The Player

THE PLAYER

He'll meet you and sweep you off your feet;
He's nice and he's funny, so cute and so sweet.
Surprisingly he likes the same things as you;
He does all the things that you love to do.

He's the perfect guy, the one of your dreams;
You belong together or so it seems.
He looks in your eyes and plays with your hair;
He tells that he'll "always be there."

His touch is so soft, his hold is so tight;
His words are so soothing, his kiss is just right.
You ditch all you friends for your new obsession;
You don't realize your future is full of depression.

You think that you love him, you give him your heart;
little do you know that he'll tear it apart.
You do what he wants though you know its not good;
You told him "slow down" and thought he understood.

You let it slide by he's just having fun;
You'll learn to like it as time goes by.
He's taken your heart and locked it away;
And you see him with a different girl the next day.

You cry and you grieve, but then you forgive;
He'll "never do it again as long as he lives."
At this point you've fallen into his trap;
He has all control when you're in his lap.

You believe he's sorry you're together again;
You give him another chance, he's your best friend.
You're right where he wants you, he molds you like clay;
And you see him with girl number three the next day.

He got what he wanted, accomplished his goal;
He still has your heart, which he evilly stole.
He's taken your purity, you still can't believe;
You feel hurt, cheap and extremely naive.

You know he's an ass but you still want him back;
And you grieve about all the qualities you lack.
All you wanted was to have some fun;
Now you wish this whole thing had never begun.

You wish one day you'll see him cry;
That one day he'll feel what you felt when he killed you inside;
But you know that he won't, he's too numb to pain;
He'll be with some girl while you cry and complain.

Beware the players! they'll steal your heart;
And they'll give it back once its all torn apart.
Don't let them suck you into their game;
Cause once you lose you're never the same.

"Becky"

Checklist for Predators

The below are excerpts from HOW TO SPOT A DANGEROUS MAN; A must-read book from a respected friend of EOPC - Sandra Brown, MA. We can't stress enough how valuable reading this book, even AFTER the relationship is. Sandra offers many services to victims HERE. She "gets it" where many counselors simply do not.

So see how the cyberpath/ predator you know stacks up:

excerpts from HOW TO SPOT A DANGEROUS MAN:

The other type of emotionally unavailable man is unavailable due to his relationship (or relationships) with another woman (or women). These guys are never really committed to a woman. They don’t see any relationship as necessarily permanent, including marriage - even if they give lip service to being “deeply committed” to the woman they are with at the moment.

In truth, however, they don’t truly value their intimate relationships or take them seriously, because they are merely “playing,” even though engagement or marriage hardly seems like something to “play” at. They don’t take their relationships seriously because on some level - even if subconciously - they know they can find someone else who will get involved with them if their current affair ends.

What else would cause someone to repeatedly play his future like a crapshoot without really fearing the outcome?

…It is probably because women keep attempting to get close to him that causes him to keep moving from partner to partner or to keep adding partners. He is uninterested in experiencing or is unable to experience deep feelings of connection with anyone.

…What is dangerous about emotionally unavailable men is that they are not authentically emotionally responsive. They are emotionally avoidant.


…Some of these men may have a sexual addiction that fuels their pursuit of rapidly revolving, superficial relationships. Perhaps his sexual addiction takes the form of chronic and compulsive pornography use, a pattern that will diminish a man’s normal human responsiveness.

… be aware that [this type of man] will come across to you as a devoted father and husband or as an upstanding citizen of his community. Never discount the possibility that your emotionally unavailable man may have multiple hidden lives (always the case if he’s engaging in clandestine extramarital affairs) as well as being an emotional predator.

For example: emotional unavailability, plus life he keeps hidden from you, hiding his wife or his girlfriend, plus the keen sixth sense of an emotional predator, plus a sexual addiction - help these pathological men thrive at attracting serial superficial relationships.

If he is a sexual addict as well he will have a hidden life of endless porn watching, masturbation, voyeurism, and even using prostitutes. Many times these men will cover their perversions with heavy involvement in community politics, their church or synagogue or doing volunteer work. And they will make sure this cover is very visible so no one suspects. (See: Jacoby, gridney aka Yidwithlid, Beckstead, Dorsky, Hicks)

Sexually addicted predators will not stop at you, they will go after your friends as well. (See: gridney aka Yidwithlid) They think nothing of telling your friend that you mean "nothing to" them and that you are possibly “imagining” the relationship. WARNIING: They will tell their wives the same things about you or any other woman they know insisting “she’s jealous of us and is obsessed with / stalking me.” They are masterful jugglers of time and people.

…a woman’s availability itself is a deciding factor… “any port in a storm” will provide adequate distraction from the reality of his life.

In addition to finding women who are available, these men have to locate women who are willing to violate or can be manipulated to violate -- their own emotional, sexual and ethical standards… So his challenge is to find women who, with encouragement will deny or even forget their values and boundaries and partake.

Womanizers also look for women who will believe their stories about their home life. Very few of them tell women how happy they are at home, how wonderful their wife is, and how they just really want to have extramarital sex with no strings attached. No, that usually isn’t the story line. The story line goes: “No one has ever really loved me, and certainly not my wife. She nags… doesn’t appreciate me… hates sex… too religious/ not religious enough... beats me/ beats kids/ kids beat me, etc...” (See: Beckstead, gridney aka Yidwithlid)

Women take this hook too often. …they will be able to make him “finally feel loved… listened to… appreciated.” His need is not “once and for all to be loved” as much as it is to get laid, be amused, play games and be distracted.

A womanizer may be highly verbal about his relationships. He may share personal information in such a way that women mistake his sharing for emotional intimacy… He knows well enough that women are empathic to tales of empty and sad relationships…

Such men are successful when they find women who are unhappy in their own relationships.

An interesting point is that almost every woman who told us her story about getting involved with an emotionally unavailable man said it happened at a time when her self-esteem was low. [She] was coming out of a relationship situation that had damaged her self-esteem (such as being abused, being diagnosed with a permanent or life-threatening illness, or even going through a divorce). Women accept far more during times of low self-esteem than they do when their self-esteem is sound. A belief that she doesn’t deserve a whole, satisfying and healthy relationship is a reflection of how low her self-esteem is. If a man gives a woman who suffers with low-self esteem a little attention… then too often she willingly falls [for him].

The emotional predator is as bad as it gets. He qualifies as the pinnacle of poisonous and pathological… He could, in fact, be called the “emotional psychic.” That’s because it’s his ability to intuit and sense a woman’s emotional vulnerabilities that places her at risk.

Webster’s defines predatory as “having a disposition to injure or exploit others for one’s own gain; it defines predator as “one that preys, destroys or devours.” That’s a good summation of this man. Who but the most pathological among us would set out to exploit, prey on, destroy or devour?

He will hone in on your vulnerabilities and read you. If he likes what he reads, he will follow up by luring you into his scary and dangerous life.

Predators have a natural ability for reading women who are lonely, bored, needy by nature, emotionally wounded or vulnerable. The predator also has his antennae up for women who… have unfulfilled needs in their lives. …he figures out how he can squeeze into the vacant space in your life and what you need to hear in order to allow this to happen. (See: Beckstead, gridney aka Yidwithlid, Jacoby)

…[they] “sense” which woman will make the best target for them. They don’t know why they have this gift or how they acquired it. …they have been working women over since childhood. A predator’s intuitive sixth sense is untaught. …an adult’s skills can’t compete with his abilities to scam, con and conquer.

…emotional predators also fall into the mentally-ill category, usually under the diagnosis of antisocial personality disorder. Most also have hidden lives. When you couple a predator’s natural instincts with a lifetime of skills honed by successfully conning, exploiting and injuring women, you have a man who is nothing short of extraordinarily smooth and capable of horrific dangerousness.

Predators’ motives vary. But you can be sure a predator wants something from you. That is the entire reason for the relationship. …There is something in you that he wants. Maybe “all” he wants is your utter adoration or for you to exalt his ego. …Maybe wants what you can provide to help establish his image so he will marry you (’good family man’). Or maybe …he’s most interested in the pursuit and conquest of a woman… If he is a sexual predator, you are a target, whether it be for consensual sex (after he's done convincing, seducing and manipulating you into thinking it's "love") or rape - depending on whichever way it plays out or whatever mood he is in. (See: Dorksy, Rodger)

A predator does not “need” the relationship. Early on… the predator is deliberately romantic. Predators are shifting chameleons who can be all things to all women. Predators are smooth as silk. …predators are listeners who will give up very little information until they are sure it will align with your history. …His selection is based on his need and your vulnerability. He knows it’s a matter of matching need with need. The more he knows about your needs, the better he can meet them.

He has a nose for vulnerability, so women who have unmet needs “smell” especially good to him. He seeks women who need men who can “sense and know” them on almost a spiritual level. Since he is good at this, he will appear to know you well - and quickly.

They like women who had absent fathers, angry mothers or neglectful and abusive husbands. Knowing that many women are trained to believe that people are basically good at heart, predators will present themselves as men of honor and virtue…. But because he is a chameleon, he will listen closely to see if you also need a mentor, an adviser on some topic, a spiritual leader, or a male friend. (See: Beckstead, Jacoby)

During counseling sessions I’ve had with men who are emotional predators, some have verbalized what they look for in their targets.

One said, “I look for naive women. I like a certain vulnerability to her - that she trusts humanity without asking for proof. Maybe she’s been hurt a lot so there’s a “woundedness” to her. That vulnerability makes them believe you, because they need to believe you.”

Another said, “I like [ ] women who have been pounded down by men and those with childhoods that weren’t so good. They are particularly easy.”

It is important to understand that each predator has developed his own unique style. He has a “type” or two of women he prefers because with those types he has mastered the approach, the dating, and the ‘end.’ He doesn’t have to think very hard if he just uses the profile he’s had success with. One predator may prefer recently divorced or divorcing women or even women who are verbal, emotional or physical abuse victims because he succeeds at playing that angle with them.

… these guys can show a woman they definitely “get it.” They show you all the attention that the jerks you’ve been with haven’t. They say all the right lines that the men in your past could never verbalize. They are brilliant and insightful about what you need. They seem to know exactly every pain you have suffered. (See: Beckstead, gridney aka Yidwithlid, Jacoby)

With more skill than a carnival psychic, the emotional predator can hone in on your every need, sympathize with you in such a way so that you believe you’ve met your long lost soulmate and sweep you off your feet… He’s… more insightful than a therapist. He “knows” you the way no one else ever has.

This guy moves FAST. He’s got to - before you figure out what his M.O. is. Every woman should be suspect of the relationships that seem to be traveling in the fast lane on the super-highway of emotional intimacy. A predator needs to keep you so euphoric with compliments and lover’s talk that you aren’t listening, or paying attention. He is dripping with sincerity and clinging to every word you say. A predator wants to consummate the relationship with you right away, because time is against him.

To move the relationship along and be indispensable to you, he must act helpful, comforting and generous. Since he is working against the clock, he must find out what you need and then meet that need.

While listening to you and observing you, he will glean a lot of information about your hobbies, interests, spiritual beliefs and value systems. He is the original identity thief. He uncovers and uses for his own purposes everything he can about what makes you - YOU. He will find you amazing, beautiful, bright and talented - like no one he has EVER met before. He will align how he portrays himself with your needs and also your interests until you feel like you are looking at your twin.

Finally, another way predators succeed with women is by preying on their compassion. Once a woman is in the grip of a predator, anything can happen.

[Once a woman sees their stories] for the crock they are and bust them for their fake opinions with them, they will try and turn the table and make it seem it was the woman who had emotional problems! (They will call their victims: predators, psychos, scorned women, liars, mental cases, abusers and even 'cyberpaths' -- it's all PROJECTION designed to provoke you & get a response out of you.)

written by Sandra L. Brown, M.A., Director of The Institute for Relational Harm Reduction & Public Psychopathy Education and author ‘How to Spot a Dangerous Man’ and ‘Counseling Victims of Violence.’ Her new book 'Women Who Love Psychopaths' is out and is a MUST READ!

