SOME OF THE INNER WORKINGS OF A CYBERPATH

(extrapolated from the work of Lundy Bancroft)
- The cyberpath is controlling; he insists on having the last word in arguments and decision making (such as saying "it's over" and blocking the victim or saying "I will not read anything more she writes or listen to anything more she says"... mostly because the victim is telling the truth!)

- he may make rules for the victim about her movements and personal contacts, such as forbidding her to contact or to see certain friends online or off. He also forbids his friends and family from contacting you by painting a very negative picture of you to them.

- he is manipulative; he misleads people inside and outside of the family about his
abusiveness, he twists arguments around to make other people feel at fault, he changes times & dates to cover himself, and he turns into a sweet, sensitive person for extended periods of time when he feels that it is in his best interest to do so

- his public image usually contrasts sharply with the online reality (friends & family are clueless to the image he present to his targets/ victims)

- he is entitled; he considers himself to have special rights and privileges not applicable to other family members, friends or you

- he believes that his needs should be at the center of the target's agenda, and that everyone should focus on keeping him happy

- he typically believes that it is his sole prerogative to determine when and how sexual relations will take place, and denies his partner the right to refuse or to initiate sex/ cybersex

- he usually believes that work should be done for him, and that any contributions he makes to those efforts should earn him special appreciation and deference

- he is highly and often subtly demanding

- he is disrespectful; he considers his targets less competent, sensitive, and intelligent than he is, often treating her as though she were an inanimate object (because in his mind, she is "just an object")

- he communicates his sense of superiority in various ways

- after a break-up or negative event with the target, the cyberpath sometimes becomes quickly involved with a new partner whom he treats relatively well for a long period of time

- cyberpaths are not out of control, and therefore can be on "good" behavior for extended periods of time - even a few years - if they consider it in their best interest to do so

- the new target may insist, based on her experience with him, that the man is wonderful to her, and that any problems reported from the previous relationship must have been fabricated, or must result from bad relationship dynamics for which the cyberpath and a former target are mutually responsible. The cyberpath can thus use his new partner to create the impression that he is not a risk.

When caught:
- Cyberpaths increasingly use a tactic I call "preemptive strike," where he accuses the target of doing all the things that he has done. (projection)

- he will call his target a "predator too!"

- he will say things like: "it was just fooling around, nothing serious", "it was all a game", "everyone does it" and "THE TARGET DID IT TOO AND KNEW WHAT THEY WERE GETTING INTO" (this last statement is a blatant lie believed only by the cyberpath & their 'buddies')

- he will say that his victim(s) was harassing him and his friends/family, that she was extremely "controlling" (adopting the language of domestic violence experts; even calling the victim a 'predator, psychopath, cyberpath' and so on), that she's a 'terrorist' or a 'scorned woman' and that she was unfaithful and also at fault. He will accuse her of being a cheater or a sex addict

- he may go to law enforcement and try to take out protective order against the target, manipulating everything with 'selective' or 'doctored' information to make it look as if she is the aggressor

- The cyberpath does the opposite of what they should, according to the situation. They will sometimes use all these concocted lies to cease communication with the traumatized target, never make amends or truly apologize and take any measures they feel necessary to silence their victims so they can target more unsuspecting targets.

- Or if the target tells the cyberpath to 'leave them / and their family alone' the cyberpath will become relentless in harassing their victims, online & off and trying to "tell their truth" (lies) about the situation in a fit of narcissistic rage.

(We have used the male gender, your cyberpath may well be female - Fighter)

ADDICTED TO ONLINE PORN

Experts fear rise in cybersex obsession
By Linda Carroll

With the explosion of pornographic sites on the Internet, some experts on sex and addiction are concerned that increasing numbers of unsuspecting users will become victims of an obsession that can ruin lives and relationships. While many people may be able to dabble in Net porn with no ill effects, some run the risk of developing a serious, and potentially dangerous, addiction to online erotica.

"MY SPECULATION, based on my work with other addictions, is that those with vulnerabilities may be swept into the Net - pun-intended - of compulsive sexual behavior," said Anna Rose Childress, an associate professor in the department of psychiatry at the University of Pennsylvania’s Treatment Research Center in Philadelphia.

"There may be a hapless subgroup here who would not have managed to develop a compulsive pursuit of... sexual behavior because of [societal] constraints and inconveniences. The Internet erases most of these, and the vulnerable subgroup is then at the mercy of their hardwiring."

A recent MSNBC.com survey found that as many as 80 percent of visitors to sex sites were spending so much time tracking down erotica on the computer that they were putting their real-life relationships and/or jobs at risk. Until they discovered cybersex, most of these people had no problems with sexual addition, according to the survey’s author, Al Cooper, a sex therapist at the San Jose Marital Services and Sexuality Center in San Jose, Calif.

Sex researchers are beginning to see people who have lost control.

"I've seen enough individuals in my clinic who have gotten hooked [on sex] on the Web to know that this is a significant development," said Dr. John Bancroft, director of the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction at Indiana University. "I think this needs to be taken very seriously."

Bancroft and his colleagues plan a study to determine which people are most at risk of developing problems with online pornography.

BETTER SEX THROUGH ONLINE PORN?
But adult Web site owners play down the notion that there’s a problem.

Mark Kreloff, president and CEO of New Frontier Media, a Boulder, Colo., company that delivers adult content via the Internet, satellite and cable TV, defends Web pornography as educational, and says he doesn’t buy the concept of porn addiction.

"I think that aspect of our business is grossly blown out of proportion by people that don't like the business that we're in," Kreloff said. "I generally think that our programming leads to healthier sexual relationships. It certainly provides an educational base to people who are interested in their sexuality and the sexuality of people. I just really don’t find that it’s a real issue that we're facing."

Dr. Robert Hsiung agrees that there are healthy ways to use cybersex.

"I don't think that any involvement is bad," said Hsiung, an associate professor of psychiatry at the University of Chicago. "If a couple surfs together and it turns them on and helps their sex life, I don't see any problem with that."

ROAD TO ADDICTION
So how can simple pornography become addictive?

"Sexual stimuli can be very powerful," Childress said. "There's a strong, imperative 'must look!' quality to them, the byproduct of an evolutionary premium on reproduction. And humans are great lookers, by nature."

Add in the special features of the Web and you've got a problem, according to Childress. "Usually looking, and the pleasurable arousal that accompanies it, has some constraints," she explained. Laws against peeping through people's windows and the social discomfort felt by buyers of porn magazines and renters of hard-core videos constrain many people.

But the Internet reduces these constraints considerably, Childress said. “There are few external regulations,” she said. "[People think] 'Who am I hurting?' And there are limitless, intense, overwhelming images to match any fantasy, and, with interactive programs, [there are] cyber-people who wish to be looked upon, talked to or aroused. This up-front sexuality can be novel, seductive and euphorogenic.

"As with other addictions, there is likely a vulnerable subgroup who now find themselves having trouble putting on the brakes, and cybersex begins to take up more and more of their time. They crave it. They find it beginning to interfere with other activities and relationships and that it resists attempts to stop or cut down. These are the hallmarks of addiction."

While it's not clear who the vulnerable people are, Bancroft suspects that the people most likely to be sucked into an unhealthy relationship with cybersex have some other underlying psychological problem. They are using the Web to self-medicate negative feelings such as anxiety, stress or depression, he suggests. "This is a quick and easy way to feel better," Bancroft said. "But it's a rather transient treatment."

What should you do if you think someone has an unhealthy involvement with Net sex? “Try to be open and discuss it with him or her,” Bancroft suggests. “Get it out on the table so it becomes a shared issue and not something that's hidden away.”

Linda Carroll is a health and medical writer based in New Jersey whose work has appeared in Newsday, the Chicago Sun Times, the Detroit Free Press and the Los Angeles Times.MSNBC’s Mike Brunker contributed to this report.

MSNBC
Original article here

Surviving the Cyberpath

It Takes A Strong Individual To Survive An Exploiter
(in this case a Cyberpath would be an 'EXPLOITER' - Fighter)


You really need to admire yourself for surviving an exploitative relationship. I say this very seriously, not flippantly. We all, of course, hope to minimize our involvement with exploitative individuals. But in the course of life, as we know, that’s not always possible.

It is vital, therefore, if you’ve been victimized by and/or are recovering from involvement with an exploiter, to fully, genuinely appreciate (and remind yourself constantly) that you are indeed strong, impressively strong, because only the strong survive exploitation.

Many clients with whom I work (really, most people, I think) tend to see personal strength and insecurity; personal strength and low self-esteem, as incompatible. They balk at the idea that you can be a very strong person and insecure at the same time; that you can be a very strong person even with low self-esteem.

For instance, when someone violates you (especially chronically) and you don’t defend yourself properly, the tendency is to attribute your failure at self-protection to “personal weakeness.” The thought is something like, “If I was a strong person, I wouldn’t have let that abuse occur. I’d have asserted myself, defended myself, drawn the line.”

But it’s not personal weakness that explains the failure to protect your boundaries; it’s more often a lack of clarity in knowing precisely what your boundaries are, and precisely what constitutes an unacceptable violation of them. Victims of sustained exploitation/ abuse aren’t personally weak, quite the contrary. My experience has affirmed again and again how remarkably strong and resourceful most of them are. What they lack, however, often is a clear, secure sense of their boundaries; this insecurity of boundaries leaves them vulnerable to compromising themselves. After all, you can’t assert and/or protect your boundaries unless and until you’ve established them very clearly and securely (in your mind).

This explains what for many can seem so confusing and dichotomous: how a victim of sustained exploitation/abuse can, on the one hand, lobby so effectively for others’ interests while, with respect to her/his own, appear stuck in circumstances s(he’d) counsel anyone else to reject and escape.

But I restate: you can’t protect your interests if they aren’t, in the first place, clearly defined. And you can’t defend your boundaries if, on any level, you’re uncertain, or ambivalent about, what they are. This disadvantaged position helps explain how an otherwise strong, resourceful adult can find her/himself tolerating and enduring the meanness and nonsense of a defective partner.

When my clients who have been in exploitative relationships discover confidently their boundaries, they often feel sad, on one hand, not to have done so sooner; but thrilled on the other to find themselves, as if miraculously, just as skilled at protecting their own interests as they’ve always been at protecting others’.

It’s a kind of bittersweet discovery. The bitter part, if grieved properly, is usually short-lived; the sweet aspect is longlasting.


Steve Becker, MSW, LCSW, CH.T

The Ceaseless Internet Mask of Doug Beckstead

Doug Beckstead just can't get enough of his own voice or writing (very similar to cyberpath Yidwithlid). Doug makes sure his self-aggrandizing writing, constant hunt for friends and blatant display of old high school acquaintances from 30 years ago are apparently online.

Cyberpaths FREQUENTLY do this after being exposed hoping that old friends who don't know about their predatory secret lives will unwittingly 'stick up for them' using multiple posts and to push exposes like EOPC down on any searches for their name(s). This also covertly harasses their victims and helps in the cyberpaths efforts to make those they used & abused look "crazy". EOPC knows better!

It's such obvious self-promoting P.R. - we are shocked anyone with any sense continues to believe it. (our comments in dark blue)

BECKSTEAD SHAMELESS USES NATURAL DISASTER FOR MORE ATTENTION!

Here's a few of Beckstead's latest Mental Droppings from around the net:

http://www.mylife.com/dog_driver
Facebook & Yahoo Chat Groups have not been enough for this predator, he continues to advertise for more "friends" on the above. Must keep up appearances!! Twitter is next folks!

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SAHS77/message/179
"I've attached the third in my series of "Memos from Mortaritaville" to let everyone know what's happening over there. All-in-all it was one hell of an adventure. I did things that I never could have imagined two years ago. And I got to see things that I had only seen on National Geographic programs before. I've seen houses made of mud bricks just like they've been made of four thousands of years and I've seen the palaces of Saddam Hussein and his perverted flaunting of the nation's wealth (and yes, I even took a leak in one of his golden toilets!)." - Beckstead

TOO MUCH INFORMATION Doug! As if we really all need to know where you're using the bathroom! Typical bad boundaries with a cyberpath.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SAHS77/message/309
"It's great seeing everyone tossing ideas around about getting together following holidays. I sure wish I could make it back for one."- Beckstead

Translation of what this predator is saying: "It is much easier for me to con you from a distance than to have you so up close and seeing how hollow & exploitative I really am."

This proves he does not see these "friends" as frequently as he has so often alluded to and lied about. Nor do they see and truly KNOW what he does behind a keyboard with his pants down. Besides it is easier to lie and keep the fantasies and lures more believable from a distance for a predator like Doug Beckstead. He craves and fishes for the constant praise and attention. Classic Narcissist.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SAHS77/message/322
"Merry Christmas!
Doug and Carol Beckstead"

Pretending to show a united front by signing for the often-betrayed wife as well. Just like Jacoby, Gash, Yid with Lid, Capers, Thomas and the rest of these married cyberpaths.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SAHS77/message/418
"I too can attest to the impact made by letters received from both friends and strangers alike when deployed. Occasionally one of the people from our Chaplains Office would come through HQ and drop off a few letters or post cards from people back home. It was always a pleasure to read them. When they had return addresses I would pick up some post cards at the BX and write a short "thank you" back to them. Every one of the letters that I received while in Iraq came home with me."- Beckstead

Pumping up his true (somewhat low) importance with his new favorite word "deployed". Elmendorf Air Force Base has been told this man has a proven predatory history and yet the Chaplain's Office hands this predator future victims on a platter? And Beckstead is NOT an enlisted man. He is NON MILITARY. This is a real slap at the men & women who truly protect countries like the U.S.A. to have a pathological liar like Beckstead piggybacking on their service.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SAHS77/message/433
"And yes, we wear body armor and everyone is armed here. The only place I go without my "best friend" is the shower and the gym. If you want to try something really fun, try eating dinner with an M-16 between your legs and the butt cradled against your arm (we can't lay them on the floor due to the tripping hazard). I think I'll be down to my old high school fighting weight by the time I leave here. Nothing like carrying around 65 pounds of body armor to take off the pounds."- Beckstead

Sympathy lures abound when reading this post in its full entirety (see link above). And the narcissistic bragging is all over the post!

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SAHS77/message/437
"I try and be friendly and professional around them. Although the other day we passed a couple who were definitely not friendly. Their "Spidey Sense" goes up a few notches in those cases."
"You never know what could be lurking underneath." - Beckstead

Spoken like a true predator. Takes one to know one.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SAHS77/message/445
"RE: [SAHS77] Pics from Afghanistan"
"My most humble thanks Anne."
"To clarify the whole rank thing, I am actually a civilian with the Air Force. I am not a contractor. I work directly for the commanding general here on the base and back home when I get there."
"I live and work in sort of a gray area between the civilian and active-duty worlds. The vast majority of civilians who work for the Dept of Defense never deploy. With my job it is a requirement that I deploy because I am considered an "Emergency-Essential" employee. At Elmendorf AFB, where I work, there are four of us in that catagory, out of approximately 6,000 civilian employees." - Beckstead

Beckstead has attracted the attention he so desperately craves and works HARD for with his writing here, so he embellishes, overblows and twists the reality a little further for effect for those who are clueless to his true nature.

For those who have been following this predator's trail of lies and deceit, you will notice how he is no longer referring to himself as the "dedicated historian". Now he portrays himself as one of Elmendorf's elite - an "Emergency Essential" no less.

What happened to be "being sent to write about history as it happens?" (Beckstead's own words) Like all these pathologicals, things change on the spot - as needed - to get what they must have - victims!

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SAHS77/message/446
A Movement in the Shadows
"They knelt as one body keeping their arms straight down to their sides. Then, after a few seconds, the man who was apparently the leader bent at the waist, placed his outstretched hands on the ground, then placed his forehead on his hands. The group then followed his movements as a single body. Their movements were fluid, almost like watching water flowing in a stream."

When you click on this link (see above) you will notice a sudden change of his dramatizations & writing style - proving yet again he truly is, as all cyberpaths are, a chameleon for the cause - HIS OWN. He uses words and self-inflated reports to baffle brains. Beckstead knows how to pull out all of the stops to impress the ladies & men - who really don't know any better, as you will see when you read the replies to some of his posts.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SAHS77/message/448
The Bagram Bazaar
19 September 2009
"A walk down the rows of stalls was almost like walking through an Indiana Jones movie. The first thing to impact you is the visual stimulation of a rainbow of colors. The vendors have hung fabric of red, yellow, blue and green to designate their shop space. They also extend out over the walkways providing a sort of billowing awning. The bright fall sun intensifies their brilliance and imparts a colorful hue to the scene."

