Find the Facts Out About Them

(Florida, USA) Karen Berry got into private investigation the hard way: Somebody was stalking her, and she decided to take matters into her own capable hands. The 25-year Sunrise resident was working as property manager for a condo in Davie in the early '90s, living alone while her military husband was overseas serving in Desert Storm. One of the condo residents took a dislike to her when the association started pursuing him to pay late maintenance fees.

"I was the closest person handy," she says, "because my condo was near his. He threatened to kill me, he flattened my tires, he had my car stolen, he even hired somebody to shoot a gun near me. He was very open about it. He would leave voice mails saying he was gonna get me."

Berry decided she wanted to get him first. "I worked for a company called Record Search, so I started looking into him. I found out he had a violent past and a prior record for marijuana possession. I found 15 police reports on the guy."

Eventually, Berry's work helped put her stalker away for three years.

Now, almost two decades later, after doing investigative work for a series of companies, she has founded her own investigation company, Berry WorldWide, which takes a decidedly softer bent: Berry helps find old flames. The ones that got away. The guy you dated a few times before you shipped off to college and just couldn't forget. The grade-school sweetheart who was really meant for you.

Isn't this just a kinder, gentler form of stalking? "I always call the person being searched for once I find them," Berry says. "I tell them who I am and what I'm doing. I ask their permission to divulge their phone number or location." So far, not a single person has refused to be found. And several of the ten couples she has reunited so far are pursuing serious relationships.

As for us, we tracked down Berry through Facebook, which itself raised another question. With social media networks gobbling up the internet, aren't sites like Classmates, Facebook, MySpace, and others cutting into her profits?

Not really. "Sometimes people just don't have time to do their own searches," Berry says, "or they don't really know how to go about it. Or sometimes women change their names if they've gotten married."

Berry charges an extremely reasonable $40 for a basic search. "Most people can be found very easily; it's not like I have to do any intensive investigative research. I don't feel like I should gouge anybody because with the databases I have available, it doesn't cost me a whole lot."

Berry, who suffers from Lymphedema, moved to Pittsburgh two weeks ago to be closer to a friend who's a trauma nurse. And she's still married to the guy who came home from Desert Storm. "He takes good care of me, and I love this business," she says. "Plus, I get to work in my pajamas."

Law Guardian Accused of Stalking

By BRENDAN J. LYONS

(New York) An Albany-area law guardian is facing a felony stalking charge for allegedly sending hundreds of text messages and threatening e-mails to the family of a 15-year-old girl who had previously been his client in Family Court.

State Police said the stalking also involved the use of Facebook and other Internet social sites to glean private information about the family.

Charles J. Keegan, 58, of Bridge Street, Bethlehem, was arrested July 14 on three counts of stalking and child endangerment, including a felony stalking count for allegedly threatening that he carried a handgun, records show.

State Police announced Keegan's arrest on Friday afternoon, days after the Times Union began examining the arrest records and requested information from police about the case. Keegan was released on $10,000 bail following his arrest in the town of Saratoga, where the family lives.

Keegan is a longtime law guardian in Albany County, and has worked primarily in Albany County Family Court.

"He has been temporarily suspended," said John E. Carter, Jr., director of the Law Guardian program for the Appellate Division's Third Judicial Department in Albany.

Court records detail an alleged pattern of obsessive behavior, including one instance where police say Keegan sent family members 131 text messages on July 2. He also might have loaned the family money and that issue might have fueled the problem, according to police records.

The teenage girl told State Police the phone calls and text messages she initially received from Keegan were supportive.

"Charles used to call me and send me e-mails checking up on me," the girl said in a statement attributed to her by State Police. "But they eventually turned to nasty e-mails, regarding my sex life and calling me names."

She told police that last February she asked Keegan to stop contacting her but the calls and electronic messages continued. She also alleged that Keegan posed as her friends on Facebook, a Web-based social networking site, to gain information about her and her family.

"He also has been making up MySpace accounts and Facebook accounts using (an alias) and also trying to get information in that way," the girl told police.

On July 2, the contact became unsettling for the girl's family when Keegan allegedly spoke to her parents.

"You invited me up there and by the tone of your voice I take that to mean violence," Keegan allegedly told the girl's parents, court records show. "I will protect myself in any way I need to. I carry a firearm for protection."

The family's identity was redacted from court records provided to the Times Union. They could not be reached for comment.

The girl's mother also provided police a statement about their encounters with Keegan.

"If I don't respond to his texts or not provide answers that satisfy him he becomes upset and texts, e-mails and calls me constantly," said an affidavit attributed to her by State Police. "He has been told numerous times by me, my husband and the police to stop contacting me or my family, yet he continues to do so."

Keegan could not be reached for comment. He is set to return to Saratoga town court on Aug. 4.

BEWARE THE RAGE OF A CYBERPATH WHEN CAUGHT

BE CAREFUL!!

ONCE YOU EXPOSE THEM YOU WILL MOST CERTAINLY BE SUBJECT TO THEIR NARCISSISTIC RAGE. THIS RAGE CAN GO ON FOR YEARS.

THE CYBERPATH USUALLY DOES THE FOLLOWING (we also call it a 'pathological tantrum'):

- smear you to everyone they can, including making up whole websites just to smear you (Pathologicals believe, like small children, if they SAY something - long enough & loud enough that people will believe them and it will supplant facts and become truth.)

- harrass you, your friends or your family by phone, email or website postings
(be sure to BLOCK their emails and instant messages or DO NOT REPLY - just save them. Don't READ THEM and DON'T TRY TO 'figure out what they mean.' They are mentally disordered and can't be figured out!

If they threaten you or your family, go immediately to the authorities with all hard proof and if necessary, demand a report be filed.)

- minimize, whitewash or twist the truth about what happened between you to their friends, family, spouse, partners, co-workers, anyone who will listen (and accuse you of doing all the things they did to you - i.e. Projection)

- do everything they can to make YOU look like the sick, mentally ill or not credible person

- use their friends/ spouses in denial, other predators, coworkers, internet buddies to help them discredit and smear you or harm you physical and psychologically.

- They may post on boards you belong to or hack a website if you have one.

- They may hack your computer, your email and alter or delete files.

- Hire an attorney and give the attorney selective and or altered information to sue you for defamation, libel and/or slander.
(REMEMBER: the TRUTH is a 100% defense to this. 'Stay the course'! And to accuse someone of slander or libel when it's proveable truth can be actionable by law. If you allow a bully-cyberpath to silence you, they will NOT leave you alone -- they will just push for more & more & more reaction & concession for you. It's a no-win anyway so speak your truth plainly, clearly and don't feel you need to defend yourself.)

- Go to law enforcement, again with selective or altered information, to have you charged with cyberstalking or cyber-harrassment or worse.
(again, stay strong - don't go out of control - and stay the course. Show the officers what you have on them and offer to sign an affidavit stating that its the 100% truth and the Cyberpath is performing a "pre-emptive strike" )

We can assure you that many of the cyberpaths profiled here come to this site NUMEROUS times a day and some send us vaguely threatening email demanding to know who exposed them (we have YET to have to do this... and doubt we ever will; which is why we ask you to sign a binding release)

They threaten to sue EOPC, click the "report this blog" button a number of times and even pretend to be other people or send their friends (or use proxies) to this site to try to covertly get information from us. The people running this site are adults, some who know quite a bit about the law and crime investigation. We are not all in the same country, either. Nor are we stupid.

They also threaten lawsuits, etc. They need to read EFF.org and some of our articles on this issue. We take great pains to verify information. We get a legal release from all our victims and we won't take down something because of intimidation. UNLESS WE HAVE VERIFIABLE INFORMATION ITS FALSE.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

To the Victims - exercise caution. And expect to find yourself under attack. Be sure to tell everyone close to you what you are doing. And we support and congratulate you for telling the truth and embracing reality.

Do not respond to your cyberpath - but certainly tell the truth when asked and wherever you can. Get therapy to deal with the stress of the aftermath. Anyone who believes the cyberpath is not your problem.

To the Cyberpaths - Lie to everyone you can, if you must - but the truth remains. We know it, you know it and you can twist in the winds of your 'conveniently rewritten realities' but a lie is a lie. Be sure to read legal definitions before you accuse someone of slander, libel or defamation and don't be surprised when it backfires on you.

The narcissistically injured on the other hand, cannot rest until he has blotted out a vaguely experienced offender who dared to oppose him, to disagree with him, or to outshine him.

It can never find rest because it can never wipe out the evidence that has contradicted its conviction it is unique and perfect. This archaic rage goes on and on and on.

-Group Helplessness and Rage Ernest S. Wolf, MD

For good examples of a couple of our Predators doing some of the above nonsense, visit these sites:

ONE

TWO

THREE

(update: as of this repost: YID with LID has removed his hate site against one of his victims. Douglas Beckstead, however, has been using social networking sites like Facebook to polish his "image" and lay blame for his being exposed on only one of his victims... when we heard from three of them!

Remember: they attack the one who scares them the most! - EOPC)

Man Posts Online Threats & Allegations - Gets Convicted

John E. Murphy, Acting United States Attorney announced that 32-year-old Steven Weste is in federal custody today after a jury in San Antonio found him guilty of making false statements to and concealing material facts from federal authorities and e-mailing threats to kill people including a person hired to be a U.S. Border Patrol agent, a Virginia police officer, and Weste’s former girlfriend.

Following the jury’s verdict handed down yesterday, U.S. District Judge Xavier Rodriguez ordered that Weste, who had been out on a $50,000 unsecured bond prior to trial, be remanded to the custody of the United States Marshal. Judge Rodriguez scheduled sentencing for October 30, 2009.

Weste, a Judson High School teacher who was transferred to an administrative post subsequent to being indicted, faces up to five years in federal prison per each of the 15 counts of which he was convicted.

The jury found that between November 2006 and January 2007, Weste sent scores of e-mails which either contained threats to kill or contained false statements. Testimony during the trial revealed that among those e-mails, Weste, in December 2006, threatened to kill his former student and former girlfriend, who was at the time attending the College of William and Mary in Virginia, upon her return home during Christmas break. Weste followed up by sending e-mails to a campus Police Lieutenant threatening to kill him and “everyone close to” him if he continued investigating Weste’s initial e-mail threat to kill his former girlfriend.

Testimony also revealed that Weste e-mailed a threatening communication on December 21, 2006 to one of his former students who was attending Massachusetts Institute of Technology in which Weste threatened to kill the student and his entire family.

In addition to e-mailing the threats to kill, jurors also found that in November 2006, Weste, using aliases, sent various e-mails to federal authorities which contained false child molestation and sexual assault allegations with the intent to discredit an individual hired to be a U.S. Border Patrol agent in El Paso. The agent had previously dated the sister of Weste’s former girlfriend and Judson student.

This case was investigated by the College of William and Mary Police Department, Department of Homeland Security–Office of Inspector General, U.S. Customs and Border Protection Internal Affairs (CBPIA), U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement and the Federal Bureau of Investigation together with the Texas Department of Public Safety. The police departments from the Judson Independent School District, University of Texas at Austin and Massachusetts Institute of Technology as well as the San Antonio Police Department also provided assistance in this investigation.

Former CBPIA Special Agent Joe Arredondo, who began the investigation more than two years ago, came out of retirement to provide invaluable assistance to the prosecution throughout the trial. Assistant United States Attorneys Jim Blankinship and Tom McHugh are prosecuting this case on behalf of the government.

ORIGINAL ARTICLE HERE

The Pick-Up Artist

Our thanks to EOPC friend Laura Knight-Jadcyzk at SOTT for this gem. Readers - this type of guy can work his game ONLINE probably even EASIER than off. Here's proof that these predators THINK OF THEIR PREY AS OBJECTS and are non-cureable. BEWARE!

BY Alex Molotkow

In the summer of 2004, a newly single professional in his early forties wanted to sleep with as many women as possible. Sex being above all other considerations — time, money, shame — he took on the persona “Dimitri the Lover” and drafted a general sexual proposition for any “attractive, intelligent woman” who happened to read it. He printed a few thousand posters and hired a postering company. Together they placed them all over the city, from family-oriented neighbourhoods like the Beaches (where mothers’ groups ripped them down en masse) to York University campus (which alerted the police).

“I got dozens of responses. Dozens. And f**ked maybe 20 women, something like that. Not a lot,” Dimitri tells me. Of course, most people who saw the poster thought it was a joke. I did, until Dimitri hit on me in Starbucks two years later. I was taken aback, mostly because of the way he looked: tall and broad-shouldered, with dark, gelled-back hair. A stranger on the street might nickname him “Dimitri the Lover” as a joke.

Dimitri can spit out romantic hyperbole like a seasoned Don Juan, but his rants are reminiscent of Screw magazine’s Al Goldstein. His speeches, however eloquent, often spin off their axes and turn into wildly offensive tirades. He says he means no harm, though this might not be obvious to those who read his posters. Lately, he’s been posting ads for a community called Toronto Real Men. In early March, a notice for a meeting (“905 Keeps Your C**k Alive”) at Rancho Relaxo offended one person so much that they alerted the Toronto Women’s Bookstore. The store called the venue, which cancelled the event post-haste. “It just seemed like a joke when I saw it — I was shocked by it, but I didn’t think it was this serious thing,” says Rose Kazi, a Toronto Women’s Bookstore employee. “

That’s part of the reason why I went to Rancho — this might be a joke, but just so you know as a business, your name is on it.” On his website, www.dimitrithelover.com, Dimitri referred to the complainants as “bitter, moustached, man-hating, femi-nazi c*nts from socially regressive, evolutionarily non-sequitur organizations.”

With Toronto Real Men, Dimitri has joined the “seduction community,” the vast network of dating gurus and “pickup artists” (PUAs) popularized by Neil Strauss’ 2005 book, The Game. According to Frank B. Kermit of www.franktalks.com, a Toronto-based seduction guru who specializes in relationship management, the movement began in the early ’90s, as a newsgroup dedicated to the convoluted techniques taught by Ross Jeffries (Tom Cruise’s character in Magnolia is said to be based on him). Some of the men immersed in the seduction lifestyle seem to be engaged in a real-life role-playing game, where PUAs like “Swinggcat,” “Mehow” and “Juggler” vie for experience points. Others are just lonely with little confidence.

“Most of these people are just guys looking for some guidance where their parents or society in general couldn’t give it to them,” says Miso G., proprietor of www.naturalseducers.com, a company that offers weekend training programs for men at $1,200 to $1,500 a pop, and a moderator at Toronto Phoenix Society, an online forum for men. “[Guys] would never ask for advice on topics like these as freely as girls would.”

As with any self-help movement, there are plenty of hacks eager to capitalize on the downtrodden. There are also community organizations where nobody pays a thing.

“Think of it as alcoholics anonymous,” says Kermit, who has run “lairs” — free forums for men — in Toronto and elsewhere. Seduction groups have existed in Toronto for several years, but the movement remained obscure until Strauss’ book. Kermit’s Toronto Lair formed to absorb members from another group, the Toronto Social Network, which split in two (the other half being Toronto Phoenix Society) due to questionable leadership practices, including charging for mandatory seminars. Dimitri charges for Toronto Real Men, though he emphasizes that he doesn’t need the money. “They don’t get something for nothing,” he told me. “$250 a year, you’re a member. One meeting a month. I’m going to be offering courses to men on how to get f**ked, fast.”

Dimitri was born in Toronto in the early 1960s. He had a rough upbringing:

“My father was very physically and emotionally abusive. My mother was just a borderline manic, histrionic, dramatic woman, and I did not grow up really understanding what love was.” A nerdy overachiever in high school, he didn’t lose his virginity until he was 20. He became a physician, but lost his licence after pleading guilty to charges of sexual impropriety during house calls. His lawyers pressured him into the decision, he says. “I asked [one patient] out on a date, and we chatted a bit, I said give me a call sometime, gave her a goodbye hug. That was it.”

Two more women came forward with similar stories after reading about him in the newspaper, he continues, and one recalled that he had “spent too much time in the bathroom.”

“At the time, I was married. And my wife was sexually dysfunctional, I had not had sex with her in a year and a half. It was a very tough time, I was very horned up. And I was busy, between that and working, so for me it was easy to hit on chicks that were patients.”