The Institute for Relational Harm Reduction & Public Psychopathy Education is involved in helping women achieve relational harm reduction. Visit The Institute for Relational Harm Reduction & Public Psychopathy Education for advice and resources.

IN ONLINE RELATIONSHIPS: Warning Signs to Look Out For

EOPC's comments in dark blue.
by Jennifer M. Good

If you are in, or are interested in being in, an online relationship, it is important to know what things to look out for so you don't get hurt -- physically or emotionally. The advice you'll find below is meant for you to use as a way to help protect yourself from getting hurt. The tips are mostly common sense, but sometimes when it comes to love, it's good to have it written down for reference.

Person is too secretive.
This can be as simple as the person is insecure with letting out information about themselves, to the person being married or living with someone else.

Person is often flirting with other people online.
Just as in real life you can find "players" online. Watch how your online interest interacts with others. You'll learn more about them, as well as be able to spot any unusual interests.

Person wants too much information about you right away.
Unless you are 100% completely comfortable about this person, don't give away any personal information. Even then, it is a good idea to keep important information to yourself. (if they do this - they are PROFILING you, MIRRORING you and BRAINWASHING you!)

Person seems only interested in cyber or phone sex.
Unless this is something you are interested in, this relationship is probably not going very far. (If they don't want to meet for lunch or dinner or spend any time with you - if they live close - ditch them. They are using you like an "online hooker".)

After trust has been established, person will only give you a pager or cell phone number, but not a home number.
This again could just be precautionary, but again, it could indicate a cheating heart. (married or involved?)

After enough time has developed, person is adamant about not meeting in person. The reason for this could range from the person hiding something about their physical self, their lifestyle, other romantic involvement's, or just protecting themselves. (excuses can range from "I don't think I can control myself with you" to "I don't go out/ have time" to "I don't think its a good idea")

Person wants you to move to local area or in with them after only one or two meetings.
While my husband and I broke this rule, I strongly urge other couples to really get to know each other in person. It worked out well for me, but if follow this advice you will find yourself more confident about your choices if you really take the time to know them in person before deciding to make the big traveling step.

You find the person posting other personal ads online.
An obvious heartbreak! (especially if they are posting at BangMatch.com or Eroticy.com, etc.... sex partner sites, while trying to lure YOU into and keep you in an EMOTIONAL relationship online so they can use & manipulate you further)
Person keeps e-mails from other people hidden or a secret.
Something to keep an eye out for. Any relationship that begins or is involved in secrecy has it's days numbered. (OR...... they tell you not to talk to so & so online and you later find they told the other person not to talk to YOU either!! and give each of you bogus reasons to no longer talk. If THAT happens MAKE IT YOUR BUSINESS TO CONTACT THE OTHER PERSON IMMEDIATELY!!)

Person asks for money or other help or even suggests they are broke.
You may feel comfortable with this, but it's not a good idea, especially if your just met them. Don't open yourself to a potentially huge loss.

Person won't let you mail cards or other gifts to home address.
This is also another sign of a possible romantic interest living with them. Take the extra precautions to make sure your online interest is not already involved with someone. (they won't even GIVE you a home address! Run!)

Every tip is dependent upon your instincts. What is good for one person may not be good for the next. Use your head, and your instincts. If something doesn't feel right, question it and resolve it quickly. You may discover it was a case of doubt, but you may also discover it wasn't!

ORIGINAL ARTICLE HERE

PREDATORS HUNT THE WOUNDED

(an article everyone who goes online should read; whether you are an abuse survivor - or just vulnerable! - Fighter)

An abuse survivor e-mailed me saying how she seemed to attract men who want to exploit her. On the other hand, good people seemed to run from her. Tragically, this is the common experience of abuse survivors, whether they be men or women. I had often puzzled as to why this is. The woman sent me a couple of photos of herself and suddenly I understood. No, she was not dressed to seduce.

The reply I sent her was a little gentler than the following, but here is the essence of what I said:

Your photos, though nice, give the impression that you are sad, shy, lacking in confidence and aching for love. An evil man (cyberpath/predator) might look at those photos and think to himself, “I bet her self-esteem is so low that she thinks no decent guy would want her. Her need for love and for a boost in self-esteem seem so great that if I let her think that I could meet these needs, she would be so scared of losing me that she would give me anything I want, no matter how perverted. (sounds EXACTLY like Yidwithlid, Beckstead,Capers and Jacoby)

If I initially treat her tenderly and kindly and flatter her, I’ll have a good chance of turning her into little more than my slave. Then I could treat her however I wish.” (read our past Predator exposes: Hicks, GRIDNEY/ Yidwithlid, Jacoby, & Beckstead in particular!)

If, on the other hand, a man saw you as happy, confident and relatively content, he’d assume you are quite choosy as to who you relate to and how far you would go. He’d assume you have none of the desperation that pressures some women to compromise their morals to get the love they crave.

Anyone with evil intentions would be likely to back off and look for someone who seems more vulnerable.
Not only could this be a factor in men with evil intent being attracted to you, it could cause good men (or good women who are lesbians) to feel tempted to try to get their way with you. Because they are honorable, they are likely to run from you, fearing that if they stayed close to you they might yield to that temptation.

Regardless of how resistant to sexual pressure they really are, people with low self-esteem and who crave love give the impression that they are vulnerable to exploitation and/or seduction. Upon finding such a person, immoral people feel emboldened to test their suspicion that they have found someone they could seduce.

People lacking in self-esteem are likely to mistakenly believe that sex – not their personality – is their only way of winning the love they desperately need.

They fall for the horrible lie that their only chance of receiving even an illusion of the love they crave is to yield to sexual advances.

This makes them highly vulnerable. So intense is the pressure, that they need far superior self-control than what other people need in order to remain sexually pure. Moreover, abuse survivors are strongly tempted to accept the lie that because they have been mistreated before, they have little purity left to protect.

As if these strong pressures were not enough, abuse survivors find resisting an evil man much harder than other people find it because they have suffered the past horror of having done everything possible to resist and yet still being overpowered. Having suffered situations in which resistance was impossible causes them to lose hope that they could ever successfully prevent anyone from exploiting them. They become convinced that any attempt to resist would be a futile waste of effort.

Sexual & Emotional predators know this, so they are on the look out for emotional/ verbal/ mental/ or sexual abuse survivors!

A tragically large number of abuse survivors have mistakenly thought that perhaps they have low morals or are evil or that God is against them, since that they seem to attract sexual predators. This is most certainly not so. The thought is so obviously incorrect that, theoretically, there should be no need to deny it.

Sadly, it needs to be spelt out because sexual offenders are skilled at cruelly manipulating tender consciences, causing their victims to have a mistaken view of themselves.

The truth is that abuse survivors tend to attract repeat offenses simply because they are hurting, and sexual predators, like beasts of prey, think the wounded might be an easier target.

Knowing why the wrong sort of people might try to exploit you can be a relief. There is nothing wrong with you, other than the simple fact that you are hurting. I am sure what you really want to know, however, is how to prevent this attention. It’s easy to say that self-esteem, confidence and feeling loved is the answer, but the difficulty is knowing how to grow in these things.

ORIGINAL ARTICLE

The Modus Operandi of the "Emotional Blackmailer"

He is too good to be true - He is soft-spoken and polite, he is kind and loves women, he is respectful, he doesn't come on too strong FOR THE FIRST FEW MEETINGS ONLY. He's always on the lookout for a patsy, but he's in no hurry as there's always another one around the corner so he'll take his time in coming on to you.

He'll be there more and more frequently - gazing at you with puppy dog eyes; wanting to know everything about you, asking your advice, making it look like you are getting to know each other and forming a bond.

He will put himself in the best possible light - including lying through his teeth about his ambitions, activities, hopes and dreams.

His seduction techniques are often subtle and well-practiced - It will seem he did nothing to seduce you until you look back and analyze it. He sat and stood close to you, he brushed against you, but it didn't seem to be on purpose.

He suddenly "Turns on the Charm" and turns up the heat - Once you're hypnotized by his sweetness and modesty and respectfulness, he will pounce on you one night and turn into a Mr. Hyde. It "just happened." This is the critical moment to run away, don't let him touch you. He'll leave you breathless wondering what exactly happened. He'll turn on all the charm full force and you'll be wanting him from then on, yet wanting some breathing room. You won't get any. Ever. It won't bother you at first - you'll think he's attentive and ardent.

He starts using the lines technique - Once you're "seeing" each other, he'll be a real swain, discussing how amazing this new relationship is, how different you are from any woman he ever met; and he'll talk about your remarkable beauty and how "alike" you are. He will talk about your "resonance" and describe all the awful women he knew before who didn't want a good man - who wanted someone to abuse them.

All of this is meaningless talk. He uses the same lines on every woman.

He will whine and even shed tears - if you say you have other things to do, other people to see, or want to be alone after seeing him 8 days in a row. He enjoys being abused, so if you scream at him it only makes him feel more secure. He got used to fighting all around him as a child and he equates fighting with love.

He'll start demanding that you "prove your love" - You have become nothing but his prop. He has become your jailer. The key is: he demands CONSTANT proof of your love.

He will "seem" to accept your decision to break up - As the months roll along and you are tired of his constant presence, begging, whining and having unreasonable control of your life, you will decide to break up with him. He will then agree to back off, give you some space, and try to do better.

He'll tell you he has "changed" - No matter how many times you break up with him, he will call you to tell you that he needs you, that he has changed, and he will say it all in a calm voice as if he respects your decision to come back or not. His game is to stay away just long enough that you forget his annoying traits and miss the good parts. But if you agree to even one meeting it will be back to daily visits and demands for constant pampering again.

Getting Rid of the Bastard
The only way to get rid of the emotional blackmailer is when he has found another victim to be his patsy. He will already be courting her while seeing you (he is juggling two or more women per day).

Once he has the new person in his thrall and has nothing to lose by losing you, he will drop you like a hot potato.

He prey's on sympathy, and lives to control - his purpose is to have many women in his control - perhaps one for money and one to scream at him, and both for companionship. He gets a high from controlling people, because as a child he had no control over anything and frequently felt abandoned. This is why the more women who feel sorry for him, listen to him, go out with him, the better he feels and behaves. However, he is telling each of them the same thing: they are the best, the most beautiful, the most like him, he wants to spend the rest of his life with ONLY THEM.

The character of the Emotional Blackmailer
Everything he says or does is for gain. He does nothing for the sheer joy of it, or because he likes people or wants to build a relationship: he is looking ahead to what he can get out of the person: sex, housekeeping, emotional support, someone to listen to him spin his tales of woe, what have you. Loyalty or faithfulness are not in his nature.
He will become vicious and even violent if he is crossed, contradicted, found out, exposed or denied what he wants. It looks exactly like the tantrum of a five year old. That is still his emotional age, although he has the smooth moves of a Casanova down pat.

How Do You Extricate Yourself from the Emotional Blackmailer?
One way out is to cut off all contact. Even email may put you back in his control if you get back into the same pattern of doing what he wants when he wants it. He is a master manipulator who will prey on your sympathy for him as a human being.
Any time spent reasoning with him is wasted - he doesn't hear a word you say. All arguments are circular. If you discuss codependence, he says it doesn't exist, that it's a psychobabble word for two people caring for each other. If he has no answer to your logic he will remain silent and wait for you to shut up, then start with his argument again.

After you have cut off contact, he will stalk you for a while if he doesn't have a replacement lined up yet, but this will cease because it isn't fulfilling enough for him. He NEEDS feedback, anger, someone to scream at him. Any kind of attention pleases him - he is a true masochist who would enjoy being slapped. If you catch him? He will accuse YOU of stalking HIM!