Here Beckstead rolls out the descriptive imagery to reel everyone in on his magical mystery tour of Bagram. His attempts are very transparent to his victims (as they have all written to us), as over the top and truly pathetic. Not too many bites from his clueless followers this time around. Wonder if they are beginning to catch on to Mr Crucial "Emergency essential"? Self-promotion gets tired after a while but he and cyberpath Yid with Lid can't see to grasp that. No true pathological would.

"One man, who was selling all sorts of carved wooden items, including some beautiful intricately carved wooden boxes, said that they would make a wonderful gift for my wife. I asked him what made him so sure that I was married?"
"He replied, “You don't have wife?”
"I said, “Yes, I have two,” holding up two fingers."
"He held up two fingers with a look of puzzled amazement on his face and asked, “Two? You have two wives?” - Beckstead

Forever the facetious con-man Beckstead laps it up by playing more head games, this time with the wary locals. A big kick for Beckstead, but truly unnecessary. Not giving the locals a nice impression of the ethics of the U.S. military, are you Beckstead?

Like all our exposed predators, they can't help but go a step too far! Now Beckstead compares himself to Alexander the Great just because he is allegedly walking the same soil. (him and how many other 1000s of people over the ages? but Beckstead has to squeeze some polish for his image out of everything!) Truly pathetic. If only these people REALLY knew!

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SAHS77/message/453
"Hmmm, I could have sworn that there were pictures with the first message I sent out about the Bazaar. Oh well, I'll just forward them around again.

Life is definitely hopping over here. The bad guys keep letting us know they're serious about trying to throw us out. But little do they know ...

Our base sits in the Hindu Kush mountains. It's a rather historic area. Just the other day I was out walking and took a good long look at the rugged mountains that surround us. Then it dawned on me. I was looking at the same view that Alexander the Great saw when he came through here in 327 BC and Ghengis Khan saw when he came through the area. Damn, there's some major history here.

Does anyone remember the Swedish exchange student we had at SAHS in our senior year? Her name was xxxx. I took her out to Valley Forge to one of those crazy Rev War things I used to be involved with. She really put a damper on it the whole Bicentennial thing when she told me, "I don't understand what you Americans are so excited about only 200 years of history. The town I live in is 700 years old."

Well, now that I'm here in Afghanistan, walking in the same places that Alexander the Great walked when he conquered people who had already been living here for thousands of years, somehow American history just seems so, uhhh, young.

So xxxx, here are your pictures. See, I really did ride the camel!"

At least Beckstead seems to have a new girlfriend in the Middle East. ;)

Sociopathic Characteristics - Is Your Cyberpath One?

• Jekyll & Hyde personality
• Always charming and beguilingly plausible, especially to those who are capable of protecting or enhancing the sociopath’s position
• Excels at deception (this must never be underestimated, but always is)
• Excels at evasion of accountability
• Is extremely and successfully manipulative of people’s perceptions and emotions (eg guilt and anger)
• Silver-tongued, has an extreme verbal facility and can outwit anybody (including lawyers, police & therapists) in verbal conflict
• Is adept at offering weak and inadequate people the positions of power, control, security, influence or respect that they crave but who lack the necessary competencies to achieve - such people are unaware that their consequent dependence on the sociopath makes them permanent manipulatees, pawns and expendable agents of helping the sociopath with his/her harassment
• Identifies those essential to the sociopath’s survival and manipulates their perceptions of them by making them feel special and thus obligated to reciprocate with support and protection
• Manipulates others into making fools of themselves in situations where they cannot back down or from which they cannot withdraw - these people become increasingly susceptible to further manipulation and are then trapped as pawns in the sociopath’s game
• Is likely to be surrounded by people who, having been subjected to control, manipulation and punishment by the sociopath, look wretched and who start to exhibit behavior best described as disordered, dysfunctional, sullen, aggressive, defensive, hostile, retaliatory, counterproductive or cult-like and for whom disbelief, disavowal and denial are instinctive responses
• Creates an environment where levels of denial are so great that those involved are oblivious of the foolishness and self-evident absurdity of their denials when presented with the facts, with the result that non-involved observers are led to question whether such levels of denial merit psychiatric intervention
• Is contemptuous of disrepute to their organization and of collateral damage and of the destructive consequences for all direct and indirect parties
• Is always surrounded by and leaves behind a trail of dysfunctional organizations, destroyed businesses, ruined careers, stress breakdowns and unexplained suicides despite a trail of devastation to individuals, organizations, families and communities. The actions of a socialized psychopath may go undetected or unrecognized for years
• A history of conducting frivolous, vexatious and malicious legal actions, especially (but not exclusively) against anyone who can recognize the sociopath for what he is
• Only after the sociopath is exposed and relieved of position, or they move on, can the full depth of their destructive behavior be fathomed and the consequences calculated
• Is skilled at identifying, undermining, discrediting, neutralizing and destroying anyone who can see through the sociopath’s mask of sanity at all times
• Restricts the actions and rights of others (especially those holding the sociopath accountable) whilst aggressively protecting his or her right to do anything without being hampered by social norms or legal requirements
• Pursues endless vindictive vendettas against anyone perceived as a threat or who attempts, knowingly or unknowingly, to identify or reveal or expose the sociopath, or who makes efforts to hold the sociopath accountable
• Is adept at appropriating rules, regulations, procedures and law to manipulate, control and punish accusers regardless of relevance, logic, facts or consequences persists in and pursues vindictive vendettas using self-evidently false evidence or information, even after this is brought to the attention of the sociopath will often manipulate minor bullies of the Wannabe type (who on their own might or would not merit the label ’serial bully’) into acting as agents of harassment and as unwitting or unwilling conductors/ proxies of vendettas
• Is adept at placing people in situations where the sociopath can tap into each person’s instinctive urge to retaliate in order to use them as his or her instruments or agents of harassment
• Gains gratification from provoking others into engaging in adversarial conflict
• Once conflict has been initiated, the sociopath gains increased gratification by exploiting human beings’ instinctive need to retaliate - this is achieved by encouraging and escalating peoples’ adversarial conflicts into mutually assured destruction, revels in the gratification gained from seeing or causing other people’s distress
• When faced with accountability or unwelcome attention which might lead to others discerning the sociopath’s true nature, responds with repeated and escalating attempts to control, manipulate and punish
• Is adept at reflecting all accusations and attempts at accountability back onto their accusers
• Is adept at creating conflict between those who would otherwise pool negative information about the sociopath (eg ‘keeping victims apart’ so there is comparison or sharing of activities or statements made by the sociopath)
• Has no limits on his or her vindictiveness
• The need to control, manipulate and punish develops into an obsession with many of the hallmarks of an addiction
• Is skilled at mimicry and can plausibly and spontaneously regurgitate all the latest emotional jargon
• Exhibits minimal professional skill level and competency
• Exploits his or her intelligence to excel at talentless mediocrity
• Is always identifying the behaviors and strategies to which other people respond with the desired effect
• Is able to anticipate and credibly say what people want to hear
• Is easily able to win people over before betraying them or deceiving them or ripping them off
• Easily manipulates and hypnotizes a vulnerable or emotionally needy person to be their spokesperson or agent of aggression
• Exploits anyone who has a vulnerability
• Is pushy and extremely persuasive
• Is sexually inadequate and sexually abusive (and often sexually & porn addicted)
• Is likely to protect anyone accused of or suspected of sexually abusive activity, and will frustrate or obstruct investigations into that person
• May be associating with, or actively involved in, sexually abusive activity
• Has no emotions, no emotional processing capability and no ability to understand other’s emotions
• Is incapable of understanding, initiating or sustaining intimacy
• The male sociopath has often convinced a string of women to feel they are in love with him and despite being treated abominably they blindly continue to be loyal to him and minister willingly to his every demand
• May start projects or relationships with apparent enthusiasm and energy but quickly loses interest
• Frequently takes unnecessary and uncalculated risks but takes no account of consequences
• Is reckless and untrustworthy with money
• Is likely to have committed or be committing criminal or near-criminal offenses, eg fraud, deception
• Is likely to have committed or be committing breaches of harassment and discrimination law, employment law, etc disregards rules, regulations, Health and Safety requirements, professional standards, codes of conduct and legal requirements, etc
• Cannot comprehend the deeper semantic meaning of language and is thus unable to understand or appreciate metaphor, hyperbole, irony, satire etc - while trumpeting they are “good at” same (these elicit either zero response or a hostile response)
• Likes, seeks, enjoys and relies on procedure, ritual and ritualistic practices through arrogant overconfidence takes increasingly risky chances and eventually overplays their hand or makes a mistake which leads to the sociopath revealing him or herself
• Exhibits parasitical behavior, takes everything and gives nothing grabs headline credit for minimal, flukey or other peoples’ success whilst surviving off the backs of manipulatees who are exclusively blamed for all failures
• Rarely blinks, may have stary scary eyes that cut right through you, or may avoid eye contact completely (the 'sociopathic stare' that many mistake for romantic intensity)
• Is callous, cold and calculating
• Is devious, clever and cunning
• Is ruthless in the extreme regards people as objects and playthings to be discarded when surplus or inconvenient to requirements
• Displays zero empathy completely without conscience, remorse and guilt
• Malicious and evil
  

* Found at F.A.C.T.net Forums.


REMEMBER - EOPC are not doctors or mental health professionals. -- Sociopaths/ psychopaths RARELY go to be diagnosed or admit what they are! We present this as part of our ongoing psychopathy/ sociopathy education efforts and to help victims and others see exactly 'WHAT' they may be dealing with)

Ed Hicks hits the news once again

By Kristin Davis

Authorities in Florida have arrested convicted bigamist Charles Edward Hicks, a Chesapeake man whose marital affairs were the subject of a TV talk show and a cable-channel documentary.

The 65-year-old was being held without bond in Monroe County in the Florida Keys, according to online inmate records.

A Chesapeake judge sentenced Hicks to five years in prison with four years suspended after he pleaded guilty in 2006 to bigamy involving his fifth and sixth wives.

He did not report to his parole officer in July 2008 and had been on the run ever since, according to court records.

At least two 2006 "Dr. Phil" episodes featured women who learned they were married to Hicks at the same time. In 2007, the We channel aired a program on Hicks called "Very Bad Men: The Man Who Married Too Much."

original article here

EOPC POSTS ON ED HICKS - OUR FIRST CYBERPATH!

IF YOU WERE EVER INVOLVED WITH ED HICKS - YOU'RE INVITED TO JOIN THE SUPPORT GROUP OF HIS VICTIMS: Write To: CEHsupportgroup@gmail.com

Ed Hicks - Back in Custody! Still Swindling the Vulnerable

Our very first Cyberpath - Ed Hicks - has been caught living in KEY LARGO, FLORIDA for skipping out on his probation.

CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION. (Be sure to leave a comment at that site!)

Hicks, who trolls the dating sites looking for innocent & vulnerable women -- was finally caught in 2006 after being profiled on the Dr. Phil show as well as "Very Bad Men"and charged with Bigamy. He got the longest sentence for Bigamy ever handed down in Virginia. A Felony Conviction.

But Hicks made a mistake -- once released, he NEGLECTED to check in with his Parole Officer, as legally required - in July 2008.

A warrant for his arrest has been issued from the Chesapeake Circuit Court.

If you click this link and want to verify Hicks is actually a fugitive:

1. Select "Chesapeake Circuit"
2. Select "Begin"
3. Enter: "Hicks, Charles" in the Search by Name field
4. Then Click "Search by Name" button
5. The Criminal radio button should already default:

It will be the first case that pops up and lists the 'Status' as Fugitive! The Case Number: CR05A03857-00

Hicks compulsive use of online dating sites to find new prey led to another of his victims TURNING HIM IN!

Hicks trolls ALL the dating sites (just like Barber)
Known Aliases: Charles Hicks, Ed Hicks, Charles Greene, Charles Edward Hicks
(could be using a name we don't know at this time)

Don't allow him to prey on anymore trusting women!

Hicks has also been referred to as the "Dr. Phil Bigamist" (click here to see TV shows and a documentary about Hicks - Click on "The Man Who Married Too Much").

He sometimes uses the phrase he is "in love with love".
Additionally, he shows interests in kiteboarding, windsurfing, golf and sailing to his prey.
He usually lists his Race/ Ethnicity as 'Other'
He sometimes dyes his hair and lies about his age. He was actually born February 23, 1944.

Take a good look at all the pictures here and on Fight Bigamy of this remorseless predator who is now on the lam. These psychopathic men do not stop... he will continue destroying lives. Hopefully now he'll spend a few years in jail!

If you have been contacted by this man via an online dating site, you are urged to immediately contact the:
Chesapeake VA Sheriff's Department Fugitive Division
Phone: (757) 382-6159
E-Mail: fugitive@chesapeakesheriff.com

Their address:
ATTN: Fugitive Apprehension Unit
401 Albemarle Dr
Chesapeake, VA

Keep a Predator/ Fugitive in JAIL!

Click here for FIGHTBIGAMY's Information on Hicks.


IF YOU WERE EVER INVOLVED WITH ED HICKS - YOU'RE INVITED TO JOIN THE SUPPORT GROUP OF HIS VICTIMS: Write To: CEHsupportgroup@gmail.com

Vice Squads Troll Online Alleys

By Brock N. Meeks

In July 2002, Florida officials arrested the operators of an international Web site that brazenly advertised the “escort services” of sex workers across the U.S. and six other countries. A judge promptly ordered the site closed. Florida law enforcement officers hailed the arrests as a huge victory and a significant step toward successful prosecution of sex crimes that have moved from Main Street to Cyberville. Small catch: the site never closed; it’s still active, including ads hawking $17,000 all day “dates” with famous porn stars.

“Tell me about it,” says a clearly frustrated Chris Brown, a prosecutor with the Florida attorney general’s office, who is in charge of prosecuting the case against the Web site known as Bigdoggie.net in an investigation dubbed “Operation Flea Collar.”

Brown also charged a dozen others in conjunction with the two owners, lodging 57 counts ranging from racketeering to aiding and abetting prostitution.

Brown’s frustration is owed, in part, to the precedent setting approach he has taken in the case only to see two-years of work languish as the case winds its way through the court system.

“As far as we know, this case may be the first or one of the first, in which we are going after not only the prostitutes we believe are the core members of this organization [bigdoggie.net] in the Tampa area, but also the [Web site] owners and the registered users of the Web site,” Brown said.

But Brown didn’t stop at the flesh and blood.

“We took out an arrest warrant on the company,” that owns Bigdoggie.net,” Brown said. “Well, how do you arrest a company?” he asks rhetorically. “Certainly it has been done, but it’s not a road you go down very often.” And for now the owners of Bigdoggie have chosen to disregard the court order to shut down the site or, upon posting $100,000 bond, ensure that “no illegal activity” is being facilitated on their site. (as of 2009 - it's still up!)

“They’ve just thumbed their nose at it (the court order),” Brown says of the Bigdoggie’s owners.

Hookers and hurdles
The Bigdoggie case is big news for those trafficking in the soft white underbelly of the Web more commonly known as “adult content.” Brown cast his prosecutorial net broader than any other such case; going after registered users of the site is grist for columns and activists of all stripe.

The Bigdoggie site doesn’t actually participate in setting up the dates. “It wouldn’t be a site that you would say is a pimp,” Brown said, though “there are those types of sites.” Mostly those are run by independents, those sex workers who have moved off the grid, off the streets, out of the yellow pages and onto Web servers in Toledo or Des Moines or Burbank.

Bigdoggie is “about the facilitation of prostitution,” Brown said, “it ranks prostitutes in geographic areas … and they don’t call them prostitutes, they call them ‘escorts.’”

And the Johns? “They call themselves ‘hobbyists,’” says Brown with a bit of a laugh. “Of course they are disregarding the fact that it’s an illegal hobby.”

Brown acknowledges that, despite high profile corporate crime cases like Enron and WorldCom, the courts are still a tad unsure of how to prosecute a company.

“Another difficulty is that you can’t put a company in jail so who do you punish?” Brown asks. “I think the logical connection is you punish the person who is in charge of the company,” he says.

Hide and peek
Metropolitan police forces are becoming increasingly aggressive in targeting so-called “escort services” that advertise online.

Chicago has a special unit dedicated to vice crimes facilitated in cyberspace. Chicago’s special online vice squad trolls escort sites advertising in the city limits, officers make appointments and when money changes hands, the arrest is made. The squad reportedly averages 15 arrests per month.

But it’s not only the large cities that are going after online sex workers. In Milwaukee, the police arrested a woman on prostitution charges resulting from a personal ad she placed on Yahoo! The police were tipped off about that ad which specifically mentioned that she would come to Milwaukee and trade sex for money.

Sex workers of all kinds are homesteading the Web, some out of a belief that it’s a “safer” environment than being on the street. Using online services for prostitution purposes is the “wave of the future,” said prosecutor Brown.

The number of people this year inquiring about setting up escort Web sites “has gone from zero to 60 mph in 4.9 seconds,” says Joe Obenberger, a Chicago-based attorney specializing in the online adult entertainment field.