In the aftermath, Dimitri says, he lost everything he owned and spent half a year on welfare. His sex drive remained intact, however, and without money for dates he became more direct with women. He credits the experience for ridding him of all regard for social norms. It also embittered him against what he considers to be feminist alarmism.

“[Toronto Real Men is] a rebellion against society, and what they’ve turned men into. I should never have gotten in trouble for what happened. I should have maybe gotten a slap on the wrist… [Toronto Real Men is] a rebellion against feminism, and really feminism is what’s created a lot of this. Sexual harassment in the workplace — it’s so overblown.”

The personal coaching courses he now offers, including “Women Worship You” and “Worship the C**k,” are intended to help men assert their masculinity.

Dimitri claims to live by principles, though it’s difficult to distinguish them amid his inflammatory digressions. He’s honest about his intentions, and he speaks earnestly when not caught up in showmanship. Whatever he does with women, he insists that he always does it consensually. The many conquests he claims certainly make him a desirable seduction guru: he says he’s slept with 400 to 500 women, a modest figure given his compulsion for hitting on every halfway attractive woman he sees. When I went “cruising” with him around the St. Lawrence area, I watched him pick up several pretty girls with rapid efficiency. I also saw him weather several cold rejections, which he attributed alternately to ethnicity, “Paul Bernardo Syndrome” and confusion. He had a remarkable knack for determining who would be receptive to him. When they weren’t, he assumed they had been abused by another man. “If a woman doesn’t trust me, usually she’s a nut job,” he once told me.

Some feel as though Dimitri goes too far, online and elsewhere. “I do not associate with Dimitri the Lover,” Kermit says. “I had no idea the guy was as misogynistic as he is. [He’s] very charming and very entertaining… [but] I will not endorse people who promote the idea of violence, even as a joke.”

For a feminist, it’s difficult to respond to somebody whose MO is feminist-baiting. “If you want to have a party with straight men talking about how to get girls, you know, that’s fucked up, but I’m not going to stop you,” says Kazi of Toronto Women’s Bookstore. “But [Dimitri’s ad] was just disturbing. I don’t know — maybe he should just change his marketing angle.” Kazi and Alex MacFadyen, another bookstore employee, laugh it off. “We’re very sex-positive, so that’s not the problem,” MacFadyen comments.

“I encourage him to come in! And, you know, get a book,” says Kazi.

What would they recommend?

“What about C**t?” Kazi suggests.

MacFadyen howls. “The Ethical Slut!”

ORIGINAL

MORE:
Pick Up Artists or F**ked up Men?

The "Seduction" Community

How To Be a Predator?

A Whole Online Group for How-To

Smear Campaign Lands Man in Court

Homebuyer 'launched smear campaign' against estate agents after being gazumped

By James Tozer

(U.K.) Martin Frostick, pictured outside Oldham Magistrates Court, is alleged to have sent out faxes falsely claiming the estate agent had gone bust

A gazumped homeowner took drastic revenge by launching a smear campaign to try to drive the estate agency he blamed out of business, a court heard today.

Martin Frostick, 53, was so aggrieved at losing the house that he circulated bogus bankruptcy petitions falsely claiming the Ryder & Dutton chain was going bust, it was alleged.

As a result, the agency was 'deluged' with inquires from clients worried about its financial state, the court heard.

It had to issue urgent public statements dismissing the notices as a 'malicious rumour' to save its reputation from being fatally damaged, it was claimed.

Frostick allegedly walked into a branch of the agency - based in Oldham, Greater Manchester - last June demanding information about a house sale back in 1997.

The complaint related to a house he had owned which had been repossessed, and he had later been gazumped in a sale, the court was told.

Staff said they didn't keep records that far back and Frostick left, slamming the door.

The following day he sent an email to Richard Powell, one of the directors, said Roderick Priestley, prosecuting at Minshull Street Crown Court, Manchester.

'It was some sort of grievance the defendant had with the firm over a repossession of a house which Mr Frostick owned in Oldham. He seemed to have been gazumped in a sale.'

Mr Powell then received 'abusive and threatening' faxes followed by a document purporting be a petition regarding the winding up of Ryder & Dutton, the court heard.

Mr Priestley said the notice was a fictitious one drawn up by Frostick. 'It was made by the defendant to damage the company,' he added.

The firm called the police after receiving a further email from Frostick containing 31 pages of names and numbers of companies to which he allegedly planned to send the fax.
Ryder & Dutton estate agents in Royton near Oldham

'Smeared': Ryder & Dutton estate agents say they lost a contract due to the false rumours

In addition, Frostick allegedly circulated a copy of an article from the London Gazette - which carries insolvency notices - altered to suggest Ryder & Dutton had gone bust.

He is also accused of sending a newspaper article about the collapse of Northern Rock which had been manipulated to carry the firm's name instead.

'The firm was deluged with enquires about the financial health of the company,' Mr Priestley said.

One leasing firm actually terminating a contract as a result of the rumours.

'What this man did caused significant inconvenience, stress and time,' Mr Priestley told the jury.

'So in order to protect their reputation they issued an urgent statement where they made it very clear that this was a dishonest and malicious rumour.

'What is clear is that Mr Frostick perceives that he has been wronged and 11 years later has decided to proceed with a complaint.

'But he, in effect, says because they wouldn't respond successfully to him, he then embarked upon this campaign.'

Frostick of Delph, near Oldham, was arrested two weeks later. Told about the cancelling of the lease agreement, he allegedly retorted: 'Good, I'm delighted.'

The trial heard Frostick admits coming up with the idea but denies fraud by making false representations.

The trial continues.

ORIGINAL ARTICLE HERE

"Find Your Perfect NIGHTMARE Online"

"Find Your Perfect Date at Match.com", reads this online dating service's current banner ad. "Find a Nightmare", reads the banner ad attached to the inside of my skull. Because online dating, at least in my experience, is one of the unfunniest jokes around.

What am I ranting about? Well, the six months that I spent on Match.com, and the 120 dollars I coughed up were complete wastes of time and money.

I first joined Match.com because it seemed to have the biggest database, and its friendly, photo-driven database let me actually look at the people I was sending e-mail to. Unfortunately, the database underwent a complete restructuring shortly after I joined, destoying several evening's worth of work creating an an earnest, heartfelt personal profile. So I had to painstakingly re-enter all this information.

After re-building my personal information, reconstructing my personal search criteria, and uploading a new picture of myself, I waited patiently for some incoming e-mail to arrive. After two weeks had gone by, with nary a response, I went on the offensive, and started to actively search for women matching my criteria (heavy-smoking divorced caucasion atheists).

I quickly found that there were forty-one of these people within a 50 mile radius of my location. Because I don't believe that love is blind, I narrowed my search criteria to the twenty-five who had actually uploaded pictures of themselves, and immediately screened out another seven for being butt-ugly. That left me with eighteen, so I composed one heartfelt, sincere, earnest e-mail, and sent the same message to the group using a "blind copy BCC".
Five women of the eighteen replied, and over the next several weeks, I began trading e-mails with three of them. Here is a brief summary of the resulting encounters.

Date 1: A Candle-Lit Dinner
J*** seemed to have everything going for her. A cute face, a paying job at a prominent New York film institute, a wry way of expressing herself in e-mail, and realistic expectations about the prospects of meeting Mr. Right through an online dating service. She wrote: "I really don't think we'll know if there's a real connection between us until we actually sit down together and make eye contact". She suggested we meet at an intimate Italian restaurant near her workplace on the West Side, and I hung out at the bar until she showed up.

I remember sitting there with a Diet Coke, with my back to the entrance and my mind swirling with fantasies about what we'd talk about - the arts, Giuliani, the Yankees - whatever seemed most conducive to romance. But then, my reverie was broken when an extremely large woman tapped me on the shoulder, I turned around, and it was J*** - about 80 pounds heavier than her picture had indicated. I could hardly even see her eyes peering out from within the folds of fat, much less make contact with them.

Because I consider myself a gentleman, I bought her dinner (Lasagna), and talked exclusively about Giuliani, which seemed to please her to no end. But as soon as I could dump her in the subway, I ran screaming back to the East side, and never sent her e-mail again.
Date 2: Romantic Phone Sex
With the J*** experience safely behind me, I began to more carefully analyze the pictures that my six "hot" prospects had uploaded of themselves, to look for obvious signs of retouching or Loch Ness monster-style fakery. Using software originally developed by the CIA Global Maps Division, I began blowing up and enhancing some of these grainy JPEGs, and sure enough, several contained dead giveways that they were taken many years ago, when the subject was in much better (or at least much younger) shape. These background clues included biplanes flying in the distance, cars with tailfins, and an old Nixon: Now More Than Ever poster.

I was left with two prospects whose pictures seemed honest. One was an exotic belly-dancer, and I had made all the arrangements to meet her when she requested that we talk on the phone first.

There was scratchy Middle Eastern music playing in the background when I called, and what seemed to be a couple of hungry kids screaming. This is in itself wasn't a turnoff - in fact it was almost a turn-on. But when this poor woman began talking, I knew that there was no way on earth that we could ever communicate earnestly and heartfeltly about anything, at least in any extant language. She sounded like just like Brezhnev did after a hard night of drinking, so I told her I was feeling ill (which I was), and I moved our date into the far-distant future (2006).
Date 3: Sexy E-Mail
Older, wiser, but still horny as hell, I was now down to just one prospect, so I sent her another piece of earnest e-mail. By this time, I was becoming increasingly desperate to meet someone under 800 lbs. who actually spoke the English language, but I was also getting gunshy.

So I began asking a few personal questions about her - what kind of food she liked eating, whether she liked music from the Middle East, or had a thing for vodka - innocuous things like that. I had become accustomed to this kind of probing behavior - (one of my correspondents had actually asked for my Social Security Number, and I stupidly complied, and of course never heard from her again).

To this day, I don't think I was being overly intrusive, but my correspondent clearly thought differently. Maybe she got my e-mail at the end of a long day, or her real boyfriend had dumped her - I'll never know. But here's the reply I got back after sending her a simple "request for clarification of one of your earlier points" message:

WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH YOU. DO YOU WANT TO MEET ME OR NOT? ARE YOU ONE OF THOSE AMBIVALENT SONS OF B*TCHES WHO CANT MAKE UP THEIR MIND - ARE YOU SRIOUS ABOUT MEETING ME OR JUST WANT TO TORTURE ME AND F*CK WITH MY HEAD? DON'T BOTHER REPONDING - IM UP TO HERE WTH YOUR DUMB QUESTIONS. N**
Epilogue:
I cancelled my Match.com subscription, spent the money I saved on two reasonably good subscription porn services, and tried to forget the whole thing. But I can't really forget, because every day, I receive junk mail about some wretched new Match.com event - a wine tasting, or a boat cruise, or a getaway weekend.

Someday, I'm sure I'll meet someone, and maybe, God willing, we'll wind up having grandchildren together. But I'm 100% sure that I'd be better off taking my chances with a random, in-your-face encounter than by flying blind in a world of illusion. And I'll certainly never date online again, until such time as they can screen out the imposters, the losers, the psychos, and the women who sound like Brezhnev.

I actually do know people who have met compatible mates online, but I believe these success stories are vastly outnumbered by the number of empty, unhappy, soul-searing experiences that nobody publicizes - the victims are too ashamed, and the service doesn't want to know either. Match.com and its brethren are, in my opinion, seamy lonely-hearts clubs where deception, trickery, and paranoia run rampant, scarring the gullible and the guileless.

But then again, I guess I'm one of those "ambivalent sons-of-b*tches who can't make up their mind" - at least about throwing myself blindly into the arms of these cyber-weirdos.

ORIGINAL POST HERE

Louisana Man Charged with Cyberstalking & Transmission of Nudity

A number of our cyberpaths have done this - and their victims reported it yet LAW ENFORCEMENT DID NOTHING! Why is that? - EOPC

By Vickie Welborn

A Louisiana, USA man is accused of sending obscene photographs of himself and text messages with "language of a sexual nature" to two Minden women.

A weeklong investigation resulted in Webster sheriff's investigators arresting James Lee Adkins, 23, on Thursday night on one count each of cyberstalking, obscenity and telephone harassment.

On Friday, Minden police added an obscenity charge over a separate incident in which Adkins is suspected of sending inappropriate photos and text messages with "language of a sexual nature to the female without her consent or request," according to a sheriff's office news release.

Sheriff's investigators zeroed in on Adkins after completing a forensic search. "The victim provided her cell phone to me for examination after she received unwanted nude photographs of a man," sheriff's Sgt. Dustin Reynolds says in the release.

Adkins denied sending the photographs but ultimately admitted doing so after being shown his face mistakenly captured in a reflection in one of the photos, authorities said.

Comments he made while being interviewed by sheriff's investigators alerted authorities to the most recent incident, in which Adkins is accused of sending nude photographs of himself to another woman, Reynolds said.

"The same phone information was captured from a different complainant's cellular device through a forensic search that our office had recently conducted for the Minden Police Department," Reynolds said. "It also involved nude photographs that were sent to a different young woman.

Cyberstalking involves the unsolicited transmission of indecent material to anyone via a technological device. While many "sexting" cases involve underage victims, this one is a reminder that even adults can get into trouble by sending sexually explicit texts, the news release states.

"It's just never, ever a good idea to send indecent messages or photos," Reynolds said. "Once it's out there, you can never get it back. Someone somewhere will always have a copy."

ORIGINAL ARTICLE

THE INFIDELITY INDUSTRY

Cheaters Inc

Cheating on your spouse is always immoral, sometimes illegal, and if that doesn’t matter, a wide range of Web sites are ready to help you play around.

Are you married and looking for a one-night stand? Need a soul mate to fill the void that’s been growing since your wedding day? Even if you just need an alibi to explain where you were last night, there are companies especially designed for the married-but-looking clientele.

The ease of the Internet is one reason women are quickly catching up to men in the arena of extramarital nookie, according to Newsweek. Nowadays, an estimated 30 percent to 40 percent of wives are unfaithful, compared to 50 percent of husbands, therapists told the news magazine.

To show how fast the world is changing, only 10 percent of married women admitted to infidelity in 1991, according to a poll by the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago. Ten years later, that number jumped to 15 percent for women, while the level of unfaithful men stayed a constant 22 percent.

Can we believe these numbers? Why would husbands and wives be honest with pollsters if they can’t be honest with each other?

What can’t be denied is the growing number of Web sites catering to philandering, discreet dating and other services that may do a marriage a disservice. Here are a few:

1. Wages of Sin (and Various Payment Plans) You pay a price for cheating — and many dating sites for wed wanderers offer various payment plans that won’t stick out like a sore thumb on your credit card bill.

AshleyMadison.com, a dating site for married adults "with unmet needs," claims revenue has shot up 10 percent this year, now that it expanded its billing methods to accept debit cards along with credit card payments.

Don’t worry about leaving your spouse’s divorce lawyer an electronic money trail straight to your secret lover. Your credit card will merely show a charge from "Ashley Madison," which sounds more like an accounting firm than a dating service that boasts the slogan: "When Monogamy Becomes Monotony."

About 160,000 people have registered, a no-cost endeavor. You get to post a profile with a nom de plume, and, if you dare, a photo. You only pay if you want to contact other members.

Newbies are encouraged to get specific about what extramarital pleasure they’re seeking. "Swingers" should distinguish themselves from those seeking a "secondary relationship" — a long-term romance that’s not necessarily sexual.

A "tertiary relationship" is a polite way to refer to a one-night stand.

And you should be warned: Some married daters expect you not to cheat on your mistress with another mistress — a concept known as "polyfidelity."

"Our service is not meant to glorify or promote infidelity," says operations director Darren Morgenstern, who married shortly before Ashley Madison opened three years ago, in a press release.

"We’re simply offering a safe and anonymous way for people to communicate with each other once they’ve made up their mind to explore options outside their relationship."

2. Honor Among Philanderers? A Lothario’s Creed
From one philanderer to another, are you emotionally prepared for an affair? Can you handle the guilt, hide incriminating receipts and delete computer files that would spell ruin in divorce court?

"Unless you are the only one who has access to your computer, don’t bookmark this webpage," visitors of philanderers.com are warned. "The contents can bury you!!!"

This warning comes from a man who identifies himself as Doug Mitchell. He won’t give out his real name because, in addition to a wife, two children and a dog, he has had a girlfriend for seven years — just about as long as he’s been running this site.