Another way to ditch the Emotional Blackmailer is to turn the tables on him. A man who is so good at manipulating is also easily manipulated to do whatever you want IF you do it the right way. You can be rid of him within a few weeks without avoiding him by doing the following:

• Exhibit jealousy and make it clear that you won't share him with anyone else, and you expect to spend the rest of your life with him and have exclusive rights over him. This will make him feel suffocated for a change and he will be eagerly stepping out on you while claiming he wants only you.
• Lose interest in doing anything you used to do for him or with him; stop taking him seriously; don't listen to his rants about his job; ridicule his ideas, act bored and make it clear you see him only as a useful decoration. Tell him to grow up, tell him you are well aware of his manipulative games but you like him anyway and demand he be faithful to you. This will scare him and make him step up his efforts with the other women, and he will soon be out of your life.

A Final Note:

Healthy, non-manipulative men:

• Don't beg
• Don't tell you that you're "the best"
• Don't use the lines "if you really love me", or "prove you love me by doing this for me"...
• Don't put down their girlfriends or wives (former or current), even mildly
• Respect your right to have other online friends
• Share all their information with you: address, phone numbers, job, etc. They don't mind if you double check on them for your own safety!

Should Victims Embrace Docile Victimhood? Or Fight Back?

For all victims & those who tell them to "get over it" and "move on":


by writer Kathy Kracjo

I am death on people telling the victim that it's a sin to fight back. They are pressuring the victim to do the very thing that causes victims to suffer terrible shame in the aftermath of abuse -- give themselves up to it.

That shame we feel at doing so is an infallible indicator that it's wrong. No one needs a book or a preacher to tell them what's right and wrong. We KNOW that's wrong. Deep down inside we feel how wrong it is to give ourselves up to abuse. Doing so makes us feel like a worm. A doormat. We know it's lack of backbone. We sense the prostitution in it. We feel utterly degraded by it.

The only excuse for it is being subjected to overwhelming force so that we haven't the power to resist. Which is rape. Which is why we feel deeply violated by it. Whether it's sexual rape or any other kind.

So, we know that we must resist when we can. If only for the sake of our self respect.

And anyone who tells us that we shouldn't fight the aggressor might as well order us to be a self masochist who injures himself.

They are pressuring the victim to prostitute themselves to abuse. How degrading! They are pressuring the victim to do what causes a human being unbearable shame. How cruel! They are pressuring the victim to do what goes against the laws of nature, our instinct for self preservation. They are pressuring the victim to commit the worst breech of faith, the worst betrayal, there is -- treason against your very self by delivering yourself up to abuse.

That's what Joan of Arc called it -- "treason," "wretched treason." She preferred the stake.

If it would be wrong to surrender another person for abuse, why should it be right to surrender yourself to abuse?

Trying to force the victim to do that is what the narcissist does! It's bad enough to abuse someone, but when you become so sadistic that you make them bend over for it on top of it all, you have crossed the line into extreme perversity, the Sin of Sodom.

Docile victimhood is NOT a virtue, and people who think it is are devoid of moral sense. They are people who don't think about what they say any more than a parrot does. Nothing proves that easier than to just then ask them, "Well what if the abuse happenes to be sexual rape? Do you say the victim should bend over for it?"

Certainly not! These are the same folks who would say that a woman who bent over for it liked it and was a whore. They would say she must fight tooth and nail.

And that's just as stupid, because sometimes she doesn't dare fight. If she did, she'd get killed.

There are few ways that the victim of narcissistic abuse can fight back, especially when the victim is a child.

And whenever the victim does find a way to put up a resistance, there is always some holier-than-thou around to tell him or her that it's a sin.

You can't do that to people. That puts them in an impossible situation. That's what breaks minds.

Horrifying example. A kid is getting bullied at school. He periodically gets his head flushed in a toilet, while the "innocent" bystanders watch and laugh. He gets his lunch money stolen daily.

Now, would you willingly walk into a place where you know that someone is waiting for you to abuse you? Of course not. But we expect him to. So, when he skips school, he gets punished. We thus force him to present himself there daily for abuse. If he doesn't it's a sin.

So he punches the bully. Oh-oh. Now he committed another sin. He gets punished for that too, because "violence" (which force used in self defense ain't) is a sin.

So, he resorts to the last resort, the really stupid thing: he tells the counsellors about the abuse. They have "a talk" with the bully. Now the bully punishes him for that by escalating the abuse.

What is that kid going to do? We are forcing him to offer himself up for abuse like a sacrificial vicitm every single day.

Something's gotta give. He will decide to kill himself, and he may well decide to take others with him.

You can't force people to docilely submit to abuse. That's the most odious thing you can do to a human being. You are subjecting him to a slavery more odious and profound than that of the slaves, a kind of slavery we haven't seen since the macabre executions of the Middle Ages = slavery as someone else's property for the purpose of vicitimization.

Indeed, the victim isn't his own property if you deny his free will to the the extent that you deny him the right even to self preservation.

Those who think the Bible demands this had better re-read it. And study what the scholars have found and Church authorities have admitted -- how long after the events it was written, whom it was really written by, and how much it's been edited and added to since.

And applying a little common sense doesn't hurt either. For example, if Jesus thought defending yourself is a sin, why does scripture mention in several places that the apostles were armed? Duh, they were his bodyguards. And of course he told the three of them with him to put up their swords when he was captured -- because they were vastly outnumbered and just would have gotten killed. Interpreting that action as some sort of general prohibition again the use the use of force is absurd.

Common sense, common sense, common sense. There is nothing more dangerous than words of scripture in a mouth with its brain turned off.

Very often the victim can't fight back. At least not without that resistence resulting in greater harm to himself. But whenever he can, he has every right to. Indeed, the only morality a bully knows is a punch in the nose. It does work.

And the victims of a narcissist's abuse through character asssination have every right to accuse their accuser, to point the accusing finger right back at the narcissist to show that it's all projection. That's the victim's only defense! He or she should not be treated as though they are the attacker.

Character assassination is not nothing. It is character ASSASSINATION. I call it the abuse that keeps on abusing for the rest of that person's life. A crime in progress for the rest of that person's life, because that bad reputation pursues and continually damages the victim for the rest of their life. The victim has every right to defend himself from this ongoing abuse in whatever way he can.

SOURCE

NOTE: When other website owners find the need to participate in a smear campaign about a victim of someone else on their site -- members need to think twice. Especially support & recovery sites. Especially when they elevate that predator to special status. How hateful.

Now ask yourself, why is it SO IMPORTANT to smear and attack someone for speaking their truth? If it really was all B.S. you'd let things stand because it would be so important. And to those who fall away because they are afraid to still be friends with the victims? Shame on you.

Innocence seldom utters outraged shrieks. Guilt does.
~ Whittaker Chambers

JAMES BRIAN ELLINGTON - Caught & Jailed

Ellington, listed as one of our cyberpath/ predators was arrested in New York City.

Let's hope someone throws away the key on him. He was probably trying to con more money, sex and a free place to stay out of her.

A man was arrested for assaulting his female friend when she demanded he leave her Upper East Side apartment, police sources said yesterday.

James Ellington, 34, threw the 34-year-old woman to the floor of her apartment on East 91st Street near First Avenue at 12:30 a.m. Friday, cops said. He then allegedly grabbed her by the throat.

Police were called and arrested Ellington on assault charges.

FROM THIS NEWS SITE

CASE DETAILS

He's using a Legal Aid Attorney - let's just hope the courts read the internet postings about him and sentence him accordingly.

What goes around, Mr. Ellington...

OUR ORIGINAL POST ON ELLINGTON

AOL Chat Friend Pleads 'Not Guilty' to Murder

Prosecutors say a man suspected of ambushing and stabbing a woman he met online has been charged with second-degree murder in her death.

Raymond Dennis pleaded not guilty on Friday and is being held. His next court date is May 19. Police say 23-year-old Nimzay Aponte was stabbed to death at a Bronx park Tuesday as she sat with a friend.

Police say she told police before she died that "Mike" did it, referring to a person she met on AOL's instant messaging service and through a site called Local Hookups. Police say investigators tracked Dennis down, who went by that name on the service. Police say the two met once in person, but she didn't want a relationship.

Aponte's 25-year-old male companion was also stabbed in the arm. Dennis also pleaded not guilty to assault in that stabbing.

ORIGINAL ARTICLE

FOR THE VICTIMS: BETRAYAL, YOUR FEAR & THE CYBERPATH

Once you find out what the cyberpath is they may do a combination of any of the following:

• Disappear and/or block you and/or change their nicknames, identity & emails
• Lash out at you
• Smear you
• Belittle you & call you names
• Tell everyone that you both know you are "crazy" or "stalking them" or (the oldest one there is) you're a "scorned man/woman."
• many other nasty, malicious things worthy of a 9 year old
  

This is betrayal. This is what pathological people do when their 'mask of normalcy' is pulled off. You reel from it because you can't understand. You can't imagine what happened to the attentive loving guy you met who seemed understanding. Nothing happened. That wasn't the REAL PERSON. This monster who is out for your virtual heart is the real person.

Everything else? was a lie.

All you will get now is narcissistic rage. Anger that you busted them. And threats of harm to you, your family and so on. Just read through the stories on the right of our exposed predators and see how they treated their victims.

Take a look at Ed Hicks, Doug Beckstead, Gridney/ Yidwithlid, Brad Dorsky or Dan Jacoby . Look at how they were to their targets once they got bored or angry with them. Watch their rage, their blame-shifting, their guilt tripping and their disappearing acts from the lives of people who people who really loved and cared about them.

The one thing we can tell you here at EOPC is that 90% of the time, the threats are a form of "control by temper tantrum." Like a 6 year old they are mad that you won't play their game or said "NO MORE" to them. Or they got bored and don't want to play with you anymore, so your emails and attention is suddenly ANNOYING. Now they kick, scream, say rude things & stomp away hoping you will be so upset you will let them start up their game again. Either with you or someone else.

Or, that you are so scared of them you dare don't expose them or tell others. DON'T FALL FOR IT!

And don't for a second think they haven't told their online friends, offline friends, partner/ spouse, job... that you are "obsessed with" them or a "scorned" person. So when you send just one more email or make one more call hoping for explanation, closure, something... they say "see!! see how she is!! she's nuts and won't leave me alone! she's trying to manipulate me!"

What childish bull.

If you really want to help them? Expose them. Make them accountable. Don't let them scare you into silence. Help others stay away! Maybe they will get their relationship/ marriage right. Maybe they will go into LONG TERM counseling. The odds are 98% of them don't.

"The world is a dangerous place to live, not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." - Albert Einstein

But don't let them scare you. Stand up to a bully no matter how long or what it takes. Take back what they took from you. Your power, your dignity and your peace of mind. - Fighter

~~~~~~~~~~~~
Betrayal, when realized, is a phenomenal existential feeling. Suddenly, your world is no longer the one you believed in. You question reality, but most of all you question yourself.

How, you wonder, could I have been so naive, stupid, blind, trusting, unseeing, unknowing? It may be difficult to believe, but these questions are good. YOU are the normal person, the one who aligns reality (he was so nice to me, he was my friend) with a cognitive belief: he ACTS as if he likes me, he TELLS me he likes me, I see no reason not to believe him because in my past, people who act and speak this way, CAN be trusted. There is congruency. But not now.

Suddenly, you learn that someone trusted - a spouse, lover, family member, close friend - has been putting you down, lying, manipulating others against you, and yet maintaining a stance of intimacy with you.

The world is not clear, the ground you stand on is wobbly. You will never feel good about this. You will not "Get Over" it. But you CAN move forward. You can do so by realizing that no matter how awful the betrayal, YOU are the normal person and this betrayal comes from rage.

This person envies you in some way, is enraged about it, and MUST put you down behind your back. They MUST harm you.

They have no choice. But you do.

In the world of normals, after we get over the shock, we can use this experience to become stronger, to help others, to learn to avoid this particular toxin, and to calm ourselves that the higher moral ground is ours. It's too bad this person acted as he did, we wish he did not, but we are NOT diminished by their pathology. Wiser, sadder, but never diminished.
~~~~

EOPC believes that cyberpathy is a form of pathology. Either narcissistic or sociopathic/ anti-social. Because its exploitative and the cyberpath has no remorse or guilt. Therefore we publish this article for the victims of cyberpaths.