“Beginners in the profession can have the same misconceptions that ‘civilians’ have,” says Tracy Quan, author of the novel Diary of a Manhattan Call Girl. “We hear people saying: ‘There are all these escort ads in the (print) Yellow Pages, therefore the vice squad is not making arrests.’ But the ads don’t mean that arrests have stopped. The ads actually mean that the police have an easy target. The same thing is true for the online medium,” said Quan, herself a former prostitute and spokesperson for PONY, a prostitutes and sex workers advocacy group based in New York.

“I think the escort business can be done (online) legally, I think it can be done quite illegally, too,” Obenberger said. That “best of times, worst of times” statement really sums up the current legal climate when it comes to enforcing sex crimes facilitated online.

“This is a complex area with lots of different laws that inter-relate to it and lots of doctrines of law,” Obenberger said. “If you know the crime is being committed and you facilitate it, you’re guilty of the crime,” he said. “That’s the underlying principle.”

Hookers are people, too
Prosecutor Brown said he’s taken testimony from an escort nabbed in the Bigdoggie.net investigation in which she admitted to putting ads into online dating services, hoping to rustle up some clients. Brown said she wrote the ads using “code words” such as looking for a “generous man” to date. When you see that, Brown said, “apparently there’s a good chance you’re talking about prostitution because she did end up getting people contacting her and they did have prostitution ‘events’ off of that personal ad.”

That experience doesn’t square with Quan’s personal knowledge. “I have not heard any stories from sex workers about finding customers at online dating services,” she said, though she didn’t doubt that was happening. “Prostitutes are part of everyday life ... so why wouldn’t we go to the places on the Internet where everyone else goes?”

Brown, the Florida prosecutor says he has “no illusions” that the case against Bigdoggie is going to put a dent in the practice of soliciting sex acts online.

“Our position on this really was that we needed to start somewhere; we needed to set some precedent in how these cases can be prosecuted successfully, maybe help out fellow law enforcement organizations around the country. If they see it can be done, that’s the chilling effect we’re looking for.”

SOURCE

MORE

(remember how Sammy Benoit/ Yid with Lid's postings on THE EROTIC REVIEW got one madam and her brothel busted and him permanently on a cybercrime watchlist? Of course that madam is back in business... the fight against online prostitution continues. As well as our fight for these cyberpaths to stop using REAL, NORMAL PEOPLE as free whores.)

Turning to the Net for Revenge

EOPC wants to remind all members and readers: We are NOT about REVENGE. We about about education, safe internet use and treating others honestly -- even online.

We do our stories to show the patterns and pathology of net abusers as well as the downside of looking for love, friendship or money online.

REVENGE hurts everyone... and here's a good (bad) example:

By Beth Hale

When Richard Bradford suspected his nurse girlfriend of having an affair he subjected her to the ultimate revenge.

Furious that Shivanthi Panchalingam had allegedly cheated on him, he sent a naked picture of the ward sister to everyone in her email address book.

Miss Panchalingam, who works at the Royal Berkshire Hospital, in Reading, only learned of the humiliating betrayal when a friend called to say he had seen one of the photographs.

The couple had taken the risque photographs of one and other to spice up their love life after becoming a couple in August last year but Bradford used them against the nurse after their relationship broke down.

The nurse spoke of her distress as George faced court charged with harassment.

In a statement, read out by the prosecution, she said:

'My friend Steven received a picture of me naked. You could see my front and the photos were detailed. I have not seen any of the others.

'I find it very distressing and cannot bear to look at them. He sent them to my whole address book.'

'I am embarrassed to say the least. I am a ward sister; people work below me and I am worried about my career credibility.

'I have been unable to cope with this anymore.'

As well as the photographs, Reading Magistrates' Court heard how Bradford, 37, had called Miss Panchalingam up to 40 times a week at work.

Bradford, of Glynde Road, Brighton, East Sussex, initially denied harassing Miss Panchalingam, but later changed his plea.

Simon Hammudi, defending, said: 'My client is sorry about his behaviour and says it was unreasonable and has not had any contact with the victim since the allegation.'

Valerie Boddington, presiding magistrate, handed him a one-year community order, a supervision order of nine months and ordered him pay the victim £200 in compensation and £100 costs.

Bradford also had a restraining order placed on him to have no contact directly or indirectly with Miss Panchalingam and prohibited him from going within 200 yards of the hospital unless for a medical appointment or emergency.

It's not the first time that e-mail has been used to enact revenge, nor the first time that naked photographs have come back to haunt the person posing for them. Four years ago a jilted boyfriend was jailed after setting up a website with naked pictures and film of his former lover.

He then printed business cards giving the web address and handed them out at her 21st birthday party, posted them through her neighbours' letterboxes and gave them to her work colleagues.

It is not just men who use humiliation as revenge. A survey found that eight out of ten women would take revenge on a partner who dumped them - with most using the internet and email to get even.

SOURCE

Seduced into Scams: Online Lovers Often Duped

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

By Bob Sullivan

Richie's picture showed a jolly, bearded man curled up on a couch with a cat rubbing his face. "Loving, caring and hardworking," the online dating profile said.

When Theresa Smalley received a note from Richie last January asking if she wanted to chat, she was flattered. He seemed cute. The two began exchanging e-mails, friendly at first, but quickly swelling in intensity and passion. By Valentine's Day, Smalley received a box of chocolate candy, a teddy bear, and a helium balloon that said "I love you." Smalley, 46, was hooked, even though she had never met him.

Richie said he was from Milford, Mass., but that he was out of the country on a big construction job. He was helping build a stadium in Nigeria, he said. As soon as he returned, he promised, he'd come visit Smalley in Ohio. He couldn't wait, and neither could she.

The spirited e-mail romance hummed along for another two months before there was a problem. Richie said his boss paid him in postal money orders, and he was having trouble cashing them. Could Theresa do a small favor for him? Could she cash the money order for him, then wire the money to him in Nigeria? Smalley agreed, and over the next two weeks, she cashed two $900 money orders and sent along the funds. Then, Richie was ready to leave the country, but needed money to deal with a visa problem. She cashed another money order.

Then, Smalley's bank called her. Something was wrong.

"I had to call a special number at the bank. Even up until that point I still believed him. I had no qualms whatsoever cashing (the money orders)," Smalley said. Even after the bank told her the money orders had been altered — they were purchased for $20, but then "washed" and doctored to read $900 — she still held out hope. But a friend pointed her to an Internet site devoted to Nigerian scams, and suddenly, Smalley's world crashed down around her.

'My whole world had fallen apart'
"The bank told me I was responsible for that money. I had to pay them $2,700, which was everything I had," she said. "I was devastated. I felt like my whole world had fallen apart.

Smalley shared her version of events with MSNBC.com in the hopes that others might not fall for the same trickery.

"Never in my wildest dreams would I have ever known that this is all a part of an elaborate online scam. He spent four months gaining my trust and he did it."

So-called Nigerian scams, where victims are ultimately tricked into sending money to the African country using some irreversible method like a wire transfer, are common. The Secret Service and other U.S. agencies have issued warnings on the scams, also known as "419" or "advance-fee" frauds. But the seductive flavor of this type of the scam — known to some as "sweetheart scams" — and the incredible patience shown by the scammer reveal just how far con artists will go to trick their marks.

Ryan W. of Washington state, who asked that his last name be withheld, says he sent $15,200 to a similarly seductive scammer. And he wasn't even using an online dating service. Ryan was approached while hanging out in a chat room devoted to Grateful Dead fans. His seducer also claimed to be an American out of the country getting paid via money order, and also ultimately asked him to cash them. Five weeks later, when the bank came calling, all $11,000 in Ryan's bank account — most of it from a student loan earmarked for next semester's tuition — was frozen by his bank.

"Typically people go on the Net to get dates. I was just on there trading music," he said. "The thing that duped me was the whole music issue. She seemed to be into the music I was into."

Flowers bought with stolen credit cards
Nigerian-based con artists seem to have seized on sweetheart scams of late, said Dale Miskell, supervisory special agent in charge of an FBI cybercrime squad in Birmingham, Ala. Scam artists post ads to online dating sites and lurk in chat rooms with names like "40 and single," or "Recently dumped." Often, they reach out to a lonely soul with flowers or candy, purchased with a stolen credit card.

"A little gift of flowers or candy is a good aphrodisiac," said Miskell. "The next thing you know, they are in love. I can't tell you the number of women who have fallen for this."

Eventually, the con artists convince their soulmates to do them a big favor — help transfer funds out of the bank.

There have been so many victims that they are starting to find each other online. A new Yahoo group, "RomanceScams," was founded last month by Smalley and Barb Sluppick, who said she almost fell for a similar scam earlier this year. Among the hundreds of messages posted to the group are photographs of alleged scammers, links to potentially fraudulent online dating ads, and copies of come-on e-mails. The group is trying to publicize the problem to limit the damage.

"How many people are out there thinking they found the love of their life and they have no clue what's happening?" Sluppick said. "The first thing most people say to me when they contact me is, 'I can't believe I was so stupid.' "

Sweetheart scams appear to be on the rise, said Julie Ferguson, executive director of the Merchant Risk Council, which tracks scams for online retailers.

"I am definitely getting more calls on this. I used to get one every three months. Now, I get one every couple of weeks or so because it's the easiest way to get somebody hooked," Ferguson said. "The stories are so-gut-wrenching sad."

Some scammers seem to deliberately target groups set up for Christian singles, she said, where people may be less likely to be suspicious. "When you are meeting someone else on a Christian site, you think you are safe."

No dating site is immune from scams, said Jason Tarlowe, who operates MatchDoctor.com, where Smalley met Richie. "This hurts our business. We don't want this," Tarlowe said. "We're trying to do everything possible ... We don't want people to be taken in."

But they are, said Donna Gregory, supervisory internet crime specialist at the FBI's Internet Fraud Complaint Center. She said the con artists are relentless.

"We've even seen them take as long as a year (to seduce a mark)," Gregory said. Con artists will hunt for people's weaknesses, find out what they care about -- such as Grateful Dead music -- and then go in for the kill.

Sometimes, the online suitors don't even ask before sending money orders. They just send them, then guilt their targets into forwarding on the cash, Gregory said. In other cases, the con artists aren't after money -- they are after shipping help. They ask their correspondents to "re-ship" items to locations in Nigeria. The goods are often purchased with stolen credit cards, but the con artists have trouble getting them delivered out of the country, because many U.S. merchants are now wary of shipping to Nigeria. So the criminals need a middle-man.

"They say, 'Oh, once you have them, why not just send them? People say, 'I've got these packages and I don't know why,'" Gregory said.

Sluppick said one confused victim in her Yahoo support group currently has about $50,000 in merchandise that's been sent to her home, and she doesn't know what to do with it.

The Merchant Risk Council's Ferguson said victims can always contact her agency for help returning merchandise to the retailers.

'Keep your money to yourself'
But there is no returning money to consumers who have wired funds overseas, hoping to cement a love bond. Smalley said other would-be victims need to know about the perils of online matchmaking, and they need to listen to the little voices of hesitation and concern inside that she failed to heed.

"So much came back to me after all of this was done," she said. "I sat there thinking about everything. But these guys are professionals. They have the time. They have the patience."

Rhoda Cook has for years operated a Web site named straightshooter.net which maintains a database of sweetheart con artists. She's seen many varieties of romance scams, online and off. There's nothing new about charming men and women swindling would-be lovers, she said.

"When they invented the car, the con artist could drive to the next county. Now they can get on the Internet and go across the world," Cook said. "When you meet someone and you really want someone you just want to believe them."

Her advice to daters is the same, online or off:

"Enjoy the relationship, but keep your money to yourself," she said. "That way, if it goes wrong, all you're going to lose is your heart."

original article here

Dating Web Sites Bring Sugar Daddies, 'Babies' Together

Proponents Call It a Mutually Beneficial Arrangement, But Others Say It's Prostitution
By JOHN STOSSEL, CATHERINE BROSSEAU and ANDREW KIRELL

Sugar Daddy Courts Young Women Online - CLICK HERE FOR VIDEO

In this tough economy, at least one industry is booming: "sugar daddy" dating Web sites.

Some users say they are making tens of thousands of dollars per month, and the work's not difficult. Critics call it prostitution, but those involved simply call it a mutually beneficial arrangement.

Erin Miller, a 23-year-old, self-described model/actress, uses a dating Web site called SeekingArrangement.com. On her profile, she has advertised herself as looking for a "playful, open relationship with financial benefits."

"I'm dating four sugar daddies right now," she said.

She and thousands of other women have found their "sugar daddies" on SeekingArrangement.com, which, in many ways, resembles a traditional dating Web site.

Women can join for free. They post pictures and describe themselves to prospective dates. But there's an important difference: The women also write how much money they expect in return for dating the men. In Miller's case, she leaves the amount negotiable, but some "sugar babies" ask for as much as $30,000 a month.

Miller has only been on the Web site for a couple of months, yet she feels as though her life has already changed drastically.

"I've been shopping all over, nice cars. I got a new condo," she said. "Every day is a new adventure."

One of her sugar daddies lets her use his yacht. He also sends her a Rolls Royce and a chauffeur to take her shopping. Another date pays for her condo, and another gave her a Mercedes.

"Money helps tremendously with happiness, because I would not be happy dating a guy who lived at home in his parents' basement," she confessed.

How does a sugar baby like Miller get to know her dates?

"The dates usually start off with some coffee or a drink somewhere, and then you get to know each other, to see if you're feeling the vibe," she said. "And then go on a second date and start talking about your rent. And they'll ask you how much money you need and what's your budget."

In return, Miller said, "the guys get a hot chick -- arm candy that can make them look good and [that they can] have fun with."

Ady Gil, a 50-year-old entrepreneur, claims he's worth between $10 million and $50 million. He owns two large production companies in Los Angeles. He believes the arrangement site is a great way to meet women.

"You can make a deal with the girl. You don't have to worry about whether it's going to be 'yes' or 'no,'" he said. "You don't have to take them to dinner and hope that maybe something will happen. The cards are on the table."

Men pay $45 for membership on the Web site, but some, like Gil, pay an extra $1,000 to have the site verify his wealth and put his profile in a prominent spot.

Web Site Creator: 'I Wasn't Very Good at the Social Scene'

Gil is far from unattractive and could certainly find women without paying. So why does he do it?

"Because most of them are drop-dead gorgeous," he explained. "First, a lot of them are very intelligent and are not the regular girls. The Match.com women are boring.

"The other thing is you want to buy the age gap," he added.

So, unlike the standard dating sites, this Web site provides older men like Gil a chance to find younger women by advertising their wealth.

"If you go to most of these [dating] Web sites, the girls say, 'I'd like to find someone between 25 and 35.' Well, I don't fall into this category anymore," he said. "But when they come and meet me and they go out with me, they say, 'Wait a second, he's 50 years old but he's a whole lot more fun than the 35-year-old man.'"

The Web site works so well for Gil that he said he has to shut his profile down Monday through Friday because of the thousands of e-mail responses he receives.

Entrepreneur and MIT graduate Brandon Wade, a former Microsoft and GE executive, created Seeking Arrangement three years ago. It's an odd business for someone with such a buttoned-up background.

"The inspiration came partially because I was at MIT," he said. "I was very much a nerd and a geek. I wasn't very good at the social scene. I was on regular dating Web sites. I would write messages to beautiful women and I would not hear a response, and I understand why."

Over time, Wade figured out what could allow him to stand apart from the other men on those dating Web sites: His money.

"It would be silly to say, you know, money is not important in society," he said.

Sugar daddies get more than just sex: Many get makeovers, Wade explained. His wife, who he calls a "sugar baby," transformed him into the man he is today.

"I was wearing those Harry Potter glasses and women would not give me any time of day," he said. "But I met my wife, who is 13 years younger than me. She likes to pick stuff out for me. My transformation is one of the benefits that sugar daddies get from a relationship such as this."

Today, nearly 3 million women advertise on this and other sugar daddy dating Web sites. Some ask their sugar daddies for Prada and Gucci bags, fabulous vacations, and even breast implants. Others just ask for help with basics like money for tuition or rent.

Sugar Daddies, Babies Happy; Critics Say It's Still Prostitution

Natalie Caplis, a single mother from Montana, was struggling to make ends meet until she made an arrangement that changed her life.

"For me, getting on this site wasn't about getting a $500 pair of shoes or living this lavish lifestyle. It was really about just feeling secure with my basic needs," she explained. "I just, for one time, got to breathe. I got to spend time with my son without having to worry about am I going to have the rent paid?"

One sugar daddy helped her get into a better apartment. He also purchased a brand new car for Caplis and her son to use.

Why are the sugar daddies so willing to give?