"I thought I was alone when I started this site," says Mitchell, who describes himself as a 40ish importer-exporter from Canada. "I couldn’t find anywhere on the Internet to turn for advice."

Mitchell says he’s still dating the same woman and that his marriage has actually improved because he’s found a way of life that suits him.

"It’s not for everyone. You have to be prepared," he says. "My girlfriend knows I run the site. My wife does not."

Would-be philanderers should be warned of the Web site’s disclaimer against any liability, should your spouse get wise and take you for all you’re worth. You are also warned that breaking your marriage vows is against the law in some jurisdictions.

If you’re still bent on cheating, however, you’ll get free how-to guides and handy — presumably tested — advice.

Never use credit cards, a hotel phone or let anyone take a picture.

Toothpaste is apparently great to remove a lipstick stain. If you’re still worried about telltale signs of a lover on your apparel, stop at a gas station, smear yourself with motor oil and claim you slipped while pumping gas. Better to ruin a shirt than a marriage.

Condoms are part of the philanderer’s code, Mitchell says. And it’s a good habit to use generic nicknames like "honey" and "dear" to avoid mix-ups when you get home.

Another part of the philanderer’s creed: "Never tell anyone what you are doing, not even your best friend."

"We don’t encourage extramarital affairs. We understand them," Mitchell says.

"People who come to this site are already sitting on the fence. I help them make an informed decision, to see if the benefits outweigh the risks."

Mitchell claims he’s getting 35,000 hits a day. About 70 percent of his online personals come from men, who pay about $10 a month (cheating women can post ads for free).

He says women are more active than men on his message boards.

Mitchell admits receiving his share of angry letters from husbands and wives who’ve been done wrong, but says that’s less than one-tenth of the e-mail he receives. "I can’t say those people are wrong. Everyone has their own moral code," he says. "It’s always best to be honest, and honestly, this works for me."

A philanderer isn’t a bad person as much as a person who finds his marriage is missing something, and an affair might be that certain spark, he says.

"You would never know if you met me," he says. "I could be your next-door neighbor."

But what if Mitchell found that his wife was cheating on him — or worse yet, if she were one of the many happy customers on philanderers.com? "I guess I couldn’t say much," he says. "That would be like the pot calling the kettle black."

3. Liar-for-Hire: The Perfect Alibi Agency
Need someone to call home to say you need to work late? How about a service to send all your mistresses bouquets on Valentine’s Day?

A German company called "Perfect Alibi" claims it provides about 350 clients each month handy excuses, such as bogus invitations to weekend business seminars. Such liar-for-hire services range in price between $13 and $104, depending on the nature of the alibi, and a $35 annual membership fee.

4. Is Chatting Cheating? The advent of Internet dating over the last few years may have changed courtship more than anything since the advent of the pill.

Some married folks miss that thrilling yet harrowing experience of flirting with a stranger via e-mail. This could be why so many straying spouses slip off their wedding ring and into an online persona.

All online dating services (including Christian or other religious dating sites) say they’ve had trouble with married men posing as single dreamboats.

Some sites allow members to post "discreet" listings, which allow them to not announce their marital status. Others, like Match.com, will boot you off if you’re reported to be less than legally separated. (oh really? not from what the recent class action suits say! And do you really think a cheater will ADMIT they are married? - Fighter) Posting an online personal advertisement is a clear ethical no-no when you’re hitched. But can you flirt in a chat room if you are espoused but filled with ennui?

Interestingly, men say chatting is cheating more than women, according to a member survey by imatchup.com. Only 35 percent of ladies think online flirting is a breach of the wedding vows, compared to 48 percent of men.

The problems presented by wed surfers posing as singles has opened the door to companies like Marriedsecrets.com, yet another married-but-still-dating Web site. There are now close to 100 of these type of sites.

"Thirty percent of those who use online dating services are married," the Web site claims. "Why not join a site specifically designed for you? With marriedsecrets.com, there’s no excuses, no explanations."

5. Jealous Spouse Panty Raids
If you think your spouse is a louse, you don’t have to wash your dirty laundry in public. You can investigate yourself by checking for incriminating DNA evidence.

The CheckMate 5-Minute Infidelity Kit, available at DNAplus.com for $49.95, allows you to soak your spouse’s suspiciously stained underwear with a chemical and then blot it with a strip of paper. It’s similar to a pregnancy test.

The company claims Checkmate is effective on both men and women, even if the man is using a condom or the woman showers after a tryst. The Web site is also marketing Checkmate as a way for parents to find out if their child has become sexually active.

For best results when checking up on your spouse, the company suggests you abstain from sex with your partner for a few days to make sure the suspicious stain came from a third party (and perhaps at a third party).

To be doubly sure, the company provides a service of testing the husband’s sperm and comparing it with the questionable underwear.

What should you do while you abstain from sex with your alleged ratfink of a partner? Why not cruise the Internet, where you’re sure to find kindred spirits looking for companionship?

Buck Wolf is entertainment producer at ABCNEWS.com.

Just a FEW other Internet "Cheating Sites"
www.mate1.com
www.philanderers.com
www.meet2cheat.com
www.discreetadventures.com
www.marriedsecrets.com
www.dateplace.com
www.bangmatch.com
www.iwantu.com
www.sexsearch.com
www.utopiaguide.com
www.redpersonals.com
www.Married-Woman-Personals.com
www.marriedsingles.com
www.outsidelove.com
http://www.internethookups.com

These do NOT include the numerous online dating sites, penpal sites, reunion sites or chat sites (such as Yahoo Personals) where a person lies about being single or divorced; to the best of our knowledge.

NLP, Mind Control and Seduction

We talk a great deal on this site about the seduction techniques used by cyberpaths. Similar techniques are used by seducers offline as well. Anyone - we mean ANYONE - irregardless of how smart or savvy you are - is a potential target.

This doesn't make you stupid, gullible or irresponsible.

These techniques are used by Advertisers, Marketers, Politicians, even Con Men and Success Seminar Gurus. We are exposed to it every day - so much so that we no longer see it. NLP can be a powerful tool -- but in the hands of exploitative pathologicals? LOOK OUT!

Here's some clickable links we hope you read to learn more about the science of everyday seduction:

NLP = NeuroLinguistic Programming

Review of The Art of Seduction

Influence at work -- Site that explains the different tools of influence and how they're used. Based on Cialdini's 7 Principles of influence.

Encyclopedia of NLP -- Defines key terms in NLP, a collection of psychological influence and therapeutic techniques.

Neurosemantics.com -- great online resource for NLP, state control and modelling.

How to Become an Irresistible and Hypnotic Communicator.

Cognitive Dissonance - A definition and how it works. (Something we all do everyday!)
Influence Women With the Power of a Cult Leader! - sound like a joke? Then why do all the cyberpaths sound so much ALIKE??

Seduce Women Using Seduction Techniques

Don Juan Discussion Forum Yes, you were right ladies - they DO discuss how to do it! and this is not the only forum where these predators discuss this stuff

Make Any Woman Sexually Addicted to You - one of Sammy Benoit aka yidwithlid's (first profiled in Feb. 2005) playbooks; verified to us by law enforcement

Life of Brian Not only does he blog about it - he makes a living giving how to seminars.

Erotic Hypnosis & Hypno-Seduction - "The state of arousal is created to overcome resistance or, even better, to lead the victim of the seduction process to apparently take control of the situation, by performing the physical action ultimately desired by the seducer or the seductress."

The Sage of Seduction are we starting to get the picture here?

CLICK HERE FOR A GREAT GRAPHIC THAT EXPLAINS NLP!!

Conditions for mind control:
Psychologist Margaret Singer described in her book "Cults in our Midst" six conditions, which would, she says, create an atmosphere where thought reform (online predators 'groom' their prey using thought reform) is possible. Singer sees no need for physical coercion.

-- controlling a persons time and environment, leaving no time for thought (sweeping you off your feet??)

-- creating a sense of powerlessness, fear and dependency ("need")

-- manipulating rewards and punishments to suppress former social behavior ("if you... then I will")

-- manipulating rewards and punishments to elicit the desired behavior (disappearing offline without warning or when you have trouble and need them the most? all TALK no actions to back it up?)

-- creating a closed system of logic which makes dissenters feel as if something was wrong with them (making you feel guilty or that you don't 'love' or 'care for' them if you go against the cyberpath's wishes?)

-- keeping recruits unaware about any agenda to control or change them (comments like: "I would never hurt you, I would never lie to you, I can't believe you think I am lying/ using you...." etc)

(sounds like abuse..... doesn't it?)

"The descendants of Casanova of our time are called Ross Jeffries, Major Mark Cunningham, Rob Johnson and David De Angelo. They organize seminars and then sell audio- and videotapes on which their techniques for the allure and capture of worthy specimen of the female gender are taught.

For our purposes, especially the material by Ross Jeffries is interesting, since his "Female Psychic Attack" - techniques often tap into the power of NLP for eliciting states of arousal. One of the techniques used by Jeffries for states elicitation is the use of metaphors to stimulate images of sexual nature by bypassing the filtering of the conscious mind. [...]

[...] elements that are necessary for creating an emotional basis for a sexual act, really anticipating it, while he is apparently talking about a documentary he saw, and therefore cannot be blamed for explicit sexual talk. The real information gets through the filtering of the conscious and is perfectly understood by the subconscious of the target, who then creates the desired images of sexual content in her mind, intensifying therefore the state elicited through the embedded commands that Ross speaks out.

Our Speed Seducer has developed hundreds of patterns like the one mentioned before, all ready to be used by his students. But these scripts are not the only interesting aspect of Ross' work: Weasel phrases like "if I were to say to you", for example, tend to introduce a daring compliment or proposal while contemporarily providing a step-back path. Ross provides his students with many of these conversational tools. [...]

A folkloristic note about Mr. Speed Seduction: the guy interpreted in Magnolia by Tom Cruise is based on the character of Ross Jeffries, though you will find in that movie no valuable information in regard of his taught material and his seminars (as well as his behaviour on stage) are much different than the one seen in the movie, though he surely is proud of his masculinity. [...] - [quoted from: Keys To Erotic Hypnosis]

Just keep all this in mind when dealing with a cyberpath or anyone online. And realize that while we don't believe in or espouse not taking responsibility - but how can anyone be themselves or make informed decisions when they are being coercively controlled & manipulated?

Remember this next time you say "I was so stupid to fall for it" or wonder what red flags you missed or didn't see or even 'what's wrong with me?'.

Like slight of hand - these predators are good at getting you reeled in before you know what hit you. - Fighter

SEXUAL PREDATORS TARGET SINGLE/ DISABLED/ DIVORCED/ ABUSED MOMS

DIVORCED, ABUSED, DISABLED OR SINGLE MOM?
AN ONLINE PREDATOR IS LOOKING FOR YOU!

(As EOPC has said - PREDATORS HUNT THE WOUNDED! Are you divorced, alone, depressed, single, disabled, verbally/ emotionally abused, single parent and online? You're a Target!)

More than 20 million Americans log on to their computers each month looking for love, according to Online Dating Magazine.

While getting to know a potential mate from the privacy of their home may be comforting to some — especially single women getting back in the dating pool — it is not without danger. A growing number of sexual predators and pedophiles are taking advantage of online anonymity and using dating sites to prey on single/ divorced/ disabled/ abused mothers and their children.

One single mother, who asked that her identity be withheld to protect her daughter, had such an experience.

She met her future husband online and within in six months, the couple were living together. Two years into the relationship they married.

"At the time, it just seemed magical," she said. "It was the dream come true."

Discovering the Truth
But FBI agents said they discovered the man's true intentions when an undercover agent intercepted his e-mails during an online chat. "These e-mails indicated that he actually married the mother to have access to the child," said FBI Special Agent Deborah McCarley.

Police said women looking for companionship can be easy targets. In this case, the man took advantage of the mother's vulnerability to get to her 6-year-old daughter.

"I think I was really looking for someone to rescue me, although I didn't recognize it at the time," the mother said.

The mother said she decided to speak out for the first time on "Good Morning America" to help other women.

Confronting the Allegations
The woman said she had no idea any abuse was taking place and saw no warning signs until the day the FBI knocked on her door.

"That day I felt like somebody stuck a straw in my ear and sucked out my brain," she said. "It really just felt like I had been punched in the stomach."

A tape obtained by "GMA" captured her anguish as she confronted her husband on the phone.

Mother: How could you do this to me?

Husband: How could I do it to anybody? I don't know.

Mother: How could you do it to her?

Husband: I'm sorry. I have no answer.

Mother: I trusted you!

Husband: I know. You're right.

Mother: I loved you with all my heart!

Husband: What I have done is evil and it's wrong and there are going to be a lot of people that are going to hate me now. And I don't blame any of them.

Not only did her now-former husband molest her daughter, but he also offered the girl to other pedophiles online. Authorities stepped in just in time.

"I'd never say that I was going to kill myself, but there's times where I wish that I would die," the mother said.

Now, the couple have divorced. The ex-husband currently is serving 30 years in prison for his crimes, while his victim continues her health process.

"She's awesome," the mother said. "She's doing so well. She's got her sense of self-worth back, and I'm so proud of her."

A Disturbing Trend?
This case is just one example of predators using dating sites/ reunion sites/ penpal sites/ single or divorced parent sites and even Christian dating sites to supplement their crimes.

After conducting online searches and talking to law enforcement officers around the nation, "GMA" uncovered cases of dangerous online dating situations all across the country.

The research found instances of sex offenders trolling Web sites and not mentioning their pasts, Internet romances that led to beatings and rapes and felons who never admitted their convictions in their dating profiles.

"Once they feel comfortable on that Internet, they feel like they're shielded because they're on that computer," said Phoenix Police Department Sgt. Andy Hill.

Celeste Moyers, the director of the Safer Online Dating Alliance, said that if someone wants to do harm, that person will find a way to do it.

"People are caught off guard," she said. "Even the smartest savviest online dater can be a victim of sexual assault."

Protecting Yourself
States including New Jersey are considering legislation that will require dating sites to clearly disclose whether or not they conduct background screenings on members.

Don't EVER use your personal e-mail address. Don't include information in this new address that would allow a predator to identify you.

Do not EVER post pictures of yourself or your children or give out details about their sexes or ages ANYWHERE online (that includes Facebook).

SOURCE

MATTHEW COX - BUSTED FRAUDSTER & CYBERPATH

Yet another reason to AVOID online dating and meeting ANYONE online for romance! This wanna-be writer lives out his books exploitive fantasies... (comments in purple are ours) - Fighter

MORE ON COX:
Dateline NBC


Matthew Cox wooed women and wrangled millions from his victims.
When it comes to pulling off the ultimate con, he wrote the book — literally
By Keith Morrison

It’s the ultimate taboo to give away the ending to any book. But we’ll tell you this: Matthew Cox's book ends with a fugitive con man, on a Florida cruise ship, carrying a bag with millions in cash, sailing away with the girl of his dreams one step ahead of the angry throng giving chase.

But is the book fiction or fact?

There are truths in this tall tale as bizarre as any novel.

Alison Arnold: He felt like the modern-day Robin Hood he would steal from the rich and give to the poor. That was his thing. And I believed in him.

The story begins in Tampa, Florida in the late 90’s when a hard-charging 20-something named Matthew Cox began making a name for himself as a mortgage broker.

Scott Cugno: I always used to say to him, “Matt you never come across as a salesman to me.”

Scott Cugno was a bank rep who thought the mortgage business a strange fit for Cox. For one thing, Cox was severely dyslexic, and he’d heard Matthew’s stories about the special schools he attended, where teachers told him he should work with his hands and that he wasn’t smart enough to do anything else. So Matthew Cox had studied art at the University of South Florida, working on sculptures and developing a passion for, even an obsession with painting.

Cugno: He always had pictures he would show me when I came in his office.

Keith Morrison, Dateline correspondent: Artistic guy?

Cugno: Very artistic.

But now Cox the artist was attacking the mortgage world as he attacked his canvas and his life: as if he had something to prove.

And remarkably, the man whose friends wondered if he could even read beyond a second grade level, had somehow written a book, called “The Associates,” a work of fiction with a main character whose charm, personality, and even physical description was the spitting image of the book’s author, Matthew Cox.

Quote from Cox's novel: Christian J. Locke was 29 years old, stood only five foot seven inches tall, with dark brown hair/sun-tanned skin..