Don't believe they aren't hurting you on purpose. They are. You are not the 'object' they treated you like. Stand up and tell them. They will probably disappear from your life while painting themselves as the victim - OF YOU!

Stop giving them the opportunity - stop trying to "get through" to them, stand up for yourself and starting healing you!
Hurting You Isn't Something Narcissists Do by Accident
by Kathy Krajco

In all the jabber about narcissism, the worst noise is this idea that hurting you is something narcissists do by accident.

If you get nothing else out of "What Makes Narcissists Tick," get the message that frees you of that ridiculous belief. Which is nothing but a baseless assumption.

I don't ask you to take my word for this. Test what I say when I say that narcissists hurt you on purpose. Anyone can test any narcissist.

Here's how: The next time the narcissist is hurting your feelings or making you feel low, let your feelings show and tell him or her how they are making you feel asking them to stop it.Be prepared for a shock. Any normal human being would soften and let up, but a narcissist will do exactly the opposite.

What does that mean?

Is revving up their engines, kicking in the afterburners, and running you right over an "accident" after you show your soft underbelly and beg them to let up on you?

It's no "accident," that's for sure.

Want to see a narcissistic rage? That's no "accident" either. The test: Just fall to your knees in tears begging them to have a heart and stop kicking you around like dirt.
The narcissist's response? He or she blows up into a rage. Is that rage an "accident" when nothing but how deeply they are hurting you provokes it?

No, it's a willful and wanton outrage.

Now hear this: THEY DON'T DO IT BY ACCIDENT. They aren't just inconsiderate and touchy.

Test their "touchiness" (if you can do so safely, or have somebody not at the N's mercy test it - someone who can defend themselves).

Rage right back in their face. Act just as wild right back in their face. Threaten right back. Speak abusively right back.

Now any normal person would be provoked to rage by your doing this in their face. But narcissists are so UNtouchy that they do the opposite. Watch how instantaneously the raging narcissist becomes meek and mild and switches to his "I-wouldn't-hurt-a-fly-mask."

Don't take my word for it. Test it.

You CANNOT insult a narcissist who isn't in a position to bully you! It's impossible. Try it, you'll see. Your lack of vulnerability gives them skin a foot thick! (Not to mention a rubber spine.)

"Touchy" my you-know-what.

They aren't touchy at all. So perceived slights aren't what set them off. The VULNERABILITY of a TARGET OF OPPORTUNITY is what sets them off - IF there are no witnesses.

That's predation, not touchiness.

Narcissists aren't inconsiderate of your feelings. To the contrary, they are extremely considerate of your feelings. Your feelings are exactly what they are trying to affect. They closely observe how you react every time they do something to hurt you.

And they are like sharks, able to smell a drop of blood a mile away. Why? Because your hurt feelings are their pain killing drug.

They are addicted to it. Ever since childhood.

That's what their mental illness is, an addiction. (In fact, all addictions are classed as mental illness.)

So where do people get the stupid idea that narcissists aren't to blame for what they do?

It's asinine to think that narcissists can't control themselves when we see them controlling themselves perfectly whenever witnesses are present. So, what? being behind closed doors makes them suddenly out of control of themselves? Baloney.

Their problem isn't lack of self control; it's lack of conscience. Conscience is what makes people behave the same in the dark as in the light of day.

Okay, they have an addiction to trampling people. They are hooked on the childish high they get from throwing somebody down, stepping on the victim's back, and thumping their chest with a Tarzan yell.

But since when does an addiction amount to a carte blanche? An addiction is just a TEMPTATION. It doesn't remove the addict's responsibility to resist that temptation.

If a heroin addict sees you with heroin, he will attack and may kill you for it - IF there are no witnesses present.

But do we absolve him of his responsibility for the crime just because he's addicted to heroin? Of course not.

Same with the narcissist. Since childhood he has done this mind-altering drug of abusing people and is addicted to it. He addicted himself.

Yet addicted as he is, he demonstrates the ability to control himself by behaving whenever witnesses are present, misbehaving only when he thinks he can get away with it.

Innocence that is not.

He does what he does because nothing but getting his drug matters to him. So he has no conscience. He lives to get it, whenever he can get away with it.

So, hurting others isn't something narcissists do by accident. It's how they live.

The victims of narcissists must understand this. They must quit falling for the masks predation conceals itself behind.

I don't care how much the poor, little, ole narcissist whines that he didn't mean to, and claims that he has an excuse because HIS feelings were somehow hurt, and weeps about what a miserable childhood he had and how sad and forlorn he'll be if you go away, and all that crap. It's a joke.

Painful as this is to admit, the victims of narcissists MUST understand it. It's the bottom line. It predicates your choices.

Don't take my word for it: test and see. 2 + 2 = 4. Always. Even on Thursdays.

SOURCE

Capers Sends Mail to One of His Many Victims

If you know this man, does he send similar stuff to you? As always - this is NOT made up. Capers appears to profile his victims then send similar emails tailored to each of their particular "personalities" to lure, seduce, control and manipulate them.

Our comments in italics and dark blue. (WARNING: Could be triggering due to 'sexual innuendo.')

From:
glenzilla@XXX.me
glenzilla@XXX.com

From: Glenn
To: Victim 1

I can't imagine not wanting you,"especially" -- When Druids and Wiccans read and write between the lines of live, desire in rituals.. If you mind is my alter then "my quest would be to press my lips against your Chalice" and from you liquid soul. I ask, let flow its course and I shall "join in your spirit and story and find completion and "lover on your isle.

I ant to you know I'm thinking of you. I have this rush to spend hours just teasing your XXX till you spring a XXXX for me. No hurry. I think getting under your XXX ad worshiping you XXX will be in order. I don't ever want to XXX. Pleasuring you is more like it even if its on a car hood in the night to taking in a chair with your legs propped over my shoulders. Its not about did you XXX. It's about you going where your body never went until now.

Glenn
The journey has begun
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FROM: glenzilla@XXX.com
TO: Victim 1

I'm thinking of how nice it would be to make you XXXX and pass out from it because it was good to you. Not bored at all.

Jus wondering wha the rest of yo looks like :) The weather is something else right now. snowing now. (Check how he hints HEAVILY for naked pics. Sounds EXACTLY like Jacoby, Yidwithlid, Thomas and that whole 'using decent women as free whores' predator/ liars)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

glenzilla@XXX.com

I'm going to bed, hugs. hope you can run with my heat or else you'll explode with XXXXX. So tell me why your x die. (extracting personal information to use on her!)

glenn capers
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

glenzilla@XXX.com

I will be looking for a woman with big XXXX.

Hey you are a wiccan so you should love to be for your mate. It is called working on your skill set?

kisses I'm off to bed. Tell me something wonderful. Seeing your image I had a desire to XXXXXXXXX and XXX you and imagine you XXX XXXXX. a little.

glenn capers
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


glenzilla@XXX.com

I'm watching things. Our money is not going up. but the euro is way down and so is the pound. Ever thing broadband allows you to use some sell phones that can operate on wifi for free for all calls. yes you pay for wifi but you have no phone bill for the calls and time of calls. I use my cell phone because after 7 pm calls are free. 'my home phone' I do not use but have to have one because to have a bank account it was a fact if you had no phone you could not have a banking account. Maybe now things will change as people fight to cut back. if i got rid of the home phone I save 200 us dollars. I like skype because any thing international is free and for the most part the voice is super clear.

Gas has gone down here but not for long. food has gone up a date in New York as in 2 drinks and finger food is about 90 dollars ad dinner you are at 180 to 210 dollars on a date. 4 dates with dinner and you can fly to the uk from New York. So I don't date. Plus women here are not getting fed as they use to. New York women figure the more the dates the more times they get fed and spend less money all because they look good and smiled and have learned to lead men on and go no further. (First, NYC is NOT that expensive. There are cheap eats and even regular grocery stores in Manhattan! - second, notice his VERY misogynist attitude towards women and dating. Really PATHETIC and SICK.)

If I babble I'm sure there would not be anything left of you because once I learn your XXXX I will own you and your thoughts and soul (freudian slip!) And everything I say would happen as I command. (again HE'S ADMITTED HE'S A CONTROLLING SEDUCER!) Having you XXX at the count of 10 wold be a reality.

