveal it little by little. If the relationship ever moves to real life, the victim often finds all sorts of hard core porn on her computer or in the computer's history.

The advent of net-porn has not only made it very easy for these people to feed their porn addiction, Online Dating has provided living breathing supply. All they have to do is find the vulnerable, empathetic, trusting and compassionate to lay their seduction and NLP on and they have what they really want; as one victim put it -- "a blow up doll with a pulse."

The reality? A Cyberpath uses you, your online words and in some cases, even your body to masturbate with. The brutal truth is that a Cyberpath cannot 'make love' no matter how much they may try to tell you that!!

And for those who can afford it, online sex-cams, cybersex chats and even booking prostitutes can all be done from the home or office computer providing a 24/7 supply of sexual deviance for these men.

What does this constant diet of porn do for these Predators? Reinforces their already incurable, fixed, unchangeable view of other people:

Pornography communicates its own “truths” about women. Unfortunately, they're all lies.

* Lie # 1: Women are less than human. The women in Playboy magazine are called “bunnies,” making them cute little animals or “playmates,” making them a toy. Porn often refers to women as animals, playthings, or body parts.
Some pornography shows only the body and doesn’t show the face at all. The idea that women are real human beings with thoughts and emotions is played down.

* Lie #2: Women are a “sport.” Some sports magazines have a swimsuit issue. This suggests that women are just some kind of sport.

Porn views sex as a game and in a game: You have to win, conquer or score.

* Lie #3: Women are property. It's common to see pictures of the slick car with the sexy girl draped over it. The unspoken message is, “Buy one, and you get them both.” Hard-core porn carries this even further. It displays women like merchandise in a catalogue, exposing them as openly as possible for the customer to look at. It's not surprising that many young men think that if they have spent some money taking a girl out, they have a right to have sex with her. Porn tells us that women can be bought.

* Lie #4: A woman's value depends on the attractiveness of her body. Overweight or less attractive women are ridiculed in porn. They are called dogs, whales, pigs or worse, simply because they don't fit into porn's criteria of the perfect woman. In fact, if someone is attracted to a heavyset woman, porn labels that a fetish, which means sexual obsession or hang-up that isn't "natural."

Porn doesn’t care about a woman's mind or personality, only her body.

* Lie #5: Women like rape. “When she says no, she means yes” is a typical porn scenario. Women are shown being raped, fighting and kicking at first, and then starting to like it. Porn eroticizes rape and makes it arousing. Women are shown being tied up, beaten, and humiliated in hundreds of sick ways and finally begging for more. Even while being tortured, the porn actors and actresses have a smile on their face — a look of intense enjoyment.

Porn teaches men to enjoy hurting and abusing women for entertainment.

Second, being pathological, everyone is an object for them to use, abuse, and throw away when things get inconvenient or they get bored (which is frequent.) Emotionally dead and unavailable (no matter what they SAY their actions always prove otherwise):

Pornography itself is about the objectification of women. In this context women are treated as things, receptacles and socially dissociated objects to be used and tossed aside. They are, in a word, not real. In fact, most men who indulge themselves in pornography would be appalled - despite the immediate response -- if their wife or girlfriend walked into the bedroom wearing fishnets, stilettos and a latex corset and wanted to get nasty.

Why? -- Because pornography is about emotional disconnection, not emotional connection - it fills a gap in emotional maturity and never the twain shall meet - at least not inside a healthy head. (but it will with a CYBERPATH who sees sex & orgasm as 'love & feeling'!)

... What better place to interact in a pseudo-emotional manner than with women who aren't real?

EXCERPTS FROM THIS SITE

Porn encourages the pathological Cyberpath's values and lack of empathy for others as well:

Pornography incites to men to commit rape and sexual violence against women and children. (Absolutely, and cybersex can be seen as a form of sexual violence when with a Cyberpath)

...Marshall said that 86% of convicted rapists said they were regular users of pornography; and 57% admitted direct imitation of pornographic scenes when they committed rape. In short, pornography is a teaching manual for rapists or the sexually violent. It provides ...visual models to use in committing his crimes.

(Question for victims reading this: How many times were you been 'chatting' with your Cyberpath and they took a LONG time to answer you? Or seemed to be distracted? In most of those cases, these Cyberpaths are WATCHING PORN WHILE TALKING TO YOU. It takes longer to type with one hand; and its virtually impossible to do 2 things at once with one hand. The computer is a sex toy to them and you are merely part of that toy; no matter what they SAY - they DO different!)

...Many are sociopaths who use violence to punish women. It is a matter of having power over a person or inflicting pain upon them. There is no sexual satisfaction involved. Yet, pornography use is closely related to the propensity of a man to act out his sexual fantasies by raping a woman.

(EOPC would include 'emotional rape' in that)

Bill Perkins, writing in When Good Men Are Tempted, cites the work of therapist
Patrick Carnes, a well-known expert on sexual addiction. Carnes says that there are four clear indicators that a person has become addicted to compulsive sexual behaviors.

• One: The sexual behavior is done in secret and the person frequently lies to cover up his actions;
• Two: The behavior can become abusive and exploitative of others;
• Three: The behavior is used to deaden painful feelings;
• Four: The behavior is empty of genuine commitment and caring. These are the warning signs that a person is addicted.
  

... The internet is playing a large role in creating new sexual addicts. According to Christian counselor Rob Jackson, he is seeing an increasing number of pastors who are secretly involved in pornography. We expect the numbers to rise unless parents, pastors, and Christian leaders do not take drastic actions to cut off exposure to pornography. The numbers tell the story, but they cannot give us the full impact of how these sex addicts are destroying their own lives and the lives of others.

Dr. Patrick Carnes, a leading researcher on sexual addictions studied 932 sex addicts and found that 90% of the men and 77% of the women report that pornography is a significant element in their sexual addiction.

The Internet is only compounding the problem and creating a whole new generation of sex addicts and potential sexual predators. Charles Colson has called Internet pornography "Spiritual Crack Cocaine," and indeed it is. In 2000, Focus on the Family conducted a survey with the respected Zogby International polling firm on the Internet surfing habits of Americans. The survey results indicate that 1 out of 5 American adults may have looked
for sex sites on the Internet. Of those surveyed, 31% of the men said they had visited sex sites. Focus also found that 17.8% of those who claim to be "born again" Christians and 18% of those who are married have visited sex sites.

Excerpted FROM THIS SITE

What is healthy sexual behavior vs. addictive sexual behavior?

Healthy Sexual Behavior

• Mutual consent (free will)
• Behavior is a want or desire
• Fulfilling, enhancing, mood stabilizing
• Personal interchange of emotion
• Rare negative consequences
• Enhanced self-worth
• Sexual behavior is fulfilling, satiating
• Balanced sexual behavior

Addictive Sexual Behavior

• Coercion, victimization, and force
• Behavior is a compulsion for instant gratification
• Associated with severe mood shifts
• Impersonal and emotional detachment
• Negative consequences
• Negative self-worth, shame, guilt
• Lack of satiation, tolerance
• Erratic sexual behaviors (excessive vs. anorexic)

Coleman-Kennedy, C. & Pendley, A. (2002). Assessment and diagnosis of sexual addiction. Journal of the American Psychiatric Nurses Association, 8(5), 143–151.

Cyberpathy CLEARLY falls into the second category with one word: COERCION.
Do not EVER let a Cyberpath convince you that you:

• wanted it/ asked for it
• you consented in any way
  
• you knew it was a "game"
• played the "game" with them
• knew what 'the deal' was up front
• its just us; no one will ever know
• you enjoyed it
  
• I've never done this before either
• your needs were met too
  
• it's safer than the real thing

(we took some of these lines directly from our Exposed Cyberpaths as reported by their victims!)

Our all time winner of the paramoralizing line from a Cyberpath regarding his coaxing one of his victims into cybering with him: "we have been more intimate online than we ever could be in real life." (Now readers, HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?)

Frankly, the Cyberpath who coerces a vulnerable person into Cybersex is a Cyber-John "paying" for the sexual thrill with false promises and outright lies; while using you like an online prostitute (but not TELLING or BEING HONEST WITH YOU about that) including:

• "I LOVE YOU"
• we are soul mates/ twin souls
• we were meant to be
• I am nothing without you
• I want to be with you so badly
• I think about you all the time
• I have waited all my life for someone like you
• you are the only one I love
• you're the reason I use porn; you make me feel this way!
  
• etc.

Why do many Cyberpaths start relationships with women that they have NO INTENTION of meeting or even being a true friend to? Such as women 1000s of miles away, in other countries, etc.? (Yes, we know they SAY the opposite)

The answer may be in excerpts from this article, WHY DO JOHNS BUY SEX?

why do large numbers of men prefer to buy it? Clare Spurrell sets out in search of the answer for the The Times (11/7/06):

It is difficult for a woman to understand what it is that a prostitute can offer these perfectly attractive men that a free sexual encounter -- be it a one-night-stand or in a relationship -- cannot...

Disconcertingly, the men to whom I spoke suggested that lack of any emotional obligation is one of the most appealing attributes of paying for sex...

...When a man visits a prostitute, the mere act of handing over cash for services removes, in his mind, all emotional obligations to her.

“Money displaces the emotions. It frees you from that bond, that responsibility,” explains Sam. “The distance you get from exchanging cash for sex means that afterwards you don’t contemplate the impact on the prostitute.”

Most prostitutes are women far removed from his normal life -- she is not in his clique, he will never see her again, maybe she doesn’t come from the same culture as him or even speak the same language. The BMJ study revealed that this is why in the past five years most men who paid for sex were more likely to do so when they were abroad...

...Men often used prostitutes in their lunch hour...

And almost a quarter thought that once they had paid for sex, they had free rein...

Excerpts FROM THIS SITE

Some Cyberpaths who do travel to meet their targets for real sex and 'relationships' do it for the same reason. Out of sight, out of mind.

Those who do meet and move in with the women often blow through their money and keep them off-kilter with marathon sex while still using online porn and setting up 'casual sex' dates or putting profiles on Online Dating saying they are single to feed the sex addiction.

Online, you are just words on a screen. In real life, the sociopathic relationship parameters take over and you are still something to be used and tossed when the Cyberpath is done.

Obtaining intimate pictures may be used for blackmail against you when you find out their real agenda. Cybersex on webcam could be taped without your knowledge by the Cyberpath, again for blackmail and shaming you into silence about them. In their minds, part of your "payment" for participating!

Yes, PORN is a huge component in the psyche of these Cyberpaths: Pathologicals at the Keyboard. Porn feeds their view of others as objects for them to use. It's who they are and they can't be fixed with "love" or "religion."

Victims need to realize there is nothing they did or can do to help the sex-addict Cyberpath. Victims need to help themselves by blocking these guys, once they find out and staying OFF ALL Online Dating sites.

Many victims also state that once the Cyberpath is gone or has dumped them they have "sexual hyperarousal" issues. This is a LARGE component of PTSD and is most common in rape or sexual abuse victims. The same hormones that promote 'bondness' during sex are often released for NORMAL PERSONS during cybersex. In fact, Cyberpaths count on it! Having this symptom alone should tell the victims that:

• it's NOT their fault
• they did nothing wrong, nor did they encourage or ask for it
• they are not "sick" (other than having PTSD) -- this is a huge red flag that seduction & covert mind control was used on them
• they are VERY MUCH victims of sexual violence

Fighter

A Good Article: He's Addicted to Net Porn

SOME OF OUR EXPOSED PREDATORS WHO WERE SEX and/or PORN ADDICTED (clicking on their name will take you to all the links to the stories of their victims):

• Ed Hicks aka Charles Greene
• Dan Jacoby
• Doug Beckstead
• Glenn Capers aka Sylvester Meadows
  
• gridney aka Yidwithlid aka Sammy Benoit
• Brad Dorsky
• Nathan Ernest Burl Thomas, Jr.

Perfect Prey: Surviving a Cyber Shark's Romantic Fraud

Liz Cole was victimized by an online career con artist - but she turned the tables to expose the con man on national television. Much of this book is written as a real time journal, taking readers inside the world of Liz Cole and her suitor, convict and predator John Melvin Hill.

Recently divorced, with low self-esteem, Liz Cole turned to online dating and met a charming Irishman - in reality, a Quebec con artist - who preyed on her and vanished. She then found him and set up a televised sting operation and has great advice.

Millions use Internet-dating sites to look for love. Some find their mates, some find disappointment. And some fine something far more dangerous - con artists and sex predators lurking in the shadows of cyberspace. -- CTV's W-Five

What do you do when your charming knight on a white horse turns out to be Satan in a tuxedo? (this is the true story of how one woman fought back) -- Canadian Living Magazine

buy the book here

Social Networking Encourages Cyberstalking

NOT JUST COLLEGE STUDENTS BUT EVERYONE NEEDS TO STOP USING SOCIAL NETWORKING (and ONLINE DATING)!

Many use Facebook.com daily without being aware of the cyberstalking threat.

When students put their phone numbers, addresses and other personal information on a social networking site like Facebook, they increase their chances of being a cyberstalking victim, said Michael Kaiser, executive director of the National Cyber Security Alliance.

Kaiser said that because people between the ages of 18-24 have the highest victimization rate, due to the popularity of Facebook and MySpace.com, it's important for students to protect themselves against cyberstalking.

"People should be really guarded in sharing personal information," Kaiser said. "I wouldn't suggest that the Internet is a place to write an autobiography."

According to the Pew Internet and American Life Project's January 2009 report about adults and social networking websites, 75 percent of Internet users in the 18 to 24 age group have a profile on a social networking Web site.

A social networking Web site is a place for people to connect with each other by creating a profile that each individual can customize with pictures, contact information and details about interests, such as music and movies, to reflect that person's personality. Kaiser said an e-mail address is usually the only information needed to become part of a social networking Web site.

Some tips Kaiser had for students were install a firewall, anti-spyware, use the highest privacy settings on social networking web sites and limit the information they put online.

Kaiser advised students that they should "be really careful about who you let into your circle."

Along with the active steps that students can take to protect themselves, Kaiser suggested that students enter their names into a search engine to see if they come across information that they didn't know was there.

"People don't even know sometimes how much information about them there is on the Web," Kaiser said. "People leave trails all over the Internet and stalkers will use those trails."

He said stalkers would use anything from an e-mail address to a phone number, street address or instant message, to stalk a victim.

Nick Penta, a pre-veterinary science freshman, said he thinks an ex-girlfriend stalked him over MySpace. He said she sent him several messages and viewed his profile about 20 times a day to learn about his new girlfriend.

Kaiser said stalking is defined as repeated actions that would cause a reasonable person to feel fear.

Penta added that he wasn't scared of his ex's actions.

According to the U.S. Department of Justice's January 2009 report "Stalking Victimization in the United States," of the 3.4 million Americans who reported being stalked, 25 percent reported being cyberstalked through email or instant messaging.

Stephen Orlando, a pre-business freshman said he experienced the same jealous behavior by an ex, over the Internet.

According to the report, 75 percent of stalking victims were stalked by someone they knew.

"The vast majority of stalking is done by people who know each other," Kaiser said.