Cugno: He did show it to me and straight from Matt’s mouth. It was just about a guy that was gonna basically go around the country committing mortgage fraud, and then sail away.

Morrison: What did you think when he told you about the book?

Cugno: Well, I kinda knew.

Knew, he says, because from the day he’d met Cox, the word was out in Tampa’s “everyone-knows-everybody” mortgage world that something, well, slippery was going on in Cox’s office.

Cugno: You just knew because other people in the business would talk how Matt’s office is. “If you need a W-2, he’ll make it always appear. If you need someone’s Social Security card, he’ll make it appear.”

Morrison: So he wasn’t just bending the rules he was breaking them?

Cugno: Absolutely… oh absolutely.

And just how badly Cox was breaking the rules became clear in the spring of 2001, when a warrant was issued for his arrest?

Cugno: I had come to his office and people had told me “Man, the cops were just here. Matt just literally ran out the back door, jumped over the fence... and…”

Morrison: You’re kidding! Jumped over the back fence..?

Cugno: Yeah I guess a couple of ‘em did because they were all kinda worried.

Morrison: It was clearly a rogue office?

Cugno: Oh absolutely.

Suddenly, that novel Matthew Cox had written didn’t sound so far-fetched. He was facing state and federal charges. What had he done?

For starters, he assumed a fake identity to get an $80,000 mortgage. He pleaded guilty to conspiracy and grand theft, got three years probation and was ordered to stay out of the mortgage business. Which might have been the end of our little story. Except the convictions did not stop Matthew Cox.

Oh, he didn’t work as a mortgage broker, not exactly. But he was certainly back in the business. He called himself “a consultant.”

He just wouldn’t stop living on the edge, said his friends. He was a sky-diver, a daredevil who on the ground skirted the law and honed his schemes. He was able to fake good credit to buy literally dozens of Tampa properties, including an apartment building. Inside, Cox left his distinctive mark in great swatches of vibrant color, painting huge murals all over the walls. Matthew Cox was here it said.

And then secretly, leaving almost no mark at all, according to investigators, he used his building like a burglar’s tool. Again, using a false name, he filed fake documents to make it appear it was paid off.

From his novel: He was a mortgage broker, not a bank robber. He just had ‘a knack for finding loopholes…

It’s reported Cox took out mortgages on this building worth nearly a $1 million, five times what it was worth.

And then, Cox turned his charms on young women.

Arnold: He said "All you need is someone to believe in you."

Her name is Alison Arnold. She was 29 years old in 2003 and miserable. Her marriage was on the rocks, she had a young son to care for, she had big dreams but was drowning in a sea of debt. (sound familiar readers?)

Arnold: He said, “You could work for me. I’ll pay for you to get your mortgage license. I’ll pay for you to get divorced. I’ll give you money for an apartment. I’ll rent it for you. I’ll furnish it. You’ll be set. You can start a new life. The offer was on the table.”

Morrison: What did you do?

Arnold: I took him on his offer.

And just like that, Alison left her husband, and joined Cox’s office as a loan processor.

But Matthew Cox as a lover? That lasted about a week. The real relationship, it turned out, wasn’t about sex, or romance. There were lessons to be learned.

Arnold: He loved to go to the movies.

Morrison: What kind of movies did he like?

Arnold: Anything to do with criminal activity.

Arnold: “Catch Me If You Can,” he loved that movie. We went and saw this movie, “The Italian Job.”

Alison had seen how shady Cox’s strategies were and how successful. She was intrigued.

Arnold: He said that he wanted to help me in a way that would make me loyal to him. And he told me straight up.

Morrison: Was he upfront about that?

Arnold: Very, very upfront. The loyalty part came in when he needed favors from me to do the illegal mortgages.

And she convinced herself it wasn’t actually bad, not evil. They were more like Robin Hood, Cox told her—the big fat insurance companies would cover the losses, nobody would actually get hurt.

And so she was willingly sucked in.

Alison rented a home, forged a deed, and then just as Cox told her he’d done again and again, filed phony paperwork to get three real mortgage loans borrowing nearly $400,000 against a property she didn’t even own.

Then, she bought a house under a fake name and incredibly, the Social Security number of her own young son.

Morrison: You must have known that what you were doing was not just shady but illegal.

Arnold: I knew it was illegal but...

Morrison: But it still felt like nobody was getting hurt?

Arnold: It felt like nobody was getting hurt, yeah. And Matt did it and he got in trouble twice for exactly the same thing that I did, exactly. So I thought, okay there’s a risk. But the risk to me, was, “I’ll have a felony and a thousand dollar fine. Okay. But I’ll make $250,000.” I didn’t think it was a big deal.

There they were, she thought, Bonnie and Clyde, real estate division.

But soon, she says, he began to make her feel that she wasn’t quite good enough, or smart enough or attractive enough to play the role.

Arnold: He said, “You’re pretty in a trailer park kind of way.” He’s like, “We’re gonna buy you some boobs,” like that. He said “Every girl I date, I buy boobs for her. I said no way.”

But when Alison refused implants, she could no longer be that character in Matthew’s book.

From his novel: He even managed to buy her a set of silicone breast implants. Christian had to admit, it was one of the best investments he’d ever made.

And Alison says she was about to learn a very painful lesson. Her partner in crime was not burdened by sentimentality or affection. She would not be the only woman to fall for this charming thief. (people as objects: sounds sociopathic...)

By the summer of 2003, Matthew Cox had left a colorful mark in Tampa, Florida—from the murals that sprawled through his apartment building, to his manuscript for a novel about real estate fraud.

From Cox’s novel: If everyone was going to treat him like a criminal, then it was damn sure time he started acting like one.

Then there were his dozens of mortgage-maxxed homes and buildings, his Audi TT sportscar, and designer clothes.

And by Cox’s side was a woman who thought she was living the fairy tale dream: Alison Arnold. He felt like the modern-day Robin Hood. He would steal from the rich and give to the poor. That was his thing and I believed in him.

Of course, Alison Arnold wanted to believe—enough to succumb to his advances, leave her husband and break the law, as she says Cox had taught her. She filed false paperwork to make it appear a mortgage was paid off, then pulled out hundreds of thousands of dollars and leaving lenders holding the bag.

She wanted it. But—

Keith Morrison, Dateline correspondent: Was he able to make your life successful?

Alison Arnold: No, he always just paid my mortgage. He just gave me enough to make a car payment

Morrison: It sounded like he was controlling your life at this point?

Arnold: I was totally dependent on him for everything.

She was living HIS fantasy, she says. Her life? Her son? It didn’t matter to him —

Arnold: He liked feeling like he was living in a movie. He wanted me to be the “Bonnie and Clyde” with him. He’s like, why don’t you just leave your son? And I said, “No I can never leave my son.”

Surely he would understand that. She was, of course, wrong.
From his book: It was apparent that if you were not with Christian, you were against him.

And here was the consequence: Alison had been replaced.

Rebecca Hauck: He answered my ad. He was very charming. He was funny.

Matthew Cox found Rebecca Hauck on Match.com. There, right away, she confessed she was new in town, a single mother with a son named Bryce, that she was on the run from an addiction to video poker.

She was insecure. She was vulnerable. She was perfect.

He took her to dinner where they hit it off.

Morrison: So what did Matthew tell you that he did?

Hauck: He told me he owned his own company, he had about 20 people that worked for him that thought he was a god and they all wanted to be his friend.

Rebecca was dazzled. When he asked her out again, she said, of course. He took her to a movie: “Matchstick Men.”

Hauck: He couldn’t wait for us to get out of the movie because he said, that’s small potatoes. And I’m like, what are you talking about? And then he proceeded to tell me he was on probation for mortgage fraud…

Morrison: When he told you that, what did you think?

Hauck: Well, I thought he was on probation. I thought, "Okay y’know he said it happened two years ago."

Morrison: But he’s talking about how he breaks the law!

Hauck: I know, I know. I thought, “Who am I to judge?” You know, everybody has a past.

There was something about him that irresistible. And he seemed to see just what he wanted in her.

Hauck: He hit me hard and fast as far as like wining and dining me. (we're fairly sure, Cox is a sociopath.)

Morrison: Do you think you seemed needy?

Hauck: As he got to know me more, yes. He told my son that he was gonna put him in private school. He was building condos and he was gonna let he and I live in a condo and let my son live in one below it by himself… and…

Morrison: You had been poor? And now you were going to be rich!

Hauck: I know. I had diamonds. I had a Rolex. He’d just give me cash for whatever I wanted -- my prince charming.

Rebecca Hauck was mesmerized by these amazing stories: how to beat the system, get rich, and not hurt a living soul.

Hauck: He told me that his friend and him would create people. He’d make up a name, make up a fake Social Security number and so they’d get all these credit cards in fake names buy all this stuff and never pay it.

Morrison: You must have realized it was not legal.

Hauck: Oh yeah, I did.Morrison: Was that not a problem?

Hauck: It was but by the time he started approaching me with this, I was so consumed with him.

Rebecca Hauck says she believed every word and salivated about wealth like she’d never experienced before. Neither she, nor Matthew Cox, apparently, was aware that around Tampa a buzz was growing about federal investigations. The law was on Cox’s trail once again.

And then one day, a tip off.

Hauck: Someone who wrote for the paper sent his partner an article saying, “we’re on to you…”

Morrison: This was gonna be in the paper?

Hauck: Yeah. And he knew he was already on probation.

But here’s the twist that’s truly bizarre: Cox the aspiring novelist had written passages years earlier that he now seemed to be living almost word for word in real life.
Novel excerpt: Panic set in for the first time. How in the hell had the FBI gotten involved? Someone must’ve tipped them off. But who?Hauck: He wouldn’t go back to his house because he was afraid they’d pick him up there if he was gonna get picked up again, he was going to prison..

Matthew Cox was about to ask that same question again, the one he’d asked Alison Arnold.

Hauck: He’s like, “Will you come with me?”

And this time the answer would be yes.

In December 2003, Matthew Cox disappeared from his hometown of Tampa. Former business acquaintances, like Scott Cugno, were perplexed.

Scott Cugno, former business partner: He had 60 properties at that time, give or take, that he owned.

Keith Morrison, Dateline correspondent: That’s a lot to abandon.

Cugno: Yes.

But his former partner-in-crime Alison Arnold knew exactly what had happened.

Alison Arnold: When I found out that he went on the run, I wanted to die inside because I knew everything was gonna be exposed.

Or would it? After all, Cox’s new confederate, Rebecca Hauck was willing to do whatever Alison was not. And especially, to leave her son, 13-year-old Bryce and go on the run.

Rebecca Hauck: Bryce was actually going to visit my mom for Christmas, so I’d already gotten him a ticket to go.

Morrison: So when you took him to the airport…

Hauck: Oh it was horrible. I was just crying. I wouldn’t let him go. He’s like, “I’ll be back in two weeks.” What’s going on you know? Because I was so upset.

Morrison: You knew he was going, maybe forever? And you were prepared to do that?

Hauck: Well I was under the impression that I would get to see him.

Days after they left Tampa, a hard-hitting expose, outlining some of Cox’s alleged swindles, appeared in the St. Petersburg Times, headlined ‘Dubious Deals.’

All those dozens of properties, and so much more about Matthew Cox were not all that they seemed.

Law enforcement went into gear. Warrants were issued. But a manhunt? No.

And nobody in Tampa had the slightest idea that Matthew Cox and Rebecca Hauck were in Atlanta. And soon, they were setting up shop in another apartment building.

Hauck: We had to get new identities so we just went to dinner one night, made up a name.

She became Grace Hudson. And Cox? Well, he drove across the border to Alabama, walked into this DMV, and the dyslexic artist who’d developed an amazing ability to copy signatures doctored a few documents and transformed himself into, shall we say, an old friend…

Cugno: I couldn’t believe that this was happening!

Cox, it turns out, had volunteered to handle Scott Cugno’s mortgage a couple years earlier. And now to his horror Cugno discovered his former friend had used all that precious and secret personal information for his own dirty work.

Cugno: He took my identity and bought houses—a car, and some credit cards…

Morrison: How much did he steal using your name?

Cugno: I think it’s like $50,000. This was his way of playing a game.

And the game was on. Rebecca was getting a crash-course in fraud. Her first assignment? That book Cox had written, “The Associates.”

From Cox's novel: Anyone can steal money and run but disappearing forever is extremely difficult. They’d need driver’s licenses and credit cards.

Morrison: Did you know that he had written a book?

Hauck: No. And when I read it, I was just floored. I couldn’t believe it. As we got on the run together, I saw how he did things. And it all referenced back to how the book was.

And here is precisely what the “hero” does in Matthew’s book: First, with his female accomplice, he rents a home, just like this one they did rent in an Atlanta suburb. Next, the fictional character opened accounts at several banks in the area to launder the cash that was to come. Cox did just that. Then, just as his character had, Cox forged a document and filed it at the courthouse, claiming the mortgage on the home was paid off.

Hauck: Then he’d start hitting high-end lenders and telling them he owned the property free and clear.

Lenders like John Holman had no idea he was playing the part of the fictional dupe.

John Holman: I loaned this fellow over $100,000 on a home that it turns out he didn’t own.

A private investor named Sam Dobrow also made a loan.

Morrison: You’ve lost something like $75,000- 80,000?

Sam Dobrow: Right. And my partner’s who in this with me has another $50,000.

With house after house, records would reveal, the plan he’d dreamed up in a story, worked to perfection in real life.

They hit Tallahassee, where Rebecca got more involved. Now it was she who claimed to own a house. She went to the closing, under another stolen identity.

Morrison: Was there some point at which he said, “Okay, you’re in it as deep as I am”?

Hauck: Mm-hmm. On our drive home he’s like, “well, you’re in it. You’ve done it.”

Morrison: So now you’re Bonnie of Bonnie and Clyde?

Hauck: Yeah, I guess.

They felt untouchable, Even slipping out of the country for a trip to Jamaica, where pictures of them were taken. They seemed like a couple of carefree Americans on holiday.

But as she got in deeper, things began to change. Even before Jamaica, the romance had cooled. Cox, who at 5’6 could never be mistaken for Brad Pitt or George Clooney, began belittling Rebecca. (here comes the degrade & devalue, aka D&D)

Hauck: He would tell me, you’d be perfect if you just had some plastic surgery done -breast implants.

Morrison: But you didn’t want breast implants right?

Hauck: No, not really.

But implants she got a $15,000 job at a plastic surgery center outside Atlanta.

Morrison: Then why’d you do it?

Hauck: Because I wanted him to want me. Because he kept telling me he wasn’t physically attracted to me. Everything I tried to do was trying to make him want to be with me.

Morrison: But?

Hauck: No still no. I just was flabbergasted. What do I have to do? I gave up my family, my life, my kid you know? I had plastic surgery. What do I have to do to show you how much you mean to me, when you’re telling me I’m never gonna be good enough for you?

Morrison: Why didn’t you walk away?

Hauck: I was afraid.

But, if she was in some ways trapped in this cage, it was certainly a gilded one...

Morrison: So you lived in a great apartment?

Hauck: MM-hmm. I drove a G-35 Infiniti.Morrison: Great clothes, make up, hair? nails done?

Hauck: Yes, exactly. I had everything.

But slowly, Rebecca Hauck was coming to realize that despite all the trappings—life in the shadows, always looking over her shoulder, was not so glamorous after all. And things were heating up: Atlanta-area lenders who’d been stiffed began alerting authorities about Cox’s schemes.

Gale McKenzie, assistant U.S. attorney, Atlanta: The number of victims, the number of stolen identities used, the number of prior mortgages that are erased—all of that makes this case very unique.

Morrison: Now this guy was good!McKenzie: Very good! Once we were within three weeks of capturing him… we were that close.

The Feds seized bank accounts, and they say they grabbed several hundred thousand dollars of Cox’s ill-gotten gains.

Morrison: Before he had a chance to get at it?

McKenzie: Before he had a chance to launder it yes.

Morrison: So he would’ve known you were pretty close at that point?

McKenzie: He knew we were very close at that point.

News stories began to appear, describing a slash-and-burn mortgage march through Atlanta by the fugitives.

Hauck: My picture was everywhere on the news. And I got really scared then. I’m like, “No no no no no—I can’t do this anymore.” And I told him that night, I’m like, “I gotta go.” And I had a panic attack and I freaked out. And he grabbed me by the throat, threw me on the ground, and started choking me saying “You’re not gonna get me caught! Be quiet! You’re not gonna get me caught!” And that was the first time it scared me.