sweet dreams . Have to strip down and shower. (ugh what a thought! but it's classic for a sexual online predator)
~~~~~~~~~~~~

FROM: Glenn Capers
TO: Victim 1

I am in the middle of juggling like you can't imagine. I found a place to live. (how much you want to bet some woman is paying?) The area is a little dangerous. But here my lease ends at the end of the first week of march. I am being pressured to sign at 3400 a month. I have found a place for 1800 but have to wait for the person in it to move out.

Plus in New york you can't do anything on your own you have to always pay a fee. That fee for me is 4500 for a XXXX agent for not even helping me find a place. The trick was for me today to speak with the apartment people, get blasted and pushed, and scared by them as their plan then say how do we make it work. I need time to think their new lease contract out which is until April 1st. On April sixth I'm in a new place. It's weird.

The fire is holding up my job. its called insurance. of being in toxic are. America is now big on it as part of the insurance game. So I'm sitting tight. Waiting to see if the reschedule or give me the green light as they count down. its crazy so I just chill. its all I know at this moment.
(SAME horrible spelling & syntax as Yidwithlid!)

I hope every thing is cool with you. I land the first week would be now with out assignment and my company hates for me to draw down on their budget. So I'd one have to find a cheap place foe 4-5 days or visit you directly for that time spam, or see you for a day, figure it our and be gone if there is no resolution. (Get the sympathy ploy he uses on women to save money, stay free & eat free somewhere and have free sex. Sounds like Ed Hicks and Nathan Thomas. Disgusting!)

Also they might change the ticket so I land in another city than old smiley XXXXXX. (another woman? and another? and another?)

how's you day? I'm off to the market blessings

(Gag what a lying manipulator)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MORE OF CAPERS' NEW IDENTITIES:

Sylvester http://www.imagecreative.nl/photo_detail.php?img=39162

Black Grampus at LinkedIn.com

THE AFTERMATH: PTSD

The Aftermath of Trauma
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

Far too many of the victims we speak to start out saying "I'm strong, I can handle it." We don't buy it. We get emails months later saying the victim(s) can't eat, sleep or are obsessed with what happened. We recommend all our victims get help from someone who understands this sort of trauma. (CLICK HERE FOR OUR RECOMMENDATION)

Write us at cyberpaths@gmail.com if you need help finding short term counseling. (VERY VERY few doctors or counselors "get it" about pathological relationships... even if they say they do)

Most of us build our lives around the belief that we will be relatively safe. Granted, normal daily life involves many stressors, especially in these hectic times, but we expect these pressures to happen and we become accustomed to handling them. The more flexible we are and the more we know ourselves and are in touch with our abilities, the easier it is to deal with normal everyday stress.

Sometimes, however, any of us could be subjected to catastrophic stress. Our feeling of safety in these circumstances can vanish. We could experience terror and a complete inability to know how to handle these situations that are outside of the ordinary realm of experience. These catastrophic events can include physical or sexual abuse, physical attack, mugging, car-jacking, being used, "taken" or emotionally raped or the sudden death of a loved one. It is not only the victims of these events, but also witnesses, families of victims, and helping professionals who can develop severe stress symptoms which can last for months or even years after the event.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is the term used to characterize people who have endured highly stressful and frightening experiences and who are undergoing distress caused by memories of that event. It is as if the person just cannot let go of the experience. The event comes back to haunt them. The anxiety experienced during or immediately after a catastrophic event is called traumatic stress. When the symptoms last several months after the event, it is called post-traumatic stress. PTSD can last for years after the original trauma and may not become evident initially. For example, an individual may witness a murder as a child, but not experience the associated stress until mid-life.

Some people are more likely to develop PTSD than others. Experts are not sure why some people develop PTSD after a relatively minor trauma while others exposed to great trauma do not.

Trauma of great severity is more likely to produce PTSD than lesser traumas. For example, it was found with Vietnam War veterans that prolonged combat with sniping and air bombardment produced PTSD more often than brief exposure to combat with few weapons. It has also been found that traumas between people (such as sexual assault and muggings) are more likely to produce PTSD than natural disasters like earthquakes or floods.

Symptoms of PTSD
People can be considered to have PTSD when they have been exposed to an extreme trauma, the symptoms last at least a month in duration, and the symptoms cause excessive distress so that social functioning and job performance are impaired. One sign of PTSD is that the traumatic event is relived repeatedly in the person s mind and this appears in the form of flashbacks, recurrent images, thoughts or dreams about the events, panic attacks...and even nightmares.

Reminders of the event can cause distress so many people go out of their way to avoid places and events that remind them of the catastrophic occurrence. Many people experience anxiety, restlessness, concentration difficulties, decreased memory, irritability, sleeplessness, hypervigilance, or an exaggerated startle response.

Some people even experience what is called survivors guilt because they survived and others did not or because of certain things they may have had to do in order to survive. (Or feel guilty they were "so stupid" and didn't see the red cyberpathy flags)

There are three main clusters of PTSD symptoms, and all three of these groupings must be present for a diagnosis of PTSD.

Intrusive Symptoms: Intrusive and repetitive memories which stir up negative feelings experienced during the trauma can overwhelm a person. These memories can appear in the form of:

* flashbacks (a feeling of reliving the trauma)
* frequent, distressing memories of the trauma
* nightmares
* emotional and physical distress when traumatic memories are triggered.

Arousal Symptoms: PTSD sufferers experience physiological reactions, which indicate that they don t feel safe and they are physically on the alert to deal with danger. These can include:

* being easily startled or feeling jumpy
* hypervigilance (feeling on guard even when the situation is safe)
* concentration difficulties

* sexual numbness or hyperarousal
* outbursts of anger and irritability
* problems in falling asleep or staying asleep.

Avoidance Symptoms: People suffering from PTSD go out of their way to escape the overpowering memories and arousal symptoms. This pattern of behavior can include:

* avoiding places, people or (online) situations that serve as reminders of the trauma
* avoiding thoughts or feelings associated with the trauma
* memory loss about some aspects of the traumatic event
* feeling emotionally numb
* feeling estranged or detached from other people
* feelings of hopelessness and helplessness about the future
* decreased interest in pleasurable activities.

There are other emotional and physical problems that may accompany PTSD. Unfortunately, some people seek relief from these symptoms without dealing with the root cause so that the symptoms persist. (this can include: having drinks to 'relax,' chain smoking, pacing, obsessive or repetitive behaviors, etc) These problems may precede PTSD, in which case they become exacerbated, or they might develop after the onset of PTSD.

The emotional problems include panic disorder, agoraphobia (fear of being out in public), social anxiety (speaking in public), depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, sleep disorders, suicidal thoughts and substance abuse (drugs such as sleeping pills or relaxants or alcohol abuse).

The physical problems can include skin problems, pain, gastrointestinal disorders, fatigue, respiratory problems, low back pain, muscle cramps, headaches, adrenal fatigue, cortisol insufficiency and cardiovascular problems. Some go on to develop autoimmune illnesses such as CFIDS, chronic myofascial pain, fibromyalgia, lupus, M.S. and so on.

It is important to remember that PTSD is a normal reaction to a very abnormal situation. There is no shame in experiencing these symptoms, nor is having these symptoms a sign of weakness. Help is available from trained professionals so that in most cases, with the appropriate effort and courage, the symptoms can disappear completely, or at least substantially decrease and become more manageable.

Getting Help for PTSD
We live in a world of relative safety most of the time but it is a world in which people often lack support for dealing with calamities. In these times we may not have the extended families, long-term friendships, sense of neighborhood, feeling of community or the support from religion that have historically helped people endure times of crisis. We usually get along without difficulty as long as things go smoothly. But when a crisis occurs, we sometimes simply do not know what to do or where to turn.

Traumatic events can leave us stranded. We may lack not only social support when a crisis occurs, but also the language for understanding the place of tragedy in our lives. We may not know how to conceptualize it how to use words that can describe a disaster and make it real. We may not know how to react emotionally when crisis comes into our lives these are feelings that we may have never experienced before and they may frighten us. So we refuse to accept the crisis or to deal with it. We think we are strong and able to endure anything.

Denial comes easily. Refusing or not knowing how to deal with the thoughts and feelings that accompany a major catastrophe, unfortunately, sets us up for PTSD. And it is not our fault.

PTSD is highly treatable, especially if it is caught early. The idea behind the treatment is to process or work through the traumatic event, as well as to manage the immediate troublesome symptoms the person is experiencing. A trained therapist can help the PTSD sufferer to find the words, in a safe and gentle way, to talk about the event and to confront the feelings that accompany the experience. This is not an easy step, but it is a necessary one. While it might seem natural to avoid reliving a painful memory, it is important to face the memories, feel the emotions and try to work through them. When this happens, the trauma no longer controls the person the person is now in control of the memory of the trauma to the extent that he or she can approach it objectively and flexibly.

A person who has survived a traumatic event will probably never feel as if the event never happened, but the distressing and disruptive effects of PTSD can be alleviated. In therapy, a person can learn to describe a coherent account of his or her life. People who are able to do this are much less susceptible to the effects of trauma. Therapists use a number of techniques to help a person work through traumatic events, some involving talking and some involving more physical interventions. Sometimes medication can help to lessen the anxiety, depression and sleep difficulties, as well as the physical symptoms, which go along with PTSD. DO NOT let anyone tell you medication is BAD THING!

The old way of thinking was that the strongest people were those who could hold in their emotions and face tragedy stoically.

Unfortunately, this is precisely the pattern which leads to PTSD.

Real strength comes from knowing oneself and expressing that sense of self in the world with openness, honesty, integrity and courage.

Some PTSD Statistics
Most people who are exposed to extreme stress are able to process their way through their reactions and never develop PTSD.

* It has been estimated that 70 percent of people will be exposed to a traumatic event in their lifetime.

* Of those people, 20 percent will go on to develop PTSD.

* At any given time, an estimated 5 percent of people have PTSD.

* Approximately 8 percent of the population will develop PTSD during their lifetime.

* Women are about twice as likely to develop PTSD as men, mostly because women are more susceptible to experience interpersonal violence, including rape, exploitation and physical beatings.

* Victims of domestic violence and childhood abuse are at tremendous risk for PTSD.

Do You Have PTSD?
Do you have any of the following problems? If you check at least seven of the following items and it is after you have experienced a catastrophic event, it is advisable to have a professional consultation to determine if therapy for PTSD is indicated.

____ 1. I have strong physical sensations (e.g., sweating, rapid heart beat) when I think about the event. or person.

____ 2. I try to avoid having upsetting thoughts or having contact with things or places associated with the event.

____ 3. My feelings are numb and I have difficulty experiencing normal pleasure and happiness.

____ 4. I am always watchful to make sure I don't experience the same event again.

____ 5. I have feelings of guilt associated with the traumatic event.

____ 6. I have the feeling of being unreal or that the world is unreal.

____ 7. I feel alienated or isolated from others.

____ 8. I get irritated or angry a lot.

____ 9. I have flashbacks of the event (feeling like the past event is happening all over again in the present).

____ 10. I have trouble falling asleep or staying asleep because memories of the event come into my mind.

____ 11. I have memory difficulties and trouble concentrating these days.

____ 12. I am easily startled when I hear a loud noise or when danger seems imminent.

____ 13. I have been relying increasingly on alcohol or drugs (or cigarettes) to get through the day.

You never have to go through this alone. Know that there is help for you!

WRITE US IF YOU NEED HELP OR A REFERRAL

Repeated 'Sex-Tortion' for Online Sex-Seeker

A married, multimillionaire DuPont heir was extorted three times after meeting women for sex and online chats through a "sugar daddy" Web site, court records reveal.

Stephen Dent -- a 54-year-old with an estimated $100 million fortune -- willingly paid the women, whom he called his "slaves," more than $200,000 for hotel trysts and Web chats, according to police reports cited by the Greenwich Time newspaper.

In one case, the Greenwich, Conn., investment-firm chief coughed up $15,000 for a sex session with a "sugar baby" whom he met through SeekingArrangement.com, Greenwich Time reported.

But it wasn't enough for some of the women.

In three cases, court records claim, the women or associates of theirs blackmailed Dent for nearly $150,000 by threatening to expose his philandering, which one defense lawyer reportedly said included "vile and vulgar" acts.

Dent, a great-grandson of one-time DuPont company chief Alfred Irénée du Pont, was married in 1986 to Valerie Johnson, the granddaughter of a former Pennsylvania congressman.

In March 2008, Queens. New York resident Roy Sipel, 22, pleaded guilty to larceny and was sentenced to 16 months in prison for extorting $40,000 from Dent after learning he had had sex with Sipel's girlfriend, the newspaper reported.