Even taking into account Orlando and Penta's experiences with exes over the Web, the two men have not chosen to make their Facebook profiles private and non-viewable to users whom they have not given permission.

Kaiser advised students to "use the highest privacy settings you can on any of the social networking sites." Amy Cheng, a pre-physiology freshman, said her Facebook profile is private and she doesn't post her personal information on the page.

"I don't put anything on there that I wouldn't show my mom," Cheng said about information on her Facebook profile.

Emily Smith, an undeclared freshman, said that although her profile isn't private, she doesn't put any contact information on her Facebook profile.

She added that if she had more of an issue with cyberstalking she might consider changing her profile to private. Orlando said that he thinks that cyberstalking is more of an issue for women than men.

"There's a lot more creeper stalker people looking for girls than guys," he said.

Penta said that the difference could be attributed to the fact that some women put relatively provocative photos on their individual profiles.

"They're easier targets, just because their pictures might be more revealing," Penta said.

Whatever the reason, the Department of Justice report did concede that women run a much greater risk for being victims of cyberstalking than men.

Whether the victim is a man or woman, the fact that friends and family support the stalking victim is crucial, Kaiser said.

For more information on cyberstalking, Kaiser said that students should visit the National Center for Victims of Crime's Web site, www.ncvc.org or the National Cyber Security Alliance's Web site, www.staysafeonline.org.

ORIGINAL ARTICLE HERE

Cyberpaths -- Exposed & On The Attack

As we continue to do our exposes, readers - you will see a type of pathological who - once revealed for the narcissistic sociopath he/ she is - will just attack, attack, attack. Yours is not the first, nor will be the last of our cyberpaths who have done this EXACT SAME THING! - EOPC
~~~~~~~~~~

WHEN THEY ATTACK
by Kathy Krajco

(We have replaced the word narcissists with predators for clarity - EOPC)

Professionals often say that predators "overreact" to the merest unintended slights and that they fly into a rage for the slightest reason. But this view seems anthropomorphic to me. I suspect it comes from forgetting that the predator on your couch is a pathological liar.

The truth is that predators attack for no reason. In fact, they are prompted to attack by anti-reasons.

Of course the predator on your couch says he did it in self defense! He whines that the victim said or did something to slight him or anger his tender, tender feelings. Were you born yesterday? predator = pathological liar. So, why do you expect him to confess to you that he is a predator = one who attacks any vulnerable target of opportunity?

I would hate to admit how long it took me to discover this, but in my experience, what triggers a predator Attack is nothing but a vulnerable target of opportunity.

Test predators. Parade bait before them when the coast looks clear so that the narc thinks later it will just be his word against the victim's. Then watch what happens.

You can push his Attack button by having the victim be very vulnerable, like say by showing great affection for the predator and giving a heartfelt plea for some in return. (Rather like a man I knew who asked a predator to marry him and got eviscerated for it.)

How does the predator react to what should evoke his love and affection? With a savage attack, that's how. Rather like any wild predator when you ring the dinner bell for it by giving it a swipe at a defenseless creature's soft underbelly.

Except that natural predators must be hungry at the time.

On second thought, I guess predators have to be hungry, too. But they always are. For, they have the kind of hunger that increases the more you feed it.

So much for the theory that predators are just too touchy. They ain't touchy at all.

Test that too. Indeed, try to provoke a predator. You can't. Go ahead, try.

The only way to get yourself a raging predator is to tempt it with defenseless bait when it thinks no one is watching.

Now that you have your predator raging, do one more thing. Have the victim rise up rage right back it its face.

Guess what happens? Presto chango! Rage off!

Instead of a raging predator, you now have a poor little meek and gentle angel who wouldn't hurt a fly and is heartbroken at the victim being so nasty.

Welcome to The Twilight Zone. I call this miraculous phenomenon "The Transfiguration."

I am not exaggerating. You witness the instantaneous substitution of one persona for its very antithesis in the blink of an eye. You don't know whether to pinch yourself or start throwing holy water at it. Because an Academy Award winner couldn't do that that fast.

It stuns you and gives you the creeps. Indeed, one facial expression doesn't melt into the other: the whole mask changes at once.

I call a predator's faces "masks" because when you see this happen you know that's what they are. You know that what's on the face is a lie. It's the Big Chill.

A stunning revelation. The predator's very face is a lie about what is really going on in the darkness behind that mask.

from: When [Predators] Attack

~~~~~~~~~~


EXAMPLES OF PATHOLOGICAL RAGE ATTACKS FROM A PREVIOUSLY EXPOSED PREDATOR (please read):

EXAMPLE ONE

EXAMPLE TWO

LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE CAUGHT MR. BENOIT NOT ONCE - BUT TWICE - BEING A BULLY AND POSER!

(btw, Mr. Capers? We are very aware of the threats you are issuing towards your numerous victims... and we're reporting them to authorities along with your multiple identities)

~~~~~~~~~~~


Starve the Vampire
by Sandra Brown, MA Author of "Women Who Love Psychopaths"

(with some minor additions - EOPC)

Pathological persons (such as CYBERPATHS) are energy and emotional vampires. They live off of your emotional content.

Part of their personality deficit is the lack of a stable and consistent inner core of a self concept so they need constant attention, distraction, and identity management from which they draw their identity.

Lots of their identity is acquired from their relationships since internally there is so little core self to draw from. This is part of the reason they are so exhausting.

In order to get their emotional 'blood supply' from you, they 'hook you' into conversations, arguments, or any other kind of response they can get from you. They live vicariously through your own emotional expressions of love, frustration, confusion, etc.

It doesn't always matter 'what' emotion is fed to the vampire (although narcissists like adoration) but just that there is SOME content is enough for them -- even your tears, or your screams, or your insults. It doesn't matter... they just 'need' something, anything from you in the way of content. If they don't get the blood supply/ emotional content from you, they will seek it elsewhere.

(Remember Dracula? He just moved from town to town taking it where he could get it?)

When you begin to break up he will fear the loss of emotional supply. He won't fear losing you so much as he will fear not getting his identity and his sense of self from you and/or the relationship. He fears the loss of self or 'who am I without her?' This is a very fragmented ego state -- one which only exists through relationships with others.

So when you try to break up, he may continue to contact you which is why they are hard to break up with. They are predictable in their approaches to get you to respond to them (you are feeding the vampire his emotional blood supply every time you talk to him!!).

These are some of his approaches and if you can get a bag of popcorn and just watch it like it was a LifeTime for Women movie and detach from it, you will see a whole movie pan out like this:

* One contact he's angry, blaming, shaming.
When you don't respond to that verbally or emotionally (think like you are lobotomized with no facial expression...that's what I want women to do with these men)

* Then one contact may be sweet, loving, buy you things or sending you things.
When you don't respond...

* He will promise to do what you've asked for years... go to counseling, church, take meds, be nice, go to anger managment.
When you don't respond...

* He will get angry again--say you aren't working on the relationship which is why it's gonna fail;
When you don't respond...

* He will quit calling for a while to make it look like he's moved on (They are boomerangs, they ALWAYS come back a few times.)
When you don't respond...

* He will indicate he found someone else or had sex with someone else. (possibly one of your friends)
When you don't respond... (Are you enjoying the popcorn and movie about now??)

* He becomes 'sick' -- he doesn't know what this mysterious illness is, or he has prostate cancer, leukemia, some other lethal disease.
When you don't respond...

* He will just go back to drinking/ drugging/ dealing/ driving too fast/ seeing prostitutes/ etc.
When you don't respond...

* He will threaten to kill himself, leave the area, never see you again.
When you don't respond...

* He will take the kids (or try to), drag you through court, threaten to physically harm you.
When you don't respond...

* He will tell you he's dating someone you hate or he's gone back to his previous girlfriend/ wife.
When you don't respond...

* He will tell you he will kill your pet he has custody of if you don't talk to him.
When you don't respond...

* He will go on the net and post about you on the exposure sites, making up the most outrageous lies and childish slander to get you to react.
When you don't respond...

* It will come full circle and will begin again, at the top of this list.

When I do counseling, it's all the same stories. Yeah, I know that women think that their experiences are unique.

But pathology is all the same. These people aren't very creative and don't deviate much from the strict internal structure that is associated with pathology. They ONLY react in certain ways so it's pretty easy to predict.

Once you are able to understand this, you can predict his sad/ silly/ stupid reactions to a break up (or exposure).

Since they live off of your emotion and NEED it, the sooner you starve him out by having no contact (unless you have to because of your kids but you adhere to no words exchanged and no emotional content on your face), the vampire will flee to the next available source to be fed.

When women don't disconnect once they understand the feeding and maintenance of pathologicals, they are doing it because SHE wants to remain. The ball is then in your court to figure out where you are still hung up so you can disconnect.

This is not a judgment about women not being able to leave. It is a POINTER to a place where the disengagement has hit a snag. Simply notice where the snag IS so that something can be done.
~~~~~~~~~~~

from: Sandra Brown, MA's Institute site

Lone Blogger Posting List of Unfaithful Wives

Brazilian police are hunting a blogger who claims to be waging a lone crusade against unfaithful wives.

The man, from a small rural town of Lagoa da Prata, in Minas Gerais, has so far posted the name of 300 supposed cuckolds on a popular social networking site.

Copycat lists including one entitled ‘The cuckolds of Lagoa da Prata’ have also emerged, according to the Guardian.

Some victims have spoken out to reject the accusations.

One unnamed man said: ‘My wife is a Catholic and a worker. I have never had cause to doubt her.’

Another woman confessed she had nearly split up with her partner after his name appeared on the list.

In 2004 a study by a Brazilian psychiatrist claimed the state of Minas Gerais had one of the country’s highest rates of infidelity among women.

Of the women interviewed as part of the study, nearly 30 per cent admitted to having had an ‘extra’ relationship.

Police officer Lieutenant Marcondes Couto said: ‘The military police are advising people to stay calm. We are investigating and we will catch this criminal. Justice will be done.’

One suspect has already been questioned after he was allegedly spotted leaving a copy of the list in a local bank.

original article here

An Internet Affair --- AGAIN?

Dear Dr. Bob,

I have been married for 10 months now. I met my wife playing spades on the internet then we started talking on the phone for hours and hours until I left CA. and moved to TN. with her

we have a good relationship but now she spends so much time on the internet thats making me worried and i don't like it when she talks in IM's to strange guys or gets too close online with them. What should I do? the only thing we fight about is that Iasked her many times not to get close to guys on the spades games and she tells me i'm being jealous she hides her computer so i can't see what she is doing on their.

All i hear is her typing on it in games you click the mouse not type as much as she does she was under her screen name on my computer so i looked at her mail i saw something thats is bugging me very much i saw that she had been talking to this guy and was telling him that she was going to call him when i go to work what should i do?

My response:

As Yogi Berra once said, "This must seem like deja vu all over again." It certainly appears that her behavior now on the net finds some parallels with how your relationship with her started? And, of course, you have a right to be concerned - here she goes again!

You describe behavior that could be labeled "addictive." Her focal point becomes these relationships that generate excitement, intrigue and fantasies? She seemingly can't keep her fingers off the keyboard? Other parts of her life take a back seat? And, she denies that she has a problem or minimizes her activities - she's not doing anything wrong!

Please understand that usually, beneath this minimization, are some guilt and shame and a part of her that is truly looking for something else. And, you want her to find that "something else" with you… not in a series of net/phone "romances."

Confronting, pleading and arguing won't work. She will resist, retreat to her keyboard and you will feel increasingly frustrated and alone.

I suggest you start with a tactic I call, "problemize." Periodically make comments about the problem(s) you see. MAKE SURE you use words, tone of voice and body language that convey acceptance, concern and lack a tone of judgment, condemnation or a sense of superiority.

For example: "Does it ever seem to you that you are going through the same thing now as when you first met me?" "Do you ever stop to think what impact your net/phone relationships will have on our relationship?" "Do you ever think there is more to life than meeting someone on the net?" "You must get a 'high' out of these relationships?" "I wonder what you are REALLY looking for?" "I wonder what I eventually will do with this." "I wonder if you will always be looking?"

Get the idea? Leave a question in your voice. Open the door for her to talk and explore. This is your first step. If, over time, her actions persist, begin to think about what you are willing to tolerate and what actions you may need to take. But, first, "problemize" and see where that goes.

Still Looking for Love in All The Wrong Places

(excerpts)

Fairfax County's renowned serial bigamist, Charles "Ed" Hicks, who married seven women but only divorced five of them, is back in jail for another year after violating the terms of his probation following his first year in jail.

...

Hicks ultimately was charged with felony bigamy in Chesapeake, Va., where he had married Julie Flint. (Wife number six -- you following this?) By then, he had disappeared.

Then, when wives six and seven appeared on the “Dr. Phil” show, his latest girlfriend in North Carolina -- watching the show with Hicks -- put six and seven together, and called the police.

Hicks was busted, pleaded guilty in March 2006 and was later sentenced to five years in prison, with four of those years suspended.

After serving his one year, Hicks moved to South Carolina, where he remained on four years of probation, Assistant Chesapeake Commonwealth’s Attorney Derek Wagner said. Meanwhile, Sandra Goldin Hicks started a blog called “Fight Bigamy.” And she was returned to the fight this summer when a friendly Internet reader spotted Hicks’ non-smiling mugshot, and realized she was dating him -- in Florida, Sandra Hicks said.

Ed Hicks was living on a boat near Key Largo, Sandra Hicks said. He also had neglected to check in with his probation officer in South Carolina on numerous occasions, and was wanted. He was picked up by police in September, extradited back to Chesapeake and last month sentenced to another year in prison, Wagner said.

“In his mind he has done nothing wrong,” Sandra Hicks (ex-wife number seven) said. “When he gets out in a year, he will be back to his same old tricks with five or six online personal ads and preying on more unsuspecting women.”

PLEASE POST COMMENTS & READ THE WHOLE ARTICLE HERE - CLICK

COERCIVE TACTICS OF CYBERPATHS

We have edited this to pertain to Cyberpaths. But the behavioral aspects are the SAME as for abusers and battered women.

The male gender has been used but, your Cyberpath may be female - EOPC
from: "Emotional Vampires: Dealing with People Who Drain you Dry" has some helpful information on how to recognize when a cyberpath is hypnotizing you. You look for the signs in your own reactions:

"Make sure you recognize the warning signs of hypnosis: instant rapport, deviating from standard procedure, thinking in superlatives, discounting objective information, and confusion." Emotional Vampires, pg. 48

These are all signs you look for in yourself.

Excerpts summarized, see the book for more details:

Instant rapport -- That wonderful feeling that you are instantly "clicking" with someone you've just met is a clear warning sign. You have likely stumbled into someone who has either done their research before "accidentally" meeting you or before a job interview, or they are quick to assess what it is you think about yourself and are careful to reflect back to you what you want to hear.

Deviating from standard procedure -- Suddenly you find yourself making exceptions and doing things very differently than you normally do for someone! (outside your normal comfort/ ethics/ moral zone)

Thinking in superlatives -- You've just met the most wonderful, most incredible, most charming and thoughtful person ever. Big red sign that someone is messing around inside your head. The author says, "distorted perceptions usually involve superlatives". He also points out that the superlatives can be negative too.