And yet, once again, Matthew Cox gave his pursuers the slip. He and Rebecca headed north to Columbia, South Carolina, where with a new, stolen identity - Gary Sullivan —
he bought another house.

Dr. Bruce Brown: In our case he closed on six loans in the span of few days on our property, and another house closed on five to six loans within the span of a week.

Dr. Bruce Brown and his wife were leaving the Army, selling their first home when they met Cox.

Morrison: So we’re talking about a dozen closings in a week?

Brown: All with separate attorneys, separate real estate agents—

Morrison: And different identities in many of ‘em?

Brown: Different identities.

Novel: The prankster in Christian couldn’t help but add a flair to the forgeries.

So brazen was Cox that on one mortgage he even was said to have signed the name ‘C. Montgomery Burns,’ — a character from the TV show, “The Simpsons.”

Was it arrogance, hubris? Maybe it was simple karma, then... that the luck which greased this long string of scams was about to run out.. (how about sociopathy??)

Hauck: He called me and said, you may have to be on your own. I’ve just been picked up.

By the spring of 2005, Rebecca Hauck and the mortgage fraud mastermind Matthew Cox hadbeen on the run for 18 months, weaving their way north from Tampa.

They were suspected of juggling dozens of identities, including those stolen from former acquaintances.

Scott Cugno: I believe he’s a genius.

Forging documents, taking money out of homes, they left homeowners and lenders fighting over the chaos.

Sam Dobrow: It’s a chess game, and every time he walks out of closing it’s checkmate…

And remember, Cox had also left behind the woman who’d become his first accomplice. And while Cox and his new partner ran, Alison Arnold was increasingly haunted by the crimes she helped commit—just like a character in that novel Cox has written years before.

Excerpt from the novel: This poor girl was trapped in a spot Houdini couldn’t have gotten out of. It was very possible she may spend the next 15 to 20 years in federal prison.

Finally, she couldn’t take it anymore. And so she picked up the phone, and called the FBI, before the bureau came to her.

Alison Arnold: They would have knocked on my door. And I didn’t want that to happen. I wanted to get it over with. I knew that what goes up must come down.

But Matthew Cox had no such fear. The step-by-step schemes that investigators said he’d laid out years earlier in a novel of all things, had worked out perfectly. His take? Authorities estimated some $5 million.

Morrison: Does he think other people are stupid?

Rebecca Hauck: Yeah, he thinks he’s smarter than everybody. Like, he would make comments, ‘we’re not commoners’. (narcissists & sociopaths all think they are "special" and "above it all" even the law)

Morrison: “We’re not commoners”? Hauck: He would say stuff like that. I truly believe he believes it, that he’s better than people.

And then one day, in the spring of 2005, Rebecca was briefly alone and her phone rang.

Hauck: He called me and said, “You may have to be on your own. I’ve just been picked up.” I was distraught, I could not even fathom what would happen to me if he wasn’t there.

Morrison: How would you live?

Hauck: Exactly!

Finally, it had happened. A sharp-eyed court clerk in Columbia, South Carolina had noticed Cox had put several mortgages on two houses, in a matter of days. A fraud alert was issued on one of his money-laundering bank accounts. And so, there were photos of Cox inside the very bank, where his luck was about to run out. He was taken into custody just outside.

Hauck: He actually got taken to the police department. And they had him in custody.

They brought him to the Richland County Sheriff’s Department in Columbia, South Carolina. It was the end of one audacious crime spree.

Or...was it?

The man deputies were questioning told them his name was Gary Lee Sullivan. Which was, in fact, one of his 30 or so fake IDs. And since there was no warrant for any Gary Lee Sullivan, they let him go. Matthew Cox simply walked away.

Morrison: How frustrating was that for you?

Gale McKenzie, assistant U.S. attorney: Extremely frustrating.

Morrison: So close!

McKenzie: So very close.

Cox had slipped away, and he soon re-joined Rebecca.

But she knew something was changing. Her face, she knew, had shown up on wanted posters.

And she’d recently caught Cox trolling the very spot where he’d found her: Match.com.

That could mean only one thing: he was looking for a new accomplice.

She was finished.

Hauck: As we’re driving, he’s like, “We need to do this again.” I’m like, “No, I am not gonna do this again.” I go, “I can’t do this. Enough’s enough. It’s over.” And I think that’s when it clicked with him that i wasn’t gonna do it any more. We got into an argument. I went and got in the bath, and he left. Left everything.

Morrison: You came out of the bathroom and he was gone…Hauck: He left me enough probably to live for about six, seven months.

Once, he’d swept her off her feet—showered her with clothes, and cash and diamonds. And, she says, he made her his partner in crime. And now he was, simply, gone.

Morrison: Would you have stayed with him right through to the end?

Hauck: I had every intention when I left with him, yeah. To the end.

Morrison: “Stick it out no matter what.” Go down in a blaze of glory?

Hauck: Yeah.

Morrison: Really be Bonnie and Clyde. That was a romantic image in a way, wasn’t it?

Hauck: I wanted to be loved unconditionally. I wanted… yes, I think so. (also BRAINWASHED by a predator. Check what Hedda Nussbaum said about Joel Steinberg. Trauma bonded)

Rebecca found herself alone, now in Houston, where they had come to find new victims.

Instead, Rebecca settled into a quiet life on the lam. She made new friends, changed her hair color, and once again, picked a new name.

Morrison: What do they know you as?

Hauck: Rebecca Sue Hickey.

And as Rebecca Sue Hickey, in Houston, she says she went straight. She worked as a bartender and attended cosmetology school.

But beyond that, she says, she spent nearly every waking moment missing the son she’d left at the Tampa airport. Bryce was 15 now. She hadn’t seen him or spoken to him in two years.

Morrison: Were you holding back those tears all those months you were away from him?

Hauck: I cried a lot about him. I’d look at his pictures. He had a MySpace page and I typed in his name and his thing came up. And I was floored.

Morrison: How often did you check MySpace?

Hauck: Probably four or five times a day.

For nearly a year, she says, she lived and worked and pined for her son… and waited.

Then one day, in March 2006, the Secret Service came walking into that cosmetology school.

What would happen now that Rebecca Hauck a.k.a. Rebecca Sue Hickey, a.k.a. Grace Hudson was finally caught?

Hauck: When they came and picked me up, i just felt like, I was scared but I felt this big relief.

By March 2006, Rebecca Hauck had been on her own in Houston for nearly a year since the day fraud artist Matthew Cox drove out of her life.

Rebecca Sue Hickey, as she was known to her friends, had been living in this apartment, going to cosmetology school, and working as a bartender, when one day, the Secret Service came calling.

Rebecca Hauck: I just felt like, I was scared but I felt this big relief, like “You know what? Let’s start it. This is the beginning of the end. Let me just get this done.”

Two-and-a-half years after Rebecca Hauck and Matthew Cox began papering the South with phony mortgages, stealing from property owners, and banks, and title companies from Florida to Georgia and South Carolina—one half of this Bonnie and Clyde duo—Bonnie at least was in custody.

And once she was caught, Rebecca admitted everything. She pleaded guilty to fraud, identity theft, money laundering and conspiracy. She was sentenced to almost six years in federal prison. And was ordered to pay back more than $One million.

She sat down with us for an interview at the federal detention center in Atlanta.

Hauck: I wanna believe in love but you gotta love yourself. You can’t let somebody else manipulate you the way that…

Keith Morrison, Dateline correspondent: You just turned over your life to him.

Hauck: Oh completely, my body, my life my spirit—everything to him.

Morrison: Are you a victim?

Hauck: I feel I am. But I also know that I’m responsible for what I did do.

Morrison: ‘Cause you know as soon as you say in your orange jumpsuit, I’m a victim, you can just hear all across the country, millions of people saying...

Hauck: Whatever. Yeah, I know. Sure I’m an adult, I made a bad decision that I know and I have to... I’ve hurt people too because of it.

Morrison: Do you know how many lives you and he have impoverished? How many financial lives you’ve thrown into turmoil? And how many people have been screwed up for years?

Hauck: Yes.

Morrison: How many people’s credit has been destroyed? How many insurance companies had to pay out? What kind of chaos you’ve created? Do you know that?

Hauck: Yeah. I think about it a lot.

Morrison: But did you at the time?

Hauck: No because he would make me believe that’s why the title companies are there/is to pay the people off. They’re not gonna be in trouble—a penny from every person he would say, and I believed him.

Of course, Rebecca Hauk is not the only woman who fell for Matthew Cox.

Alison Arnold: I trusted him with my life basically.

There was, remember, Alison Arnold, who seemed to realize a little sooner than Rebecca just how much trouble she had helped cause. She chose to turn herself in to the FBI and offer a full confession, pleading guilty to numerous charges, including conspiracy to commit bank fraud and identity theft.

The result?

She was ordered to pay $300,000 in restitution to her victims and she was sentenced to two years behind bars.

Morrison: Has it been worth it? This price you paid?

Arnold: Yes its worth it, because before turning myself in I was living more in prison than I do today. I couldn’t imagine what it must be like to be Matt living under a completely different alias and damaging more people. Hurting more people. Stealing from middle class America.

On November 15th, 2006 Rebecca Hauck was sentenced to nearly six years in prison.

Now, one thing remained: To catch her accomplice in fraud, the accused con man behind it all— Matthew Cox.

Those who’d lost money on his alleged scams hoped that somehow, he’d still get what was coming to him—

Holman: This is a very hard crime to stop. That’s the reason we need to get this guy off the street.Brown: He just, at the closing table was nice and kind as could be, but the whole time, he was taking us to the cleaners.Keith Morrison, Dateline correspondent: How angry are you all three?Dobrow: I’m pretty angry. I’m not a violent person but I would sure like to see this guy locked away for a very long time.Morrison: What drives him? Is it the money..is it..?U.S. Attorney Gale McKenzie: It’s the money and the game.

U.S. Attorney Gale McKenzie’s manhunt had now gone nationwide.

Law enforcement was alerted to his many aliases, and the habits that could give him away: His love for vanilla lattes at Starbucks, movies about criminals, the habit of painting huge murals in a very specific style, and the method of using young single mothers as accomplices.

Morrison: More than likely then, some other young woman is setting herself up for a stay in a federal prison somewhere?

McKenzie: That is a real possibility.

And then, out of the blue, there was news.

And it happened on the very week Rebecca Hauck was sentenced in Atlanta.

There was a tip from Nashville, Tennessee, just 200 miles away: It was a babysitter who said something about a man she worked for didn’t seem right.

He called himself Joseph Carter from Florida, she said. He lived with this single mother. She’d done some research on the Web, and bingo—there he was, a wanted man.

Secret Service Agents scrambled to a home in Nashville but it was empty. Matthew Cox was gone.

Where was Matthew Cox? Had somebody tipped him off? Well in fact the truth was too strange to make up. Just days before, Cox had learned what it felt like to become the victim of a crime. Armed robbers had burst into his house, and stolen watches, cash, a car. An Infiniti, of course. And Cox became so worried that somebody was after him that he scooped up his new girlfriend, and her son and moved into a hotel.

Amanda Gardner: He said he would take care of me, he said he would take care of my son, he’d do his best to make sure that we were happy…

Her name is Amanda Gardner. She said she and Cox or “Carter” as she knew him, had set up a home remodeling business, the “Nashville Restoration Project.”

Gardner: I was completely and totally dumbstruck in love…

Amanda had settled down with a man who took her to Greece on vacation, loved crime movies, and vanilla lattes from Starbucks. And sure enough, he asked her to have breast enhancement surgery.

And then, one day, Cox and Amanda returned home from that hotel where they were hiding.

On November 16th, just like that, Matthew Cox was caught. He was taken down by Secret Service agents who’d been searching for him for two long years.

And his new girlfriend denied any wrongdoing. She claimed she was a victim too—sounding a lot like the last two.

Gardner: I learned that he was not the caring, giving person that I thought he was. I learned that he was unscrupulous, he damaged my business, and he sabotaged a year worth of my work because he got greedy.

And so we now find ourselves back at the beginning of our story—or more accurately, at the ending of Cox’s novel.

Cox’s novel: “I am not a criminal,” Christian continued to tell himself. He had not meant for anyone to get hurt.

Cox’s ending, it turns out, was indeed a fairytale. People had been hurt. Authorities do consider him a criminal.

Novel: He was free and about to start a new adventure. A new life in a new country…

There’ll be no sailing away on an ocean-bound cruise ship, no millions in cash, no girl by his side.

Instead, Matthew Cox faces charges which, if he’s convicted, could put him in federal prison for decades.

McKenzie: The book is fiction, and the real life ending is yet to be written.

His lawyers say Matthew Cox is expected to plead guilty to a laundry list of charges as part of a plea bargain deal with the government. He may be sentenced in the next two months.

SOURCE

Hat Tip to our Support Group Member 'Gypsy' for this story

Protecting Yourself Against Cyberstalking.

By JOSH LANDIS

Another alleged stalking incident has led to another death.

Nimzay Aponte knew her alleged killer, but she didn't know who he was. When Raymond Dennis met her online and cyber-stalked her, he said his name was "Mike."

Police said that Internet encounter ended with Aponte's death.

"Once we start talking to someone online we tend to forget they're strangers. We really don't know who they are. That cute 30-year-old guy may not be 30, may not be cute, and may not be a guy," said Parry Aftab of wiredsafety.org

Aftab said it isn't just people looking for relationships who are at risk.

"More adults are cyber-stalked and harassed than kids are cyber-bullied. They just don't talk about it as often," Aftab said.

Real estate marketer Amy Taylor said she was harassed by someone who might have found her number on the Internet.

"Somebody pretty recently was calling me from a blocked number. I reported that to the local police department here so they had that information on file just in case something should happen to me," Taylor said.

If you're one of millions of Americans who visit sites like Facebook or LinkedIn and Twitter, you're sharing more information about yourself than you realize. And it wouldn't take long for a determined stalker to track you down.

"This is a phenomenon that's with us to stay," NYPD Commissioner Ray Kelly said.

"The Internet is a great place, but it is a vast billboard and don't put anything out there that you wouldn't put on a billboard on Route 80," Aftab added.

If you do become a victim of cyber-stalking, three steps: stop responding to the sender's messages, block their e-mail address and tell your boss or the police. (Take this article to the police with you if you think they won't believe you, demand they make a report and don't leave until you get a copy of the report.)

Authorities say more than a million women and nearly 400,000 men are stalked each year -- many of them online.

ORIGINAL ARTICLE HERE

Jeffrey Marsalis - Serial Rapist, Cyberpath

ABC's Primetime: Crime this week broadcast the story of Jeffrey Marsalis (7/15/09) an online predator and serial rapist. One of his hunting grounds of choice? Match.com

We are only sorry that ABC didn't call him what he appears to clearly be: A Narcissistic Psychopath.

"I have to say that I am highly driven, and I am looking for that special someone that has the same qualities. ... I am also looking for a woman to be a leader and take the initiative and make things happen for herself, and not blaming others for incidentals that might happen along the way during the pathway of life. ... If you want to be my copilot on the magic carpet ride it's carry on only, that means no stop signs, no stop lights, and throttle up." -- from Jeffrey Marsalis' Match.com profile

"Let me make something very, very clear to you," Marsalis said after the case's conclusion. "I have never drugged anybody. I have never raped anybody. I have never forced myself on anybody. Ever."

CLICK HERE TO SEE THE FULL SHOW - THIS IS A MUST WATCH!!

The NET Worth of a Sexual Predator

Excerpts:

Sexual predators defraud where ever and when ever they can. Like trolls prettied up as princes, they permeate every part of society and pick their targets from where ever they can access them: including the internet. They know no class or gender bounds; they instead pick anyone who falls for their fraudulent and cowardly manipulation. Their net casts over us all. Be careful, be warned, be vigilant of whom you share personal information with.

Partial attraction of internet forums is the anonymity and freedom to state your views without fear of being ostracized in real life. Predators know this and they will trick you into revealing far too much personal information about yourself. They hide behind the anonymity and create personas that match yours.

Even recently, a young person posing as a married Mom in her mid 20's chatted away merrily to us, offering advise and support. While she or he may have been a teenager just having some fun, the situation has highlighted a need for vigilance and protection.