"You know how many women need help?" asked Gil. "I'm not giving a handout. I'm getting something. I've seen women there that actually came out of a magazine. The girl who works for me, you can take her out of a magazine."

After meeting one woman through Seeking Arrangement, Gil decided to help her out and hire her as his receptionist. He hired another sugar baby to be his personal "entertainment coordinator" for a month.

As part of their arrangement, Gil told her, "For the next month, you're going to make sure that I have a good life. You make some dinner reservations. We'll go out, we'll roll in the sheets."

Web sites like Seeking Arrangement do offer perks for older, wealthier, and sometimes married men to get into no-strings-attached arrangements with women.

However, this has its share of risks.

Multimillionaire Stephen Dent, an heir to the DuPont fortune, advertised himself as a sugar daddy on SeekingArrangement.com. He got several dates and then was blackmailed to keep his arrangement a secret from his wife. Police stopped the blackmailer, but Dent continued to use the website until more blackmail attempts began. In total, four people have been charged with trying to extort dent out of more than $100,000. Three of them have been convicted.

"You expect that when you have a Web site where you have lots of beautiful women and lots of rich men gathering," said Wade. "At the end of the day, you know, dating is a risky thing on the Internet, so precautions need to be taken."

Former prosecutor Wendy Murphy said that although the sugar daddy Web sites are legal, if money is exchanged for sex, then that's a crime.

"I don't know how you can call it anything but prostitution," she said.

Self-described "sugar baby" Miller disagreed.

"If someone wants to help me out financially, it's nobody else's business," she said.

Sexual advertising is hardly a secret these days. One only has to take a look at Craigslist's "adult services" classifieds section to see that. Even in the Yellow Pages, there are 20 pages of "escort" and "massage" services.

If this is illegal, then why is it out in the open like this? And why don't we hear about more prosecutions?

"It's a crime that not a lot of people care about," Murphy said. "[It] doesn't mean we should give up and just let it happen."

She argued that if everyone were to start robbing banks tomorrow, we wouldn't give up trying to prosecute those crimes.

But robbing banks steals from others. This behavior is different.

CEO: 'Just Because a Guy Gives a Woman Money and Sleeps With Her Doesn't Necessarily Mean It Is Prostitution'

As far as the SeekingArrangement.com CEO is concerned, his site doesn't allow prostitutes.

"I draw a very clear line between what is prostitution and what isn't," Wade said.

So then, what is the difference?

"Just because a guy gives a woman money and sleeps with her doesn't necessarily mean it is prostitution," he said.

Gil agrees. He sees contradictions in what society deems to be prostitution.

"In 1955, my father made an arrangement with my mother," Gil said. "He put a ring on her finger and he said, 'I'm going to support you for the rest of your life.' So my father made an arrangement with my mother. If you make an arrangement for an hour, it's sleazy. But an arrangement for 50 years is OK. So, is it a time factor?"

But it's hard to deny that an arrangement for an hour is inherently sleazier than a marriage, right?

"An hour may seem sleazy," he said. "But when you take it a little bit farther into a day, a week, a month, then it appears to be a little better, I guess. You could call it prostitution or anything you want to, but I don't. Prostitution is just an ugly word for it."

"The concept that you trade your intimate sexual self for money is prostitution, if not slavery," Murphy said. "It's not a clear case the way slavery was, but it's darn close because of what's being sold: access to the intimate self."

However, Caplis, the single mother who said Seeking Arrangement improved her life, pointed out that sex is not always a part of the arrangement. One man she met through the Web site bought her a car, but they never had sex. They only talked on the phone and were never together in person.

"Never," she said. "And that is also the part that is hard for people to believe. That's why it's such a miracle. How could you possibly imagine that would happen?"

If not for sexual favors or physical companionship, why then would he give her all those gifts?

"I'm sure that he felt satisfied knowing that he was taking care of somebody that was true and honest and that really needed help," she said.

Her sugar daddy may have been satisfied, but that's clearly not what most men on the Web site are looking for.

"One of the things that make men happy is sex," Gil said. "I'll put it out there. It does. It makes men happy, you know?"

He likes to think that the women, once they get to know him, are not just in it for the money.

Miller seemed to suggest otherwise.

"I'm not a slut or a prostitute, like people might say," she said. "But if one of my sugar daddies ran out of money, I probably wouldn't talk to him anymore."

Facebook Harasser Hounds Woman from her Home

By Karon Kelly

(U.K.) A TERRIFIED mum was hounded out of her home by threats made on a social networking site by a woman who had already attacked her.

Danielle Rodgers took her children out of school and moved away from her family and friends because of her fear.

Newcastle Crown Court heard Miss Rodgers had been attacked by Roxanne Fox during a night out with friends in South Shields on January 31.

During the incident, Miss Rodgers was punched in the face up to five times and kicked in the legs as she shouted for help.

The day after the attack, Fox turned up at the home of Miss Rodgers's father and warned she was still "going to get her", the court heard.

In the 48 hours which followed, Miss Rodgers – who was "friends" with Fox on Facebook – received a series of threats on the Internet site.

James Adkin, prosecuting, told the court: "They were arguably vitriolic and definitely contained threats of further violence.

"She said it was going to be a 'hospital job' next time. She would find out where she was living, and that she had been looking for her and that it was not over, essentially."

Fox had attacked Miss Rodgers and her friend Danielle Taylor after a chance meeting as they all left Vogue nightclub in Anderson Street turned into a row.

While Miss Rodgers was punched and kicked, her friend Miss Taylor tried to intervene but was poked in the eye when Fox grabbed at her face.

Meanwhile, Fox's pal Louise Seales hit Miss Rodgers's other friend Judith Elliott over the head with a wine bottle, causing a lump and a cut.

Miss Elliott's daughter Kirsty Laing was also injured in the alteraction.

Fox, 28, of Prince Edward Road, South Shields, admitted affray and harassment.

Seales, 28, of Steward Crescent, South Shields, admitted assault causing bodily harm and common assault.

Gavin Doig, defending mum-of-two Fox, said the Facebook messages continued for just two days after the incident.

Mr Doig said: "They were empty words and nothing more, unpleasant words, but no actions followed from the threats."

Kevin Smallcombe, defending Seales, said the mum-of four has shown remorse.

Mr Recorder Richard Woolfall sentenced Fox to 20 weeks' imprisonment suspended for two years with supervision.

He also made a restraining order banning her from having any contact with Miss Rodgers for five years.

The Judge told Fox: "So bad was the impact on her, she has left her home, her family and her friends because she doesn't feel safe anymore living where she has been for some time."

Seales was sentenced to 12 months' imprisonment suspended for two years with supervision.

The judge said: "The pair of you should be absolutely ashamed of yourselves."

Two Arrested for Cyberstalking

(LOUISIANA) Two women were arrested on charges of cyberstalking Thursday for sending threatening messages through Myspace, deputies said.

Latasha Renee Charles, 21, 318 Railroad Ave., and Aalijah Monique Charles, 26, 1 Stonesthrow Drive, are accused of threatening bodily harm against a 25-year-old woman in the messages, Sheriff’s Maj. Malcolm Wolfe said. Deputies viewed several messages allegedly sent by the pair after the 25-year-old contacted authorities, he said.

The woman confirmed they sent the message after their arrest, Wolfe said.

Both have been released from the Terrebonne Parish jail, authorities said.

original article here

Study Shows Over 30% of Internet Dating Site Users are Married

Study Shows Over 30% of Internet Dating Site Users are Married

Newly launched PrivateDateFinder.com is the first and only dating site where you can find romance without anyone else knowing. The site offers a unique way to conceal both how you pay as well as eliminating all the tracks you leave behind. The result is confidential purchases and the comfort of knowing your activities remain private.

(Monarch Bay, CA.) – First Privacy Financial, LLC. announces the launch of www.PrivateDateFinder.com, the first and only dating site where you can find romance without anyone else knowing. The site offers a unique way to conceal both how you pay as well as eliminating all the tracks you leave behind. The result is confidential purchases and the comfort of knowing your activities remain private.

Research shows that over 30% of existing online date site members are either married or in relationships. However, no one has addressed this large segment who desire real privacy or those who never used online dating simply because they didn't want anyone else knowing. They simply do not want to get caught.

Jerry Klein, President / CEO of the First Privacy Financial said; “Private Date Finder offers a real solution to those who simply do not want anyone else to know they are using a dating site. In a USA Today poll an overwhelming 88% of respondents said they are concerned about their privacy and consider protecting it important. Now you can safely buy anything online and no one will know."

Private Date Finder includes free membership in EverPrivate, a proprietary patent pending web-based service that erases all your tracks from any PC without any downloaded software. Also included is a free prepaid PrivaCash MasterCard, a virtual Debit card issued instantly online that can be re-loaded at 35,000 retail locations.

Mr. Klein said; “We have partnered with Relationship Exchange to enable our members to have access to over 2 million existing online dating members from sites under their management. This provides Private Date Finder members a huge number of romance partners wherever they live, right from our launch. Sign-up is free and the EverPrivate features are available instantly.”

(Why let a little thing like being married interfere with your dating huh?? - Fighter)

The Internet's Five SCARIEST Seducers

Dimitri the Lover is a man with a seduction manual to sell. (Men with "seduction manuals" are the new twentysomething-girl "sex columnists"!) We introduced you to him yesterday, via his awesome "If you're on any sort of medication for anxiety or depression, I'm not interested" voicemail. As the weekend is fast approaching—and because we're not afraid to be servicey—we've gone ahead and compiled a shortlist to some of the worst daters roaming the bars and streets, completely unfettered by shame.

# 1. Dimitri the Lover: We were just introduced to this gentleman yesterday via two long and self-involved voicemails that the Greek stud left to an "elegant" lady. He's "very single," has "no trouble meeting women; I mean, women approach me six or seven times a day. But I'm extremely particular about what I like." In the second, more threatening voicemail, he adds that, "I'm giving you the three o'clock deadline. If I don't hear from you by then, you lose my number—I'm erasing your number right now, so you won't be hearing back from me."

# 2. Prescott Hahn: We still barely know who the infamous "Fashion Meets Finance" "hedge-fund" dater even is. But simply attending such a themed douche-dating event gives us pause. A long pause.


# 3. Paul Janka: The creepy sexual compulsive's fetish is picking up women on the street, in the subway, or—and here lies his genius—in his apartment. (First dates typically take place here.) Unfortunately, his little games have taken a turn for the dark side and we're hoping someone brings him up on charges.

# 4. The Craiglist Cash-Waver: Aw, he's not that bad, really. We admire any man who proudly poses in over a dozen Craigslist personal-ad pics wearing shutter shades and waving a cash-fan. But then he encouraged us to mock him further in an epic phone call to our office, which was recorded for posterity.

# 5. John Fitzgerald Page: By now we're all familiar with the man who proudly carried the title "the worst person in the world;" he carried his hubristic Match.com gaffe ("6 pictures of just your head and your inability to answer a simple question lets me know one thing. You are not in shape") into fame and fortune. Well, mostly just an appearance on CNN and the Dr. Phil Show.

ORIGINAL

THANKS TO ONE OF SEVEN FROM FIGHT BIGAMY FOR THIS FIND!

L.I. Postal Worker Sent Explicit Photos to “Girl”

by Timothy Bolger

A Garden City (Long Island, USA) postal employee was arrested as he arrived to work Wednesday for sending sexually explicit photos of himself to an undercover detective posing as a 14-year-old girl, Nassau prosecutors said.

Michael Tinghitella, 49, of Mineola, was charged with four counts of attempted endangering the welfare of a child and faces up to a year in jail, if convicted, according to Nassau County District Attorney Kathleen Rice. He pleaded not guilty at his arraignment Wednesday at First District Court in Hempstead and was released on $3,000 bail.

On four separate occasions Tinghitella sent the undercover detective in Massillon, Ohio, who was pretending to be a girl named Brittany, explicit photos and a video of himself, the district attorney said. Tinghitella sent the material from his home computer via an America Online screen name, Rice added.

“The goal of my online predator unit is to pull these predators out from behind their anonymous computer screens and put them in jail where they belong,” Rice said in a statement. “We want to make sure that these individuals find a police detective online before they find one of our children.”

A spokesperson for the United States Postal Service’s Office of Inspector General (USPSOIG), who worked on the case with the district attorney’s investigators and police in Ohio, said it is up to Tinghitella’s supervisors to determine what action will be taken regarding his employment. The case could have been handled federally, as well.

“This particular case was better served at the state level,” said Rafael Medina, spokesman for the New York field office of the USPSOIG.

Tinghitella’s attorney, William Sandback, said his client has a lot of seniority at the post office. “He’s been there 26 years,” he said.

Tinghitella is due back in court on Oct. 14.

original article here

PREDATOR OF THE MONTH: Glenn S. Capers - REDUX

We are quickly losing track of the emails we get from women about this guy. It's close to 20 now! That's more than we have ever gotten on ANY OF OUR OTHER PREDATORS.

And Mr. Capers - we know you come to this site, we know people at your police precinct and we will continue to pass along the information we recieve about your non-stop rage & harassment of your victims for blowing the whistle on your games.

Victims - continue to report this man to his Internet Provider. To IC3 (the FBI can take a long time so hang in there) and his local precinct with copies of his threats and intimidation.

You're a predator, Capers - and you belong in a cage in our opinion. It's sad that it takes so long to gather information to prosecute computer crimes and online harassment but it's underway. You've left tracks you can't erase and apparently you're getting busted was waaaay overdue. - EOPC


Age: 58

Known Online Identities:
Glenn Capers
Glenn S. Capers
Sylvester Meadows
Steven M. Capers
ionakool
zeropain
glenzilla

(remember, just like Ed Hicks, Sammy Benoit/ Yidwithlid, Nathan Thomas and Dan Jacoby - these guys will open & close emails, accounts and create new identities online in a flash!)

One Victim's Story:
Glenn Capers "wooed & seduced" me online for a few weeks prior to coming here to "visit" me... We met on an arts online community through mutual comments on each others pictures.

He coerced me into doing things I would normally never do. It was a very short time, then, suddenly, he was coming here for a few weeks "for work".

Since psychopaths are chameleons, they pretend to be whatever their woman are. They probably mimicked the women’s own moral principles. Additionally, women in pathological relationships seem to project their normal characteristics onto the psychopath. She sees what she is, in him. Her ability to project and his ability to pretend, allow him the stage to mimic her moral principles in his life. Ironically, many of the women’s stories end with the loss of their moral principles in the relationship.

This could be through sexual deviance he asked her to participate in, or asking that she lie, cheat, or in some other way violate her own moral code. By the end of the relationship, she was likely to have become mortified at his immoral behavior and how it took her down a negative path she never intended on.

- Sandra Brown, MA - WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS (WWLP Book)

I found out later, through another victim he also 'set up', that he had arranged this trip months ago on the pretext of seeing her and others.

He set us all up so he could stay with us for free, eat without spending money and have sex whenever he wanted to.

He convinced us all to have unprotected sex. We don't know if he is diseased and we are forced into the torture of the lengthy HIV test regime, as well as Hep B, Hep C and other STD's - as well as germs, viruses and other things that come from contact. Not to mention the prospect of pregnancy.

He ensured himself we were all single and without relationships. He liked us all in our late forties, early fifties. White. Preferably from abused backgrounds.

Everything depends on the target of your seduction. Study your prey thoroughly, and choose only those who will prove susceptible to your charms. The right victims are those for whom you can fill a void, who see in you something exotic.

They are often isolated or at least somewhat unhappy (perhaps because of recent adverse circumstances), or can easily be made so-for the completely contented person is almost impossible to seduce.

The perfect victim has some natural quality that attracts you. The strong emotions this quality inspires will help make your seductive maneuvers seem more natural and dynamic. The perfect victim allows for the perfect chase.

Picking up vulnerable, abused - by parents or partners, disabled, unhappily married, separated and/or despondent people online is the cyberpath's stock in trade.

I am widowed these past three years and have been grieving for my late husband who, suffering from bipolar disorder, took his own life. Glenn knew this. He also knew that I suffered from clinical depression and that my only family was my seventeen year old son.

He took full advantage of these facts and set me up. (used them in his hypnosis & seduction of her!)

I have suffered throughout my life from clinical depression, panic and anxiety disorder as well as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I have been sexually, physically and mentally abused in almost every relationship with a man I have ever had. I have been raped heart, body and soul. I allowed these abusers to make me believe that I was worthless and deserved the worst life can give me. My first experience with a sociopath was a man who liked to drug me and sell me off to his friends and sit there and watch while they raped me. I still bear the scars. (See: Predators Hunt The Wounded)

Certain personality traits and conditions can cause some women to be more highly hypnotizable than others. Women who dissociate because of a dissociative disorder or experiences of emotional trauma, and those who have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder are more hypnotizable. That’s because in part, some of the symptoms of trauma and these disorders are trance states. Other conditions that cause women to be easily hypnotized include:

• Histories of abuse or neglect
• Extensive dependency, vulnerability or incompetency issues
• Excessive self-sacrificing, perfectionistic attitudes, or high levels of self-expectations

Oddly, women who have high attentional factors are more hypnotizable. The better you can concentrate the more likely you are to be easily hypnotized. That’s because trance states are induced through concentration or focus. Because of this, people who have high persistence are also highly hypnotizable. The women who love psychopaths are very resourceful and goal directed which means they are persistent and probably more hypnotizable than other women.