Discounting objective information -- You've been swept off your feet in no time flat. You're loving how you feel around this person -- so much so that you are now avoiding objective sources of information about this person and your own common sense!

Or, if you do hear things you don't want to hear, you tell yourself it is somehow different for you. He was different back then. When you find yourself avoiding getting objective information about this person you have a clear sign in yourself that you're very happy in this little fantasy that's been created for you and don't want the bubble popped. You're in trouble if you keep this up.

Remember, this doesn't just apply to romantic partners. It can happen with a fellow church or club member, a co-worker, boss, employee, etc.

Confusion -- "Hazy understanding of the reasons for your own reactions, coupled with unusual certainty, is a pretty clear sign that somebody has been messing with your mind." pg. 29

~ Bidermans Chart of Coercion ~
(Edited to Apply to Cyberpathy)

Abusers use tactics similar to what prison guards use on their prisoners, it is a type of brainwashing. They recognize that control is not easily accomplished, they need the cooperation of the victim. This can most effectively be gained through subversive manipulation of the mind and feelings of the victim, who then becomes a psychological, as well as a physical prisoner. These tactics form what we know as emotional abuse and online cyberpathy.

The original Bidermans Chart of Coercion identifies these methods and tactics of power and control used by abusers and their anticipated result. This Chart was originally a publication called "Report of Torture" from Amnesty International, which depicted the brainwashing of prisoners during war. Diana Russel later reprinted it in her book "Rape in Marriage."

The tactics used are:

ISOLATION - this deprives the victim of all social support that is necessary for the ability to resist. It makes the victim develop an intense concern with self. It also makes the victim dependent upon the interrogator, just like our predators, wanting all the control. They demean our family, friends, jobs and schooling, to the point that we generally give them all up. We begin to believe what our cyberpath is telling us and fear what may happen, if we don't go along with them. Once they take away our outside support system, so we have no one telling us anything different, than what the cyberpath is saying. (i.e. "don't talk to so-and-so, she's obsessed with me" or "don't chat with him if he emails or IMs you - he's a liar")

MONOPOLIZATION OF PERCEPTION - this fixes attention upon the immediate predicament and fosters introspect. It eliminates any stimuli competing with those controlled by the cyberpath, and it frustrates all actions not consistent with compliance. This makes us worry about each moment, we have little or no outside contact or focus, just what is happening with our abusive situation and if we don't abide by what they say or want, we know how bad it can and will get. (i.e. "don't tell!! this is our little secret" and "I am a great/ honest/ sincere guy - and here's the proof" [selective information])

INDUCED DEBILITY AND EXHAUSTION - this weakens both our mental and physical ability to resist. How many of our abusers picked 3am to cause an uproar? Odd or emotional times, when we were not strong enough to resist. Or the ones who want you to waiting around online for them, only come on at late hours once they have you hooked, not let you sleep, then go at it with you all night long.

They know when we are tired, we are more vulnerable and more apt to give in to their demands, without a fight. Exhaustion makes it even more difficult to counter the accusations and we agree to things we never would under normal conditions. (With a cyberpath this also includes "word salad" and purposeful confusion)

THREATS - this cultivates anxiety and despair. Threats can be as bad or worst than actions, the fear this can instill can do an incredible amount of emotional damage and alot to keep us in line. This is an emotional blackmail. (i.e. "if you keep questioning my sincerity I will stop chatting with you" or leaving you for hours, days, weeks or even months without a word; just disappearing -- blocking you until THEY are ready to chat. Saying they will "get" you or naming family members is a threat and should be reported to police immediately)

OCCASIONAL INDULGENCES - this provides positive motivation for compliance. Often after the abuse, during the "honeymoon stage" they may send flowers, call you all the time, "love bomb" you (compliments, cyber or phone sex, you are their soulmate, you are the ONE they've always dreamed of...), be kind and promise unconditional love, ect. Some nice little things, which to the victim will usually mean alot, when we are so wide open with pain. It will always happen when we are most vulnerable. But to the cyberpath it only means more control!

DEMONSTRATING "OMNIPOTENCE" - this suggests futility of resistance. Making you believe they are completely capable and have the ability to carry out any threats and warnings they have given you, if you don't comply. They have all the power and you better do as they say, regardless of what you may feel about these things. (i.e. "I will tell your partner, husband, parents what we have been doing" or "I will make your life hell" or "if you... then I will...")

ENFORCING TRIVIAL DEMANDS - this develops a habit of compliance. All those little things they can get you to accept doing, those lists of chores, asking you where you go, how you dress, how you speak or not to speak -- what they 'expect' in a woman. Begging you for cybersex, photos, etc because they "need" them is also part of this. This a part of their way of getting you to do the big things, the bad things and also keeping quiet about them. They have been programming you to obey, whatever they say.

DEGRADATION - this makes the cost of resistance appear to be more damaging to self-esteem than the capitulation. It reduces the victim to "animal level" concerns. In other word, if you don't go along with what they want, you will suffer the consequences and that will be worst than if you just do whatever they want. (i.e. "I won't "love" you if you don't obey me"; also part of their: DEVALUE & DISCARD)

All of these methods have been used on us, day after day. The road to freedom and healing begins with overcoming everything our cyberpaths have worked so hard to put into place in our minds. This sometimes requires and understanding therapist. It is not an easy task. The first step is to acknowledge them for what an are - tactics to have power and control over us. Most everything that has been said to us by our cyberpaths are lies and empty promises. We must totally begin to think for ourselves and wipe out all the negative things that we have been programmed to believe and feel.

Every one of us must know, none of it was our fault, we didn’t ask for it and we definitely did not and do not deserve it. There is nothing any of us could have done differently, or better that would of changed how an cyberpaths has acted, or made the trauma not happen.

That is the sole choice and problem of the predator. They usually will never admit that though. No one deserves to be abused in any way, shape or form - even online. It is our right to be happy and free from abuse. Cyberpaths are criminals, just as a rapist, an armed robber or a murder.

They should be treated as such and not be made excuses for or their abuse and preying on us covered up.

If we want Online Predators & Cyberpaths to stop, we must all use our own voices, to say abuse is wrong and I have had enough! The road to Freedom is Knowledge and Knowledge IS Power.

Our Exposed Predators who used these methods? ALL OF THEM!

FOR MORE INFORMATION ON HOW PREDATORS SEDUCE & COERCE and the AFTER-EFFECTS ON VICTIMS GET A COPY OF "WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS" by Sandra Brown, MA. A Must Read!

Man Kills a Mother After She Snubs Him on Facebook

(note the 'scorned woman' nonsense this predator uses, just like most of our cyberpaths! - EOPC)

A stalker was jailed for life yesterday for murdering a mother with a bolt gun used to slaughter livestock.

Fitness instructor Mary Griffiths, 38, had been due to meet police earlier that evening but her appointment to discuss the harassment had been put off until the following morning.

The divorced mother of three was asleep when slaughterman John McFarlane smashed through the back door of her home with an axe.

Mary Griffiths was shot by slaughterman John McFarlane with a bolt gun in front of her children after she called him 'delusional' on Facebook

He turned off the power at the fuse box before rushing to Mrs Griffiths's bedroom and attacking her as one of her daughters slept beside her.

The Old Bailey heard he punched her repeatedly, tried to strangle her and shot her in the shoulder with the bolt gun as she screamed for help.

McFarlane, 40, who blamed Mrs Griffiths for 'ripping out his heart' after she rejected his advances, dragged her downstairs while her daughters Jessica, 13, and Hannah, ten, tried to fight him off.

A neighbour saw him continue his attack in the street, where he pinned her to the ground and shot her twice in the chest just before 3am on May 6.

Maxwell McDonald, who witnessed the murder from his window, described the shooting as being 'clinical, deliberate, like an execution'.

McFarlane also hit Jessica around the head with the weapon, which he used at work to stun cattle.

Neighbours tried in vain to revive Mrs Griffiths, but she was later declared dead in hospital.

The court was told McFarlane fled to a friend's home around a mile away in Bury St Edmunds, Suffolk.

He sent texts to friends, saying he had taught Dublin-born Mrs Griffiths a lesson for ' ripping out his heart and stamping on it'.

Police later found him bleeding heavily after he slit his wrists in the garden of the house.

McFarlane admitted murder and was jailed for life with a recommendation that he serve at least 20 years before being considered for parole.

Mr Justice Bean told him he had deliberately armed himself with the stun gun after deciding to kill Mrs Griffiths.

He said he would have ordered a minimum 30 years had it not been for McFarlane's early guilty plea and evidence he was suffering from a mental disorder at the time.

In a text message sent to a colleague before the killing, McFarlane wrote: 'Yes JB (McFarlane) is off on a revenge mission to teach people a lesson who stamp on your heart.

'I will spare the mother, not the beautiful girls. They like me will die. Hasta la vista baby.'

He followed it with another saying: 'This is what rejection does, it ***** you up. All I needed was a cuddle and to be loved.'

His choice of weapon echoes that of the psychopath killer in the Coen Brothers' 2007 film No Country for Old Men.

The court heard Mrs Griffiths met McFarlane at martial arts classes. They became parttime instructors, teaching in Bury St Edmunds and nearby Newmarket.

Mrs Griffiths, who divorced her husband in 2007, regarded McFarlane as a friend.

But when she started a new relationship, he began telephoning and texting her constantly, prompting her to ask him to 'back off'.

McFarlane then began ignoring her at the gym and around that time she had a tire on her car slashed, although she did not know who was responsible.

When Mrs Griffiths's relationship failed, they became friendly again.

On hearing Mrs Griffiths had broken up with her boyfriend on April 23, McFarlane left his wife.

He moved to a friend's home, but then stayed two nights at Mrs Griffiths's home, sleeping on the sofa.

Mr Harvey said he had upset Mrs Griffiths during his stay by going into her bedroom, but she made it clear his advances were not welcome.

McFarlane later posted a message on Facebook, falsely claiming he had been having an affair with her.

Hours before the attack, she called police to report harassment, and an appointment was made but postponed until the next day.

original article here

"I GO ONLINE TO DESTROY YOU"

By Crystal Chan

UPSET that he was spurned by a married lecturer after a brief torrid affair, a tertiary student turned to the Internet to smear her reputation.

The year-long liaison, which took place more than 10 years ago, ended when the lecturer's husband learned about it.

Unlike the recent case when a 32-year-old teacher was jailed 10 months for having sex with an underage student, the lecturer did not break any law as her lover was not underage.

But the fallout was almost as devastating, resulting in two court actions over the years.

To try to salvage her marriage, the lecturer ended the affair.

But her husband still filed for divorce, citing adultery and naming the student as a co-respondent in the divorce papers.

The student's bitterness over the end of the affair was such that years later, he continued taking his revenge on her.

The student, who graduated here around 1996, felt that she had used him and then dumped him, alleging that she even filed a police report against him for harassment.

In one online forum posting, he wrote that many male students were attracted to the lecturer because of her striking looks. He claimed she was unhappy in her marriage and that they had sex in various places at the institution as well as her home. Sources [say]that the affair turned sour after it was uncovered by private investigators hired by the lecturer's husband. She ended the affair to try to save her marriage, but it was all in vain.

Then, as a fallout of the Internet smearing, the institution learned of the affair and asked the lecturer to leave three years ago. The institution also went all the way to the High Court to seek an injunction to prohibit the student from talking about the affair.

Lawyer Nicholas Cheong, who is not involved in the case, said the Internet postings probably affected the reputation of the institution and it had to do damage control.

He said: 'The institution has a name to protect, especially when it's known for certain courses. The last thing it would want is for people to remember it as a place where a lecturer had an affair with a student.

'Nothing sticks like bad news so the institution had to protect its image. Going to court was the only option as it no longer had the right to discipline the student.

'The institution didn't do anything wrong and the court probably agreed that its image shouldn't be tarnished. Otherwise, the injunction wouldn't be granted as everyone is entitled to freedom of expression.'

The student had gone as far as to post the lecturer's personal details and the serial number of her divorce proceedings in online forums and encouraged netizens to contact her. It also seemed that he had been watching the lecturer's movements, as he posted details of where she parked her car on campus and even the time she got home. He found out where the lecturer is now working and posted this information on the Internet too.

The student invited netizens to e-mail him if they wanted 'hard-copy evidence' of his affair, including documents related to her divorce.

Some netizens asked for the lecturer's photo, which the student offered to e-mail to individual requesters.

However, other netizens criticized the student for his vindictive actions.

(EOPC notes there is a difference between exposing a predator and revenge. We do not encourage or approve of the latter. Don't be confused when Cyberpaths use a story such as this to try to further smear their victims. Not the same thing at all!

Many of our cyberpaths say their victims are merely 'spurned' or 'scorned' but there is NO COMPARISON between an affair ending - as in this story - and the PREDATORY TACTICS of a Cyberpath and their terrorization of their victims for telling the truth.)

Mr Cheong said the lecturer could report the student to the police for harassment as he had posted her personal details on the Internet and urged others to question her about the liaison. He added that if the student continues to talk about the affair, he could be charged with contempt of court, which could result in a jail term and a fine.

The lecturer now teaches at another institution under a different name.

EXCERPTED FROM THIS ARTICLE

Some examples of our Cyberpaths being vindictive after their exposure:

ONE

TWO

THREE


Almost all of our exposed Cyberpaths have threated EOPC and their victims but stop when they realize a court case involving the victims would reveal the truth about their predatory actions and the veracity of the exposure.

SEDUCTION, MIND CONTROL & SALESMANSHIP

We have talked about mind-control, seduction and "grooming" that online predators do to the other adults they prey on. And we have mentioned that this type of seduction and NLP is also used in SALES. Yes, Sales. Here's a great article outlining the how-tos.

Compare this to Robert Greene's ART OF SEDUCTION or FAST SEDUCTION techniques (look for the parallels such as mirroring, eliciting values, all about 'feelings', imbedded commands and so on).- Fighter

Seductive Selling Secrets

by John James Santangelo

Have you ever been in an . . . . intimate relationship? Yes, INTIMATE!

Let me ask you this, "HOW do you know?"

I know, stupid question and what's this got to do with sales? Well, nothing really. Unless you're a mover and shaker. Then you understand the psychology of seductive sales. Or should say seductive BUYING! So, were you able to answer the question, "How do you know? "

The answer is, "you FEEL it!" You know because you have a feeling deep inside about what it is that you're so sure about, the same way people BUY! They just KNOW it. They can't tell you what that 'thing' is but if you ask the right questions, eventually you'll get an answer like, "It's just a gut instinct" or " I just KNOW." Or " I had a feeling it was the right decision." These are the real keys to selling folks. This is how people BUY. And if you are of the premise that you're a people person, smart, know you product, and how to close, you are far mistaken - leaving mounds of money on the table as they say. Don't get me wrong here, you MUST know all those things as well, though if that's all you have in your tool belt, you'll never be able to create a buying environment for your clients. Let's take a deeper look inside at some of the main factors in HOW people buy products and services. I promise, if you incorporate some of these simple skills into your tool belt, you'll be able to construct an exciting ambiance for your clients to FEEL good about who they are, decisions they make and their buying strategies.