Dent nevertheless visited SeekingArrangement.com again, and again was blackmailed, this time by an Ohio couple, Dawn and Christopher Jessop, records state.

The Jessops were busted this March after extorting $100,000 by threatening to release "chats, e-mails and photographs of me, to my wife and office employees," Dent told Greenwich cops.

Dent paid $9,000 to a third woman who extorted him, court records state.

SOURCE

(guess guys like Jacoby, Beckstead, Yidwithlid and Capers should be relieved this hasn't happened to them... YET!)

THOUGHTS ABOUT CYBERPATHS FROM VICTIMS & PROFESSIONALS

Here on EOPC, in our margins, we have quotes from victims of Cyberpaths and professionals dealing with Cyberpaths' victims as well as thoughts on the long term after-effects of their attacks.

You may have read them elsewhere, you may not. We think they're important and powerful enough to include here so you can read them in their entirety - Fighter

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FROM VICTIMS:
"The potential for damage is overwhelming. Overnight, many lives are turned inside out when it has been revealed that the person that you gave your love and your complete trust to has betrayed you. The emotional and financial scars are deep"--- Target of Julia-Bish-Judah-Hunt-McGovern
"I will gain strength, become a stronger and much wiser person from this devastating experience, but it will never be over. It will be with me for the remainder of my days on Earth. I will forever be changed by this most ultimate & intimate of betrayals... They throw us away like an old pair of shoes; and like the predators they are, they quickly move on to their next victim. The magnitude of the lies cannot be imagined by anyone unless you have lived this nightmare"--Target of Ed Hicks

"Everything was a lie. [He] took away my ability to trust, and he ruined me financially"-- Target of Ed Hicks
"I will never trust anyone else after this. My heart is closed now and I think I don't want to get to know ANYONE else... I feel so used! A million showers won't clean my body from this snake's touch!" -- Target of Nathan E.B. Thomas, Jr.

"I prayed I was just overly sensitive because of my years of being in one abusive relationship after another. Even now I find it difficult to fathom how you can give so much of yourself to a person and have them so totally wipe it all away as if it never happened with no remorse & go on their merry way leaving a path of destruction & half-truths behind them. Yes, I was very wrong for my part but it was more than just cybersex - there was some good profound dialog. Realizing someone you have known for so long, spent so much time talking with, did it ALL just to USE you is horrifying. The grief is no ordinary grief.

"After distancing himself from me, he can now tell stories, all of which are factually twisted, with the spin (telling people I 'am harassing him'!) to make him look the victim. It's nothing less than soul murder." --Target of gridney aka Yidwithlid.

"When a couple of his other online "ladies" and then his wife contacted me I was in shock. Deep shock. I asked them to send me pictures because I couldn't believe it was the same person I'd been chatting with! The only things that were consistent were the lies. The seduction and the cybersex scenarios. They were exactly the same. But he'd painted a slightly different picture of himself with all of us! He told me he hated porn; but he had a computer FULL of it. He told me and the other women he wasn't in love with his wife anymore but during the relationships he and his wife had had a re-marriage ceremony and lavish reception! He told me he'd never cheated on his wife but we all found out he'd had a couple girlfriends at jobs he'd had. He painted himself as devoted to his family but he had online ads for sex partners, swinger parties and online dating sites for a number of years before I came in the picture. How he kept it all straight I will never know!" - Anonymous Victim

"...for the first time in our relationship, I began to cry. I realized he was a TOTAL fraud. He said he "was looking for the right girl" in his dating profile. I thought, "how could he say that when he told me I was right for him?" I had changed myself at his direction and was at the point of exhaustion... I was horrified by the fact he used the SAME EXACT language in the profile as he did online! ...he threw me away, all the while BLAMING ME for not being "good enough." How could this person call himself moral ... when he was a complete liar. -- Target of Brad Dorsky

"[He] included EVERYTHING that was missing from my life, as if he could read my thoughts and make my wishes come true. I can see now he really studied me well and became "my perfect mirror." He knew exactly what to say to make me feel good; especially after being in an abusive marriage for so long with no attention from my husband. This man "love bombed" me and I didn't even know what hit me! -- Target of Keith Clive

"Being lied to is a hurtful thing. Being conned by someone you love is a devastating thing. You find that the facade .... was lies on his part; and how empty & meaningless [you were to him]. It hits below the belt and it scars you emotionally, financially... You become a laughingstock... Some say I am obsessed with this man, but in reality, I am obsessed with getting justice done. There can be no closure on this until that happens. Even then I will never trust anyone whole heartedly with my love, my life or my money again. ...all I wanted was to be loved, and he turned that into a crime that suited his needs." -- Target of William Michael Barber

"People kept telling me to "get over it" and "move on" - I tried but I couldn't. The online relationship was about 2 years and it took another 2 after it ended for me to feel a little better and sleep at night. It took about 4 years before I stopped thinking about him every day and almost 5 years to get my life back. Everyone, even HE, said I was "fixated & obsessed." Until a counselor told me about mind control, neurolinguistic programming and pointed out the powerful online seduction techniques that had been used on me. I realized; it wasn't just a bad relationship! He'd 'indoctrinated' me slowly over time and I needed to deprogram; like I'd been in a cult! Family & Friends may never understand but I do. My brain & body felt different. I would do and say things I with him I knew I would never have done under normal circumstances. I was being controlled like a puppet! And would never have believed it if it hadn't happened to me. - Anonymous Victim

"While doubters may still find it dubious that on-line romance could ever take the place of a real relationship, the husbands & wives of Net-addicts are discovering that cybersex can pose a direct threat to their marriages.

"...We went through it and a little while later [my cybersex partner]messaged me and said, 'If I message you again & ask you if we had sex, say no, OK?' I said, 'Sure, why?' She said her husband is very jealous and comes on-line when she's on, to make sure she isn't netsexxing."

....Pearl's husband was not as lucky.
"My ex-husband, Lee, would vanish into the basement every night for hours, saying he had brought home a lot of paperwork from the office. We missed a lot of parties and family events, but I never questioned it. I felt sorry for the poor guy, working so hard to give me and the kids some extras. Then, one day when I was cleaning out the room, I found a sheet of paper under the desk with a love-letter printed on it." Pearl was even more traumatized when she turned on his PC and found a sub-directory filled with HUNDREDS of love-letters from different women, addressing her husband as "Prince Charming."

"The Prince lost his castle," Pearl says sourly. "I changed the locks on him and filed for divorce."

Carl Salisbury, an attorney at Killian & Salisbury in East Hanover, NJ, who specializes in electronic law, notes that cybersex-related suits are showing up increasingly in American courts. "There was a case in Maryland where a MacDonald's franchise had an email system," says Salisbury. "One of their employees was having an email affair with another employee, who was married. The manager screened their email and showed it to the married guy's wife!" When the married man sued his manager and MacDonald's for breach of privacy, the courts ruled that the manager was within his rights to view employee email. And, as the cyber-population booms ...we can expect to see more irate spouses filing for divorce with on-line infidelity as grounds. "It's inevitable that we're going to be seeing more & more divorce cases as a result of cybersex," says Salisbury. "There's such an enormous amount--and variety--of activity going on the Net and the Web, and the variety increases literally every day."-- HOW TO HAVE CYBERSEX - Gloria G. Brame

"It's a trap. Your imagination fills in the blanks with exactly what you want. You don't learn more with more rounds of writing. All you do is invest more emotional energy, for which there is no payoff." Joe Teig, New York, NY

FROM PROFESSIONALS:
"We now understand that women & men are not "crazy" or "defective" when, in response to trauma, they develop PTSD symptoms, including insomnia, flashbacks, phobias, panic attacks, anxiety, depression, dissociation, a numbed toughness, amnesia, shame, guilt, self-loathing, self-mutilation and social withdrawal. - Phyllis Chesler, MD

"We hear about Internet predators for children, I don't think we're hearing very much about Internet predators for middle age women at all. And that bothers me," -- SANDRA PHIPPS

"When [ ] predators are found using the Internet a common response of the Internet industry and government officials is to blame someone else, or say that nothing can be done to stop it." -- Donna M. Hughes, PhD; Univ. of Rhode Island

"We must do whatever it takes to minimize or eliminate [the predator's] access to vulnerable prey as targets of opportunity. Period. For ever. Indeed, these people will thank us for it. Consider how many [cyberpaths] deliberately get themselves caught just to stop themselves." - Kathy Krajco

"[APOLOGIES] are not some pious, phoney-baloney, half-hearted rendition of what you think they want to hear. Nor is it a watered-down, politically correct 'confession' that you think will buy you closure at the expense of truth... [admit] what you are doing to screw up your life. This also means admitting that you are getting payoffs for what you're doing, however sick or subtle those payoffs are. - Dr. Phil McGraw"
"[Online Predators] count on our shame to keep their secrets. They know that exposing them means exposing our own failings. That's what makes them so powerful. They manipulate us into these situations then sit back & watch us squirm between protecting ourselves or blowing the whistle. The [victim often] is still emotionally connected to the [Cyberpath], thus protecting them and accusing them alternatively. Many [victim]s will not name their [cyberpath]s to counsellors or other helpers, thus protecting their identity. The hook, which the [Cyberpath] has implanted in their heart, is hard to remove. If you want something to cry about, cry for the [Cyberpath]'s new victim(s), the innocent, unmarked, un-inoculated prey. These victims are carefully chosen... - Mary Ann Borg Cunen"

"Internet dating is populated, to a large degree, by criminals and married people. Estimates have gone up to 30% that online daters are married. That represents an emotional risk to our membership base." - Herb Vest, CEO of True.com

"How do we go from fantasy to reality? Lots of people have private fantasies that give them some sort of pleasure and maybe even trouble them, but they don't act on them. I think one of the contributory facts-- it's not the only one-- is the insidious nature of the internet itself. I think there are three things that are problematic about the Internet, or at least three things. One is the easy accessibility. You don't, in the beginning at least, have to go anywhere. You just push a button that's sitting there next to you.

Secondly, there's this illusion of anonymity, which can be very disinhibiting. You feel as though you're there in the privacy of your bedroom. It's not that private, but you don't sense that at the time. And thirdly, there is a distortion of reality and fantasy to some extent. That people feel as though they're playing a game. They're making up who they are. They wonder if someone else is giving a false persona. They begin to do things that in the light of day they might never have done and then, ultimately and sadly, sometimes cross a line that they might not otherwise have crossed. Where do they get the message [the internet] is where you can go? We've created a "we versus they" mentality. And I understand that what they do is offensive. It's aggravating. It makes me angry. But we're not going to solve the problem by pushing it further underground." - Dr. Fred Berlin, Psychiatrist, Johns Hopkins University on "DATELINE NBC"

"I love words. I believe in the power of words. I believe that if truthful words are spoken, written, shared, they will be heard, and they will be answered. Not with a [cyberpath]. You get sucker-punched in trying to explain something. There is no response to what is said. Words are deflected, twisted, questions answered with questions, non sequitors abound." - NarcissisticAbuse.com

"This is the classic emotional rape scenario: the use of a higher emotion (such as love) to fulfill a hidden agenda... There can be no hidden agendas in real love. These features, even if identified in retrospect, can help victims understand what has happened to them, giving them a chance of real recovery. - Dr. Mike Fox, The Emotional Rape Syndrome
"Powerful and sneaky people use apologies as end runs around repentance. They betray a trust; and, when they have been found out, they say they are sorry for "mistakes in judgement"... They get by only because we have lost our sense of the difference between repentance for wrong and apologies for bungling... We should not let each other get away with it. A deep and unfair hurt is not a mere faux pas. We cannot put up with everything from everyone; some things are intolerable. When someone hurts us deeply and unfairly an apology will not do the job; it only trivializes a wrong that should not be trifled with." -- -Lewis B. Smedes, "Forgive and Forget"
"The [exposed Cyberpath] on the other hand, cannot rest until they have blotted out a vaguely experienced [target] who dared to oppose them, [expose them], to disagree with them or to outshine them. [The Cyberpath] can never find rest because they can NEVER FULLY wipe out the evidence that has contradicted their conviction they are unique and perfect and handled things appropriately. This archaic rage goes on and on and on." - Dr. Ernest Wolf

"A favored technique [of cyberpaths] is to debilitate your identity [personally, I hate the term self-esteem] by levelling false accusations and/or questioning your honesty, fidelity, trustworthiness, your "true" motivations, your "real" character, and especially your sanity and YOUR judgement." Cassiopaea

The sexual relationship with the [cyberpath] is most peculiar. [Cyberpath]s are exhibitionists and sex is just one further means of being admired to her or him. There does not exist intimacy and you will frequently feel used.

Your own sexual preferences will be boycotted or twisted. [Cyberpath]s have a strong tendency to sexually abuse a partner. Here is a list of just some of these abusive behaviors:

• The [cyberpath] pretends to be sexual for you but is after her/his gratification only
• Your sexual past is being torn apart