It is thought that people who have strong attentional filtering systems are actually able to eliminate perceptions of pain. Those that have the ability to give something their “total attention” are likely candidates to be easily induced in hypnosis. It’s likely that as they are really concentrating on that project, they are already in some level of a trance or flow state.

Here is a list of examples of what is taught on just one Seduce Women Now web site...:

1. Pacing for profound rapport
2. Mirroring her
3. Maximum speed seduction
4. Personality trait exploitation
5. Covert hypnotic commands
6. Sleight-of-Mouth expressions
7. Subliminal arousal techniques
8. Sensual domination
9. Allure

All of these can be seen in the psychopath during the luring and honeymoon phases. The difference between students of seduction and the professional psychopath is that most psychopaths know all this instinctively.

- Sandra Brown, MA - WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS (WWLP book)

Glenn Capers profiled me heavily. In the incredibly short lead up time to his visit here... he profiled me and seduced me using the power he had with all that information and more. (Sound familiar, readers?)

This is the essence of seductive language. Inflame people's emotions with loaded phrases, flatter them, comfort their insecurities, envelop them in fantasies, sweet words, and promises, and not only will they listen to you, they will lose their will to resist you. Keep your language vague, letting them read into it what they want. Use writing to stir up fantasies and to create an idealized portrait of yourself.

He made me believe I was "beautiful." That I was "his only." That I "couldn't tell anyone because that would spoil the wonder and beauty of our relationship." (again - FAMILIAR - isolate the victim! When someone tells you 'don't tell' - ask yourself WHY? WHAT ARE THEY HIDING!?)

An isolated person is weak. By slowly isolating your victims, you make them more vulnerable to your influence.

Their isolation may be psychological: by filling their field of vision through the pleasurable attention you pay them, you crowd out everything else in their mind. They see and think only of you. The isolation may also be physical: you take them away from their normal milieu, friends, family, home.

Give them the sense of being marginalized, in limbo - they are leaving one world behind and entering another. Once isolated like this, they have no outside support, and in their confusion they are easily lead astray.

Lure the seduced into your lair, where nothing is familiar.

He made me do things I would never have done - take pictures of myself naked and send them to him. Watch him masturbate on line. I even went and bought a webcam "for him". (Sounds exactly like Jacoby, Yid with lid, Thomas, Rodger)

"...his purpose in the relationship is not to love and cherish but to dominate and get his deviant needs met through any means he can; that everything they told him in confidence about themselves will be later used against them; that all his pontificating about life, relationships, love, community, family, children, God, or anything else was not at all what he believed."

- Sandra Brown, MA - WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS

I even installed Skype "for him" so that he could talk to me - but never at an appropriate hour for me - it was always 4am my time or some ridiculous hour that interfered with my life and my sleep - keeping me controlled and hypnotized...

Along with the personality disorder, psychopaths have other issues in common, including a decreased need for sleep. Many of the women arrive for treatment in bodily exhaustion from the lack of sleep. The ability to dominate her when she is exhausted is an obvious benefit to the psychopath for keeping her awake.

Trance also seems to have some connection with our natural bodily biorhythms, like metabolism, blood sugar and sleep.

Trance is most associated though with “focused attention” which is how it gets used in formal hypnosis. That’s why the hypnotist says, “Stare into my eyes” because staring forces attentional focus.

Hypnosis and trance involve the ability to heavily focus on one thing while blocking out other things. If you’re staring at the highway or listening intently to a lecture you are entering a trance state. While in this state, you are likely to not notice other things happening around you at the time. If you’re listening to a lecture, you might not notice that someone goes out of the room and closes the door. Or, in highway hypnosis you might drive right past your exit. This extremely focused attention on one thing is essentially a trance state.

How could a psychopath put a woman in a trance state without her realizing it? Inducing a trance is nothing more than helping someone get focused. There are many “ways” to go into a trance, so inducing trance in someone else is not that difficult. Since trance is nothing more than intense focus, the psychopath with all the intensity he has inserted in the beginning of the relationship can easily use the intensity to encourage hyperfocus. The enormous amount of time he is spending with her allows him to get her to hyperfocus on “them.”

A psychopath does not have to understand the mechanics of trance. He is a master of watching what works and doesn’t work in controlling others. Stumbling across “intensity” in a relationship is all he needs to get to work using it to his advantage.

Neuro Linguistic Programming which is a “cousin” to formal hypnosis, induces trance by preoccupying the ego with statements like, “You’re so wonderful and beautiful” and then targeting other messages straight to the unconscious mind through short story telling. Psychopaths are master storytellers — inducing her belief system in his virtues while she is in a trance state.

She is now unable to hold her ground against the psychopath, and despite the exhaustion, she remains hypnotized, fixated on his extraverted, highly exciting persona.

- Sandra Brown, MA - WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS (WWLP Book)

He never called me by name. It was always "cupcakes", "babycakes", "darling", "goddess" - names he called each and everyone of us because that way he never slipped up. (sounds EXACTLY LIKE Ed Hicks and Nathan Thomas! Never used their real names!)

Within the first two weeks he had professed his love for me, promised marriage and walking the spiritual path with me. He even told me he had looked into emigrating here so he could be with me. He loved the fact that I was "a little bit wiccan". He promised to take me to Stonehenge, to Callanish, to Uluru.

During the luring stage of the relationship, the psychopath totally idealizes her. He indicates he sees her as wonderful, perfect, his soul mate. He notes her amazing abilities, her brilliance, sweetness, and any other personality trait he can hone in on. He did this in order to speed up the sensation of attachment and move the relationship forward quickly.

- Sandra Brown, MA - WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS (WWLP Book)

He used our connection with Stonehenge to rapidly leverage the email conversations into online cybersex even though I told him that I was distinctly uncomfortable. (Just like Yidwithlid - everything became cybersex - politics, family issues, current events - all turned into cybersex. These predators use decent women like free-hookers!)

To keep women from being able to think things through and to respond to red flags, the psychopath induces fast paced relationships, whirlwinds of dating intensity, and uses emotional suffocation techniques. Most women found themselves unable to slow down the race to the altar, to their beds, or into their homes.

While this may seem just “dream-like” to her, it’s pure manipulation and planning on his part. Couple his plan to fast-forward the relationship with his poor impulse control and you have a relationship rushing ahead at the speed of light.

- Sandra Brown, MA - WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS (WWLP Book)

He told me via email that he had received a "message from spirit" telling him that "someone would connect with him through the stones." And then he began to appear to 'make love' to me online. (it was a set up for cybersex!)

The way to lure them out of their shell and set up your seduction is to enter their spirit. Play by their rules, enjoy what they enjoy, adapt yourself to their moods.

In doing so you will lower their defenses.

Hypnotized by the mirror image you present, they will open up, becoming vulnerable to your subtle influence. Soon you can shift the dynamic: once you have entered their spirit you can make them enter yours, at a point when it is too late to turn back. Indulge your targets' every mood and whim, giving them nothing to react against or resist.

Glenn knew and exploited all my weaknesses which just helped his seductive hypnosis and mind control. He knew it and he used it. When we connected, I told him it was his eyes that got to me.

Dr. Reid Melloy, in his book, Violent Attachments says that women and men have noted the psychopath’s unusual and unnerving stare. He referred to the stare as a “relentless gaze that seems to preclude the psychopath’s destruction of his victim or target.” It’s also often referred to as The Reptilian Gaze because of its primitive predatory look.

- Sandra Brown, MA - WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS (WWLP Book)

I had no idea that the man I was to meet looked NOTHING like his avatar - much, much older. Incredibly overweight and ill.

Everyone has doubts and insecurities-about their body, their self-worth, their sexuality. If your seduction appeals exclusively to the physical, you will stir up these doubts and make your targets self-conscious. Instead, lure them out of their insecurities by making them focus on something sublime and spiritual: a religious experience, a lofty work of art, the occult.

Play up your divine qualities; affect an air of discontent with worldly things; speak of the stars, destiny, the hidden threads that unite you and the object of the seduction. Lost in a spiritual mist, the target will feel light and uninhibited.

Deepen the effect of your seduction by making its sexual culmination seem like the 'spiritual union of two souls.'

Once he had been here and had sex with me, he lied and lied. Told me he was going somewhere to take photographs. He didn't.

I dropped him at the airport supposedly to "catch a plane" and just a few moments later the next woman picked him up. He told her he'd "just landed". He repeated what he did to me, to her, but worse. He'd been setting her up for 8 months. He left her place a week later and told her he was going to catch a plane somewhere else "for work." He didn't. He flew to stay with yet another woman he had been grooming for 18 months. Told her he'd JUST gotten in.

He never contacted me despite numerous frantic calls, emails and texts from me. He continued to be silent until he got back to NY where he sent me the strangest and most impersonal messages. Despite an injury and him inpregnating me, he never contacted me. (disappearing act - common with Cyberpaths and psychopathic types. Got what he wanted and just erased you. Disgusting.)

I pieced it all together when I sent him an email when he got back to NY asking him what was going on. He made arrangements to Skype me after phoning my mobile phone 5 times (this from the man who said he 'got rid of it because it was too expensive') and then we talked.

He admitted to sleeping someone else while he was here. He told me she was the "psycho bitch from hell." He told me he had gone there to "help her out." He told me he was going to "pay her rent." He told me lots of nonsense. He lied and he lied and he lied. (Right, readers - how often do we hear the victims are "lying, scorned, obsessed, stalkers, sick, psycho, bad mothers, fat, ugly, naive... etc"? Do we believe it? NO! These Cyberpaths really should try to be more original.)

“He always told me she 'cheated on him', was 'crazy 'and 'a liar.' He said 'no one could believe anything out of her mouth.' So I never thought I’d get the truth. I see now he did that so I wouldn’t approach her.”

About 25% of the women were able to contact other women who had been with the psychopath.

In all but two cases the other women had similar stories to tell about his behavior.

Many of those who did not try to check out his stories, said they should have, and wish they had, as the information they would have gotten may have helped them to make a better choice.

There were some women in the survey who were told in great detail about his violent and parasitic behavior. The psychopath had his own convincing explanation about every disturbing description of him. Unfortunately, women don’t believe other women when they tell about abuse from the male partner.

- Sandra Brown, MA - WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS (WWLP Book)

He never told me about all the other women I now know all about.

So I made him promise to call me everyday. Text me. Email me. Whatever.

When I tracked *Victim1* down through the art website and through her, *Victim2*, and then Victims 3, 4 and 5 responded to journal postings on my website and I knew that I had to do something about this monster.

He has done this to women all over the world. He has allegedly bragged to other men about "seducing women online and then setting them up so he can have a free place to stay and all the sex he wants". He is still doing it today. Who knows what other women this predator has impregnanted? Or passed some germ, virus or STD to?

He leaves us after using our bodies and our minds. (Sounds like a PSYCHOPATH)

Some known sites Capers is on or has set up
(We give him 24 hours before many of these are gone, down or somewhere else. Probably less before we get some vaguely threatening email from him or one of his 'friends' - right reader?)

http://www.bighugelabs.com/flickr/dna.php?username=8507953%2540N03
http://www.acoracle.org/board.htm
http://www.imagecreative.nl/about_artist.php?member=257
http://twitter.com/glenzilla
http://zeropain.deviantart.com/
http://en.netlog.com/m/profile/guestbook/nickname=glenzilla
http://www.flickr.com/people/glenncapers/
http://glenncapers.smugmug.com/
http://www.youtube.com/ionakool
http://www.digitalpetroglyphs.com/
http://www.hollywood.com/celebrity/Glenn_Capers/3135981
https://pa.photoshelter.com/usr-show/U0000yLLGSc5Vh_I/Glenn-Capers
http://movies.nytimes.com/person/664956/Glenn-Capers
http://www.whohub.com/glenncapers
http://www.linkedin.com/pub/dir/glenn/capershttp://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Lesbian-Gay-Bisexual-Transgender-Community-Center/17382403969?v=box_3&viewas=0
http://www.artslant.com/global/artists/show/73460-glenn-capers

• NEW - MORE IDENTITIES FOR CAPERS (he'll have new ones in 24 hours again): http://cupcakes.smugmug.com/
• glenn capers
• aflyingmonkey
• Oh Snap
• awencompass
• Black Grampus (on linkedin) http://www.linkedin.com/profile?viewProfile=&key=33518527&authToken=g7Tf&authType=name&goback=.mml_archived_none_DATE_1.mid_807811227
• Was also on Facebook in both the bi/lesbian group and the "Sex Sex and More Sex" group

Another Rape Tied to Social Network Meeting

State police are investigating the claims of a Hempfield Township (PA, USA) woman who says she was drugged and raped by two men after meeting one of them on the Internet.

State police in Greensburg have not charged the suspects and are not releasing their names, but are seeking more information about the incident Aug. 27 in the woman's home about 30 miles east of Pittsburgh.

The 51-year-old woman told police she e-mailed one of the men after meeting him on a Web site called "Tagged" and agreed to let him visit.

The man brought along a friend and they all drank beer and hard liquor.

The woman woke up sore, sick, disoriented with some of her clothes on backward and believes she was assaulted after a drug was put in her drink.

original article here

Online Affairs

by Peggy Vaughan

This new arena for affairs, although not initially involving physical contact, is highly-charged sexually. It involves the same kinds of thinking and emotions as other affairs—including the secrecy, fantasy and excitement, as well as the denial and rationalization—and it has the same potential for being devastating to the primary relationship.

Here's a typical scenario:

1. You spend more and more time Online.
Online interactions provide an "escape" from the realities of day-to-day living.
The fantasy world online can make the real world seem dull and boring.
The sheer numbers of people create unlimited potential for "newness."

2. You meet someone interesting Online.
You present the "best side" of your personality, and so do they.
You share confidences: hopes, fears, fantasies.
The intense sharing brings you closer and closer together.
You fantasize about being more than online friends.
You become infatuated with your "friend" and want more and more interaction.
You feel like you're "in love."

3. Your primary partner suspects/knows about your online friend.
You deny or rationalize about your online activity.
Your partner becomes more and more suspicious and threatened.
You ignore or deny the impact this is having on your partner.
Your partner learns more and is devastated by the situation.
You tell yourself that since there's no actual sex involved, it shouldn't matter.
You grow closer to your online friend and more distant from your partner.

4. You want to meet your online friend in person.
You feel like "soul-mates" or that you were "meant for each other."
You consider "risking it all" to see your online friend.
You either meet and engage in sex or you don't and feel like "star-crossed lovers."

5. Your life has been changed in ways you never intended.
Your online relationship ends-and your "real" one may end as well.

Reflections on this scenario:

The above scenario is so common as to allow for some general observations. First, any new connection is going to be exciting, but it may not be the particular person who makes the difference. The excitement has more to do with the "kind" of relationship than to the specific feelings about a "real" person. In any new relationship (whether or not it begins online), people present the best sides of themselves; it's not reflective of the whole person functioning in the real world.

Whatever loss you feel when the "Online Affair" ends is the loss of a "fantasy," not the real thing. All too often we think of "love" only as the initial "heady feelings of love." Falling in love (or "new love") produces some of the most intense feelings you will ever experience, but it doesn't last. While it may be a fantastic experience, much of the intensity of the feeling is inherent in its newness and novelty. Once a "fantasy" love takes on all the real-life responsibilities of a long-term relationship, the feelings either make the transition into the next, deeper stage of love, or they wither. So comparing the feelings in a new relationship with the feelings of a long-term marriage is like comparing apples and oranges.

As for the impact on the primary relationship, it's common to rationalize an online affair as being OK because it's "not really an affair." But it often has the potential for being as devastating to the partner as a sexual affair. (In fact, most people whose partners have a sexual affair find that they recover from the fact that their partner had sex with someone else before they recover from the fact that they were deceived.)

We like to think that deception is only involved when there's outright lying involved. But a more accurate definition of a lack of honesty in a relationship is "withholding relevant information." Anything that is deliberately hidden from a partner (whether it's the fact of being involved in an online affair or the specifics of the online interactions) creates an emotional distance that presents a serious problem that is difficult to overcome.

So while people may disagree about the "definition" of an affair, there's no mistaking the impact of "Online Affairs" on the partner who is feeling hurt and threatened. When these hurt feelings are ignored or dismissed as unreasonable, it shows a "lack of caring" that is far more of a threat to the relationship than the "affairs" themselves.