The speed of todays business is consistantly increasing at a rapid rate. Companies are looking to increase their communication efficiency to maintain an edge over their competition. In the past 30 years a new model of communication and excellence has risen in the field of human behavior, a science that enhances the components between what we think, understand and how we communicate to people. Great sales people know this, because they're flexible and change their presentation style to match the needs of their prospects, which they will influence. When you have the ability to influence anyone, anywhere, at anytime your business and income will soar through the roof.

Effective communication skills are the most important tools we can learn in life. Yet, most have never learned to adequately become an effective communicator. Most will have theories, but no real answers. Many will state years of experience and practice are the only way to master these skills or it's something you're born with. The same goes with selling, if you do not learn to become a good communicator, your selling will not become any better either.

Most sales courses teach you to remember closing scripts and have you believe the words we speak are the primary source of our communication. But based on a 1970's study from the University of Pennsylvania, 93% of our communication is on a non-verbal level. Learning powerful physical and non-verbal skills, allows you to change how others perceive what you are saying and influence anyone at anytime; because it's the response we receive back from the client, not our given intention. Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) was developed from a model of change and success – HOW people do what they do to succeed. When you fully and competently understand how your clients buy, are sold to, and how to influence them by understanding that 90% of the unconscious mind, which is responsible for every decision they make, you'll begin to naturally influence others to your point of view which means closing more sales. NLP offers some of the most powerful communication tools available in the sales training marketplace today. Simple, yet effective, tolls of awareness, skill, and perception make this technology a hidden resource of influence. NLP is the cutting edge tools of human development; the most influential communication and personal change technology yet available. It is the fundamentals of 'how' our brain operates. Individuals and organizations across the globe are using Neuro-Linguistic Programming to enhance their personal and professional lives. NLP is a new field providing a wide range of both step-by-step methods in developing your ability to reach highly effective levels of communication and understanding within yourself and with others.

Cute story -
Johnny Carson had the #1 Girl Scout salesgirl on his late night talk show. He asked her the secret to her success. She replied, "I just went to everyone house and asked, can I have a $30,000. donation for the girl scouts?' When they said No, I would ask, "would you at least buy a box of Girl Scout cookies?" She had mastered the Contrast frame at EIGHT years old.

The real keys to master influence are the following skills:

1. Intention of Desire!
Expectation
Attitude is EVERYTHING!
Positive self-image: the foundation of success in selling

2. Commitment of Purpose!
Commitment to succeed.
Amenhotep III - "You are your own worst obstacle. Get out of your way."

3. Respect their MAP !
Buy first, into their world.
Beliefs, values, attitudes and lifestyles
Defend their beliefs

4. Prepare your MIND!
What are YOUR values?
Continually learn
Perfect practice makes perfect.

5. RELATIONSHIPS are everything!
Win-Win-Win
Law of association
Testimonials

6. Selling is Useless!
Used car dealerships.
Prospecting: identifying who can and will buy
Two types of buyers…

7. People only BUY!
Buying is Unconscious
People buy FEELINGS
Why / How people buy -

8. Building TRUST and Rapport!
What is Rapport?
Communication Model
Mirror and matching

9. Asking the Right Questions!
What's important to you about/in _________?
How do you know when you have _________?
If I can give you ____ will you ______?
Feeling comfortable!

10. Closing the Sale!
ASSUME THE SALE.
ASK!!!
Future pace the BUY.

Once you have effectively mastered these simple techniques. Your ability to help people buy a product or service will escalate to new heights like you've never imagined.

Have you ever done a great job of solving your prospect's problems only to find they eventually bought from someone else? In the end, you really wasted a lot of valuable time. Or, has a potential customer told you exactly what he needed and you tried to SELL him on something other than what he KNOWS he wants. Forget, for the moment, your ability to overcome objections and your favorite five closing phrases. People are more likely to purchase if you first know how they made buying decisions in the past.

Here's a typical scenario:

Carol, a very successful Real Estate agent in Southern California thought she had a SLAM DUNK sale. Her prospect John, realized that as a self-employed professional, he needed home/office space that was larger than what he currently lived in, to do more business out of his home. Carol determined John's average monthly income level, how much house he could afford, and then showed him several homes that fit his financial needs. She got agreement from John that this was something he could afford, then closed the sale. Carol did an effective job of selling, right? Wrong! John procrastinated for a week and then bought from Carol's competitor.

Sound familiar? Why? Because Carol didn't determine John's psychological buying strategy.

Do you ever think to ask HOW your prospect decides to buy? As you book an appointment from a telephone conversation, do you find out quickly how they will decide to give you an appointment, OR decide to buy your product?

Once you learn to ask the right questions, you'll tap into exactly HOW they BUY from YOU! Yes, we all have a very specific buying strategy, and once you understand how your clients buy products and services like yours, you'll have their key to unlock the doors to closing more sales. If you don't find out, ahead of time, HOW your prospects will buy or WHAT their decision-making strategy is, you'll never even come close to 100 percent closing rate. But, if you learn to ask the right questions, your prospects will let you know, in advance, how they will buy, from YOU!

John James Santangelo C.Ht. nationally acclaimed speaker, seminar leader, and success coach has been a guiding force in empowering individuals, businesses, and corporations to excel at peak performance. Working with companies such as Learning Annex, CSUN-Northridge University, Mary Kay Inc, Well Point, Xerox, RE/MAX Realtors, the Teamsters Union, and the US Army counter-intelligence team. Whether you're looking to fulfill short-term goals, meeting planner events, or corporate sales/communication trainings, John can help you achieve a new level of success! He is the author of Asking The Right Questions…" For more information on Successful Communication Skills, email Info@JohnSantangelo.com or www.JohnSantangelo.com

Article Source: http://articles.simplysearch4it.com/

Obsessive CyberStalker Terrorizes Woman - Ignores Lifetime Restraining Order

One of Britain’s most obsessive cyber stalkers terrorised a girl on the internet for almost two years because she refused to go out with him.
Jason Smith bombarded Alexandra Scarlett with up to 30 threatening messages a day on her Facebook and MySpace accounts.

In a series of vicious rants, Smith, 23, vowed to slash the 20-year old student's face, said he would rape her mother and aunt and also threatened to shoot her father.

Miss Scarlett, who had given Smith her phone number after meeting him at a Manchester nightclub, repeatedly shut down her accounts and opened up new ones - but he always managed to track them down and hound her again.

She tried to block his Facebook page 40 times but he set up new ones and posted further terrifying messages, including threatening to kill her.

Today Smith was under a lifetime restraining order banning him from contacting Miss Scarlett after a judge said he needed treatment for an ‘erotic mania’ psychological disorder.

He was also given a 12-month prison term suspended for two years after he admitted harassment.

Sentencing him at Manchester Crown Court, the judge, Mr Recorder Stephen Bedford, described Smith’s actions as ‘chilling’.

He told the offender: ‘You had just one meeting with Alaxandra Scarlett and she made what she probably regrets as one of the biggest mistakes of her life.

‘It seems you think you are God’s gift to women and when they do not respond to you cannot accept it.’

He added: ‘You appear to have no idea of the impact that messages like that could have. ‘Although she changed address, you continued… this must have been quite chilling for her.’

The victim was too upset to talk about her ordeal. But in statement read to court she said:

‘I was petrified that he might find me.

‘I felt like I could not go out into Manchester as much anymore and I felt harassed and controlled. I resent the fact that I have been forced to change my lifestyle.’

A friend said: ‘Alexandra was in fear of her life. She didn’t know what this man was capable of.’

The internet hate campaign took place between November 2007 and March 2009 after Smith, of Newall Green, Manchester met Miss Scarlett in Pure nightclub in the city centre.

Louise Brandon, prosecuting, said: ‘Miss Scarlet gave him her telephone number. That was the last the pair saw of each other.

‘Following that night the defendant began calling and sending text messages to Miss Scarlet.

'In the follow week he began calling frequently, this could be up to 30 times in one day.

‘After a week or two she asked him to stop calling her. After that she started to receive text messages saying that he was going to shoot her father.’

Miss Scarlett went to police but Smith then began posting 30 messages a week on her My Space page saying she was a ‘slag.’

Miss Brandon added: ‘He was saying he loved her and then calling her unkind names in the next message.

‘He had sent her a message saying that if he found her he would slash her face, and that he was going to find her and kill her.

‘She became frightened, she cancelled the MySpace and set up a new account but he found it. She shut it down again and made another and again he found it.

‘He got hold of her new mobile number through a friend or family member on MySpace. He had begun speaking to them pretending to be her boyfriend.

‘He also pretended to be her and sent her friends messages say that she was going to smash them up.

‘She has blocked him from Facebook 40 times, but each time he has set up a new Facebook page and continued to contact her.

‘In some messages he said that he loved her, she was convinced that they were all from the defendant and he was sending her text messages up to 30 times a day - some were violent.

‘Through Facebook he sent messages threatening to rape her mother and her aunt.

‘When Miss Scarlet moved out of the area he threatened to kill her. He called her a grass for telling the police and then said he was going to slash her face.’

When arrested in March 2009 Smith said he thought he had ‘fallen in love’ with Miss Scarlett and claimed she had been calling him too.

Alexander Leach, defending, said: ‘The defendant has difficulty in grasping the full facts of this case.

‘This was obviously a frightening and distressing period of the complainant’s life.

‘On the other hand Mr Smith is wrestling with the reality of what took place and his understanding of what took at the time. He saw what he thought was the beginning of a relationship.’

original article here

eHarmony Promoting Casual Sex Hookups

J.P. and Amanda Duffy expose dating service's encouragement of 'one-night stands'

..excerpts (Think Online Dating is "safe"? THINK AGAIN!)

Wednesday evening, a friend called expressing dismay about eHarmony's most recent e-newsletter which included an article, "Navigating the one-night stand." Our friend read the first few lines: "So you're a swinging single, and you've had a one-night stand. What's the etiquette for establishing boundaries, calling the day after and getting out without hurting feelings?"

Promoting such high-risk, promiscuous behavior is outrageous and irresponsible.

The advice column glosses over the risks of sexually transmitted diseases. In flippantly urging readers to "always use protection," the columnist ignores the ugly realties of "one night stands." The Center for Disease Control reports that sexually transmitted diseases are at epidemic proportions in this country, with 19 million new infections added every year. The consequences of an STD infection range from infertility to impaired reproductive health.

Also glossed over is the increased risk for violence among those who "navigate" multiple sexual partners. The article states, "It's true you can't spot an ax murderer just by talking to him, but it's a good sign if you are comfortable with someone in the light before deciding to dance in the dark." Does anyone really believe that "talking in the light" is enough to sufficiently reduce this high risk of dating violence?

What the column doesn't report is that sexually active females are five times more likely to be victimized by dating violence than girls who are abstinent.

Several years ago, Dr. Neil Clark Warren, founder of eHarmony, was closely associated with Focus on the Family. He separated from the organization after deciding to expand his services to the wider market. However, "Navigating the One Night Stand" takes this a step further by completely breaking eHarmony away from its Christian, pro-marriage beginnings.
After 24 hours, the article was removed from the eHarmony website. However, this will do little to undo the damage to their reputation. How did the advice column get there in the first place? It was clearly an intentional element of a well-designed newsletter, complete with a graphic of a tousled couple in bed together.

eHarmony can make amends by issuing a full retraction, an apology and an explanation of how this occurred. At minimum, this e-newsletter represents gross negligence. The apology should also be sent to all e-newsletter recipients.

eHarmony has assisted thousands of couples in building strong marriages. However, this goes beyond eHarmony's corporate reputation. A full retraction and reaffirmation of their mission will signal that eHarmony will remain an ally of millions of couples who endeavor to build strong marriages in the face of a culture that degrades marriage and family.

However, eHarmony's silence would signal something entirely different. A failure to retract will lead many to believe that eHarmony sees this as a minor issue and is open to "navigating" its readers into such risky territory again in the future.

Let's hope they realize that their standards should be compatible with the morals and values of their members.

SOURCE

Who wants to bet that eHarmony does it again? And other sites will or are doing the same! EOPC does not condone online dating or ANY online dating site in ANY way, shape or form.

Raped in Front of Her Son by a Man She Met Online

By Martin Fricker

He lured pair to flat before attack

A mother was raped in front of her young son by a man she met on the internet, police said yesterday.

The victim, 23, and her three-year-old boy were lured to the suspect's flat before she was knocked out and raped.

She had met the alleged attacker - known as "Derek" - on a number of occasions after they contacted each other online.

And she took her son with her when the pair agreed to meet close to the M2 motorway in Kent on Wednesday, September 30.

The woman then went with the mystery man to a block of flats in Sutton, South London.

As she drank a cup of tea, he punched her in the face, knocking her unconscious before raping her. Police said when the victim regained consciousness she managed to flee the apartment with her son.

Specialist officers worked with the victim to create an e-fit of the stocky predator.

And they hope an unusual "eagle design" on the spare wheel of his Land Rover may help track him down. A Scotland Yard spokesman said: "The suspect is described as white, in his late 40s and of muscular build.

"He called himself "Derek" and drove an old green Land Rover with a canvas roof. The spare wheel that is attached to the rear of the vehicle had a cover with an eagle design."

The incident is the latest in a series of attacks that have occurred after meetings arranged over the internet.

Last month, Ashleigh Hall, 17, was allegedly killed by a stranger she met on Facebook after telling her mum she was staying overnight with a friend.

And police yesterday revealed the trainee nurse - whose body was found on farmland in Sedgefield, Co Durham, 11 days ago - died after being suffocated.

Durham police said the death was "consistent with smothering".

Homeless Peter Chapman, 32, has been remanded in custody after being charged with the manslaughter and kidnap of the trainee nurse.

He is also charged with failing to give a new address under the Sex Offences Act.

original article here

Cyberpath, Predator: Narcissist, Psychopath

So, at bottom, the nature of the narcissist is the nature of a predator who preys on his own kind. The importance of that fact cannot be overstated. The brain of a predator just does not relate to the living soul of its prey. If you don't believe this, just watch PBS. Watch the behavior, and look into the eyes, of predatory animals while they're making a kill. There's nothing there. They are like machines at that moment. They must be, or they couldn't do it.

In other words, Nature has equipped them with hard-wired circuitry in the brain that takes over the moment prey is sighted when they are hungry. It suppresses what we could observe in that animal only a minute earlier while it was playing with its siblings or a waving leaf on a twig, tenderly nuzzling its offspring or mate. Perhaps it was even grieving over the death of a member of the pack. But that's all gone the moment it sights prey while hungry. Then suddenly it's a killing machine. It likes killing. Nature has endowed it with a taste for killing as necessary equipment for its survival. It even considers killing fun. Which is why we sometimes see in nature killing made sport: Chimpanzees (who don't eat meat) will gang-up on and attack a monkey, cruelly tearing it to pieces and having a blast over its heart-rending cries. Killer whales sometimes play with baby seals like a cat plays with a mouse. Wolves sometimes bring down and eviscerate prey they feed on the guts of till it dies and then walk away. Sorry, that's just the truth.