• You are being told that all you want is sex (although you know this is not the case, however sex is central to the [cyberpath])
• The [cyberpath] instigates sex (like telling you erotic things and sending you pictures or emails which are sexual) but then decides last minute that nothing is to take place
• You are feeling humiliated and yet the narcissist claims that (s)he has been humiliated
• The [cyberpath] instigates and turns everything into a sexual game (without informing you he/ she only sees it as a GAME)
  
• The [cyberpath] encourages you to have sexual relations with everybody although the [cyberpath] has a strong tendency to flirt with others and to be unfaithful
• The narcissist makes fun of or distorts your sexuality after using you for his own gratification (e.g. you are fat, you're bisexual or have ugly breasts)
• The [cyberpath] wants to try out everything possible
• The [cyberpath] is an exhibitionist and will send you explicit photos of himself

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There is another form of sexual abuse. In fact, so I believe, it is the most common one, and hence it took me so long to get it. This form of abuse comes in four stages:

• Firstly, the victim will be coaxed to reveal her or his sexual preferences and experiences to the perpetrator.
• Secondly, the perpetrator will condition the victim to direct her or his entire sexuality towards the perpetrator. At this stage, the sexual relationship is intense.
• Thirdly, the perpetrator reduces the intensity of the sexual relationship dramatically or just cuts off the sexual relationship with no explanation, so that the victim is in constant sexual need.
• Fourth, the perpetrator grants inproper sexual gratification in order to maintain the sexual need of the victim. Now, the victim can be humiliated, manipulated and used.

-- Dr. Ludger Hofmann-Engl

"Text-based relationships are very deceptive. People know only the good stuff, and none of the bad. The missing pieces are filled in based on hope, not on reality." Dr. S. King; Pacific Graduate School of Psychology in Palo Alto, CA

"They are absolutely the world's best manipulators, liars, and fabricators of truth. They do so convincingly because they believe their own lies. After all their life is nothing but a lie, a sham, how can we possibly assume they know anything different." Cassiopaea

"For the unlucky women, months turn into years as they ride the roller coaster going nowhere. From heart stopping curves to death wish drops, they hate the ride but don’t know how to get off.

"Interestingly, no matter how long the women were in the relationship, the aftermath symptoms were the same. This means any exposure to psychopathy is psychologically devastating. The aftermath severity happens because the psychopath uses forms of mind control… It is hard to fathom but the [cyberpath] psychopath’s goal is to succeed in controlling and destroying a woman, …not to have a successful relationship with her. A [cyberpath] psychopath does devious kinds of acts to try to make his woman think she is having a nervous breakdown or is mentally deficient so she relies on his “take” of reality. If mind control is psychologically damaging to prisoners of war, it is just as damaging to the intimate partners of psychopaths. Psychopaths [cyberpaths] will go to great lengths to inflict psychological devastation, because they enjoy the process.

He …claims …that he “knows people” who get the information for him. This increases her paranoia and fear and adds to the [cyberpath] psychopath’s mystique.

They will agree to changes and then act as if they never had the conversation about the changes. They will admit behaviors when caught and later deny they admitted them. They will get caught red-handed and later deny she ever …heard, or found out what he did. He will use other accomplices to validate his stories to increase her sensation that she is going crazy. Wealthy [cyberpaths] psychopaths will financially bribe others to control the outcome of situations that continue to support his mirage of lies.

Women… may have symptoms resulting from mind control, and coercion. All of these conditions result from a victim’s bonding and emotional connection to her [cyberpath]. These symptoms are often seen in prisoners of war, hostages, and cult members.

…but she is not an easy woman to “take down.” Self-control will hold her strong even in the face of these psychopath-created delusions. …Some of the women indicated they stayed far too long trying to “figure out” what was going on or to go toe-to-toe with him so he couldn’t get something else over on them. Most of the women said they were baffled by the strange dynamics in the relationship and stayed until they had some kind of cognitive understanding of what they had been living through.

As the emotional stress, physical, and sexual exhaustion are taking their toll, her failed reality testing continues. She begins thinking paranormal things are happening around her. The constant ups and downs of the relationship are now eroding this strong woman’s sense of self-confidence and resourcefulness — just what the [cyberpath] psychopath intended.

As she starts to psychologically decompensate, she experiences the same [ ] dynamics that are seen in the Stockholm Syndrome:

• She perceives (and has already experienced) a threat to her physical or psychological survival and believes he has the ability to carry out his threats. By now, she has already lived months …of him carrying out his ability to harm her…
• Perceived small kindnesses from him to her set the emotional tone for her letting down her guard and seeing him as human or kind again. This also increases her relationship investment and hope in him.
• Isolation from outside perspectives other than his. She has already experienced not only isolation from others but the indoctrination of his pathological world view…

As she decompensates, she is an easier mark for continued manipulation by the [cyberpath] psychopath. It is uncertain if [cyberpaths] psychopaths have a natural ability by nature of their pathology to simply unconsciously perpetrate these types of mental “set-ups” or if the “set-ups”’ are systemically planned so that just watching her psychologically melt before his very eyes is a power pump for him. Our guess would be the later. If [cyberpaths] psychopaths didn’t like the game of manipulation, they would consistently choose women who are introverted and who would be a far easier capture than taking on powerful extraverted women. But that is in fact, exactly why most [cyberpaths] psychopaths choose the powerful extraverted woman. To that end, we have to assume that the psychopath predator enjoys watching a previously high-functioning woman turn into a reality-doubting, exhausted, bundle of nerves which he finds pretty erotic.

Sadly, some of the [cyberpath] psychopath’s women only make it out of their torment through suicide. The ultimate power triumph for a [cyberpath] psychopath — he conquered her spirit and won. He scoops up and moves on to the next woman/victim…

Inevitable Harm: Every woman was harmed
“I realized I had been seduced by a con man and I spent months in shock, trying to figure out just who he really is.”

A relationship with a psychopathic man is not like any other failed relationship. The women who loved psychopaths are not just bitter women scorned. It is simply not possible to have a relationship with a [cyberpath] psychopath and not be harmed and damaged to a significant degree.

One woman expressed,
“It has been over four years since our relationship ended and I still get anxiety attacks at the thought of dating - I am still single and have adopted a hermit lifestyle to make sure I never go through anything like this again.”

The relationship with a [cyberpath] psychopath has resulted in many women living out their lives alone without a partner.

The medical side effects of post traumatic stress disorder that many of the women developed from the relationship (as well as other acute stress disorders) will long manifest in her body. Medical side effects that continue on, long after the psychopath has left, include:

• Auto immune disorders
• Anxiety
• Depression
• Substance abuse
• Insomnia
  
• Migraines
• Digestive disorders
• High blood pressure

“This relationship has taken a grave physical toll on my body. I have several conditions. I look about 20 years older than I actually am.”

Sexual damage
Many of the women experienced sexual damage and negative effects on their sexuality. Having been exposed to deviant sexual practices, humiliated about their sexual performance or bodies, compared to other women, and often sexually harmed…

Long term damage
Women who have been in relationships with [cyberpaths] psychopaths universally experience some sort of acute stress. The acute stress could have evolved into Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or other types of stress disorders. The lingering disorders serve as reminders of past pain and are likely to cause the women symptoms for years and maybe for life.
-- Sandra Brown, MA; WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS

"All I wanted was for him to leave me alone. Part of the hurt and damage was done because others could but would not see what was actually happening. He would always try to ingratiate himself to others - it was sickening. Usually [cyberpaths] psychopaths put on the nicest act, and you look like the harpy and bitch, and so everyone takes their side, it is a horror story, a [cyberpath] psychopath can be very charming, and manipulative and manipulate the smartest of people." Cassiopaea

"When there is a question of WHO is telling the truth? See who has to GAIN by lying or bending history. Usually the real truth teller has to expose a vulnerable part of themselves, which takes courage and honesty." - Law Professor, Fordham University

"My biggest frustration and source of anger, is at those who have refused to take a stand when they see the abuse. No matter how outrageous his behavior others often stood by and inadvertently fuelled his grandiosity and denial... although denial is too mild a word for it." Cassiopaea

FINAL THOUGHTS
"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends." -- Martin Luther King, Jr.

The "Internet" Guide to Emotional Blackmailers

(It doesn't take a lot to apply this to the ONLINE EMOTIONAL BLACKMAILERS out there on the net - read carefully and TAKE HEED!! - Fighter)

A Girl's Guide to Avoiding the Emotional Blackmailer
by Suzanne Watts

The Emotional Blackmailer is easy to recognize, but women seldom do until they are well and truly sucked into his web. It is best to avoid getting close to him because it is quite difficult to get away from him. Stalkers start out as emotional blackmailers. Just the word "blackmailer" should give you a clue of what depth of self-centered behaviour is lying in wait to be sprung on you the minute you are hooked. Here are the roots and the signs, the way he progresses to hook his victim, and how to get away from him.

What Creates an Emotional Blackmailer?

A combination of neglect, overprotectiveness, coldness, spoiling and lack of nurturing in infancy and childhood. This can be ascertained by comments he makes about his parents - both of them. He will hate them and resent them, while still taking his laundry home to mommy even when she lives in the next STATE. His mom is blamed for him not knowing how to do anything - she never even taught him to make his bed or hang up his wet towel, and she didn't feed him; his dad is blamed for him choosing a profession that he is ill-suited for - any profession that wasn't his dad's. He will say they are both critical of him, and never gave him any support for anything he wanted to do to better himself. This may be the sad truth, but he uses it as an excuse to get everyone he meets for the rest of his life to serve his needs. He does not have empathy - in this way he is like the sociopath to whom people are objects.

The "Modus Operandi" of the Emotional Blackmailer

He is too good to be true - He is soft-spoken and polite, he smells good, he looks good, he is kind and loves women, he is respectful, he doesn't come on too strong FOR THE FIRST FEW MEETINGS ONLY. He's always on the lookout for a patsy, but he's in no hurry as there's always another one around the corner so he'll take his time in coming on to you. In fact you'll wonder why he's not attracted to you; you might think he is gay, and be all the more attracted to him because he just wants to chat and be friends.

He'll be there more and more frequently - gazing at you with puppy dog eyes; wanting to know everything about you, asking your advice, making it look like you are getting to know each other and forming a bond.

He will put himself in the best possible light - including lying through his teeth about his ambitions, activities, hopes and dreams.

His seduction techniques are often subtle and well-practiced - It will seem he did nothing to seduce you until you look back and analyze it. He sat and stood close to you, he brushed against you, but it didn't seem to be on purpose.

He suddenly "Turns on the Charm" and turns up the heat - Once you're hypnotized by his sweetness and modesty and respectfulness, he will pounce on you one night and turn into a Mr. Hyde. It "just happened." This is the critical moment to run away, don't let him touch you. He'll leave you breathless wondering what exactly happened. He'll turn on all the charm full force and you'll be wanting him from then on, yet wanting some breathing room. You won't get any. Ever. It won't bother you at first - you'll think he's attentive and ardent.

He starts using the wine/dine/lines technique - Once you're "seeing" each other, he'll be a real swain, wining and dining you, going for romantic walks, discussing how amazing this new relationship is, how different you are from any woman he ever met; he'll insist on elegant dinners and pay for them, and he'll talk about your remarkable beauty and how "alike" you are. He will talk about your "resonance" and describe all the awful women he knew before who didn't want a good man - who wanted someone to abuse them.

All of this is meaningless talk. He uses the same lines on every woman.

He becomes clingy and controlling - He will start seeing you nearly every day and each time insist on knowing exactly when the next date will be. It won't matter if you spent 8 hours with him on Sunday, unless you agree to another date Monday or Tuesday it will all be for nothing; he will be unhappy and hound you for a commitment because he is insatiable for attention and security - he needs to know when he will get his next fix.

He will whine and even shed tears - if you say you have other things to do, other people to see, or want to be alone after seeing him 8 days in a row. He enjoys being abused, so if you scream at him it only makes him feel more secure. He got used to fighting all around him as a child and he equates fighting with love.

He'll start demanding that you "prove your love" - In time you will be expected to pay for your own lunch and dinner when you go out, and sometimes for his too. The only way to avoid it is to order nothing and just watch him eat. That is the only way to avoid being asked to "help out" because he is short this week. At this point you will be asking yourself, "What am I doing this for?" You have become nothing but his prop. You will be asked to buy him books, dishes, household goods and help him with his bills to "prove your love" because he's shown how much he loves you; he will expect you to cancel family engagements to spend time with you, see him even if you're ill. He has become your jailer. The key is: he demands CONSTANT proof of your love.