Online Affairs often lead to the diminishing or destruction of primary relationships—although this was not the original intention. And in hindsight, many people who wind up having affairs recognize that they could have/should have known what they were getting into, but they simply blocked it out. A common lament is, "I didn't intend to have an affair."

When it comes to Online Affairs, it's not just a question of whether it's "wrong," but whether it's "smart." In looking for something "better in life" or a way to "get more out of life," people often wind up with less. We need to find some other avenue for igniting the positive "alive" feelings that are a big part of the enticement of Online Affairs.

The appeal of Online Affairs can serve as a signal that we need to rethink all aspects of our lives and determine what we can do to feel more "alive" that is rooted in reality (instead of fantasy)—and that does not come with such a high price.

original article here

WHY PEOPLE ARE SUCH JERKS ONLINE

The concept of the flame war online is certainly nothing new. It's been around since before most people were even aware the internet existed. However, more people are starting to look into the issue of why people tend to be such incredible jerks online when they might be perfectly nice in person. It seems that there are few different things contributing to the effect.

First is that people somehow feel "disinhibited" when sitting behind a keyboard and monitor -- whether it's because of the supposed anonymity, the fact that you're effectively "invisible" or even the fact that there's a time lag between being a jerk and any response to it. The fact that you're somewhat separate from the response just makes it that much easier to be a jerk.

Some feel that it has even more to do with the lack of direct human contact in terms of either seeing hurt feelings or hearing someone's voice. There's just less empathy involved in seeing black and white text then seeing a physical reaction to being mean. Some of the latest research on this actually looked at how brains process messages during a conversation, and noted that in a normal conversation the person is tracking a variety of different cues in terms of how the other person is responding, and those cues help moderate what we say. Without any such cues when sitting behind a keyboard, you don't get any of the warning lights to moderate what you're saying, and the natural tendency is just to go right to the extreme edge without ever cooling off.

Of course, so far, it doesn't seem like the research is coming up with many good solutions to get people to moderate what they say online -- other than suggesting that using video communications might help. Other than that, perhaps just being more conscious of the fact that it really is a human being at the other end might help -- but so far that kind of "self awareness" hasn't caught on. And, even if it has, as long as one person in the group is unable to moderate his or her speech, it tends to set off many others as well.

ONLINE: THE NEW INFIDELITY

ONLINE: THE NEW INFIDELITY
In recent years, infidelity has begun root in new ways, due to the advent and growth of the Internet and the entry of women into professions once dominated by men. Many experts are noticing that both in the workplace and on the Internet, "a new crisis of infidelity" is unfolding. The new type of infidelity involves people who do not seek out extramarital affairs, but are unintentionally moving beyond platonic friendships to romantic involvements.

Maheu and Subotnik (2001) explain that the Internet provides an escape in the form of cybersex and so-called "virtual infidelity" to millions of people who do not know how to improve their difficult or unsatisfying relationships or whose religious beliefs do not permit divorce.

"They may find themselves financially, geographically or emotionally stuck. Whatever their reasons, they seem to be hungering for easy access to companionship and sex"

The Internet has made it fast and easy to find and connect with others, and it's the ideal medium for secretive relationships. For those who seek it, infidelity is just a few clicks away.

"Cyber-infidelity occurs when a partner in a committed relationship uses the computer or the Internet to violate promises, vows or agreements concerning his or her sexual exclusivity" (Maheu and Subotnik, 2001, p. 10).

"Beware of the lure of the Internet" where "affairs develop quickly" and inhibitions are instantly lowered and infidelity seems "innocent."

Glass highlights the following three key characteristics of a relationship that crosses the line from harmless platonic friendship to deeper emotional attachment and infidelty:

"1) greater emotional intimacy than in the marital relationship,
2) secrecy and deception from the spouse, and
3) sexual chemistry."

Extramarital involvements based on a deep emotional bond can be as painful for the betrayed spouse as a sexual infidelity. However, experts generally agree that affairs that include both extramarital infidelity and a meaningful emotional bond are the most disruptive.

original article

SPYING - for those being cheated

By: Dr. Robert Huizenga

Should you spy on your cheating husband or wife? You believe you see signs of a cheating spouse. The need to know whether your spouse is cheating and EXACTLY what kind of cheating is taking place is often strong. There are a number of reasons why the drive to spy is powerful. Here are seven:

1. Trust is a big reason, not of your partner, but yourself. Probably for some time you have sensed something is different or questioned the change of behavior in your partner. Perhaps you confronted your cheating husband or cheating wife and it was met with denial. This created a huge dilemma for you because a part of you was screaming, Hey, this doesn’t fit! I don’t believe it! To deny this part of you, which KNOWS the truth, creates a tremendous internal turmoil. If the truth as you suspect it is confirmed, you can take a deep breath and at least know that you can trust yourself.

You are NOT CRAZY! Spying is a way to confirm your suspicions and trust more fully your gut feelings.

2. Spying on cheating husbands or cheating wives often helps the person feel connected to the partner who seems to be steadily moving away. It is a way of maintaining contact and having some sort of connection to this stranger who once was well known. Isnt it like the game of hide-and-seek we used to play as children? Sometimes there, sometimes gone. At least it is a game, and a game is at least some contact, some involvement. You miss the connection and try to find someway to maintain the ties.

3. Spying on a cheating spouse may be an honest attempt to bring resolution to the relationship. You want to know the truth. You sense something does not fit. You suspect there is a breach of something. You want to know what you are up against. You are not willing to stand pat and wait. You are a person of action. You want some sort of movement. You want to get on with the relationship. You want to get on with your life. You know that it is difficult maintaining your sanity when there might be this huge elephant that no one is talking about. You want to know the truth, face the truth, deal with the truth and be free.

4. Cheating husbands or cheating wives often, unfortunately, lead to the demise of marital relationships. If you strongly suspect this to be true for your situation you will want to protect yourself legally. If there is betrayal, lying and deception regarding a third party, other forms of deception may exist financially or in other areas of the relationship. Having evidence does have some impact in some court systems. Whether you need to protect yourself legally depends on the kind of affair facing you and the character of your spouse. If your spouse is someone who can't say no, doesn't want to say no or is acting outraged, please make sure to take protective steps.

5. You may want to protect yourself medically if you suspect you have a cheating husband or wife. You might be concerned about sexually transmitted diseases. Your health may be at stake. And, of course, you need to know. Shame, guilt or self-absorption may be so powerful in your partner that it gets in the way of responsibly informing you of the medical dangers when another partner is sexually brought into your relationship.

6. Seeing signs of a cheating spouse often mean secrets. Secrets are work! There is not much written about the impact of a secret in a relationship, but believe me, in over two decades of working with strained relationships day in and day out, keeping a secret has a powerful impact. It is the proverbial elephant sitting in the room that no one dare talk about. People take extraordinary measures to tip toe around it, but it IS there.

Emotionally, you cant miss it. Secrets are a drain. If the secret persists, its impact is felt in subtle but insidious ways. People become physically ill, sometimes seriously so. People become depressed. People start doing crazy things. Children start acting out, stop achieving, become listless or exhibit a host of other symptoms. Children, or the next generation, often carry the emotional load. You want to spy because you dont want to live with a secret. You want to discover the truth. You want to feel the freeing power of the exposed secret and the opportunity it offers for healing, resolution, a rich relationship and a productive life.

7. Some of us like drama. Soap opera scenarios and adrenaline based lives are a hallmark of our society. We get juiced or pumped up entering into emotional relational triangles that offer intrigue. Without adrenaline, life seems boring or mundane. Perhaps an unspoken reason for an affair may be to fan the fire? Or, you may spy on your cheating spouse to keep the sense of being alive a part of your life.

Experts at Brainwashing: Premeditated Mind Control

Are you a caring individual who is in this situation and can’t discover the way out of this emotionally destructive cycle? Your frustration may be caused by the premeditated mind control of a psychopathic companion. (like a cyberpath).

A relationship that is in constant chaos absent explanation is a sign that your companion’s goal might be mind control rather than issue resolution. A relationship that is resolution oriented does not pass through the halls of argument or confusion to reach the goal.

Two individuals, in control of their own minds, civilly express common and uncommon viewpoints, then agree to the best course of action. When an individual desires to control another’s mind, the course is argument with resulting guilt by the one controlled.

Guilt is a powerful tool used by manipulators to control the targeted mind. Love means never having to say you are sorry. This is a profound statement worth noting. The partner that expresses sorrowful guilt is not the one where love should be questioned. Question the receiver that instigates this response.

If you are the target of a manipulator via mind control your appreciation of how their mind works will free you from your guilt and inevitable disaster. For those that are reading this in a state of puzzlement regarding the nature of your relationship, you are not alone. Many relationships live in similar turmoil.

In order to stop this cycle you need to understand why it is happening. When two people meet and build a relationship toward a future together often times each puts their best foot forward to impress the other. This initial impression has the potential to last a lifetime.

A destructive manipulator is no stranger to the importance of this ritual.

During the initial phase in their relationships they are the master of charm. Once this manipulator of the mind feels they have you under their spell, they transform into an evil person. You may exhaustively attempt to change them back to the person you once knew.

You will not succeed. That was an illusion.

Anytime you think or say “[your companion] use to be [such and such]” stop and discover you might be in a relationship with an individual devoid of empathy. EMPATHY is an essential restraint on behavior. It is amazingly potent against those saturated in empathy by those in the absence of empathy.

Your empathy causes your guilt and your manipulative partner’s absence leaves them guiltless. This fundamental difference creates disputes.

The battle for blame is not worth the time and energy expended against an always blameless combatant.

Stop owning what is not yours. If you are dealing with somebody who lives in the absence of empathy, shouldering their guilt is futile. Never, ever feel guilty for another person’s behavior.

If your companion turns their back this is confirmation of their life in the absence of empathy. Their action is not your fault. Do not dwell on your misguided choice. Move forward with the knowledge that you may have escaped the destructive nature of a psychopath.

Serenity exists in a life filled with empathy.

SOURCE FOR THIS AND OTHER GREAT ARTICLES - CLICK HERE

CLICK HERE FOR: The Narcissist Makes Everyone, Including You, Think that You Are the Dependent (Obsessed) One

HOW ABUSERS BRAINWASH THEIR VICTIMS

CHANGING MINDS

ONLINE GRATIFICATION AS HARMFUL AS PHYSICAL BETRAYAL

Hitting the 'escape' key
Online gratification can become just as harmful to a relationship as physical betrayal

BY MELENA Z. RYZIK

Remember Britain's uproar over soccer star David Beckham, who allegedly carried on an affair and sent sexy text messages to his lover.

When the Internet became popular in the early 1990s, it was hailed as a technological breakthrough. A decade later, easy access on the World Wide Web to images and information is causing an unprecedented number of breakups.

After all, titillating material is more available and visible than ever before. And whether it's online porn or Internet-enabled flings, a lot of relationships are feeling the strain.

Therapists, sociologists and even lawyers are waking up to the fact that online affairs and flirtations play as real a role in splitting up couples as offline romances do.

"Infidelity on the Internet is as devastating as infidelity offline," says Rona Subotnik, a marriage and family therapist and the author, with Dr. Marlene Maheu, of "Infidelity on the Internet: Virtual Relationships and Real Betrayal" (Sourcebooks, 2001).

"I think the Internet has been the single most significant factor in the accelerating divorce trend," says Robert Stephan Cohen, a top Manhattan-based divorce lawyer and author of "Reconcilable Differences: 7 Keys to Remaining Together from a Top Matrimonial Lawyer."

"It's amazing how many people come in here and say the Internet has been a source of things that go awry," he adds.

In a recent survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, 62% of the respondents said that the Internet had played a "significant role" in the divorces they had handled in the previous year; 68% of those cases, a spouse had met a new love interest online, and 56% showed an obsessive interest in online porn.

Almost 80% of the lawyers surveyed said that incriminatory E-mails had been used as evidence in divorce proceedings.

With a few clicks and for little or no money, the Internet provides lots of anonymous temptations - and instant gratification. In the Internet age, being faithful is suddenly a lot more complex.

Like crack for sex addicts
Online porn is what nearly broke up Betsey's marriage of 20 years. (To protect sources' identities, all names and some identifying details have been changed.)

"My husband became hooked on Internet pornography as soon as he discovered it, about eight or nine years ago at work," the fiftysomething retired engineer and mother wrote in an E-mail. "He has an addiction - he is ashamed and secretive about his behavior; he is unable to stop regardless of the consequences to himself or anyone else. When he is in his addiction, his personality changes for the worse."

"The Internet is like crack cocaine for sex addicts," says a spokesman for Sexaholics Anonymous (who preferred to remain anonymous himself).

But even casual browsers can get hooked.

"They're are what we call the at-risk population," says Maheu. "They otherwise would not go out of their way to look into pornography because it would involve more forethought and planning. But when you're sitting at your computer alone at night, it's just a few clicks away."

Maheu estimates that as much as a quarter of the population falls into this easily targeted group, which runs the gamut from people who are mildly bored or curious to those dissatisfied with their relationships or generally depressed. "They don't have to use a lot of energy," she says. "They seek outlets that won't cause ripples in their work or home life."

Betsey's husband was always more than a casual user; he told her that he had "a problem" with pornography when they started dating. But the Internet made his problem worse.

"Internet porn is so there, just a keystroke away - at home, at work, anywhere," she wrote. And through pop-ups, cookies and spam, "once a person has gone to one of those sites, the porn pursues him."

Indeed, the number of adult Internet sites has ballooned in the last four years, expanding 17 times to encompass nearly 1.6 million sites, according to research by software firm Websense. Industry analyst Nielsen/NetRatings estimated that 34 million people - or one in four Internet users - visited one of those sites last year.

False intimacy
Digital smut is not the only trigger for relationship trouble. Online communication in general can create a false sense of intimacy, says Subotnik.

"There is a feeling that these are the only two people in the world connecting with each other. People will type things that they wouldn't say, and it happens much more quickly" than in real life.

"I have probably chatted with at least 500 women in some sort of mutual sexual way," says Harold, a 29-year-old Manhattan man in a serious relationship who still enjoys flirting online.

Though Harold admits he has "almost had relationships end because of it," he also claims to have started relationships through "either randomly [instant messaging] people in chat rooms or making sexual overtures to women I have had previous sexual relationships with or crushes on in the past."

Is flirting on the Net cheating? Only if your partner doesn't know you do it, insists Harold.

Finding out that a partner is involved in a virtual relationship can be just as traumatizing as actually finding him or her in bed with another person. "It's an emotional type of cheating," says Maheu.

"Online relationships have a profound impact on our emotional experience," Israeli philosophy professor Aaron Ben-Ze'ev writes in "Love Online: Emotions on the Internet" (Cambridge University Press, 2004). "Online relationships usually involve greater intimacy and emotional intensity."

Harold says his girlfriends find his habit "a minor annoyance," but not every partner is so understanding.

Time online=time apart
George, a married man in his 30s who lives outside New York, first turned to the Internet to research a condition he has called "gender dysphoria," in which a person feels he or she was born in the wrong gender. George lost his job and spent more and more time on the computer, becoming what he calls "obsessed."

"You invest yourself into this thing that has nothing to do with your spouse, when really you should be investing yourself into your marriage," he says. "It saps your emotional energy and takes you away.

"If you think of television of being addictive in a passive way," he adds, "the Internet is addictive in an active way."

Surfing the Net is a double whammy: There's potential for betrayal in both the content and in the diverted attention.

"The prospect of something newer and 'better' can turn any computer search into a time sink," writes Betsey. "For the porn addict, always in pursuit of more and different, minutes can become hours can become days." (A recent study classified people who spent 11 hours or more a week online looking at porn as sexual addicts.)

"Spouses say, 'I feel like you're not here with me,'" says Maheu. The absenteeism - whether literal or emotional - is often the first sign of a deeper problem.

"I was spending a couple of hours every other night online," says George, who's now going through a divorce. He wasn't hiding his being online from his wife, only the content, but the time spent apart "contributed to our disconnect," he says.

"I didn't have my eye on the relationship."

Problems in the sack?
If spending too much time online can cause an emotional disconnect, physical breakdowns may not be too far behind.

Paul, a twentysomething club promoter in Manhattan, calls himself "a wild and crazy guy" who has no trouble getting dates. Still, he likes going online for sexual gratification.

"It's such a liberating feeling," he says. "I can be totally selfish."

Stephen, a Brooklyn 30-year-old in a long-term relationship, argues that online gratification may make it easier for couples to stay faithful. He even believes it takes some sexual pressure off women.

But do the idealized women pictured online sour his expectations of his real-life sweetie?

Stephen shakes his head.