While the worth of the internet is priceless to internet predators, think of the real cost of sexual abuse. In How Much Does Sexual Violence Cost? it is suggested that rape is the costliest crime for victims in the United States, with annual costs to victims estimated at $127 billion (this estimate does not include child sexual abuse). Further, they state, "the average cost of being a rape victim is estimated at $110,000. This compares with victim costs of $16,000 for robbery, and $36,000 for drunk driving."

Amazing and despicable. I am tired of women carrying the burden of cost - both emotionally and financially. It is time to stop ALL sexual violence, no matter where it occurs. Because we all use the internet to talk and share with each other, this is a good place for each of us to start.

However, the vigilance is down to all of us reporting suspicious and dubious activity. We have the power to stop internet predators. We have the power to protect all people from the endemic pus of sexual violence. We don't need to hide, we are doing nothing wrong. The predators who attempt to use the information against us need to change. We will not be manipulated into hiding. We will however, be motivated to report against those who dare to permeate our space.

As a collective and borderless internet community, we need to let the net predators know that their behavior will not be tolerated. We will watch, we will tell, we will act. Predatory behavior on the internet is no less damaging than predatory behavior in our neighborhood.

It is however, MORE intrusive, MORE achievable, and MORE sneaky.

ORIGINAL ARTICLE

IF YOU LOVE ONE OF THESE, A BOOK OFFERS HELP

By KRISTIN DIZON

Jerk. Witch. Creep.

You’ve probably used such names to describe a romantic partner gone bad, or maybe a few choice words of the four-letter variety.

But, there’s another name for the ones who are so self-absorbed and self-centered that all of their needs and wants come first: the narcissist.

He’s the boyfriend who begs you to leave your job, family and rent-controlled apartment to move to another state to be with him, only to discover, after moving, that he’s got another girlfriend he failed to tell you about.

She’s the girlfriend who creates a crisis out of every little situation so she can be the perpetual look-at-me center of attention and drama.

It’s the father who chose to play golf instead of help with his young son’s birthday party, despite his wife’s pleas. Then he arrived when the party was almost over, crushing his son’s feelings.

All of these are examples from flesh and blood people in the new book, “Help! I’m in Love With a Narcissist,” by relationship authors Julia Sokol and Steven Carter. (M. Evans and Co., 270 pages).

Previously, they wound up on the best-seller list for “Men Who Can’t Love,” in which they coined the now ubiquitous term, “commitmentphobia.” Now, they’re throwing our self-obsessed, me!, me!, me! approach to relationships under the microscope.

We live in narcissistic times. We observe every move of Paris Hilton and P. Diddy, and lavish attention upon arrogant business moguls like Donald Trump.

Reality is, most of us have some degree of narcissism and self-centeredness. But there's a big difference between garden-variety narcissistic tendencies and toxic narcissism.

Narcissists are often charming, adventurous people who entertain us with their interesting stories and grandiose sense of self. They are often very attentive and appreciative toward their partners for the first month or two, and are skilled at fanning the chemistry.

But, they also know how to demean, criticize and show no empathy for others. They're often controlling and have a needy side that asks frequently: Do you really love me? Will you leave me? Are you like all of the others?

Many have a history of troubled relationships and lots of emotional baggage.

They take, they demand, they expect. In return, they give very little, although many are good at delivering flowery words of love that suck us back in, especially after a fight or ultimatum.

But, how do you know if you're living with a narcissist? The bottom line is that if you're in a relationship that's dominated by the other person's wishes and priorities, without the normal give-and-take and compromise, you very well may be shacking up with a narcissist.

Sokol recently spoke with us from her Rhode Island home about living with and loving narcissists.

Who did you write this book for? And why the need for it?

"We're writing it for everybody who doesn't quite understand why they're getting stuck in the same relationship -- one that revolves around the other person. ... I think it's very widespread. And we also did this book to help readers understand their own narcissistic issues. That will help you understand the choices you make and why you're drawn to a particular type of person. Most of these people who get into these hideous, hideous relationships, one after another, complain that they were bored with other people."

What separates average narcissistic qualities from a true toxic narcissist?

"I guess it's how much pain that person is causing and how unable and completely incapable the toxic narcissist is to feel anything for another person. The narcissist is able to weave this terrific web of fantasy and illusion. It's fulfilling all your fantasies, all your dreams. You've always wanted to feel unique and special and the narcissist is able to make you feel that and that this is a unique and special relationship."

Why do people fall for narcissists?

"I think society places a value on narcissism and narcissistic values. We put an emphasis on the superficial. We put an emphasis on the people who sound as though they know what they're talking about, even when they don't. ... Narcissism forgives an awful lot that in an earlier time would have been considered obnoxious. Modesty is no longer a virtue in this country. Narcissists tend to tell you that they're wonderful and terrific and adorable. ... They tend to know how to sweep people off their feet. They are incredibly seductive. They know what you like to hear."

A lot of folks seem to believe that with enough love and hope and effort, the narcissist in their life can change. What do you think?

"After years of hearing these stories -- and we've heard thousands of them -- they don't ever seem to change."

How does one's upbringing tie into loving a narcissist or becoming one?

"Many people have parents who have all-about-me tendencies -- everything comes back to that person. The child is the audience, the support system, a part of this drama. And then they turn around and find partners who pull us in this way. It comes from our own weak sense of self. ... Some are so spoiled by parents that they turned into narcissists."

Why are narcissists so hard to leave?

"Narcissism is also about feelings of sadness and depression. So the classic narcissistic partner has this 'look-at-me' quality, but also has this 'oh poor me, I really need help.' They draw you in with stories of their sadness and the emptiness and you feel that somehow you can fill this void. And you tell yourself, he really loves me -- even though he's cheating on me every other night of the week."

What's your advice for people to get out of a narcissistic relationship and break the pattern?

"You have to understand what attracts you to this person. You start setting up boundaries that you're not going to let people cross. You really start believing in the things that you say are important. You stop focusing on perfection, you stop worrying about being bored. And you stop feeling that you can solve the other person's problems. ... The minute you feel you're in this kind of relationship or you've had more than one person like this in your life, a little professional help is not going to hurt."

You and Steven Carter coined the term commitmentphobia. Do you think narcissist will become part of the dating lexicon?

"I think it's starting to do that already. And it's about time, too. I think this is the relationship issue of our times. There's nothing to curb people like these. They're in a society that supports it."

KNOW A NARCISSIST?

Here are the signs of narcissism. It takes five or more before you can slap the label on someone:

1. An exaggerated or grandiose sense of self-importance that isn't supported by reality

2. A preoccupation with fantasies of extraordinary success, wealth, power, beauty and love

3. A belief that he/she is special and unique and can only be understood by other special people

4. An intense need for admiration

5. A sense of entitlement

6. A tendency to exploit others without guilt or remorse

7. An absence of meaningful empathy

8. A tendency to be envious or to assume that he/she is the object of others' envy

9. An arrogant attitude

SOURCE

Exposure: Good -- Harassment: Bad

Doing this sort of thing can get YOU arrested!


A 22-year-old sailor told police Tuesday he’s not happy about getting what he called “harassing” phone calls after his information and photo were posted under the “gay section” of Craigslist, according to Bremerton, WA Police reports.

The man, stationed aboard the USS Abraham Lincoln, told police he doesn’t know who’s responsible, but said two ads have been put up on the Kitsap County, Washington portion of the site and another ad has been put up on an out-of-state portion of the site.

Police are still investigating. Anyone with information is asked to call 911.

PREDATORS

Punishing narcissists [by exposing them] is not being mean to them. It may be the only thing that can help. And, as for their victims, it is simple justice, the right thing to do for their sake too. - What Makes Narcissists Tick

What is the predator thinking? What's going on in the mystery behind those steely blue eyes? What do they see in you?

Something to love for anything but lunch?

How many tiger-tamers and lion-tamers have fooled themselves into thinking they had developed a relationship with these beasts? Fooled themselves into unknowing that every minute of every day in the cage that tiger was tempted.

That's what tiger-taming is - astounding an audience with the audacity of dangling yourself as bait before a predator.

Until one day, when out of the blue, almost off-handedly, Tiger hops down off the pedestal and eats the tamer to just be done with it already.

How many times have authorities similarly fooled themselves about a child molester, rapist, or serial killer - thinking they can safely be released from prison? Then, out on the street, bait is constantly dangled before their eyes.

Sooner or later....

One might as well expect a wolf to be lovey-dovey with lambs or expect that tiger to roam the streets without hurting anyone. It ain't gonna happen.

It's all because of the way a predator VIEWS you. There is no connection in that look. It's a tiger and you aren't - you are lunch.

A narcissist has no proper relationship with him- or her-self (N's identify with their image instead of their buried inner selves), so how can they have a proper human relationship with anyone else? They see nothing to identify with in you.

Predators - the way to deal with them is simply to get and stay a safe distance away from them. They may resist the temptation today, but if you keep dangling bait before their eyes, sooner or later you know what is going to happen.
So let no one tell you it's mean to divorce one or cut off contact with one. I don't care how much the narcissist cries about it or even if he or she threatens suicide if you leave. People might as well tell you that you have a moral obligation to remain within striking distance of a great white shark because it's mean to stay away and let it go hungry. Absurd.

A predator has no RIGHT to prey, no claim on your life that you must fulfill by allowing them to use you as their whipping boy.

It's just too bad that they will be sad and unhappy without one, because that's THEIR problem: you have a right to pursue your own happiness.

SOURCE

LOOK OUT FOR THE "COCKTAIL PERSONALITY" CYBERPATH!

Definition: Someone with a "cocktail personality".

This individual possesses the chameleon-like capability of recognizing the strength and weaknesses in another individuals personality and adapting to them in a way that not only accelerates, but grossly intensifies the "merging".

(merging may include the Cyberpath taking pieces of personality and/or history from a partner(s) or close friend(s) or target(s). Or seeming to have 'so much in common' or be 'just like' the target to create a false sense of bonding)

(Commonly seen in persons with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder)

Sound like any Cyberpaths You Know? (sounds like ALL of ours) - Fighter

DEBATE ABOUT ONLINE PREDATORS' RIGHTS HEATS UP IN CALIFORNIA

(unfortunately, many cyberpaths escape the law because people think the victims "should have known better." Cyberpaths should be punishable by law and be registered SEX OFFENDERS as well! They are predators - make no mistake about it - whether they prey on children or other adults)

By Kenneth Todd Ruiz -- Staff Writer

However far registered sex offenders must live from schools and playgrounds, they're still only a click away from potential victims on the Internet.

Whether the threat of child predators turning to virtual hangouts such as MySpace or Facebook for victims is phantom menace or epidemic, a series of well-publicized incidents during the past year has set the stage for conflict over online freedoms as the government's appetite grows to police and regulate cyberspace.

Already scrambling to get ahead of regulatory efforts with its own policing, MySpace announced Wednesday it had deleted thousands of convicted offenders' profiles from the site, while rebuffing demands made a day prior by eight state attorneys general to turn over results of its own search for predators among its roughly 175 million accounts.

To hand over personal user information in response to a letter - without court order or subpoena - would violate federal privacy laws, MySpace representatives contended. This week's skirmish comes at a time some legislators' pen fingers are twitching.

Those lawmakers believe it's time to extend real-world demands for convicted abusers to their virtual lives by collecting their online identities and allowing - or requiring - Internet hosts to ban them from their sites.

"Under Megan's Law, we're supposed to keep 49 pieces of information, but we don't collect their e-mail addresses," said Assemblyman Anthony Portantino, D-Pasadena.

Portantino recently introduced a bill into the Assembly that would force sex offenders to register their e-mail addresses and other online identities and make it a crime to lie about one's age online for the purpose of being a child predator.

First Amendment and Internet-rights advocates say Portantino's bill shares the same flaws as a more aggressive piece of national legislation that sputtered soon after being introduced late last year by Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz.

Describing the proposed law as "unnecessary, ineffective and unconstitutional," staff lawyer Kevin Bankston of the Electronic Frontier Foundation said the media has overblown the actual threat posed by registered sex offenders, creating a "moral panic."

"The ability to speak anonymously is actually a First Amendment right," he said. "Registered sex offenders who are determined to offend again can simply not register their e-mails, or register one e-mail and go get a free e-mail account and use that anonymously."

Despite the ability to circumvent the process, Portantino said it would give law enforcement another tool for prosecution. Yet only one in 10 people arrested for Internet-related sexual assaults had prior arrests for sexually offending minors, according to research by the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children.

Law-enforcement efforts netted an estimated 1,000 arrests for Internet-related sexual assaults, according to the 2003 study by NCMEC. About 20 percent of those arrested were related or already acquainted with their victims.

Last year, a NCMEC survey found fewer minors were receiving unwanted sexual solicitations than five years earlier, despite the explosive rise in popularity of social-networking sites such as MySpace. Four percent of them, however, reported aggressive attempts to make offline contact.

Although Portantino's bill would make it a crime for offenders not to register their electronic identities, banning them would be left to the discretion of online hosts.

Screening out offenders collected in a national database would be mandatory under McCain's bill. MySpace representatives have said the site would embrace such legislation.

In December - the same month McCain's bill was introduced following widely publicized incidents of abuse - the company announced it had hired a security firm to cull sex offenders from its nearly 200 million profiles.

todd.ruiz@sgvn.com

HAT TIP TO SGVN FOR THIS!

CLICK HERE FOR ORIGINAL ARTICLE

CYBERSEX EXPOSED: Simple Fantasy or Sex Obsession?

Jennifer Schneider and Robert Weiss have created a fair-minded and thorough work on the problems real people experience with sexual addiction on the internet. They provide intelligent discussions of the reasons the internet is so potentially addictive, the kinds of behaviors many addicts find themselves engaging in, and real-life examples of addicts' experiences covering a wide range of age, gender, sexual orientation, and social situation.

I highly recommend this book both for the individual or victim of these addicts confronting this problem and for therapists and counselors seeking a deeper understanding of the issue.

http://www.amazon.com

Cyberstalking & Social Networking

More on the danger of Social Networking and Relationships that start online as well as Cyberstalking - Fighter

by Leah Shafer

Once upon a time, two people fell in love. It rocked.

They both changed their Facebook status to "In a Relationship" and posted pictures on their blogs of them kissing, laughing and frolicking. Then things went sour and they broke up.

In the olden days of, say, 2001, they would have parted ways and had little way to keep tabs on each other, outside of gossipy friends and occasional apartment drive-bys. Not anymore.

She watched his MySpace page and knew exactly when he started dating a new woman by his status updates. He looked at her Flickr photos and saw her having a great time at a Granada concert, and wondered, "Who's that guy?"

Cyberstalking is alive and well in the digital age, with many relationships continuing virtually long past the breakup through passive observation.

"It is creepy, but we're curious by nature," said Angela Faz, 31, who admits to mild curiosity about exes. "I try not to look!"

The view from online is tempting, because instead of driving by his or her house, you get an intimate view of your ex's thoughts, she said.

But that view can be painful, especially when the other person has started a new relationship or appears to be having a rollicking good time without you.

Oak Cliff resident Michael M., 33, is cyberstalking his ex and said he often wonders when the obsession will stop.

"I've found that since my breakup, I've had the need to keep up with my ex – is she dating, did she go to the fair this year (with whom?), what did she do for Halloween? Did she wear a costume we talked about last year? Is she keeping up with me, too?"

The situation is sort of like a sore in the mouth that would heal, if only you'd stop tonguing it.

"Am I doing it for pleasure – do I enjoy the torture and sometimes humiliation that goes with it?," Michael M. asked. "A friend once told me, 'You can glance at the past, just don't stare at it.' At what point does the staring begin?"

There's also a question of whether the observed person knows he or she is being watched and posts with that in mind. It could feel good to stick it to your ex by posting ambiguously sexual remarks on another (hot) person's profile.

Not that we would know anything about that. But even cyberstalking is still in relation to the two people involved and the length and intensity of their relationship.

The way this changes the psychological dynamics of a breakup is unclear – will it make it harder? Easier? Or just more complicated? Only time – and maybe a few SuperPokes – will tell.