Humans are animals too and have that same predatory mode. Nature endowed us with it as hunters. It's in everyone. But in narcissists and sociopaths something has gone haywire. They go into this mode against their own kind. And they are permanently in this mode against all their own kind. Why? Because they don't view themselves as of our kind. They are of a superior kind. They think we are here to feed them, just as we think cattle are here to feed us. Correction: we do (or should) treat cattle humanely. We don't relate to them as objects like narcissists relate to us = like we relate to bugs or plants.

Compared to us, narcissists are gods. Alien beings. They can't help it. They are not to blame for feeling this way. Today the prognosis is poor. There is little sign of any real success in treating these people. Those who commit prosecutable offenses are repeat offenders — such as pedophile priests, sexual predators, and serial killers. They get this way as children and demonstrate it by torturing animals or murdering other children on a whim. Though they can't control their temptations, they CAN control their conduct. And this is what competent psychiatric care can really help them with. It can show them better ways to deal with their problems, making them resistant to temptation. In fact, I think it could build in some TRUE self-esteem to counterbalance their self hatred. (Lifelong treatment would be necessary to maintain it though.) And a lion tamer can walk into the lions' den. But they are still wild animals, so he can never be sure they won't give in to the temptation to attack the prey tantalizing them beyond their power to resist. We don't morally condemn those lions for being lions.

And the only thing more stupid and useless than morally condemning narcissists for being narcissists is trusting them. Don't tempt them. Just because a pedophile priest has behaved for the last five years doesn't mean he won't finally lose it and eat another altar boy. Indeed, it's cruel to tempt him daily thus! You wouldn't wave a bottle of whiskey in front of an alcoholic, would you? I don't see what's so difficult to understand about this. Talk therapy and/or punishment isn't the answer with PREDATORS.

We must do whatever it takes to minimize or eliminate their access to vulnerable prey as targets of opportunity. Period. For ever. Indeed, these people will thank us for it. Consider how many of them deliberately get themselves caught just to stop themselves.

Let's get a clue already and stop dangling bait before their eyes. There are many ways to do this: prison isn't the only one. For example, don't let him teach school or be a police officer. Don't give him power over his fellow employees. Don't elect him to be President for Life. Don't let him live off his parents till they die. Don't follow him on a purge to cleanse himself in the Holy Land. And if he steps over the line whack him, so that he thinks twice before doing it again.

And, especially, let's stop passing this curse from generation to generation by subjecting children to narcissistic parents. It takes the consent of the non-narcissistic parent for that to happen. So, just because your mother or father put up with it doesn't mean you should. If we began protecting the next generation today, this accursed cause of a vast amount of both the told and untold human suffering in this world would be gone in 50 years.

by Kathy Krajco

How to Keep Cyberpaths Away!

EOPC believes that cyberpaths are bothprobably narcissistic and psychopathic in their pursuit, use, abuse and devaluation & disposal of victims. We changed the word narcissist with cyberpath to make a clearer point here, but the article is available in its original on a must read site - see link at bottom.

This article illustrates why so many victims are fearful or simply do not speak out about them as they should. How to keep them away. And why they should rethink exposing them:

(our comments in dark blue)

[Online Predators] count on our shame to keep their secrets. They know that exposing them means exposing our own failings. That's what makes them so powerful. They manipulate us into these situations then sit back & watch us squirm between protecting ourselves or blowing the whistle. The [victim often] is still emotionally connected to the [Cyberpath], thus protecting them and accusing them alternatively. Many [victim]s will not name their [cyberpath]s to counsellors or other helpers, thus protecting their identity. The hook, which the [Cyberpath] has implanted in their heart, is hard to remove. If you want something to cry about, cry for the [Cyberpath]'s new victim(s), the innocent, unmarked, un-inoculated prey. These victims are carefully chosen... - Mary Ann Borg Cunen"

by Kathy Krajco

(excerpts)
Perhaps the strangest thing about narcissistic abuse is the almost universal decision of the victim to put up with it. This is something other people cannot get their minds around. And it is one reason why they withhold sympathy from the victim, blowing off severe psychological abuse and mental cruelty as mere annoyance.

But there are many understandable reasons why the victim puts up with it. All people need do is think a little to understand.

For one thing, cyberpaths don't abuse anyone they fear retribution from. They typically go to great lengths to make a lover totally dependent on them, financially and emotionaly, isolating the victim from his or her family and former friends before the narcissist's mask comes off and the abuse begins. Count on it: narcissists are brave enough to abuse only someone they already have over a barrel.

This is what makes a narcissist's own children the easiset and most abused prey. (And future prey for narcissists, psychopaths & cyberpaths!)

Imagine what life is like in a home where at least one of the parents (and probably a sibling as well) is a malignant narcissist. Marine Boot Camp is nothing compared to it. And, unlike Boot Camp, the aim isn't to improve posture and self-respect: the aim is to do the opposite. It's a constant hazing.

The children of narcissists have been brainwashed into thinking it's their fault whenever the narcissist goes off. It's because they aren't worthy enough to deserve better treatment. They have been trained to view the narcissist's crackpot behavior as normal: being irrational to keep from losing an argument is normal and acceptable in that home; blowing up because someone else doesn't dress, think, say, or feel what you want them to is normal.

Of course children raised in Hell are going to become adults who put up with narcissistic abuse. But let's get two things straight.

First, the mental healthcare industry must ditch the social and political agenda: this happens as much, or more, in high-income homes and middle-income homes than poverty-stricken ones. In fact, there is documented evidence of that among imprisoned psychopaths.

Second, the fact that grown children of narcissists are likely to put up with abuse doesn't mean they attract it. Or are attracted to abusers.

I really doubt that. In fact, I bet the children of narcissists are quicker to smell a rat than other people are. Not that it does them much good when a narcissist is out to con them. Narcissists fool EVERYONE, even cops and psychologists.

Years ago, I had a wonderful/ terrible opportunity to observe a marauding narcissist in action. He was an employer in an institution where sh*t flows uphill, so that he was unaccountable because his powerful superiors would cover up, and stonewall justice against, anything he did.

He was quite a piece of work, and I actually had nothing better to do than study him. I noticed that he always tested a new mark. Right up front, within the first minutes of your first personal interaction with him, he would test you. If you passed that test, he was AFRAID of you! If you flunked it, as most people did, he moved in like a shark after its "tasting run" for the kill.

Knowing this already, I then had the misfortune to live next door to a very different style of narcissist. One whose true colors showed to be very seedy indeed when the honeymoon was over and the domestic abuse began. In contrast to the administrator I mentioned above, this guy had a rap sheet a mile long. He tried to move the lot lines with con schemes. He would run over his neighbors' fences and small trees and bushes with his huge, jacked-up pickup truck and leash his dangerous dogs out onto your property to keep you from getting to your garage door. Mean and wild as a junkyard dog, that is, and drunk every day.

How's that for a contrast in style? Yet both men were the same at bottom. They were just exploiting different environments.

To my surprise, he tested his prey too. Immediately after his wife and children suddenly disappeared one day, he decided to replace them. In fact, I was grilling steaks when I overhead him snarl at his dog that he'd "get a new dog too" if doggie didn't behave.

Before my wondering eyes could believe what they were seeing, he was hitting on me. Testing me to see if flattery would make me revise history. I was supposed to be so google-eyed over his sudden attentions that I would forget everything I knew about him and forget what he had done to us! I must say that that was the most breath-taking sample of raw narcissism I have ever seen.

But guess what? He was now a different person, an unassuming and likeable man any woman would like. I was just as surprised at myself as I was him. His magic was truly tempting me. I had to keep a tight grip on reality and keep reminding myself of the past - when Dr. Jekyll here was Mr. Hyde. He was quite thick-headed about it and couldn't take a hint to get lost. I had to let him know with a wink one day that I saw right through him and was entertained by his efforts.

Zoom, gone just like that, and bringing other women home (or posting new profiles on online dating sites, or contacting people from reunion sites, penpal sites, support boards, or) from the bars for testing in the role of his new mamma.

If you do, you will seem to attract narcissists.

In the case of the administrator, the first test was always a test of good faith. That's a test of your basic integrity. It was a test of fidelity, probing to see whether you would betray a collegue to please terrifying him. But it could also be a test to discover whether you will betray the truth to please axe-wielding him.

A [cyberpath] seeking a lover as prey might test you by going off like firecracker in some off-the-wall reaction to something you do or say. The test is to see whether this herds your behavior in the direction he wants, whether you attempt to appease him, whether you forget about it tommorrow (when he acts like it never happened) by acting like it never happened. In other words, you flunk this test by "forgiving and forgetting." To a [cyberpath], that's commonly a green light. You pass this test by raising your own voice, saying, "What the hell are you mad about?" and "If you won't make sense and be reasonable, I won't waste my breath on you," deciding that if he is such a changeable, unpredictable Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, you aren't going to date or chat with him any more.

The street con artist always tests potential marks too. For example, will you do a stupid thing to please him just because he acts like you'll be a bad person if you don't? You pass the test by replying, "WHAT? Are you nuts? No!" You flunk the test by caving in to moral pressure by saying, "OK, I'll go into the bank and draw money out of my account to help you guys catch that evil teller."

In any case this test is always a test to see if the [cyberpath] slams into the brick wall of a backbone. If he does, he flies away like a bee that has just discovered there's no nectar in that flower.

From these examples, you can see that the children of narcissists are more likely than others to flunk some kinds of tests. For example, they have been brainwashed to regard as normal and tolerate blow-ups in people with the nerve to be so rude. They have been trained to say, "Well, yes he does have a terrible temper but he doesn't carry a grudge." Note the irony in that: the fact that he's all smiles the next day is a BAD sign, not a good one!

But people with little or no experience with [cyberpaths]more likely to flunk other tests. (which is why its so important to tell tell tell to EDUCATE others!)

The bottom line is that it isn't so much a matter of backbone as it is a matter of naivite. We all must face the fact that there are people like this out there. They look just like the rest of us. You can't tell who they are by their reputation or status or anything else. Only these red-flag behaviors give the predators among us away.

Never forget that faces are masks and that we never really know what's going on in anyone else's head.

You are easy prey for predators if you are naive, not knowing that you must just ALWAYS choose to have a backbone = ALWAYS pass the test.

No matter WHO that other person is.

Yes, even if people will say you're a bad person for it: good people don't prostitute themselves to the threat of being called a bad person for doing the right and/or sensible thing.

So, just always pass the test. It's a vaccine for a cyberpath-free life.

Not to mention a truly virtuous one.

SOURCE

Online Dating Site Fakes "Flirt" Messages

More & more reasons to NEVER USE ONLINE DATING!

DIRECTORS of a dating website engaged in misleading conduct when they created fake profiles and sent messages to users to flirt with them, a consumer watchdog says.

The Australian Competition and Consumer Commission said it had started Federal Court proceedings against Jetplace Pty Ltd, the operator of the website www.redhotpie.com.au.

The consumer watchdog alleged Jetplace engaged in misleading conduct when it created and published fictional dating profiles on its website, which targets single adults.

Jetplace allegedly used the fake profiles to send "flirt" and other messages to registered users.

The company engaged in misleading conduct by giving representations that each profile on the website was created by registered members, the watchdog said.

It said the company had misled people when it said every profile on the website and every message received from a profile provided an opportunity for members to socialise with and potentially meet the member that sent the message, when that was not the case.

The ACCC has alleged Jetplace directors Mark Semaan and Maxwell James McGuire, were knowingly concerned in and party to the misleading conduct.

The watchdog said it would seek declarations, injunctions, orders and costs from Jetplace.

A directions hearing on the matter has been set down for December in the Federal Court.

Mr Semaan told AAP on Friday Jetplace had been aware of the ACCC's allegations for more than a year and had co-operated fully with the inquiries.

The company defended the use of the profiles, which it said helped to stop illegal activity, predatory behaviour and scammers.

"The central matter of concern to the ACCC was the use by Redhotpie of monitoring profiles," Mr Semaan said in a statement.

"These profiles were used as part of the site's User Security Suite (USS) which successfully assisted in the detection and action against illegal activities, predatory behaviour and scammers on the website."

The number of monitoring profiles on the site was very small, would have been of minimal inconvenience to bona fide members and had been voluntarily deactivated since the ACCC raised its concerns almost a year ago, Mr Semaan said.

He said the site was a successful online community and members had found soul mates, become engaged, married or enjoyed satisfying casual encounters. (isn't that PROSTITUTION?)

original article here

BEWARE: THE ROMANTIC PREDATOR!

The Don Juan motif has fascinated artists and thinkers for centuries. As far back as the 17th Century, Tirso de Molina created the archetype of the hero as proto-trickster, promiscuous manipulator, sublime lecher. Mozart's Don Giovanni is an elaboration on the theme, an opera that overwhelms the senses with the sheer vitality of an entity who can only be described as a raw force of nature. Moliere and Lord Byron, among others, bring him to life. Bernard Shaw, in an interlude in his play, Man and Superman, consigns him to an honorable place in Hell. In the modern era, cartoonist Jules Pfeiffer wrote the successful play, Harry, The Rat With Women, depicting the sad/funny shenanigans of an otherwise ordinary guy using women for recreational sex. The film Alfie, dating from the same period, enumerates the many "conquests" of a Cockney truck driver. The seducer remains the hero of song and saga, at least of the pop culture media.

The sexual predator, that dark and mysterious figure, the "stranger", unpredictable, hinting at danger, tinged with violence... what is there that so attracts women to him? Truly, there seems something almost magical about those few men who seem able to mesmerize women at will. What secret do they possess that gives them this power, this intensity, this animal magnetism?

Users and manipulators is the key phrase. Such men have learned to spot and sniff out vulnerable women, the "wounded birds", the ones most susceptible to their particular brand of sorcery. They have mastered the art of "pushing the emotional buttons" of their fellow humans, exploiting the feelings and weaknesses of hurt people (and is not most everyone hurt?), playing women like a musical instrument. In their single-minded pursuit of pleasure, of self-gratification, they leave behind them a string of victims. These are haters of women, exploiters of human weakness, parasites, sociopaths*. (CYBERPATHS)

These . . . fancy-grade hit-and-run drivers leave numerous
victims in their wake . . .
Roger Shattuck, Forbidden Knowledge

This little deviation into the dark alleys of the criminal mind and the underside of human nature yields insight into the sad emptiness of the career seducer. There is little to envy in these creatures. They lead meaningless lives, and each successive "conquest" does nothing to fill the screaming, hungry void within. There is little to admire, considering the pain and wreckage they leave behind.

What a chimera, then, is man! What a novelty, what a monster, what a chaos, what a subject of contradiction, what a prodigy! A judge of all things, feeble worm of the earth, depositary of the truth, cloaca of uncertainty and error, the glory and the shame of the universe.
Blaise Pascal: Thoughts, chap. x.