"It's like saying Bugs Bunny is going to change my expectations of the government."

When cybersex is safe
Maheu agrees that exploring sexual needs online isn't always a bad idea, but says couples have to agree about what is and isn't off-limits.

"When you talk about your relationship, you really ought to be going down the list and saying, 'Okay, what about lap dances?' 'What about looking at pornography - alone or together?'" she says. "You as a couple have to talk about it and make an agreement, and if you violate that agreement, then it's cheating."

For Betsey, dealing with her husband's addiction has been a long process; his betrayal affected her profoundly. "I doubted my own attractiveness. I doubted my own adequacy as a woman and a lover," she writes.

Her husband entered Sex Addicts Anonymous. Betsey also received counseling through a 12-step group, which helped her come to terms with his problem.

"I have experienced emotional intimacy with him when he has been able to maintain his sobriety, and I have totally fallen in love with him at those times," she writes. "I can see that he is committed to his recovery, and I can see that he is making progress."

George, meanwhile, is grateful that the information he found online led him to a better understanding of his own gender dysphoria.

"I'm sorry that my marriage was the price I had to pay, but without the Internet I could never have found a way to start dealing with this whole issue," he says. "That was the first step in accepting it for myself."

THIRTEEN RULES FOR DEALING WITH SOCIOPATHS

This excerpt from an interview with Martha Stout was so good we are reposting it here. Many of these rules can be applied to relationships with cyberpaths, online bullies or predators.

In our opinion, Cyberpaths are at their cores Destructive Narcissists & Sociopaths

Read & heed! - Fighter

Thirteen Rules
by Martha Stout
Author of THE SOCIOPATH NEXT DOOR.

1 - The first rule involves the bitter pill of accepting that some people literally have no conscience, and that these people do not often look like Charles Manson or a Ferengi bartender.

They look like us.

2 - In a contest between your instincts and what is implied by the role a person has taken on -- educator, doctor, leader, animal-lover, humanitarian, loving parent, activist, religious person -- go with your instincts.

Whether you want to be or not, you are a constant observer of human behavior, and your unfiltered impressions, though alarming and seemingly outlandish, may well help you out if you will let them. Your best self understands, without being told, that impressive and moral-sounding labels do not bestow conscience on anyone who did not have it to begin with.

3 - When considering a new relationship of any kind, practice the Rule of Threes regarding the claims and promises a person makes, and the responsibilities he or she has.

Make the Rule of Threes your personal policy. One lie, one broken promise, or a single neglected responsibility may be a misunderstanding instead. Two may involve a serious mistake. But three lies says you're dealing with a liar, and deceit is the lynchpin of conscienceless behavior.

Cut your losses and get out as soon as you can. Leaving, though it may be hard, will be easier now than later, and less costly.

Do not give your money, your work, your secrets, or your affection to a three-timer. Your valuable gifts will be wasted.

4 - Question authority.
Once again -- trust your own instincts and anxieties, especially those concerning people who claim that dominating others, violence, war, or some other violation of your conscience is the grand solution to some problem. Do this even when, or especially when, everyone around you has completely stopped questioning authority.

Recite to yourself what Stanley Milgram taught us about obedience. 'At least six out of ten people will blindly obey a present, official-looking authority to the bitter end.' The good news is that having social support makes people somewhat more likely to challenge authority.

Encourage those around you to question, too.

5 - Suspect flattery.
Compliments are lovely, especially when they are sincere. In contrast, flattery is extreme, and appeals to our egos in unrealistic ways. It is the material of counterfeit charm, and nearly always involves an intent to manipulate. Manipulation through flattery is sometimes innocuous and sometimes sinister. (i.e. Love Bombing done by Cyberpaths)

This "flattery rule" applies on an individual basis, and also at the level of groups and even whole nations. Throughout all of human history and to the present, the call to war has included the flattering claim that one's own forces are about to accomplish a victory that will change the world for the better, a triumph that is morally laudable, justified by its humane outcome, unique in human endeavor, righteous, and worthy of enormous gratitude. Since we began to record the human story, all of our major wars have been framed in this way, on all sides of the conflict, and in all languages the adjective most often applied to the word war is the word holy. An argument can easily be made that humanity will have peace when nations of people are at last able to see through this masterful flattery.

6 - If necessary, redefine your concept of respect.
Too often, we mistake fear for respect, and the more fearful we are of someone, the more we view him or her as deserving of our respect.

I have a spotted Bengal cat who was named Muscle Man by my daughter when she was a toddler, because even as a kitten he looked like a professional wrestler. Grown now, he is much larger than most other domestic cats. His formidable claws resemble those of his Asian leopard-cat ancestors, but by temperament, he is gentle and peace-loving. My neighbor has a little calico who visits. Evidently the calico's predatory charisma is huge, and she is brilliant at directing the evil eye at other cats. Whenever she is within fifty feet, Muscle Man, all fifteen pounds of him to her seven, cringes and crouches in fear and feline deference.

Muscle Man is a splendid cat. He is warm and loving, and he is close to my heart. Nonetheless, I would like to believe that some of his reactions are more primitive than mine.

I hope I do not mistake fear for respect, because to do so would be to ensure my own victimization. Let us use our big human brains to overpower our animal tendency to bow to predators, so we can disentangle the reflexive confusion of anxiety and awe. In a perfect world, human respect would be an automatic reaction only to those who are strong, kind, and morally courageous. The person who profits from frightening you is not likely to be any of these.

The resolve to keep respect separate from fear is even more crucial for groups and nations. The politician, small or lofty, who menaces the people with frequent reminders of the possibility of crime, violence, or terrorism, and who then uses their magnified fear to gain allegiance is more likely to be a successful con artist than a legitimate leader. This too has been true throughout human history. (This applies to Cyberpaths who apply the 'if you do...., then I will...." to keep you silent about the truth about them. Or who threaten to tell your friends, coworkers or hurt your family & friends. This includes those who defame and libel your reputation to people who don't even know you and rewrite history in their favor!)

7 - Do not join the game.
Intrigue is a sociopath's tool.

Resist the temptation to compete with a seductive sociopath, to outsmart him, psychoanalyze, or even banter with him.

In addition to reducing yourself to his level, you would be distracting yourself from what is really important, which is to protect yourself.

8 - The best way to protect yourself from a sociopath is to avoid him, to refuse any kind of contact or communication.

The only truly effective method for dealing with a sociopath you have identified is to disallow him or her from your life altogether. Sociopaths live completely outside of the social contract, and therefore to include them in relationships or other social arrangements is perilous. Begin this exclusion of them in the context of your own relationships and social life.

You will not hurt anyone's feelings. Strange as it seems, and though they may try to pretend otherwise, sociopaths do not have any such feelings to hurt.

You may never be able to make your family and friends understand why you are avoiding a particular individual. Sociopathy is surprisingly difficult to see, and harder to explain. Avoid him/ her anyway.

If total avoidance is impossible, make plans to come as close as you can to the goal of total avoidance.

9 - Question your tendency to pity too easily.
Respect should be reserved for the kind and the morally courageous. Pity is another socially valuable response, and should be reserved for innocent people who are in genuine pain or who have fallen on misfortune. If, instead, you find yourself often pitying someone who consistently hurts you or other people, and who actively campaigns for your sympathy & compassion, the chances are close to one hundred percent that you are dealing with a sociopath.

Related to this-- I recommend that you severely challenge your need to be polite in absolutely all situations. For normal adults in our culture, being what we think of as "civilized" is like a reflex, and often we find ourselves being automatically decorous even when someone has enraged us, repeatedly lied to us, or figuratively stabbed us in the back. Sociopaths take huge advantage of this automatic courtesy in exploitive situations.

Do not be afraid to be unsmiling and calmly to the point.

10 - Do not try to redeem the unredeemable.
Second (third, fourth, and fifth) chances are for people who possess conscience. If you are dealing with a person who has no conscience, know how to swallow hard and cut your losses.

At some point, most of us need to learn the important if disappointing life lesson that, no matter how good our intentions, we cannot control the behavior -- let alone the character structures -- of other people. Learn this fact of human life, and avoid the irony of getting caught up in the same ambition he has-- to control.

If you do not desire control, but instead want to help people, then help only those who truly want to be helped. I think you will find this does not include the person who has no conscience.

The sociopath's behavior is not your fault, not in any way whatsoever. It is also not your mission. Your mission is your own life.

11 - Never agree, out of pity or for any other reason, to help a sociopath conceal his or her true character.

"Please don't tell," often spoken tearfully and with great gnashing of teeth, is the trademark plea of thieves, abusers -- and sociopaths. Do not listen to this siren-song. Other people deserve to be warned more than sociopaths deserve to have you keep their secrets. (i.e. - EXPOSURE WORKS!)

If someone without conscience insists that you "owe" him or her, recall what you are about to read here -- that "You owe me" has been the standard line of sociopaths for thousands of years, quite literally, and is still so. It is what Rasputin told the Empress of Russia. It is what Hannah's father implied to her, after her eye-opening conversation with him at the prison.

We tend to experience "You owe me" as a compelling claim, but it is simply not true. Do not listen.

Also, ignore the one that goes, "You are just like me." You are not.

12 - Defend your psyche.
Do not allow someone without conscience, or even a string of such people, to convince you that humanity is a failure. Most human beings do possess conscience. Most human beings are able to love.

One Story of Closure: Naked Nikita

This story being posted, with permission, is by Shelly Marshall - a friend of EOPC and the site owner of YOU ARE A TARGET. (please visit her site when you have a chance!)