SOURCE

The Cyberpath = Psychopath With Internet Access

Psychopaths With Internet Access



An Excerpt from the book: In Sheep's Clothing
By George K. Simon

(how many of these have you seen or discovered in your Online Predator??... comments in dark blue are EOPC's and not the author's - Fighter)

Two Basic Types of Aggression
There are two basic types of aggression: overt-aggression and covert-aggression. When you're determined to have something and you're open, direct and obvious in your manner of fighting, your behavior is best labeled overtly aggressive. When you're out to "win," dominate or control, but are subtle, underhanded or deceptive enough to hide your true intentions, your behavior is most appropriately labeled covertly aggressive. Now, avoiding any overt display of aggression while simultaneously intimidating others into giving you what you want is a powerfully manipulative maneuver. That's why covert-aggression is most often the vehicle for interpersonal manipulation.

Acts of Covert-Aggression vs. Covert-Aggressive Personalities
Most of us have engaged in some sort of covertly aggressive behavior from time to time. Periodically trying to manipulate a person or a situation doesn't make someone a covert-aggressive personality. Personality can be defined by the way a person habitually perceives, relates to and interacts with others and the world at large.

The tactics of deceit, manipulation and control are a steady diet for covert-aggressive personality. It's the way they prefer to deal with others and to get the things they want in life.

The Process of Victimization
For a long time, I wondered why manipulation victims have a hard time seeing what really goes on in manipulative interactions. At first, I was tempted to fault them. But I've learned that they get hoodwinked for some very good reasons:

1. A manipulator's aggression is not obvious. Our gut may tell us that they're fighting for something, struggling to overcome us, gain power, or have their way, and we find ourselves unconsciously on the defensive. But because we can't point to clear, objective evidence they're aggressing against us, we can't readily validate our feelings.

2. The tactics manipulators use can make it seem like they're hurting, caring, defending, ..., almost anything but fighting. These tactics are hard to recognize as merely clever ploys. They always make just enough sense to make a person doubt their gut hunch that they're being taken advantage of or abused. Besides, the tactics not only make it hard for you to consciously and objectively tell that a manipulator is fighting, but they also simultaneously keep you or consciously on the defensive. These features make them highly effective psychological weapons to which anyone can be vulnerable. It's hard to think clearly when someone has you emotionally on the run.

3. All of us have weaknesses and insecurities that a clever manipulator might exploit. Sometimes, we're aware of these weaknesses and how someone might use them to take advantage of us. For example, I hear parents say things like: "Yeah, I know I have a big guilt button." - But at the time their manipulative child is busily pushing that button, they can easily forget what's really going on. Besides, sometimes we're unaware of our biggest vulnerabilities. Manipulators often know us better than we know ourselves. They know what buttons to push, when and how hard. Our lack of self-knowledge sets us up to be exploited.

4. What our gut tells us a manipulator is like, challenges everything we've been taught to believe about human nature.

We've been inundated with a psychology that has us seeing everybody, at least to some degree, as afraid, insecure or "hung-up." So, while our gut tells us we're dealing with a ruthless conniver, our head tells us they must be really frightened or wounded "underneath." What's more, most of us generally hate to think of ourselves as callous and insensitive people. We hesitate to make harsh or seemingly negative judgments about others. We want to give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they don't really harbor the malevolent intentions we suspect. We're more apt to doubt and blame ourselves for daring to believe what our gut tells us about our manipulator's character.

Recognizing Aggressive Agendas
Accepting how fundamental it is for people to fight for the things they want and becoming more aware of the subtle, underhanded ways people can and do fight in their daily endeavors and relationships can be very consciousness expanding. Learning to recognize an aggressive move when somebody makes one and learning how to handle oneself in any of life's many battles, has turned out to be the most empowering experience for the manipulation victims with whom I've worked. It's how they eventually freed themselves from their manipulator's dominance and control and gained a much needed boost to their own sense of self esteem.

Recognizing the inherent aggression in manipulative behavior and becoming more aware of the slick, surreptitious ways that manipulative people prefer to aggress against us is extremely important. Not recognizing and accurately labeling their subtly aggressive moves causes most people to misinterpret the behavior of manipulators and, therefore, fail to respond to them in an appropriate fashion. Recognizing when and how manipulators are fighting with covertly aggressive tactics is essential.

Defense Mechanisms and Offensive Tactics
Almost everyone is familiar with the term defense mechanism. Defense mechanisms are the "automatic" (i.e. unconscious) mental behaviors all of us employ to protect or defend ourselves from the "threat" of some emotional pain. More specifically, ego defense mechanisms are mental behaviors we use to "defend" our self-images from "invitations" to feel ashamed or guilty about something. There are many different kinds of ego defenses and the more traditional (psychodynamic) theories of personality have always tended to distinguish the various personality types, at least in part, by the types of ego defenses they prefer to use. One of the problems with psychodynamic approaches to understanding human behavior is that they tend to depict people as most always afraid of something and defending or protecting themselves in some way; even when they're in the act of aggressing. Covert-aggressive personalities (indeed all aggressive personalities) use a variety of mental behaviors and interpersonal maneuvers to help ensure they get what they want. Some of these behaviors have been traditionally thought of as defense mechanisms.

While, from a certain perspective we might say someone engaging in these behaviors is defending their ego from any sense of shame or guilt, it's important to realize that at the time the aggressor is exhibiting these behaviors, he is not primarily defending (i.e. attempting to prevent some internally painful event from occurring), but rather fighting to maintain position, gain power and to remove any obstacles (both internal and external) in the way of getting what he wants. Seeing the aggressor as on the defensive in any sense is a set-up for victimization. Recognizing that they're primarily on the offensive, mentally prepares a person for the decisive action they need to take in order to avoid being run over. Therefore, I think it's best to conceptualize many of the mental behaviors (no matter how "automatic" or "unconscious" they may appear) we often think of as defense mechanisms, as offensive power tactics, because aggressive personalities employ them primarily to manipulate, control and achieve dominance over others. Rather than trying to prevent something emotionally painful or dreadful from happening, anyone using these tactics is primarily trying to ensure that something they want to happen does indeed happen. Let's take a look at the principal tactics covert-aggressive personalities use to ensure they get their way and maintain a position of power over their victims:

Denial - This is when the aggressor refuses to admit that they've done something harmful or hurtful when they clearly have. It's a way they lie (to themselves as well as to others) about their aggressive intentions. This "Who... Me?" tactic is a way of "playing innocent," and invites the victim to feel unjustified in confronting the aggressor about the inappropriateness of a behavior. It's also the way the aggressor gives him/herself permission to keep right on doing what they want to do. This denial is not the same kind of denial that a person who has just lost a loved one and can't quite bear to accept the pain and reality of the loss engages in. That type of denial really is mostly a "defense" against unbearable hurt and anxiety. Rather, this type of denial is not primarily a "defense" but a maneuver the aggressor uses to get others to back off, back down or maybe even feel guilty themselves for insinuating he's doing something wrong.

Selective Inattention - This tactic is similar to and sometimes mistaken for denial It's when the aggressor "plays dumb," or acts oblivious. When engaging in this tactic, the aggressor actively ignores the warnings, pleas or wishes of others, and in general, refuses to pay attention to everything and anything that might distract them from pursuing their own agenda.

Often, the aggressor knows full well what you want from him when he starts to exhibit this "I don't want to hear it!" behavior. Ed Hicks & Yidwithlid did this) By using this tactic, the aggressor actively resists submitting himself to the tasks of paying attention to or refraining from the behavior you want him to change.

Rationalization - A rationalization is the excuse an aggressor tries to offer for engaging in an inappropriate or harmful behavior. It can be an effective tactic, especially when the explanation or justification the aggressor offers makes just enough sense that any reasonably conscientious person is likely to fall for it. It's a powerful tactic because it not only serves to remove any internal resistance the aggressor might have about doing what he wants to do (quieting any qualms of conscience he might have) but also to keep others off his back. If the aggressor can convince you he's justified in whatever he's doing, then he's freer to pursue his goals without interference.


Diversion - A moving target is hard to hit. When we try to pin a manipulator down or try to keep a discussion focused on a single issue or behavior we don't like, he's expert at knowing how to change the subject, dodge the issue or in some way throw us a curve. Manipulators use distraction and diversion techniques to keep the focus off their behavior, move us off-track, and keep themselves free to promote their self-serving hidden agendas. (Jacoby, Beckstead, Sammy Benoit /Gridney/ Yidwithlid all used this one constantly - and with initial good results for them!)

Whenever someone is not responding directly to an issue, you can safely assume that for some reason, they're trying to give you the slip.

Lying - It's often hard to tell when a person is lying at the time he's doing it. Fortunately, there are times when the truth will out because circumstances don't bear out somebody's story. But there are also times when you don't know you've been deceived until it's too late. One way to minimize the chances that someone will put one over on you is to remember that because aggressive personalities of all types will generally stop at nothing to get what they want, you can expect them to lie and cheat. Another thing to remember is that manipulators - covert-aggressive personalities that they are - are prone to lie in subtle, covert ways. Courts are well aware of the many ways that people lie, as they require that court oaths charge that testifiers tell "the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth."

Manipulators often lie by withholding a significant amount of the truth from you or by distorting the truth. (William Michael Barber, John Gash, Yidwithlid, Ed Hicks & Phil Haberman all did this)They are adept at being vague when you ask them direct questions. This is an especially slick way of lying -- omission. (see Yidwithlid's whitewashed & minimized version of what happened for a perfect example of this) Keep this in mind when dealing with a suspected wolf in sheep's clothing. Always seek and obtain specific, confirmable information.

Covert Intimidation - Aggressors frequently threaten their victims to keep them anxious, apprehensive and in a one-down position. Covert-aggressives intimidate their victims by making veiled (subtle, indirect or implied) threats. Guilt-tripping and shaming are two of the covert-aggressive's favourite weapons. Both are special intimidation tactics. (Dorsky, Hicks, Jacoby, Beckstead, Rodger & Yidwithlid all used overt & covert threats - including disappearing on the Targets for days or weeks at a time, as 'threats')

Guilt-tripping - One thing that aggressive personalities know well is that other types of persons have very different consciences than they do. Manipulators are often skilled at using what they know to be the greater conscientiousness of their victims as a means of keeping them in a self-doubting, anxious, and submissive position.

The more conscientious the potential victim, the more effective guilt is as a weapon.

Aggressive personalities of all types use guilt-tripping so frequently and effectively as a manipulative tactic, that I believe it illustrates how fundamentally different in character they are compared to other (especially neurotic) personalities. All a manipulator has to do is suggest to the conscientious person that they don't care enough, are too selfish, etc., and that person immediately starts to feel bad. On the contrary, a conscientious person might try until they're blue in the face to get a manipulator (or any other aggressive personality) to feel badly about a hurtful behavior, acknowledge responsibility, or admit wrongdoing, to absolutely no avail.

Shaming - This is the technique of using subtle sarcasm and put-downs as a means of increasing fear and self-doubt in others. Covert-aggressives use this tactic to make others feel inadequate or unworthy, and therefore, defer to them. It's an effective way to foster a continued sense of personal inadequacy in the weaker party, thereby allowing an aggressor to maintain a position of dominance.

Playing the Victim Role - This tactic involves portraying oneself as an innocent victim of circumstances or someone else's behavior in order to gain sympathy, evoke compassion and thereby get something from another. (Yidwithlid did this one when caught! Beckstead complained about his cold, unfeeling wife...) One thing that covert-aggressive personalities count on is the fact that less calloused and less hostile personalities usually can't stand to see anyone suffering. Therefore, the tactic is simple. Convince your victim you're suffering in some way, and they'll try to relieve your distress.

(Sammy Benoit /Gridney/ Yidwithlid also used this as a lure, i.e. his cold, disappointing marriage and how Target #1 and eventually Target #2 were the ONLY people he could 'really talk to.'
Dorksy also used this one in telling his Target she was the 'only girl for' him because all the girls in his area were 'sluts' and unworthy.
Beckstead's wife "wouldn't have sex with" him.
Dan Jacoby was "waiting for his divorce to be final" and "no one understood him.")


Vilifying the Victim - This tactic is frequently used in conjunction with the tactic of playing the victim role. The aggressor uses this tactic to make it appear he is only responding (i.e. defending himself against) aggression on the part of the victim. It enables the aggressor to better put the victim on the defensive. (Ed Hicks (aka Charles Greene) was big on this one! Dan Jacoby's the latest to do this tired ploy.)

Playing the Servant Role - Covert-aggressives use this tactic to cloak their self-serving agendas in the guise of service to a more noble cause. It's a common tactic but difficult to recognize. By pretending to be working hard on someone else's behalf, covert-aggressives conceal their own ambition, desire for power, and quest for a position of dominance over others. (Yidwithlid used this one on Target #1 - saying he was religious and writing articles to support causes which only furthered his own agenda and were placed on his old website - a site in which he used the guestbook to troll for new targets. Currently he tells people reading his blog to EMAIL him with their email addresses so he can "add them to his mailing list." -- There are free sites that do that automatically; which leads us to believe Sammy Benoit is collecting new emails for targetting!

At the same time, he convinced Target #1 he was as altruistic as she was -- when he was actually only furthering a personal, selfish egotistical agenda, serial cheating on his wife and family at the same time and lying to everyone around him about who & what he really was. Just like ALL cyberpaths!)

One hallmark characteristic of covert-aggressive personalities is loudly professing subservience while fighting for dominance.

Seduction - Covert-aggressive personalities are adept at charming, praising, flattering or overtly supporting others in order to get them to lower their defenses and surrender their trust and loyalty.

Covert-aggressives are also particularly aware that people who are to some extent emotionally needy and dependent (and that includes most people who aren't character-disordered) want approval, reassurance, and a sense of being valued and needed more than anything. Appearing to be attentive to these needs can be a manipulator's ticket to incredible power over others.

He melts any resistance you might have to giving him your loyalty and confidence. He does this by giving you what he knows you need most. He knows you want to feel valued and important. So, he often tells you that you are. You don't find out how unimportant you really are to him until you turn out to be in his way. (And then he tells you to get over YOUR 'bruised ego.')

Projecting the blame (blaming others) or Blame-Shifting - Aggressive personalities are always looking for a way to shift the blame for their aggressive behavior. Covert-aggressives are not only skilled at finding scapegoats, they're expert at doing so in subtle, hard to detect ways. (all our Cyberpaths do this so much - we'd spend another couple posts just point it all out!)

Minimization - This tactic is a unique kind of denial coupled with rationalization. When using this maneuver, the aggressor is attempting to assert that his abusive behavior isn't really as harmful or irresponsible as someone else may be claiming. It's the aggressor's attempt to make a molehill out of a mountain.

I've presented the principal tactics that covert-aggressives use to manipulate and control others. They are not always easy to recognize. Although all aggressive personalities tend to use these tactics, covert-aggressives generally use them slickly, subtly and adeptly. Anyone dealing with a covertly aggressive person will need to heighten gut-level sensitivity to the use of these tactics if they're to avoid being taken in by them.

ORIGINAL

Forgiving the One Who Deserves Forgiveness

This article, from a blog about malignant narcissism is so important and must read for everyone.

Soooo many supposed trauma counselors tell cyberpathy victims to "forgive the cyberpath." How invalidating! That's just more abuse, frankly.

The other piece of stupid advice from clueless therapists is to treat the online relationship with a cyberpath like any real-life affair. They tell you to "immediately cut them off." Whoops!! Who does that help? NOT YOU!! Nope. Because you need some explanation, closure and at the very least - VALIDATION (since it is rare to ever get the first two).

This makes it far far too easy for the cyberpath to block you, smear you, avoid you, delete you from their contacts - just go on their merry way. Because you were just words on a screen.

"Forgive and forget" - NOT the cyberpath, but yourself. You can't be friends - but you deserve to be told the truth. (be CAREFUL you don't get reeled in again!!) You deserve the cyberpath to admit whatever the payoff was for them - no matter how sick.

And to admit what they did without blaming you or saying you were part of the problem. It was them. ALL THEM.

Truth time for predators!
(but don't hold your breath that you will EVER get it - however you do DESERVE it)
You did NOTHING wrong. NOTHING. No matter what your counselors, friends, families, clergy, the predator themselves or society says?
You are not a stalker.
You were not stupid or naive.
It did not "Take Two to Tango."
You did not "know what you were getting into"
You did not you go in "with [your] eyes wide open." That's baloney.

Obsession with getting justice and validation for yourself isn't revenge - its self-preservation.

You didn't "ask for it" and you can't and shouldn't just "forget it and get over it. " You are not NOTHING - your feelings are not NOTHING.