Behold the man, the man of action, the ruthless hero of myth and saga, society's darling. Here is this rugged doer of deeds, the rough-and-ready "go getter", the one who grabs what he wants without pausing to think... the aggressive stranger, the cowboy, the soldier, the gangster. Contemptuously, he shoves past that quiet guy in the corner, the shy one, the one ridiculed by family and friends as a "wimp", a "mouse", a victim, as perhaps something less than a man.

According to the latest sociological dogma, females are genetically wired to be attracted to "alpha" males, those who are most assertive and aggressive. This seems all too true of some women. Aggressive men seem to get women, to attract women, many women, because of their semblance of strength, the swagger of the domineering male. Yet, what type of women are these? Fragile, unsure of themselves, swayed by instinct, emotionally damaged, running on autopilot . . .

Only a nuance, a subtle shade of difference separates aggressiveness from its less respectable cousin, aggression, the use of force to gain one's ends. With this in mind, understand aggressiveness as a sign of immaturity, of fear . . . of weakness, of blind stupidity. It is the crudest mode of social interaction, the blunt instrument, the bludgeon.

It is the "bull in a china shop" syndrome, a behavior pattern that gets its practitioners typed as boors, thugs, and worse. There is an immediacy about them, a brutal spontaneity, for they recognize no tomorrow. Unfeeling, unbridled, unburdened by remorse, they loot, despoil, and ruin. Behind them, they leave poisoned relationships, broken trust, betrayal, and despair.

from: HOW TO MEET WOMEN

SYMPTOMS OF ONLINE BRAINWASHING

The process of brainwashing (or 'grooming') their victims is one consistently reported by those who have dealt with a cyberpath. Here's some of the cyberpath's process:

THE PROCESS OF BRAINWASHING (MIND CONTROL)

1. The cyberpath keeps the victim unaware of what is going on and what changes are taking place.

Your cyberpath might make plans for you, or not tell you what his plans are until the last minute. He may talk about you to others behind your back, to isolate you from them. They will always leave you on the edge of your seat about what their next move or even when your next contact will be. (usually on their terms, not yours)

2. The cyberpath controls the victim's time and online environment, and works to suppress much of the victim's old behavior. The victim is slowly, or abruptly, isolated from all supportive persons/friends/net buddies except the cyberpath.

Your cyberpath might have insisted that you stop certain social, hobby, or work activities. Your chats may have moved to a more "private" or one on one forum and they insist you NOT tell others about you & them or include anyone else in your chats. If you do, be suspicious the cyberpath might be working on THEM behind your back as well. You may have been asked (or told) to reduce or stop contact with specific supportive people in your life.

3. The cyberpath creates in the victim a sense of powerlessness, fear, and dependency. Usually by providing unparalleled attention, support and understanding in the beginning and then SLOWLY over time withdrawing it and systematically replacing it with their real 'agenda.'

Verbal and emotional abuse and manipulation creates these emotions, and they become stronger and stronger over time.

4. The cyberpath works to instill new behavior and attitudes in the victim.

The online predator trains to you behave in ways that he wants you to behave. He gradually makes you feel differently about yourself, and erodes your confidence in yourself. They make you feel that everything you do, say or think - revolves around the cyberpath. (i.e. less talking & real communication - more cybersex, doing things for them, in person sexual encounters, money loans, etc)

5. The cyberpath puts forth a closed system of logic, and allows no real input or criticism.

In other words -- What he says, goes.

(We have used the male gender - your cyberpath may well be female.)

DO THEY EVER ADMIT THEY LIED OR TWISTED THE FACTS?

"The NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) illusion of superiority is a facet of a generalized disdain for reality. These individuals feel unconstrained by rules, customs, limits, and discipline.

Their world is filled with self-fiction in which conflicts are dismissed, failures redeemed, and self-pride is effortlessly maintained. They easily devise plausible reasons to justify self-centered and inconsiderate behavior. Their memories of past relationships are often illusory and changing.

If rationalizations and self-deception fail, individuals with NPD are vulnerable to dejection, shame, and a sense of emptiness. Then they have little recourse other than fantasy. They have an uninhibited imagination and engage in self-glorifying fantasies. What is unmanageable through fantasy is repressed and kept from awareness.

As they consistently devalue others, they do not question the correctness of their own beliefs; they assume that others are wrong.

The characteristic difficulties of individuals with NPD almost all stem from their lack of solid contact with reality. If the false image of self becomes substantive enough, their thinking will become peculiar and deviant. Then their defensive maneuvers become increasingly transparent to others (Millon & Davis, 1996, pp. 405-423).

Sharon C. Ekleberry, Dual Diagnosis and the Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

DO THEY EVER ADMIT THEY ARE LYING OR TWISTED THE FACTS?

from this site

(EOPC believes Cyberpathy is probably an expression of Malignant Narcissism and/or Sociopathy - Fighter)

We work to try to understand the essence of the narcissist. When I was trying to explain the N to a friend, she understood an N as someone not "able to face the pain of imagining they did something wrong". I wasn't sure about this so did a quick internet search on narcissists and admitting wrong and accepting fault, and got these quotes:

- The narcissist sometimes notices that something is wrong with him and with his life -- but he never admits it.

- ... the narcissist is incapable of admitting that something is wrong with HIM

- They will never admit fault, they will never say they are sorry. If something goes wrong, they will play the victim. They will blame others.
- Remember they will never admit they are wrong, they will never debase themselves with an real apology. They will never laugh at themselves.

"[I suspect my husband is a narcissist]... He tries to place blame on anyone and everyone but himself."

- Narcissists ...live for themselves, they think they can do no wrong and will not admit to wrongdoing [re: traits common to 6 year olds and adult narcissists]

- [For the narcissist] to admit to one failing, to acknowledge a mistake, even a simple human error of judgment, would be to open the door to the deep internal lack within. ... Such feelings of worthlessness are like an ocean being held back by a fragile dyke. The illusion of perfection, maintained by projecting faults onto someone else, is a barrier to be constantly tended, mended and shored up. To admit any feelings of deficiency would be the equivalent of poking a hole in the dyke, an event to be feared as a total disaster.

Narcissists blame all problems on the "all-bad." It's never the narcissist's fault; it's always someone else's.

The last paragraph speaks truly from a narcissist's perspective. It's the victim's fault.

If the two of you have a conflict, he'll tweak the facts as much as he has to to make it all your fault. (And if you EXPOSE the Narcissistic Cyberpath? Expect the SAME treatment as well as a full-tilt hate & smear-campaign!)

"His perverse way of turning everything into my fault and his blaming left me battered and exhausted."

Narcissists
Externalization of Blame -- The child cannot allow the bad feelings of being at fault for anything. He/ she/ they/ YOU are the problem!

He avoids feeling vulnerable by blaming others. The fragile self esteem cannot be punctured by taking responsibility for behavior. His script is "Do not expose me to those intolerable feelings inside. I can't handle it."

For making a change (whether great or small) implies that the narcissist has been two things they "cannot stand": imperfect (something is actually wrong with "them") and at fault ("they" actually were wrong, weak, or inferior somehow).

It can't be THEIR fault - THEY is perfect.

The narcissist says in effect, "Something doesn't feel right. I'm too special to be the cause, therefore it must be your fault."

EOPC is loaded with examples of this, here's our sampling:
(scroll over content to find embedded links)

BRAD DORSKY - According to him his victim supposedly 'led him on.' Dorsky not only tried to rage at his victim, he sent a "friend" to EOPC to find out who exposed him.

Obviously, DORSKY thought we were a bunch of barely legal kids on a social networking site; his favorite sort of target!

Dorsky said the relationship was 'consensual.' This is a common one! A relationship can not possibly be consentual when the victim does not know the truthful facts to make an appropriate decision.

• Lying to her
  
• Telling her she's the only one
• Playing mind games with her
• Moving in on her when she & her husband/ partner/ family are having a hard time
• Moving in when she's vulnerable
• Having a 'hidden agenda'

...does not make for consensual.
It does make for predatory exploitation!

CHARLES "ED" HICKS aka CHARLES GREENE - This guy's a piece of work. Said in court, to a judge, after 2 of his 7 known wives were questioned and hard, clear legal documentation was researched and presented by an Assistant D.A.: "It's false, all false." Guess that orange jumpsuit should have been a straightjacket.

Has recently gone back on dating sites under various nicknames using CHARLES HICKS or CHARLES GREENE to try to defuse people googling ED HICKS and finding out he's the 'Dr. Phil Bigamist.'

Tells people he's retired from a government job (he was fired and his security clearance revoked).

Additionally is not always honest about his criminal record on the numerous dating sites he's on now. This includes his using new names or versions of names on the dating sites.

On the Dating Sites he states his age as 56 LOL! (Shaves off about 9+ years)

(Here's the best one EOPC's heard!) Rumor has it that HICKS tells new prey he is shopping for a publisher for his book where he will tell the truth (he means his version of it a.k.a. complete fiction) and show how two of his wives 'set him up just to get on T.V. (EOPC is sure they had a great time telling the world how naive & used they were by Mr. Hicks) and have lied about him as well as them being 'mean' to his children (a.k.a. feeding, clothing, housing and taking care of his kids during their marriages while these kids sponged everything they could off them and various girlfriends of Mr. Hicks' simultaneously - just like Daddy!).

Additionally he says he plans to 'take legal action" against the producers of "Dr. Phil" and the WE show VERY BAD MEN who profiled him and showed him a bad light and ruined his good name!

Good luck with that, Mr. Hicks... Maybe now that O.J.'s in jail Hicks can help keep on looking for that illusive "real killer."

WILLIAM MICHAEL BARBER - back in jail after leaving the State in which he was incarcerated without permission and found having a false Social Security Card & Number and falsified identity papers on him. (After his wives and victims repeatedly told probation officers he would do it again and he was let out of jail early anyway!)..

BARBER was also profiled on the WE show VERY BAD MEN. He was released October 2007 so be careful! Spread the word about this serial predator! Don't you think these people would be thrilled they are so famous?

Sammy Benoit/ GRIDNEY/ YIDWITHLID - Where to begin with this one?
1. EOPC ran his expose for the third time in June 2007. This time he became of aware of it and he attacked one of his victims as the sole person causing him "public embarrassment." He gave no acknowledgment that his real name and location were not used by us on this site, at this same victim's request.

No mention that his new nickname and website are now linked to yet another 'false personna and location' made up by him.

No thank you for the consideration one of the victim he decided to bully showed his family. Typical of the backwards reactions of pathological persons!


2. Sammy Benoit/ GRIDNEY/ Yidwithlid blames just one person for all the postings about him despite her trying to get them taken down in March of 2007. (Now which one of EOPC's victims really controls the internet? All our Cyberpaths swear its THEIR victim! Hmmmm?)

On a website she finally felt she had to make to combat the relentless smear, she has documentation stating the primary reason site owners, including us, would not remove him - because SHE WAS NOT THE PERSON WHO HAD POSTED HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE.

GRIDNEY/ YidWithLid also expects us all to take him at his & his spouse's word that this victim of his sent something to his mother to try to 'drive her to a heart attack.' No proof however - as usual, just words. (All Cyberpaths have this "because THEY say it's so - has to be REALITY!" trait... please re-read the paragraph at the top of this article for our take on this pervasive trait of Cyberpaths)

And as she said on her site (which she closed for a while to try to calm things down - to no avail we would guess - considering YidwithLid is a remorseless bullies), IF she (or anyone) had done something that heinous and he has hard proof -- Why isn't she in jail or doing community service? Why hasn't he sued her? (Our guess? Because then the REAL TRUTH about him and his escapades would come out!)

3. GRIDNEY/ Yid with Lid also says it was 'consensual', but also neglects to mention that none of his targets knew he:

• had online casual sex partner-wanted ads since 2000 (he started up with the first victim we know of in 2002)
• was seeing sexual escorts at brothels (two brothels are now closed in part to him threatening this same victim, her going to the police and the police finding out that he was posting online about his exploits at this brothel. [By the way, Yidwithlid -- this Madam is BACK IN BUSINESS! But you probably know that already] Good going, GRIDNEY / YidwithLid!)
• the police found his computer to be full of porn and his credit cards traced back to phone sex lines from 1999/ 2000

-----------------------

1. Did any of his targets know this?
2. Did he tell any of his targets he was lying and it was 'just a game' to him?
3. Did his targets know he was playing with their emotions & using them for freebies?
4. Did we mention he's tried to erase it all and say it never existed or was planted? (His excuse is that its "hurting his wife" - since he was doing this since 1999; according to police - why didn't he think about that the FIVE years PRIOR to victimizing these women?)
5. And what do these targets have to do with HIS sex addiction?

Sound familiar?

Again -

A relationship cannot possibly be consentual when the victim does not know the truthful facts to make an appropriate decision.

Lying,
telling her she's the only one and you've never done this before,
playing mind games with her,
moving in quickly on her when she & her husband/ partner are separating,
not supporting her when her husband/partner finds out about their online affair and abuses her worse,
knowing she's mentally & emotionally vulnerable,
as well as having a 'hidden agenda' does not make for consensual.

It does make for predatory exploitation.

4. GRIDNEY/ Yidwithlid wants this victim to withdraw her copyright to EOPC. She asked in March 2007. We refused.

Additionally, law enforcement gave all her chats to another of his targets and she as well as law enforcement gave us permission to use them. We were sensitive enough to not use certain chats that we were given at the request of the very-person-he's-blaming. She wanted to protect his family and identity.

Now, she's getting all his blame. (Again, we refer the reader to the paragraph at the TOP of this post about their blame & reality)

5. GRIDNEY/ YidwithLid on his website about his vendetta said to one poster that he was angry that this target posted about him on an MSN Group. Those are support groups for victims! Now, how did he find her there? Was he surfing for her? Reading everything she wrote and vented and cried about? Yes! He did! How kind of him....

In her 2004 interview with us his Target #1 told us that once the site owners told her he was coming there and clicking on her story -- she tried to get it all removed and the site owners refused. This victim left the site partly because of this. Just like we refused. Because that's the nature of the policies of our sites.

According to predators like GRIDNEY/ YidWithLid - their victims aren't allowed be hurt, complain or look for support either. And they just deny, deny, deny. How's that for 'nice guys'?

DOUG BECKSTEAD - an "investigator" from the Air Force Base with which Beckstead's associated wrote us and subsequently one of his victims trying to find out who she was, get her to phone them, etc etc. How much should we bet that it was one of Beckstead's buddies trying to be sure which of his online victims blew the whistle on his online predation so Beckstead could attack her?

Beckstead came here and tried to say it was "all a game" and his victims "knew what they were getting into." Incredible gall, but familiar. Again, Beckstead neglects to factor in that:

• Lying,
• telling her she's the only one,
• playing mind games with her, moving in on her when she & her husband are having problems,
• lying to other targets about your numerous online affairs & porn addiction,
• while knowing she's emotionally vulnerable,
• as well as having a 'hidden agenda'

DOES NOT MAKE FOR CONSENSUAL.
IT DOES MAKE FOR PREDATORY EXPLOITATION.

Again:
A relationship cannot possibly be consentual when the victim does not know the truthful facts to make an appropriate decision.