Her site is full of healing and validating words for those who have suffered all kinds of abuse.We thank her for her continued friendship and allowing us use of this story - Fighter.
~~~~~

"Would you give him the man back his keys," the deputy said into the phone.

My sleepy voice came back, "Officer, I don't have his keys," He had awoken me at 2am and I could hear my husband in the background slamming doors and throwing things about. I was in the RV beside the house, having moved because of his all-pervasive anger and our impending divorce.

"Well, if you just happen to find them, would you throw them in the door? Or I will have to do a full investigation on you." The officer's insinuations pissed me off because I had done nothing but go to bed in the RV once my ex came home displaying his usual hostile demeanor. I remained polite.

Bob found his keys about 20 minutes later but didn't bother to call the deputy back to say he was mistaken about me taking them. He moved out in a rage that very night and, except for a moment here or there, I never saw him again. I needed closure.

On the phone when he called about his belongings I asked, "Aren't you going to apologize for again accusing me of something you did yourself?" Accusations were one of the constant forms of abuse I took from my husband for so long. What he said was, "I found them in a place I would never have put them." No matter what, this man would probably never take responsibility for his own actions.

Ideally, I wanted him to say, "I understand it wasn't right to be so angry at you all the time. I'm sorry I was depressed and took it out on you. I'm sorry I couldn't share things with you and make you my partner. You never deserved the hostile and intimidating treatment I dished out. It wasn't your fault that I mistreated you." Fat chance that is going to happen.

S. Vaknin explains that there are two types of closure (well three but the third is insanity and so we won't go there). Sam describes:

Conceptual Closure

"This most common variant involves a frank dissection of the abusive relationship. The parties meet to analyze what went wrong, to allocate blame and guilt, to derive lessons, and to part ways cathartically cleansed." ~ Sam Vaknin

Ideally Bob would let me know that it wasn't my fault, that I could have done nothing to deserve it, that nothing I did would have made him better. And in return, I could share with him that he only abused me to the extent that I allowed him to. Maybe then I could let go of the self-incrimination.

Failing the perfect scenario, comes

Retributive Closure

"When the abuse has been "gratuitous" (sadistic), repeated, and protracted, conceptual closure is not enough. Retribution is called for, an element of vengeance, of restorative justice and a restored balance. Recuperation hinges on punishing the delinquent and merciless party."~ SamVaknin

Well the good news is, I received BOTH types of closure during the same month. November of 2004. The Conceptual Closure came from my first husband, albeit 25 years later! And the Retributive came via an anonymous email telling me that Bob was posting his naked picture on AdultFriendFinder.com and looking for a "tolerant" soul mate who would go to nudist camps with him. The stories intertwined, as luck would have it.

My First husband made a 25 year due Amends

My first husband "S" contacted me via email and wrote, "I want to make amends, can I fly out and see you?" I was perplexed - I wanted amends from the current abuser, not the first one, but… well maybe this was God's way of taking care of what could be taken care. Of course, I would accept this.

"S" called on the phone (I didn't want to see him) and said, "Shelly I am so sorry for the way I treated you and any pain I caused. I am quite sure you were ready for a long-term commitment but I was too sick. No one deserves to be treated the way I treated you. You are a lovely person, the love of my life. I was just too sick and immature to do the right thing. You never did anything to cause me to act so terribly to you and you could have done nothing to change it."

What a wonderful and inspiring thing to do. He is in a good marriage now and in fact married "his best friend." I am envious that she got my husband! He was the man I was going to grow old with and he got better for someone other than me. However, as I told "S," he only abused me to the extent that I allowed it. And with him, it wasn't long because fortunately, he kept hitting me. After the third big beating, I simply left him. End of abuse. We were married only 18 months.

So "S" did for me what Bob could not and I thought that was all the closure on this abuse thing I was going to get. Yet, during that same month, quite unexpectedly, I received an email from a source I will not name. I don't want Bob to know that someone is watching him. But this was an unexpected gift from God that dovetailed "S's" eloquent amends. And this was where I was able to get the second kind of closure "Retributive" and I have to say it's about as sweet as "S's"!

An email said Bob was naked on the Internet

The "anonymous" email informed me that Bob was posting naked pictures of himself on the Internet at AdultFriendFinder.com under sunbuff10! I was incredulous - the guy with the conservative facade? The one who did not like me wearing tank tops to AA meetings or short shorts to work in the yard? The one who's public image took priority over everything? I had to see this. (typical cyberpath behavior too! acting ethical & moral when they are ANYTHING but - Fighter)

I went in as 'NakedNikita' in honor of my first husband's dog

Well the way it works is you have to join this "dating" service (its really a porn service) to see any pictures - so I signed up for a free membership. "S's" dog is named Nikita so I borrowed the dog's name and signed up as "NakedNikita." I found Bob's site and profile right away but still couldn't see any pictures - apparently you had to be invited to see them. I was shocked that there were 300,000 members signed up in Virginia alone. It seemed people in Virginia were sex starved or something. I left the site.

Debating whether I was going to pay any money to see my ex's naked pictures on the net to PROVE he was a bastard - I went into my NakedNikita mail box and there was Bob's picture wanting to get to know Naked Nikita!!!!! Shock of all shocks. How could this have happened? Out of 300,000 he was the first person in my box?

This was too good. So I wrote back. He invited me to his private gallery. There were nudes of him in the private album, one was of him sitting in his back yard with a big ***** and the caption "Want to sit on my lap?" Oh, isn't he clever, I thought. My ex also had this same picture published on the public album that went with his profile. In his profile he advertised for a "lover and a friend" who "likes nudity, and wants a good time" -- he also stated in the cupid section that he is interested in threesomes and, although straight, he is "bi-curious." He invites ladies to look at his naked body and ****** and if they are interested, to "drop him a line." (another TYPICAL sex-addict cyberpath move - many of them LOVE to expose themselves or their genitals to their targets under the guise of "love" or "sharing" - but if you note - they are interested in the genitals only - they see you as OBJECTS not people!! and they show you their 'goodies' because they ASSUME you are only interested in objects too - Fighter) He had a picture of our dog, Cayce, and a picture of a wolf he had drawn for me on our first Christmas together.

As Nikita, I fudged on my age but pretty much told him the truth about my thoughts and likes and dislikes. He wanted a picture of me so I went into my bathroom and snapped a few shots, cropped the head and sent it to him. I thought surely he would recognize me. Apparently not. (typical again, to these abusers/ predators - women are just PARTS! - Fighter)

I wrote him that I used his picture in my fantasy and how sexy he looked. Men are easy. He responded with vigor. (paraphrased):

Good morning Nikita!

What a pleasant surprise to find your pic in my box this morning! Nice tight body! Hope you can send me your face too. I am very interested in you also.

I find it exciting to think you would use my picture in your fantasy! Use as you wish, I do have a web cam if you are interested in a real time fantasy! I can do whatever you wish on cam. You have a great body! Looking forward to meeting you, Bob

I want to point out that this is the same man who told me how flabby my body was, seldom complemented me on my looks, suggested numerous times that I work out, and generally made me feel bad about the way I looked.

My Ex was as crazy about Nikita as he had been about me during courting .

I answered and our cyber relationship blossomed in a short time. He responded (paraphrased):

Hi Nikita,
You are truly a rare find for me.There are a number of things that excite me, I listed them (never done this before) (YEAH SURE!!! They ALL say NEVER done it before! - Fighter) 1.) we are both the same sign, don't know how much to believe this but our match sounds exciting! 2.) you love to do things nude, you mentioned nudist colony. I would love to take you to a nude campground in North Carolina, its a great place! 3.) Your body looks fit, you care about it as I care about mine. WE ARE A GREAT MATCH. (Ok Readers - is your cyberpath telling you HE/SHE is YOUR perfect match? A massive RED Flag here! Shelly really reeled him in good! - Fighter)

Bob mentioned a few more highlights. He wanted more pics - so I took a picture of my butt and sent it to him. He still didn't recognize his wife and wrote back "Sweet!" I wondered how he could get so excited over pictures and emails! I began to cry. He was courting a virtual lady. I closed my account on the site and told him it was too raw for me. I also wrote that I couldn't send him my face until I knew he wouldn't plaster it all over the net. His denial must run very deep because he told Nikita that HE RESPECTED "her for being discreet!" He wrote,

"I would not want to get involved with a woman who spreads every part of her body out for all to see. It would be difficult to ever trust her! Your position, to be discrete and private is getting a lot of respect from me, I admire you for it."

What the hell was he talking about???? He just had his pecker plastered out there for the whole world to see. Bob wrote several more times to Nikita, calling her 'Sweetheart' now, and describing how spiritual he was, how he wanted a lady he could trust. (this from a flasher who just destroyed his marriage with lies, abuse, and greed). My ex even began writing a song for me--well Nikita. I sobbed. Bob never loved or knew me - any more than he could know anything about his Nikita. (A horrible revelation but one that is definitively true of many online predators!! It's all words - there's no reality -- they move too fast -- and they tell you whatever they think you want to hear! - Fighter)

He sent me the perfect symbol of our marriage

I wanted to keep the rouse going to see when it would dawn on him that I was me but he sent another picture that did me in. He took the picture of my torso, enlarged it, and printed it out, taping it to the back of his patio chair. He then sat in an adjacent chair, naked, looking longingly at the picture of a vacant headless torso. My ex sent me this picture as a gift about how "good" we would be together. I saw this picture and knew it was the perfect symbol of our marriage. Bob didn't care about my thoughts, who I was and what made me tick. The only relationship he ever had with me was with my torso. When my pesky head got in the way he was so threatened that he had to humiliate it, put it down, criticize it. Bob wasn't falling in love with Nikita - he had relationships with objects not people,

and when his "objects" turned out to be real women and got in the way, he punished them.

(Readers - Shelly's revelation here is so VITAL AND LASER ACCURATE - online you can ONLY be an object!! despite what they 'say.' Re-read this insightful paragraph, please! - Fighter)

I had loved Bob and committed for life. I believed his facade when he courted me like he was courting Nikita. But Bob can't love real people, I can see that now. I have the symbol of our marriage framed and displayed prominently in my office. This was a perfect closure gift from my ex-husband to me, even if he didn't know he was giving me such a prized possession. I treasure it.

The confession became my closure

I sent the confession email after a little over a week. I simply told him the man I fell in love with is the one writing to Nikita and that his sex addiction hijacked our marriage -- I explored some of the things I thought went wrong. Bob had to read how his ex wife, Nikita, really loved him once but HATED the disease that tore us apart. I told him what my brother, Michael Marshall Ph.D., told me, "Bob's addiction told him that I was the source of his misery," and that an exhibitionist looking for another "sexually tolerant" woman to make his "problem" seem ok was like an alcoholic marrying another alcoholic and thinking that will take care of the sickness. I pointed out that, in the end, of all the women in his sexual circle, he didn't want one of the porno sluts, he wanted the one who would NOT display herself all over the net and would not talk dirty and wanted to get to know HIM not just his ****. It was gratifying because in his own superficial way, HE WAS SERIOUS about Nikita, she got to tell him what I wanted to ever since I discovered his sex addiction. When we were together, Bob usually tore up anything I wrote him. He didn't want to hear from me. But I know he read Nikita's confession.

He wrote two additional smitten-type emails to me before I could get the confession off to him--and they were even sweeter and more intimate (for him) than the others. He wrote:

"First off, I am curious about everything about you, let's start with the spiritual you. For myself, I am not religious but do have a very strong spiritual side which has brought me through some tough times.”

For some reason he doesn't connect the dots on the spirituality thing or "respecting" someone he meets on a porno site. Well, who am I to judge? Me, Nikita!

Along with the confession, I sent him another racy picture of myself with my head on so that I wasn't the only one with naked pictures. It was a sort of an apology, letting him know that I didn't do this to have power over him, that he had a picture of me too. It was probably stupid on my part - he wouldn't get the sincerity of the gesture.

After the first enraged response, Bob sent a post script and explained that it was not a "God Thing" that he was in my mail box but that I had highlighted him on a list in my account and the system notified him. So he pursued it. I didn't know how the site system worked. So I guess it wasn't so unusual for his picture to be in my box like that, but for me it was a God thing.

(I always get a kick out of these online predators & abusers telling YOU what to think & believe when they are exposed - of course with zero hard facts or proof - as if (again) their WORDS should be your REALITY - Fighter)

And there was another caveat to all this. During our separation he was frantic to get me to sign a document saying I wouldn't show any of his private pictures to anyone - remember I had some doozies. Yet in his email to Nikita - he told her that she could do anything she wanted with his pictures!!! I had to laugh, he legally undid his contract with me. In addition, I don't think he read the agreement for being a member on AdultFriendFinder.com but it says any member can use the pictures posted on the site in any manner they want, commercial or private! That's how I have legal permission to use his naked pictures, if I so choose.

The closure was fantastic. I felt and feel great about it. At first I was worried that it wasn't in Bob's best interests for me to have decieved him, however briefly. But finally it occurred to me, I spent years protecting him and his image, doing what I always thought was best for him. Now it was time to do what was best for me. Being Nikita and getting to tell my ex-husband the things he wouldn't let me during our marriage and divorce was the right thing to do for me!

from YOU ARE A TARGET

What is Google Saying About You?

Do you know what lurks online?

Internet Safety has become a priority concern for many parents. Whether you are worried about predators online, or your child’s social networking; don’t forget about your child’s (especially teens) virtual image.

Today more and more colleges and employers are using your name or your child’s name in a “Google Search Box.” They may use other search engines, but Google seems to be the trend and most frequently used.

Years ago I woke up to find myself in the middle of a Cyber-War that I literally thought was simply a nightmare and what I was seeing/reading online had to be a mistake.

It wasn’t! If you can imagine the most horrible things being said about you, including sexual innuendos, anti-semantic remarks, and worse, you will be living what I went through.

My never before told story is finally told in my upcoming book, Google Bomb, The Untold Story of the $11.3M Verdict That Changed the Way We Use the Internet (Health Communications, Inc. September 2009). People that have reviewed this book are simply stunned, shocked and amazed what can happen to you if you are not aware of your online presence or have a cyberstalker.

Google Bomb will not only go behind the scenes of my 2+ year court battle that vindicated me with a landmark $11.3M jury verdict for damages done to me online (Internet Defamation and Invasion of Privacy), it will also offer you practical guidance. Have you been slimed online?

What does this have to do with parenting? Your child will be applying to colleges someday, or filling out job applications. Are they aware of what Google is saying about them? For that matter, do you know what Google is saying about you?

Remember, it can take 20 years to build a solid reputation about you, and only 20 minutes for it to be destroyed with evil keystrokes. Whether you have a disgruntled client, a friend turned foe or a relative that didn’t like the reading of a will – you need to be prepared to protect your cyber profile.

From students to teachers, lawyers to landscapers, truck drivers to doctors, stay-at-home moms to career women, teens to grandparents – no one is immune to what lurks online.

SOURCE

Online Dating: Don't Believe the Advertising

Online dating services and chat rooms advertise using testimonials of couples that met and married through the Internet. However, recent court cases have shown that predators can lurk behind the photos and the seemingly innocent profiles on the Websites.

(But for every one of those 'happy couples' there can be 10-20 horror stories that dating sites want covered up.)

In February 2006, a 25-year-old BYU student attempted to contact a 14-year-old girl, allegedly for sex, and was surprised to learn that the "girl" was an undercover police officer.

Sgt. Mike Brower, a member of the Utah County Sheriff's office who worked on the case, said incidents of rape occurring through online dating contacts are fairly high in Utah County, but wouldn't give any details on the statistics, saying doing so would be more harmful than helpful.

"I can't give you too many specifics," Brower said. "Basically what it does is educate the perpetrators instead of the public."

Brower attributes the county's high chat-room predation levels to its large population of children and good Internet access. Utah is among the top five states for households with computers and Internet access.

Brower said predators are generally, but not limited to, males from 20 to 60 years old and often have a history of viewing pornography or unlawfully contacting people. (Many are sub-criminal psychopaths or narcissists)

On the preventative side, Utah County has formed a task force that surfs the Internet to ensnare predators.

The officers get involved in chat rooms and see if they are contacted by anyone "predisposed to be talking dirty and wanting sex," Lieutenant Jerry Harper said.

Brower said the police force seeks out predators to protect the public before tragedy can strike.

"We want to get perpetrators before they get victims," Brower said. "We do it to protect the community."

To adults involved in chat rooms and online dating services, Lieutenant Douglas Edwards of the Orem Department of Public Safety said to use common sense.

When meeting someone online, common sense guidelines include meeting in public places and not giving out personal information.

"If it were my daughter, I would tell her not to meet someone online," Edwards said.

ORIGINAL ARTICLE

(kudos to Oneof Seven for this find!)

Online Predators, Cybersex and Covert Seduction

We are reposting this as it applies to many of our predators. (see list on right of our previous cyberpath stories)

It is time for this site to post some information about the sex addicts online. Many cyberpaths are also sex addicts. Oh, they won't seem like perverts up front. (we have used the male gender. your cyberpath could be female)

They will convince you they are nice guys, lonely guys, misunderstood, needy; that they "LOVE" you (even though they have NEVER met you), that they are religious or spiritual (see article: Lures of the Online Predator; on this site) and then slowly they ask you to 'turn on your webcam,''send me some pictures of your body parts or you naked,"''send me some underwear/ a lock of your hair" and a variety of requests that by the time they make them (i.e. - by the time they have controlled your mind to think only the best of them and to ignore red flags) - seem very innocent and even romantic - but in reality? should send you RUNNING AS FAR AWAY FROM THEM AS POSSIBLE.

It is a slow & insidious process of brainwashing and manipulation - so wake up and stay safe. - Fighter

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Warning Signs of Cybersexual Addiction:
Routinely spending significant amounts of time in chat rooms and private messaging with the sole purpose of finding cybersex.

Feeling preoccupied with using the Internet to find on-line sexual partners.

Frequently using anonymous communication to engage in sexual fantasies not typically carried out in real-life. (some do turn to escorts/ prostitutes - using online booking & hooker review boards to find real-time sex)

Anticipating your next on-line session with the expectation that you will find sexual arousal or gratification.

Finding that you frequently move from cybersex to phone sex (or even real-life meetings).

Hiding your on-line interactions from your significant other. (Yidwithlid, Dan Jacoby, Doug Beckstead and John Gash fit this model)

Feeling guilt or shame from your on-line use.

Accidentally being aroused by cybersex at first, and now find that you actively seek it out when you log on-line.

Masturbating while on-line while engaged in erotic or suggestive chat. (Glenn Capers, Ed Hicks, gridney/ Yidwithlid, Dan Jacoby and Doug Beckstead fit this model)

Less investment with your real-life sexual partner only to prefer cybersex as a primary form of sexual gratification.

Sex addicts often turn to the Internet as a new and "safe" sexual outlet to fulfill their compulsions without the expense of costly 900-lines, the fear of being seen at an adult bookstore, or the fear of disease among prostitutes.

Victims are often left with Persistant Sexual Arousal from the brainwashing & NLP Triggers!

~~~~

Understanding what makes Cybersex & Online Love addictive.
Sexual compulsivity over the Internet is not just a result of deviant individuals engaged in acting out, but with remarkable speed, the mental health field has witnessed those with no prior criminal or psychiatric history engaged in such behavior online.

The Model of Cybersexual Addiction is used to explain how the Internet creates a cultural climate of permissiveness that actually serves to encourage and validate sexually deviant behavior.

The Model examines the Anonymity of online interactions that serves to increase the likelihood of the behavior, the Convenience of email and chat rooms making it easily available to users, and finally, the Escape from mental tension derived from the experience which serves to reinforce the behavior leading to compulsivity.

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Excerpted from an article by By Robert Weiss, LCSW, CAS

Healthy romantic love is a unique experience which can encourage bonding, intimacy and the opportunity to play and explore with that special new person.

Romance, with or without sex, encourages personal growth as each new relationship forces new insights and self knowledge. The beginning stages of a potential love relationship can be intense and exciting. Most people easily relate to that "rush" of first love and romance; the stuff of songs, endless greeting cards and warm memories. Healthy intimacy, however, is characterized by more than romance, intensity and sex. Intimacy evolves over time. Loving relationships develop partially through utilizing those first exhilarating times to begin to build a bridge toward deeper, longer term closeness.

It can be difficult for anyone who is not a love or sex addict to understand how love or sexuality can be exploited or evolve into destructive patterns of addiction and compulsion. Yet for the love and sex addict, romantic love, sexuality and the closeness they offer, are experiences most often filled with pitfalls, anxiety and pain. Living in a sometimes chaotic emotional world of desperation and despair, fearful of being alone or rejected, the love addict endlessly longs for that "special" relationship.

Caught up in the constant search for a partner, the addict's endless intrigue, flirtations, sexual liaisons and affairs, leave a path of destruction and negative consequences in their wake of his or her behavior. Ironically, the love or relationship usually has few options to resolve these painful circumstances except by engaging in even more searching, creating an escalating cycle of desperation and loss. Just when seemingly "safe" in the rush of a new romantic affair or liaison the troubled Love or Sex Addict grows steadily more unhappy, fearful and bored and ends up pushing their partner away or looking outside the relationship for yet another new intensity or "love" experience.

Thus the cycle begins anew.

Unlike the healthy person seeking partnership and sex as a complement to their life, the love and sex addict searches for something outside of themselves (a person, relationship or experience) which will provide them with the emotional and life stability that they themselves lack. Similar to a drug addict or alcoholic, love and sex addicts use their arousing romantic/ sexual experiences in an attempt to "fix" themselves and remain emotionally stable.

When love and sexuality are used as a way to cope, rather than a way to grow and share, partner choice becomes skewed. Compatibility becomes based on "whether or not you will leave me", "how intense our sex life is" or "how I can hook you into staying", rather than on whether you might truly become a peer, friend and companion.

Addictive relationships are characterized over time by unhealthy dependency, guilt and abuse. Love and sex addicts will use seduction, control, guilt and manipulation to attract and hold onto romantic partners. At times, despairing of this cycle of unhappy affairs, broken relationships and sexual liaisons, some love or sex addicts may have "swearing off" periods (like the bulimic/anorexic cycles of overeaters). The addict believes that just "not being in the game" will solve the problem; only to later find the same issues reappearing when they re-engage in any type of potential intimacy.

Typical Signs of Love or Sex Addiction Include:
Constantly seeking a sexual partner, new romance or significant other (trolling online for new partners or having a bunch of them going at the same time)

An inability or difficulty in being alone

Consistently choosing partners who are married, attached, emotionally (or logistically) unavailable

Using sex, seduction and drama/ intrigue to "hook" onto a partner

Using sex or romantic intensity to tolerate difficult experiences or emotions

Missing out on important family, career or social experiences in order to maintain a sexual high or romantic relationship

When in a relationship, being detached or unhappy, when out of a relationship, feeling desperate and alone

Avoiding sex and sexual acting out (being online, seeing prostitutes, etc) for long periods of time to "solve the problem"

Returning to previously unmanageable or painful relationships despite promises to self or others (returning to spouse, significant other after a horrible period of acting out and swearing you will change/get help, etc)

Mistaking sexual experiences and romantic intensity for love

Not everyone who has engaged in one or two of the above has an addiction problem, many people may have their judgment skewed by a difficult person or situation from time to time in their lives. However, when these situations become the norm, lived over and over again in some form or another, the diagnosis can be made. Love and sex addicts who are not in recovery, like any addict, do not learn from their consequences and mistakes. It is only when the pain of these behaviors and situations becomes greater than the pain and challenges of creating change, that recovery begins.

(Love & Sex Addiction doesn't seem like much at first, can be FACILITATED by the internet and will lead the cyberpath to slowly & covertly manipulate the target in a relationship that FOR THE PREDATOR, no matter what they SAY, is about SEX ONLY.

When they are done they move on with some lie for an 'excuse', leaving the target, who has probably fallen in love, wondering what happened!

Targets frequently have severe PTSA and PSAS from the relationship - Fighter)

RECOMMENDED READING: Women Who Love Psychopaths by Sandra Brown, MA