EMOTIONAL RAPE IS A STATIC EVENT.

IT IS FROZEN IN YOUR PSYCHE.

This isn't the check-out at the grocery. This is your MIND, your HEART & your SOUL that's been raped!

That other stuff is bull that people tell themselves because the truth is too scary. Pathologicals seem like everyone else. Cyberpaths are not easy to spot. Anyone, we repeat - ANYONE is a potential victim.

Your mind was folded & spindled by a master.

Move on with your life, but never stop feeling that you deserve an explanation - even when it doesn't come. You can't forgive the unforgiveable. The ONLY one who needs forgiveness is you.

Not them. - Fighter
~~~~~~~~~~~
The most important thing to keep in mind is that your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you have.

The same things can damage it that damage your other human relations. The deal-breaker is BETRAYAL.

Have you ever felt betrayed? If so, then you know that it is the blackest feeling a human being can have. It is devastating. It is what makes people want to just turn their face to the wall and die.

Because it shows you what you and your suffering mean (are worth) to your betrayer = nothing.

Betrayal severs any human relationship. It puts the betrayed through Hell.

Just think what this means in terms of your relationship with yourself. If you betray yourself to abuse, that betrayal severs your relationship with yourself.

How can this be? Easily. We are composite beings. We are a combination of true inner self and ego. The ego views us as others do. It's that little voice in the head that takes the viewpoint of bystanders and berates you IN THE SECOND PERSON, by saying such things as, "Why can't you hit a stupid backhand in? You are pathetic! Here you are, choking again in a big match!"

That's you (if you're a tennis player having a bad tennis day) talking to you. But why aren't you saying, "Why can't I hit a stupid backhand in? I am pathetic! Here I am, choking again in a big match!"

Answer: You address yourself as "you" instead of "I" to distance yourself from yourself. Because you don't like yourself at the moment and are disowning yourself, relating to yourself as though talking to a different person.

See what's happening to your relationship with yourself? You're not on your side, are you?

This happens to everyone, and it should serve as a strong warning of how easily our composite personality can breakdown, split.

Don't go there. Never, never, never betray yourself to bad treatment. You sin against yourself when you do, and the act WILL destroy your relationship with yourself.

Unfortunately, if you are the victim of a narcissist, it is safe to say that you have already done so.

THIS is what threatens the victim's mental health. You have allowed yourself to be abused. You see that for what it is - bending over for it, laying down for it. No matter how blessed people say that is, you know it's not. You know it is abject. You are profoundly ashamed of doing that.

You hate yourself for it, no matter how hard you work to repress awareness of that to live in denial of it. So, you have committed an offense against yourself (your human dignity). You can never be friends with yourself until you make peace with yourself.

Repair that relationship with yourself. The fruit of forgiveness is reconciliation (ask any theologian).

1. Admit that you have allowed the narcissist to abuse you.

2. Admit that it was wrong to do so, though be fair with yourself and consider the reasons why you were driven to do so.

3. Be sorry that you betrayed yourself to abuse.

4. Make whatever amends are possible and appropriate.

5. Most important - repent = promise to never betray yourself again.

You may recognize those as the 5 formal steps of repentance. They make you forgivable. They allow reconciliation to take place.
Indeed, how can you be reconciled with any offender who doesn't at least stop offending and give you some assurance that he won't keep right on doing it? It is absurd to to think that you can.

And just because it's 3AM and he is sound asleep, unable to offend at the moment, doesn't mean that a state of war doesn't presently exist bewteen you. What he did yesterday counts. What he has always done and never promised to stop doing COUNTS.

"Forgive and forget" is a line penned in Hell, not Heaven.

It is absurd to think you can have any but a hostile relationship with someone offending you in any way, especially when they have refused to stop it.

Hey, if the offender stops doing it, you can be friends again. But ONLY if he stops doing it. You don't have to be friendly to people attacking you or stealing from you in any way. It's called the human right to self-preservation, self-defense. It's a Law of Nature. The very idea that you should like and be nice to someone doing things hostile to you is bizarre and absurd.

To the contrary: You build walls between yourself and people like that.

You answer their attacks to make their attacks cost them dearly, so as to deter future aggression that you might live in peace instead of under constant attack by them. This is just common sense.

And it holds just as true in your relationship with yourself as in your relationship with others. Simply say, "I betrayed myself to abuse in the past, but I will never do so again, so I am no longer a doormat to be ashamed of."

Be on your side.

Take those 5 steps to repair your relationship with yourself - especially the last one in which you establish a firm purpose of amendment to never betray yourself to abuse again.

Now you are forgivable. So, forgive yourself. Embrace yourself.

YOU are the one who deserves and needs your forgiveness.

And chances are that you are the only one who deserves and wants it.

ORIGINAL: Forgiving the One Who Deserves Forgiveness

Guilty Verdict Overturned in Megan Meier Suicide Case

EOPC hopes this acquittal is appealled. Drew says she 'didn't read MySpace's Terms of Service. Ignorance may be bliss but it shouldn't stand up in court!

If you would like to contact Judge Wu and let him know why you disagree with his decision, please send an e-mail to his attention at his court clerk's e-mail.

javier_gonzalez@cacd.uscourts.gov

by Carolyn McCarthy

Lori Drew, the woman convicted of using a hoax MySpace profile to harass a teenage girl to the point of suicide, was acquitted by a Los Angeles judge on Thursday, Wired reported.

Judge George Wu overturned Drew's guilty verdict, which was issued in November, saying that if Drew had been convicted of a felony in the case, she would already have been sentenced. But because she was convicted of three misdemeanors -- a significantly lighter offense than prosecutors originally sought -- the constitutionality of the guilty verdict was less clear.

Drew, a Missouri resident, had been convicted of three misdemeanor counts of "accessing protected computers without authorization to obtain information to inflict emotional distress," each of which could have resulted in a year of jail and a $100,000 fine. But she hadn't been convicted of conspiracy, a felony that could've led to up to 20 years in prison.

The tragic situation unfolded in 2006, when Drew, her teenage daughter, and an 18-year-old employee of the family created a fake MySpace profile for a fictitious teenage boy that they used to harass one of Drew's daughter's classmates, 13-year-old Megan Meier. Meier hanged herself.

This was a situation in which traditional law did not align smoothly with the realities of the digital world: the prosecutors' argument was rooted in a terms of service violation, since MySpace officially outlaws impersonation and fictitious accounts.

Last year, the Electronic Frontier Foundation urged the courts to dismiss the case because of the precedent it could set. "Criminal charges for a 'terms of service' violation is a dramatic misapplication of the CFAA (Computer Fraud and Abuse Act), with far-ranging consequences for American computer users," the EFF said at the time, and argued that it could result in criminal charges for something as innocuous as a minor using the Google search engine.

Drew's lawyers had argued that the law being used against the defendant was vague and flawed, which the judge upheld Thursday when he threw out the guilty verdict. The Computer Fraud and Abuse Act is typically used against malicious hackers.

According to Wired, the judge argued for nearly 45 minutes with U.S. Attorney Mark Krause over the specifics of the CFAA.

ORIGINAL ARTICLE HERE

If you would like to contact Judge Wu and let him know why you disagree with his decision, please send an e-mail to his attention at his court clerk's e-mail.

javier_gonzalez@cacd.uscourts.gov

Spotting the Internet Liar

How can you spot a liar online? Some telltale signs of online deception from Cornell professor of communication Jeff Hancock.

LISTEN NOW

Back in Court With Second Lawsuit Against Dating Advice Site

By David Ardia


Pittsburgh lawyer Todd Hollis is back in court with a second lawsuit against the dating advice site Don'tDateHimGirl.com, whose users accused him of infidelity and infecting women with herpes. Hollis had previously filed a defamation lawsuit in Pennsylvania state court against the owner of the site back in June 2006. The Florida-based web site and its owner Tasha Joseph were able to have that case dismissed for lack of personal jurisdiction.

Acting as his own lawyer, Hollis filed a new complaint in federal court in Miami last week, alleging defamation, intentional infliction of emotional distress, and false light invasion of privacy. Hollis told the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette that

he reluctantly sued again in Miami because Ms. Cunningham refused to remove the numerous lies that her Web site has published about him. "I never wanted to file a lawsuit. I wanted my name cleared," he said yesterday.

Tasha Cunningham, formerly known as Tasha Joseph, launched DontDateHimGirl.com two years ago. The site allows anonymous users to post information and photos of men, often accusing them of infidelity and bad behavior. Cunningham told the Post-Gazette that she would not answer questions about herself or the lawsuit, but gave the paper a written statement:

DontDateHimGirl.com's mission is to empower women with the information and connections that help them make better life decisions. DDHG.com is fully protected [from defamation lawsuits] by the Communication Decency Act. ... Any attack or lawsuit put forth regarding DDHG.com will be dealt with strongly, swiftly and in a manner which will seek to end this type of erroneous, wasteful litigation.

As we've noted in a number of past posts, section 230 of the Communications Decency Act [7] grants immunity to website operators for these types of claims if the content is created by third-parties.

(Note: The Communications Decent Act governs EOPC as well.)

Update:

03/31/2008: Cunningham answered Hollis' complaint and filed a counterclaim against Hollis for defamation. The defamation claim arose from an telecopier document allegedly sent by an organization related to Hollis that stated as fact that Cunningham had been convicted of grand theft by the State of Florida.

04/14/2008: Defendants filed a motion for partial summary judgment. The motion argued that defendants were entitled to summary judgment on several of plaintiff's claims because certain examples of the disputed content were true and certain examples were entitled to protection under CDA 230.

03/2008 through 05/2008: Plaintiff and defendants filed a series of motions disputing discovery issues. These primarily concern defendants' requests for information from plaintiff and plaintiffs requests to depose individuals regarding defendants' reputation.

05/15/2008: Court dismissed Cunningham's counterclaim at Cunningham's request and granted Cunningham's request for protective orders that would prevent plaintiff from deposing certain individuals on the issue of defendants' reputation.

06/20/2008: The case has been dismissed with prejudice by stipulation of both parties. Details of the settlement are not yet available.

(as you can see - be careful about dragging people to court - because things about YOU will come out as well!)

Can boredom Create a Cyberpath?

The below by Steve Becker talks about sociopaths and boredom. EOPC believes cyberpathy is a form of sociopath's and narcissist's acting out by preying on others via the internet. Give this a good read! - Fighter

by Steve Becker, MSW, LCSW
What’s the relationship, if any, between boredom and sociopathy?

Can we can agree, for starters, that boredom does not cause sociopathy? Otherwise most of us would be sociopaths.

Can we also agree that a low tolerance for boredom, alone, does not cause sociopathy. Otherwise again, many of us with low tolerances for boredom (not that I include myself, but God, am I bored) would be sociopaths; and this isn’t the case, either. That is, even most of us with low tolerances for boredom aren’t sociopaths.

However, research suggests that sociopaths may require higher levels of arousal to escape conditions of boredom. So apart from being prone to boredom and finding it extremely oppressive, it may be the case that sociopaths tend to resort to high arousing, high risk solutions to their boredom.

I think we edge closer to a link between boredom and sociopathy when we note that, if nothing else, boredom seems to be a medium, a highly conductive state or field, for the emergence of sociopathic behaviors.

That is, sociopaths seem to find in states of boredom fertile play for their sociopathy. As noted, they seem at risk of solving their boredom sociopathically. States of boredom tend to elicit, coax into the open the sociopath’s sociopathy.

Why? What it is about boredom that makes it perhaps especially conductive of the sociopath’s acting-out? In point of fact, it is less the properties of boredom than the properties of the sociopath that answer this question.

The sociopath is, foremost, an outrageously self-centered specimen. His exclusive interest in his own comfort, gratification and entertainment (and cold uninterest in others’) compels, along with incredulity, a morbid fascination with his interpersonal perversity.

I’d suggest that among the last things the sociopath wants to face, besides extreme pain, is boredom. The sociopath wants to feel entertained, stimulated and comfortable; boredom provides none of these. Moreover, and consistent with his pathological narcissism, the sociopath feels he shouldn’t have to be bored. He feels absolutely entitled to relief from his boredom.

Now we might still say, big deal?…doesn’t this still describe many of us who aren’t sociopaths, yet for whom boredom makes our skin crawl?

What I think distinguishes the sociopath in all this isn’t his entitled claim to relief from states of boredom or even, by itself, his arguable gravitation to higher risk, higher arousing solutions to his boredom. Rather, I think it’s his entitled claim to relief from states of boredom with virtual utter disregard for how he achieves his relief.

In other words, for the sociopath, basically whatever it takes to solve his boredom, at whatever expense to whomever, is a go. Where the non-sociopath itching for escape from his boredom is chastened by a sense of accountability to others—by the implicit social contract to respect others’ boundaries—the sociopath is undeterred by, and abrogates, such social contracts. They are a joke to him.

Intellectually, he is aware of them and, when expedient, may play-act them. But he regards them, truthfully, as utterly controvertible anytime he finds it convenient to controvert them. Furthermore he harbors, secretly when not transparently, contempt for anyone dumb enough to be bound by such contracts. Certainly he isn’t.

And so the bored sociopath is dangerously poised to exploit. Unburdened (if not stimulated) by the prospect of his exploitation, he finds countless opportunities to gratify himself at others’ expense. He can rob someone, or cheat someone, or cheat a hundred people, or get plastered and drive maniacally; he can scare someone, or lie audaciously with convincing sincerity; and in so doing he can ignore the wreckage he wreaks because what matters, what only matters, is the satisfaction in it for him.

The sociopath’s deranged self-centeredness protects him from the scourge of regret. Where regret may torture the normal person, keep him up at night, awaken him to troubled memories, reflection, and perhaps even a rethinking of his priorities, not so for the sociopath.

At most, regret has a superficial effect on him; he might regret, if anything, the inconvenience of his present situation; but not, it’s safe to say, the dignity, security and trust he robbed from the victims across his life.

(My use of “he” in this post is not meant to suggest that males have a patent on the behaviors and attitudes discussed.)

Serial Stalker Posted Messages Online

(UNITED KINGDOM) A serial stalker posted menacing messages to an ex-girlfriend on his page of the social networking website MySpace, a court heard.

James Gardner was banned from harassing Hartlepool student Donna Daniels, but asked her friends to tell her to look at his website.

Some of the messages he had written indicated that 32- year-old Gardner had been secretly watching his frightened former partner.

One of them referred to a holiday to Cyprus she had booked without his knowledge – and another was about her apparent weight gain.

Deborah Sherwin, prosecuting, said the postings suggested Gardner had been stalking Miss Daniels and left her “drained and fearful”.

Teesside Crown Court was told that Gardner boasted he had used computers to find out who her friends were and would also target them.

The court heard that Gardner was prosecuted three times in six years for harassing three former girlfriends, between 2000 and 2006.

In October last year, Miss Daniels obtained a non-molestation order designed to prevent him communicating with her.

But within two months, Gardner was prosecuted for breaching the order, and was given a suspended prison sentence by magistrates.

In February, he was jailed for again breaking the conditions, and again in June for sending threatening text messages.

Days after being released, Gardner started his latest campaign of harassment, and used his MySpace page to target 20-year-old Miss Daniels.

One of the messages was: “Good job -- Cyprus is a fishing island, there’s a whale coming”, said Ms Sherwin.

In another intended for Miss Daniels’ friend, Gardner wrote: “Let her know I don’t hate her... might see her in Paphos.”

Other messages were of private and sexual natures.

Miss Sherwin told the court: “She became very worried about the messages and the fact he appeared to be watching her.”

Police raided Gardner’s home in Stockton and found a collection of things which demonstrated his obsession with Miss Daniels.

There was also a noose inside a loft hatch which he showed Miss Daniels last November, and said: “You’ll only get out of here in a body bag.”

Gardner, of Shaftesbury Street, Stockton, admitted three charges of acting in breach of a restraining order, and one of breaching a non-molestation order.

Judge Peter Fox imposed a six-month sentence, but Gardner walked free because of the time he spent on remand in custody.

Ian West, mitigating, described many of Gardner’s internet messages as “immature and juvenile” although he accepted some were worrying.

The judge told him: “You are in the habit of harassing or molesting young women.

“Maybe you don’t know who your next girlfriend will be, but if you treat her like you treated this lass, then you can expect a longer sentence.”

ORIGINAL ARTICLE