Guess what! Beckstead was mentioned in the same Air Force Base's newspaper so - he must have been looking to clean up his image before they added to his overblown ego. Rumor has it he's got another victim 'on the hook' already. Watch out, he likes to portray those used-up sources of his as MENTALLY ILL - when in fact these cyberpaths appear to be the ones with 'mental issues.'

He's even tried to tell people that her exposure of him only HELPED HIM... and hurt his victims! LOL - too much protesting, huh? Don't we already know what he's telling his latest victim?

All the stuff he's posted (and continues to post) all over the web - trying to drown out the truth and glorify his 'reputation' when he's really a predator!

JULIA BISH-JUDAH-HUNT-McGOVERN? Just look at her interview. That says it all about how 'innocent' she considers herself after meeting men online and marrying them without even meeting them in person, among other things.

Completely nuts and a serial predator!

PHIL HABERMAN - click here for an update on this story. Haberman continues to use the legal system against ANYONE who has his number and speaks out about it.

UPDATE: LORI DREW - the real "Josh Evans" and Tormentor of the Late Megan Meier - who not only sued the Meiers for a destroyed foosball table but when she ran into the Meiers told them to "give it a rest" about her CAUSING Megan's suicide. Sick beyond belief. Convicted on 3 misdemeanor counts, may face civil action.

DAN JACOBY - turns to his "old standby" of smearing his victim, saying she's 'crazy' and doesn't have the "love of God in her heart." Of course he owes his victim money for things she bought him (he told her he was divorced and broke - NOT!).

Jacoby? Mr. Nice Guy? Well turns out this predator took webshots of his victims during chat sessions without telling them and threatens to post them online if they expose him. Then he changed and scrubbed everything and went to the police to say his victim was "harassing" him. Why would you need to do that Dan, if you were HONEST?

Guess what? These women LOVED you and you can't do anything wrong if you love someone. The scumbag liar? is YOU! Besides what kind of sicko-perv picks on vulnerable women trying to recover from prescription drugs??

Glenn Capers just hops from woman to woman with his lies, sex addiction and spread infection & DNA far and wide. Then dumps the woman and lies to the next one about the others. How do guys like him and Ed Hicks keep it all straight? Who knows. Capers has more linked websites for his photography than Hicks does Online Dating ads!

Now Capers is on the attack against the women who found out what he is and who he really is... like all of them - zero accountability, zero empathy, zero remorseless -- just tantrums because it's harder to do what they've been doing for years now. Being PREDATORS.

The two things all our predators seem to universally hate:

1. being called an abuser
2. being called a PREDATOR

Ouch!! -- yet their victims are not allowed to feel hurt or pain? That's the cyberpath's sociopathic self - the real self with no empathy - coming out.

Do you think that when these predators behind a keyboard find out they are wrong about their assumptions they apology to us or their victims? go ahead and guess!

The "scorned woman" defense. The "they are lying/ making it all up/ obsessed with me/ stalkers/ just jealous/ never happened" defense. The "she had it coming" excuse!

You name it - you'll hear it with these people. Unfortunately sometimes their families or friends still believe them. Until its too late and they are caught doing it again.

Do we see a pattern here? As it says above: IT'S NEVER THEIR FAULT. MUST BE THE INVISIBLE PERSON OR THEIR VICTIM! NEVER THEM!

By the way, any Cyberpath who wants to write a full and accurate confession as well as an open, honest apology to any of the victims they have hurt, caused emotional & mental trauma, forced into counseling, sent to the hospital from trauma, caused rifts in their families, raged at, used and abused... we would be more than happy to publish it for you and see to it your victims get a copy of your healing words as well. (see right margin for EOPC's contact details)

If you would also like counseling for your issues in using people in this way - EOPC would be more than happy to help you find appropriate psychological help in your area.


yidwithlid

Woman Posts Explicit Pics Online for Sex - Then Cries Rape

A woman who posted explicit photographs of herself on the web and then falsely claimed a man she met online had raped her has been jailed for nine months.

Beverley Stephenson's false allegation sparked a full police investigation, including house-to-house inquiries, a poster campaign, and a press appeal.

Stephenson, 42, from Horden, Sunderland, admitted perverting the course of justice between April 5 and May 14, last year.

Judge John Evans, passing sentence, said: 'People who make false allegations such as these undermine the criminal justice system, and there are serious implications for genuine victims.

'Your fabricated claims completely undermined the investigation into your own allegation of rape.'

He added: 'All of this is of your own making. You could have called a halt to it at any time. I am told you have psychological and other difficulties, but they cannot excuse what you did.'

Stephenson wept as she was jailed and had to be helped from the dock as she was led away.

Prosecutor Amanda Rippon said Stephenson initially told police she did not know the identity of her alleged attacker.

She later falsely indicated he might have been a member of a family with whom she had fallen out.

'Her accounts resulted in the arrest and questioning of three men,' Mrs Rippon added. 'At least two of the men were kept in custody for several hours.

'Each of the men said being implicated, albeit wrongly, in a rape has caused them embarrassment and difficulties with their own friends and families.'

Police became suspicious of Stephenson when she claimed hair pulled from her head in the attack actually came from her hairbrush.

The court heard she had sex in her lounge with the man she met online, but the evidence suggested it was consensual.

Alexia Zimbler, defending, said: 'This is an unusual case in that Ms Stephenson still maintains she was raped.

'But she accepts the way in which she misled the police made it impossible for that allegation to be properly investigated.

'She was ashamed and embarrassed by the way she met this man, and feared the police would not believe her or take her seriously if she told the truth about that.'

original article here

CYBER AFFAIRS

Cyber affairs are the ‘flavor of the day’ when it comes to infidelity and extramarital affairs. The internet now ties with the workplace as the leading place for cheaters of both sexes to find willing partners with whom to have extramarital affairs. It has removed most of the risks associated with cheating on your mate.

Gone are the days when a would-be-cheater had to physically leave home to seek out someone with whom to have an affair. Now it can all be done in cyberspace without the risk of running into family members, nosy neighbors, or inquisitive friends and workmates. With a few clicks of the mouse, a potential cheater has instant access to an endless array of willing partners. A cyber affair can be easily initiated and conducted from the privacy of your home, with your unsuspecting spouse or significant other in the same room, oblivious to what is going on.

Is a Cyber Affair Cheating?
Cyber affairs are actually a form of emotional infidelity. Although in the early stages, there’s no sex involved, most emotional infidelity eventually leads to sexual infidelity if left unchecked . But men and women view cyber affairs very differently.

Most men don’t consider cyber affairs as cheating. However women view them quite differently. A survey in Divorce Magazine found that only 46 percent of men considered intense internet relationships to be infidelity, compared to 72 percent of women.

Are Cyber Affairs Serious?
Many people question whether or not cyber affairs should be taken seriously -- especially, if there’s no sex involved. A cyber affair is a VERY serious threat. A cyber affair should be treated as seriously as a sexual affair, because left unchecked, that’s where it will eventually end up.

In the past 10 years, divorce attorneys have reported seeing an increase in divorces and separations resulting from cyber infidelity. According to the Fortino Group, one-third of divorce litigation is caused by online affairs.

It doesn’t take much for a cyber affair to make the transition from cyberspace to the real world. Several studies have found close connections between cyber affairs and subsequent sexual affairs.

• According to statistics, 50% of people who engage in internet chats have made phone contact with someone they chatted with online.

• One study found that 30 % of cyber-affairs escalate from e-mail to telephone calls to personal contact.

• Another study found that 31% of people had an online conversation which eventually led to real-time sex.

So don’t make the mistake of underestimating a cyber affair.

Signs of a Cyber Affair
How can you tell if your partner is having a cyber affair? Telltale signs of a cyber affair include sitting at the computer into the wee hours of the night, heading for the computer first thing in the morning, insisting on privacy when surfing the Net, moving the computer into a a locked office or more private area of the home, constantly changing passwords, and other suspicious behavior.

Regardless of the term you use -- cyber cheating, cyber affairs, online affairs or internet affairs, it’s a variation of emotional infidelity and should never be taken lightly.

A Fool Proof Test
People will often try to justify a cyber affair by calling it a harmless online friendship. If your partner tries to make light of your concern, or accuses you of making a big deal about nothing, there’s one way to find out for sure.

If the internet friendship is as harmless, or as innocent as your partner claims it to be, then he should have no problem with you sitting beside him, observing the exchange of correspondence back and forth. If he’s unwilling to do that, then you have your answer as to whether or not his online friendship is as harmless as he would have you believe. Safeguard your relationship by taking positive action before it’s too late.


FOR MORE CLICK HERE

Why Can't I Let Go of the Cyberpath?

Many of our victims report a complete lack of understanding from therapists, friends & family why they just can't "get over it." These people are re-abusing the victim because they do not understand (or do not want to understand) the effect a Cyberpath (pathological) has on their victims.

Victims are bonded by fear. Fear of finding out the truth AND fear of losing him. This is called Trauma Bonding. (also, look for information on "Stockholm Syndrome")

Dr. Patrick Carne's book THE BETRAYAL BOND - does a fantastic job of explaining this. This might be the very thing that therapists, friends & family refuse to get. But victims vitally need to understand. - Fighter

"Exploitive relationships can create trauma bonds -- chains that link a victim to someone who is dangerous to them. Divorce, employee relations, litigation of any type, abuse, family and marital systems, domestic violence, kidnapping, exploitation and religious/ verbal/ emotional abuse are all areas of trauma bonding. All these relationships share one thing: they are situations of incredible intensity or importance where there is an exploitation of trust or power."
- Dr. Patrick Carnes

selected excerpts:

by Dr. Patrick Carnes

About Trauma Bonding:
These people are all struggling with traumatic bonds. Those standing outside see the obvious. All these relationships are about some insane loyalty or attachment. They share exploitation, fear, and danger. They also have elements of kindness, nobility and righteousness. These are all people who stay involved or wish to stay involved with people who betray them. Emotional pain, severe consequences and even the prospect of death do not stop their caring or commitment.

Clinicians call this “traumatic bonding.” This means that the victims have a certain dysfunctional attachment that occurs in the presence of danger, shame, or exploitation. There often is seduction, deception or betrayal. There is always some form of danger or risk.

Some relationships are traumatic. Take, for example, the conflictual ties in movies like The War of the Roses or Fatal Attraction. What Lucy does to Charlie Brown (in the comic strip, Peanuts) every year when she holds the football for him to kick is a betrayal we have grown to expect. Abuse cycles such as those found in domestic violence are built around trauma bonds. So are the misplaced loyalties found in exploitive cults, incest families, or hostage and kidnapping situations.

[Victims] who remain with alcoholics, compulsive gamblers, sex addicts, [or Cyberpaths!] and who will not leave no matter what their partners do, may have suffered enough to have a traumatic bond.

Here are the signs that trauma bonds exist in your life:

• When you obsess about people who have hurt you though they are long gone from your life (To obsess means to be preoccupied, fantasize about, and wonder about something/someone even though you do not want to.)
• When you continue to seek contact with people whom you know will cause you further pain.
• When you go “overboard” to help people who have been destructive to you.
• When you continue to be a “team” member when obviously things are becoming destructive.
• When you continue attempts to get people who are clearly using you to like you.
• When you again and again trust people who have proved to be unreliable.
• When you are unable to distance yourself from unhealthy relationships.
• When you want to be understood by those who clearly do not care.
• When you choose to stay in conflict with others when it would cost you nothing to walk away.
• When you persist in trying to convince people that there is a problem and they are not willing to listen.
• When you are loyal to people who have betrayed you.
• When you are attached to untrustworthy people.
• When you keep damaging secrets about exploitation or abuse.
• When you continue contact with an abuser who acknowledges no responsibility.

About shame:
An injury to one’s sense of self forges some bonds. The self-injury becomes part of the fabric of the relationship and further disrupts the natural unfolding of the self. When this involves terror of any sort, an emptiness forms at the core of the person and the self becomes inconsolable. No addiction can fill in. No denial of self will restore it. No single gesture will be believable. Only a profound sense of the human community caring for the self can seal up this hole. We call this wound shame.

Dr. Carnes’ book: The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships
~~~~~~~~~~

The concept of Traumatic Bonding has also been developed to explain the dynamics of domestic violence relationships. Essentially, strong emotional connections develop between the victim and the perpetrator during the abusive relationship. These emotional ties develop due to the imbalance of power between the batterer and the victim and because the treatment is intermittently good and bad.

In terms of the power imbalance, as the abuser gains more power, the abused individual feels worse about him - or herself, is less able to protect him - or herself, and is less competent. The abused person therefore becomes increasingly dependent on the abuser.

The second key factor in traumatic bonding is the intermittent and unpredictable abuse. While this may sound counterintuitive, the abuse is offset by an increase in positive behaviors such as attention, gifts, and promises. The abused individual also feels relief that the abuse has ended. Thus, there is intermittent reinforcement for the behavior, which is difficult to extinguish and serves instead to strengthen the bond between the abuser and the individual being exploited.

ORIGINAL ARTICLE

INFIDELITY ON THE INTERNET

Virtual Relationships and Real Betrayal

by Marlene M. Maheu, Rona Subotnik

From Publishers Weekly
"Cybering," slang for virtual sex online, appears to be the dark secret of the Internet, and it is creating havoc in the real world of relationships. The ease with which people can find partners for sex a quick computer search can yield hundreds of opportunities, in chat rooms or on porn sites and the apparent safety of anonymous encounters has tempted huge numbers of people to cheat on their mates.

According to mental health professionals Maheu and Subotnik (Surviving Infidelity), a large-scale study in 2000 reported that an estimated 20% of Internet users engage in online sexual activity, and two-thirds of them are married or in a committed relationship. The many cybersex practitioners given voice here demonstrate wide-ranging viewpoints about what constitutes infidelity. People cruise cyberspace for brief sex with strangers or for lengthy affairs.

Some believe cybersex is a harmless fantasy, while others acknowledge the harmful consequences that discovery brings and express profound regret. Testimonies of cybering adventures solicited through a self-help Web site elucidate the different motivations that drive people to have cybersex and the obsessive-compulsive behavior that can develop among habitual users.

Expressing zero tolerance for people who minimize the consequences of cyberinfidelity, the authors present a program for kicking the habit and rebuilding a damaged relationship after an online romance has been revealed. Although they allow for the possibility that in a climate of openness and honesty, extramarital cybering might be a nonthreatening, permissible form of Internet recreation, their argument that cyber-infidelity is often damaging and addictive is convincing.

Forecast: If cybering is as widespread as the authors suggest, the audience for this book could be sizable. But do cheaters actually purchase books on cheating?

SOURCE

Anonymous Anger Rampant on Internet

by Todd Leopold

There's a whole world of people out there, and boy, are they pissed off.

On political blogs, the invective flies. Posters respond to the latest celebrity gossip with mockery or worse. Sports fans set up Web sites with names that begin with "fire," hoping coaches, athletic directors and sportscasters lose their jobs.

And though there are any number of bloggers and commenters who attempt to keep their postings and responses on a civil level, all too often interactive Web sites descend into ad hominem attacks, insults and plain old name-calling. Indeed, there are even whole sites devoted to venting, such as justrage.com (one screed there was titled, "I don't give a flying f***, so f*** you") and mybiggestcomplaint.com.

This is not a world Emily Post would want to be caught in after dark.

"The Internet can be a great tool," said Sara Black, a professor of health studies at St. Joseph's University who takes a particular interest in online bullying. "Like any tool, it can also be misused."

One reason for the vitriol that emerges on the Web, experts say, is the anonymity the Internet provides. Commenters seldom use their real names, and even if they do, the chance for retaliation is slim.

"In the [pre-Internet era], you had to take ownership [of your remarks]. Now there's a perception of anonymity," said Lesley Withers, a professor of communication at Central Michigan University. "People think what they say won't have repercussions, and they don't think they have to soften their comments."

Contrast that with a face-to-face conversation, or even a phone conversation, where you can judge people's moods from facial movements or vocal inflections, observes University of Texas psychology professor Art Markman. iReport.com: Second Life avatars grapple with reduced nonverbal communication

"It's hard to be aggressive when you're face to face," he said.

Moreover, he points out, aggression often carries a subtext of power.

"A lot of times, real anger is an attempt to get control over a situation where the person doesn't usually have it," he said. In that respect, comments to blog posts are attempts to strike back.

Those power games are innately grasped by children and teens, with schools serving as a perennial social laboratory.

Cheryl Dellasega, a Penn State women's studies professor, ticks off hypothetical examples that could have come straight from the scripts to "Mean Girls" or "Heathers."

"Girls who are getting teased come home and let their [aggressors] have it by putting something on their blog and starting a rumor campaign," she said. And instead of rumors simply making the rounds among peer groups -- which can be bad enough -- "they go out to a much bigger group, a worldwide group. The impact is devastating, and it's as easy as clicking a button."

"Kids don't realize that one post can destroy somebody's life forever," she added.

Indeed, such incidents have made headlines. In 2006, 13-year-old Megan Meier committed suicide after becoming attracted to a boy on MySpace who then turned on her. The boy turned out to be a hoax created by a neighbor family that included a former friend of Meier's.

In August, The New York Times Magazine did a story about trolls, some barely out of their teens, who antagonize others for the sake of "lulz": "Lulz is watching someone lose their mind at their computer 2,000 miles away while you chat with friends and laugh," one ex-troll told the publication.

Adults aren't immune by any means. A Japanese woman, angry at her online "husband," killed his avatar after he divorced her. A South Korean actress committed suicide after being harassed by online rumors following a divorce. Celebrity gossip sites are full of snarky comments about stars; reaction from readers is often brutal, turning the story into the online equivalent of a pile-on.

Markman is quick to observe that he doesn't believe there's more anger out there. But, he said, "there are more ways of expressing it on the Internet."

"We've all had interactions with unpleasant people, but we don't confront them. We take it out elsewhere," he said. "What the Internet has created is groups of people where there are no repercussions with being too aggressive."

Indeed, though electronically transmitted anger has parallels throughout human history -- the bitter letter, the village gossip -- the speed at which it travels, and the number of people who may come in contact with it, is something new, says St. Joseph's Black.

"[Electronic] media can increase potential for violence in a number of ways," she said in an e-mail interview. "First, it introduces ideas (good and bad) that people may not have come up with on their own. Second, it is easier to depersonalize the victim, facilitating perpetration. Third, aggressive behaviors may be reinforced with points, attention or status, especially in games."

Withers has seen that first hand. She teaches a course on the "dark side of communication" at Central Michigan, involving "the mean or evil things we do on a day-to-day basis," as she describes it: cheating, for example, or lying.

As part of the course, several of her students work on a collaborative project with students at other schools, and they come together in Second Life, the virtual reality environment. If someone isn't pulling his or her weight, says Withers, others can be harsh in their judgments -- harsher than in real life, because the anger is expressed at the person's avatar. Sidebar: Dealing with anger in Second Life

Which led at least one of Withers' students to forget that the avatar was attached to a real person.

"One student went off on another student and she was sitting in the classroom a few rows behind him," she said. "He knew she was there, but didn't -- there was that distancing."

Is there a way to restore civility to the Internet? Among children and teenagers, say Dellasega and Black, it's up to parents to exercise control.

"I think parents need to take responsibility," Dellasega said. "They give kids computers and leave them alone. ... When a child is 8 or 9, the computer should be in a public place. Kids should understand that using a computer is a privilege, not a right."

Schools can also play a role, she says.

Black adds that parents should set clear rules on behavior and build empathy in their kids by having them reach out to those who are different.

As for adults, human nature dictates that people will always lash out at others, whether it's over a perceived insult or simply because of a power differential. Web sites may ban the worst offenders, but they'll almost always pop up elsewhere, using a different name, e-mail address or even computer.

"Some people are just bitter and angry," said psychiatrist Dr. Terry Eagan, medical director of the Moonview Sanctuary in Santa Monica, California. "Sometimes, they're against everyone, other times against a specific group. That person can get really stimulated and can say all sorts of horrible things. But I don't think it's not like they didn't exist before."

Whether the problem will get control of us, or we will get control of the problem, is in the way we face up to it, he says. Anger, he says, is rolled up with anxiety and fear, and nothing creates more fear like a lack of understanding.

"I tell patients that I'd rather know everything about people; information is powerful," he said. "When the climate of the world is more fear-based, it permeates everything."

ORIGINAL ARTICLE

SITES BY VICTIMS OF CYBERPATHS
(we believe many of these people have a right to be upset and using writing as a healing & informational tool for them can be very empowering)

Cyberstalker: Felicity Jane Lowde

Victim of Mike Kennedy Speaks Out

My Psycho Cyberstalker

Too Good To Be Real

Victims of George Gonzalez Speak Out

Victim of Gareth Rodger Speaks Out

Victim of Lissa Daly Speaks Out

Online GangStalking Victim Tells Their Story

One Victim of 'Sammy Benoit' aka Yidwithlid aka gridney Speaks Out

One Victim of William Michael Barber Tells Their Story

Victims of Ellen Van Wagoner Speak Out


'Sammy Benoit'/ Yidwithlid / gridney's Political Blog

yidwithlid

(readers -- if you know of others, please tell us!)

The Online Disinhibition Effect

In light of the Megan Meier Suicide Case, the Nikki Catsouras Crash Photos harrassment and much of the rage & bullying exposed cyberpaths do to their victims and anyone else who might speak the truth about them - this article might give some insight into what drives these predators. The Lori Drews, the Doug Becksteads, the Charles Ed Hicks', the Brad Dorskys, the Yid with Lids and all those we have exposed, will be exposed - or are out there right now feeling anonymous or omnipotent behind a keyboard.
It's well known that people say and do things in cyberspace that they wouldn't ordinarily say or do in the face-to-face world. They loosen up, feel more uninhibited, express themselves more openly. Researchers call this the "disinhibition effect." It's a double-edged sword. Sometimes people share very personal things about themselves. They reveal secret emotions, fears, wishes. Or they show unusual acts of kindness and generosity.

On the other hand, the disinhibition effect may not be so benign. Out spills rude language and harsh criticisms, anger, hatred, even threats. They can start their own website where what they think or feel reigns supreme. Or people explore the dark underworld of the internet, places of pornography and violence, places they would never visit in the real world. On the positive side, the disinhibition indicates an attempt to understand and explore oneself, to work through problems and find new ways of being. And sometimes it is simply a blind catharsis, an acting out of unsavory needs and wishes without any personal growth at all.

What causes this online disinhibition? What is it about cyberspace that loosens the psychological barriers that block the release of these inner feelings and needs? Several factors are at play. For some people, one or two of them produces the lion's share of the disinhibition effect. In most cases, though, these factors interact with each other, supplement each other, resulting in a more complex, amplified effect.

You Don't Know Me (anonymity)
As you move around the internet, most of the people you encounter can't easily tell who you are. System operators and some technologically savvy, motivated users may be able to detect your e-mail or internet address, but for the most part people only know what you tell them about yourself. If you wish, you can keep your identity hidden. As the word "anonymous" indicates, you can have no name - at least not your real name. That anonymity works wonders for the disinhibition effect. When people have the opportunity to separate their actions from their real world and identity, they feel less vulnerable about opening up. Whatever they say or do can't be directly linked to the rest of their lives. They don't have to own their behavior by acknowledging it within the full context of who they "really" are. When acting out hostile feelings, the person doesn't have to take responsibility for those actions. In fact, people might even convince themselves that those behaviors "aren't me at all." In psychology this is called "dissociation."

You Can't See Me (invisibility)
In many online environments other people cannot see you. As you browse through web sites, message boards, and even some chat rooms, people may not even know you are there at all - with the possible exception of web masters and other users who have access to software tools that can detect traffic through the site, assuming they have the inclination to keep an eye on you, one of maybe hundreds or thousands of users. Invisibility gives people the courage to go places and do things that they otherwise wouldn't.

This power to be concealed overlaps with anonymity, because anonymity is the concealment of identity. But there are some important differences. In text communication such as e-mail, chat, and instant messaging, others may know a great deal about who you are. However, they still can't see or hear you - and you can't see or hear them. Even with everyone's identity visible, the opportunity to be PHYSICALLY invisible amplifies the disinhibition effect. You don't have to worry about how you look or sound when you say (type) something. You don't have to worry about how others look or sound when you say something. Seeing a frown, a shaking head, a sigh, a bored expression, and many other subtle and not so subtle signs of disapproval or indifference can slam the breaks on what people are willing to express. In psychoanalysis, the analyst sits behind the patient in order remain a physically ambiguous figure, without revealing any body language or facial expression, so that the patient has free range to discuss whatever he or she wants, without feeling inhibited by how the analyst is physically reacting. In everyday relationships, people sometimes avert their eyes when discussing something personal and emotional. It's easier not to look into the other's face. Text communication offers a built-in opportunity to keep one's eyes averted.

See You Later (asynchronicity)
In e-mail and message boards, communication is asynchronous. People don't interact with each other in real time. Others may take minutes, hours, days, or even months to reply to something you say. Not having to deal with someone's immediate reaction can be disinhibiting. In real life, it would be like saying something to someone, magically suspending time before that person can reply, and then returning to the conversation when you're willing and able to hear the response. Immediate, real-time feedback from others tends to have a very powerful effect on the ongoing flow of how much people reveal about themselves. In e-mail and message boards, where there are delays in that feedback, people's train of thought may progress more steadily and quickly towards deeper expressions of what they are thinking and feeling. Some people may even experience asynchronicous communication as "running away" after posting a message that is personal, emotional, or hostile. It feels safe putting it “out there” where it can be left behind. In some cases, as Kali Munro, an online psychotherapist, aptly describes it, the person may be participating in an "emotional hit and run."
It's All in My Head (solipsistic introjection)
Absent face2face cues combined with text communication can have an interesting effect on people. Sometimes they feel that their mind has merged with the mind of the online companion. Reading another person's message might be experienced as a voice within one's head, as if that person magically has been inserted or "introjected" into one's psyche. Of course, we may not know what the other person's voice actually sounds like, so in our head we assign a voice to that companion. In fact, consciously or unconsciously, we may even assign a visual image to what we think that person looks like and how that person behaves. The online companion now becomes a character within our intrapsychic world, a character that is shaped partly by how the person actually presents him or herself via text communication, but also by our expectations, wishes, and needs. Because the person may even remind us of other people we know, we fill in the image of that character with memories of those other acquaintances.

As the character now becomes more elaborate and "real" within our minds, we may start to think, perhaps without being fully aware of it, that the typed-text conversation is all taking place within our heads, as if it's a dialogue between us and this character in our imagination - even as if we are authors typing out a play or a novel. Actually, even when it doesn't involve online relationships, many people carry on these kinds of conversations in their imagination throughout the day. People fantasize about flirting, arguing with a boss, or very honestly confronting a friend about what they feel. In their imagination, where it's safe, people feel free to say and do all sorts of things that they wouldn't in reality. At that moment, reality IS one's imagination. Online text communication can become the psychological tapestry in which a person's mind weaves these fantasy role plays, usually unconsciously and with considerable disinhibition. All of cyberspace is a stage and we are merely players.

When reading another's message, it's also possible that you "hear" that person's words using your own voice. We may be subvocalizing as we read, thereby projecting the sound of our voice into the other person's message. Perhaps unconsciously, it feels as if I am talking to/with myself. When we talk to ourselves, we are willing to say all sorts of things that we wouldn't say to others!

It's Just a Game (dissociation)
If we combine solipsistic introjection with the escapability of cyberspace, we get a slightly different force that magnifies disinhibition. People may feel that the imaginary characters they "created" exist in a different space, that one's online persona along with the online others live in an make-believe dimension, separate and apart from the demands and

responsibilities of the real world. They split or "dissociate" online fiction from offline fact.

Emily Finch, an author and criminal lawyer studying identity theft in cyberspace, has suggested that some people see their online life as a kind of game with rules and norms that don't apply to everyday living (pers. comm., 2002). Once they turn off the computer and return to their daily routine, they believe they can leave that game and their game-identity behind. Why should they be held responsible for what happens in that make-believe play world that has nothing to do with reality? After all, it isn't that different than blasting away at your pals in a shoot-em up video game... or so some people might think, perhaps unconsciously.

We're Equals (neutralizing of status)
While online a person's status in the in-person world may not be known to others and it may not have as much impact as it does in the in-person world. If people can't see you or your surroundings, they don't know if you are the president of a major corporation sitting in your expensive office, or some "ordinary" person lounging around at home in front of the computer. Even if people do know something about your offline status and power, that elevated position may have little bearing on your online presence and influence. In most cases, everyone on the internet has an equal opportunity to voice him or herself. Everyone - regardless of status, wealth, race, gender, etc. - starts off on a level playing field. Although one's status in the outside world ultimately may have some impact on one's powers in cyberspace, what mostly determines your influence on others is your skill in communicating (including writing skills), your persistence, the quality of your ideas, and your technical know-how.

People are reluctant to say what they really think as they stand before an authority figure. A fear of disapproval and punishment from on high dampens the spirit. But online, in what feels like a peer relationship - with the appearances of "authority" minimized - people are much more willing to speak out or misbehave. There are those online that turn every disagreement into an "attack" and they can pick & choose what they want to hear and see and tune out anything that doesn't agree with their philosophy or way of thinking.

Interaction Effects
Of course, the online disinhibition effect is not the only factor that determines how much people open up or act out in cyberspace. The strength of underlying feelings, needs, and drive level has a big influence on how people behave. Personalities also vary greatly in the strength of defense mechanisms and tendencies towards inhibition or expression. People with histrionic styles tend to be very open and emotional. Compulsive people are more restrained. The online disinhibition effect will interact with these personality variables, in some cases resulting in a small deviation from the person's baseline (offline) behavior, while in other cases causing dramatic changes.

About the Author:
John Suler, Ph.D. is Professor of Psychology at Rider University. This article comes from his online hypertext book The Psychology of Cyberspace which describes his ongoing research on how individuals and groups behave in cyberspace. His work has been reported by national and international media, including The New York Times, The Washington Post, the BBC, and CNN.