He will "seem" to accept your decision to break up - As the months roll along and you are tired of his constant presence, begging, whining, using up all your spare money and having unreasonable control of your life, you will decide to break up with him. He will then agree to back off, give you some space, and try to do better. These are all lies.

He'll tell you he has "changed" - No matter how many times you break up with him, he will call you to tell you that he needs you, that he has changed, and he will say it all in a calm voice as if he respects your decision to come back or not. His game is to stay away just long enough that you forget his annoying traits and miss the good parts. But if you agree to even one meeting it will be back to daily visits and demands for constant pampering again.

Getting Rid of the bastard

The only way to get rid of the emotional blackmailer is when he has found another willing victim to be his patsy. He will already be courting her while seeing you and you will know this when he starts being late for every date (he is juggling two or more women per day). Once he has the new person in his thrall and has nothing to lose by losing you, he will drop you like a hot potato - over the phone or via email or just disappear.

Beware of his "surprise" return - This is not the end of it if the new woman disappoints him in any way - if she has less money than he expected, if she demands good behaviour, if she doesn't give him enough attention. Then he will be at your door (on your IM) again. This happens about 2 or 3 months after he dropped out of your life.

He prey's on sympathy, and lives to control - He will then say he is leaving her, but his purpose is to have both women in his control - perhaps one for money and one to scream at him, and both for companionship. He gets a high from controlling people, because as a child he had no control over anything and frequently felt abandoned. This is why the more women who feel sorry for him, give him food, listen to him, go out with him, the better he feels and behaves. However, he is telling each of them the same thing: they are the best, the most beautiful, the most like him, he wants to spend the rest of his life with ONLY THEM.

The character of the Emotional Blackmailer

Everything he says or does is for gain. He does nothing for the sheer joy of it, or because he likes people or wants to build a relationship: he is looking ahead to what he can get out of the person: sex, housekeeping, cooking, emotional support, someone pretty to be seen with, money, someone to listen to him spin his tales of woe, what have you. Loyalty or faithfulness are not in his nature.

He will become vicious and even violent if he is crossed, contradicted or denied what he wants. This is a rare occurrence but his rage is something to behold. It looks exactly like the tantrum of a five year old. That is still his emotional age, although he has the smooth moves of a Casanova down pat.

How to extricate yourself from the Emotional Blackmailer:

Cutting off Contact

One way out is to cut off all contact. Even one phone call or meeting will put you back in his control if you get back into the same pattern of doing what he wants when he wants it. He is a master manipulator who will prey on your sympathy for him as a human being.

Any time spent reasoning with him is wasted - he doesn't hear a word you say. All arguments are circular. If you discuss codependence, he says it doesn't exist, that it's a psychobabble word for two people caring for each other. If he has no answer to your logic he will remain silent and wait for you to shut up, then start with his argument again.

Talking about wanting to see other friends only enrages him; makes him want you more. You should seem to be dateless, uninteresting, and undesired by other men, as well as uninterested in any man, period.

After you have cut off contact, he will stalk you for a while if he doesn't have a replacement lined up yet, but this will cease because it isn't fulfilling enough for him. He NEEDS feedback, anger, someone to scream at him. Any kind of attention pleases him - he is a true masochist who would enjoy being slapped.

You must ignore him completely and utterly.

Turning the Tables

Another way to ditch the Emotional Blackmailer is to turn the tables on him. A man who is so good at manipulating is also easily manipulated to do whatever you want IF you do it the right way. It can be fun to turn the tables on him if you want revenge for all the time he wasted and the misery he gavae you. You can be rid of him within a few weeks without avoiding him by doing the following:

Exhibit jealousy and make it clear that you won't share him with anyone else, and you expect to spend the rest of your life with him and have exclusive rights over him. This will make him feel suffocated for a change and he will be eagerly stepping out on you while claiming he wants only you.

Lose interest in doing anything you used to do for him or with him; stop taking him seriously; don't listen to his rants about his job; ridicule his ideas, act bored and make it clear you see him only as a useful decoration. Tell him to grow up, tell him you are well aware of his manipulative games but you like him anyway and demand he be faithful to you. This will scare him and make him step up his efforts with the other women, and he will soon be out of your life. When he comes crawling back, you tell him you require faithfulness and he's ruined it for you: he will have no answer for that and he will have lost.

A Final Note:

Healthy, non-manipulative men:

Don't beg

Don't (send you photos of themselves) and then ask you if they are good looking enough for you/ or if you are o.k. with what they look like

Don't tell you that you're "the best"

Don't use the lines "if you really loved me", or "prove you love me by doing this for me". or "if you really trusted me you wouldn't check up on me" ...

Don't put down their former girlfriends or wives

Don't threaten suicide if you refuse to see them or refuse to see you because of their "control" issues

Don't whine about how frustrated they are emotionally or sexually

Don't get angry or sulk if you have other plans and can't chat with them - they find other things to do

Don't disappear for weeks or months without telling you

Don't disappear for days or weeks online just because you said NO or won't play their game

Understand when you aren't feeling well

Respect your right to have other friends

Are O.K. if you tell other people about the online relationship

Pay their own way in life

Don't tell you "I love you" before they have even met you and spent IN PERSON time with you (months at least!)

Don't bring sex talk into the online relationship until they have met you and get to know you for a few months.

The Poor 'Cyberpath' Feels Threatened

by Kathy Krajco

(We have replaced the word narcissist with Cyberpath, since a Cyberpath is usually a destructive narcissist; among other things)



Let's take a look at this line that cyberpaths aren't really bad, that they lash out at you because they feel "threatened."

This idea begs the question "Threatened in what way?" and "Threatened by what?"

If you're the victim of a cyberpath, you know that this "threatened" excuse is a farce, because the cyberpath attacks precisely when you are anti-threatening him or her. Like when you are trying please them, when you are saying you love them, when they are already mad at you and you are trying to appease them, when you try to get them to listen to you.

WHAM – you expect the normal reaction to these friendly behaviors, but what do you get instead? The PERVERTED reaction of an attack. It's a shock tactic that takes you aback and makes you have to pinch yourself.

What on earth have you done to "threaten" the poor cyberpath?

Let's look at the last example – trying to get him to listen to you.

By doing that, you ARE "threatening" him, I'm afraid. Yes.

Correction: No, you are not threatening him; you are threatening the imaginary him, the bogus "him." You're threatening his delusions of grandeur.

ANY honesty or reality does. Remember that he is a mental child playing Pretend, and she wants all his 'playmates' to play along. That means you are supposed to follow his script. You are supposed to act unworthy of her attention or regard. When you don't play that part, he stomps her little foot at you and gets mad, throwing a temper tantrum to be so obnoxious that you give in and do what he wants.

In his self-deluding game of Let's Play Pretend, he is so far superior to you that you are beneath his notice, at the relative level of some worm or bug with respect to him. He's something divine; he should look down his nose in contempt at you.

And, you had better act the part or he will go off at you. But here you are, acting like he owes you his attention. In other words, you're acting like God Almighty's equal.

Oh, how horrible an insult to God Almighty!!! Shame on you! You - a mere bug, a mere worm - are "threatening" her majesty by treating him as your equal! Quit "threatening" his delusions of divinity, you mean and naughty person.

The same is true for the example of telling him you love him, for in a profession of love is an implicit call for love in return. Oh, what a horrible attack on his godhead with respect to a mere bug, a mere worm like you! You are treating him as your equal. What an insult!

So, don't let the addle-headed know-it-alls confuse you. You are not threatening the poor cyberpath. The cyberpath is just a pervert = someone who perverts the course of logic to pervert reality. Hence, he pervertedly views love or affection or any call for engagement from him as its very opposite = a "threat."

His Perverted Thinking Machine is not your fault or your problem. It's his fault and his problem. He is not really threatened by you acting like his equal.

In other words, he isn't fighting back against any injury or threat: he is just an aggressor targeting vulnerable prey. That is, he's abusing you to feed his ego.

To blame you for what he does to you, by saying that that you are thus "threatening" him, is as crazy as it would be to blame a lamb for "threatening" a wolf by running away when the hungry wolf feels a need to eat said lamb.

But the so-called experts cannot seem to get it through their thick heads that there is a fundamental difference between fighting others and eating them – between fighting and predation. Though they Play Pretend that they are the only ones qualified to express an opinion on the matter, they are actually the least knowledgeable and qualified, because they know nothing but what they have read in speculative essays by others just as ignorant and whatever lines cyberpaths on their couches have fed these collective speculators. Both individually and collectively they have almost no experience with real cyberpaths, let alone any real-world experience with them. And they haven't even solicited information from victims of cyberpaths. So, how could they possibly know what they are talking about?

Trust your own observations. Reason from facts to conclusions, not backwards, and you will learn what you need to know.

All animals occasionally fight others (including others of their own species) when those others cross boundaries to threaten their interests in some way. You can tell when this is the motive, because the moment the aggressor backs off the fighting stops, and everybody's cool again.

Why? Because when you feel threatened, your motive is to repulse the threat = self-defense. Once you have accomplished that mission, you are done.

But when your motive is to destroy the other, the other party backing down or trying to appease you has the opposite effect. Then it's a sign of weakness that just emboldens the attacker to pour on the attack more furiously than ever.

That's why when an animal attacks to eat another, it doesn't stop till it has ripped that other to shreds. That's what human predators (like psychopaths and other narcissists) do to their prey, as well.

The only way to avoid "threatening" these perverts is to just get and stay far away from them.

ORIGINAL: The Poor Narcissist Feels Threatened

Facebook Helps Cybercrime Fighters in Case

School resource officers from across Alabama and the nation fielded complaints about an Internet extortionist badgering girls for nude pic­tures. Victims even created a Facebook page warning fe­males not to talk to the per­son with the username Meta­scape.

Metascape turned out to be Jonathan Vance, an Alabama man who made lewd cyber re­quests of 206 girls and young women and attempted to hack into and gain control of their e-mail, Facebook and MySpace accounts, federal authorities say. He was suc­cessful in at least 53 cases.

Johnathan Vance will serve 18 years in prison and then the rest of his life on probation as a sex offender.

Those complaints, includ­ing several from Birmingham-area high school students, sparked an investigation across state and federal juris­dictions. The groundbreaking case will be used as a tem­plate for cyber harassment cases and used to train law enforcement officials and prosecutors, federal authori­ties said.

This type of cybercrime is relatively new, and federal au­thorities said they know of no other case that comes close to the size of this one.

"We learned a lot from this case," said Assistant U.S. At­torney Daniel Fortune, who prosecuted the case. "We're going to use this case to edu­cate law enforcement, teach­ers, students and parents."

Vance, 24, of Auburn, was sentenced to 18 years in fed­eral prison last week after pleading guilty to several charges, including attempted production of child pornogra­phy and interstate extortion. Upon release Vance will have to report to a federal proba­tion officer for the rest of his life and register as a sex of­fender.

Only 53 victims agreed to cooperate in the investigation, authorities said. There likely are more victims authorities said they don't know about.

"The embarrassment factor was big in this case," said Dale Miskell, supervisory spe­cial agent for the FBI's cyber­crimes squad in Birmingham. "How can a girl go to her pa­rents and tell them what hap­pened? Even the adult victim didn't come forward until we contacted her."

Others either denied they were victims -- after being confronted with photographic evidence -- or simply refused to talk to investigators, For­tune said. Miskell said the FBI was able to identify the two minors and one adult who sent Vance nude pictures. There were four others agents were not able to identify. In some of the photos sent to Vance, authorities could not discern if the person was a minor and under what cir­cumstance Vance got the pho­tos.

'A difficult, unique case'
Authorities said from Janu­ary 2006 to June 2008, Vance targeted girls and women in Alabama, Pennsylvania and Missouri, ranging in age from 14 to 26. Miskell said the FBI got involved in the fall 2007 after a Hoover High School re­source officer reported a com­plaint he received from a stu­dent.

Starting with only a screen name, Miskell said, FBI agents were able to track down Vance. Vance eluded authori­ties for a while by changing screen names -- using as many as 10 -- after word got out about Metascape.

It took the cooperation of law enforcement and victims across several jurisdictions before the FBI pinned Vance as their man. "Tracking him down was complicated . . . This was really a difficult, unique case," Fortune said.

Vance lived with his grand­parents in Auburn. He was born to a teenage mother and was adopted by his grandpa­rents as a child, according to court records. He grew up be­lieving that his mother was his sister. He was active in his church -- Vance attended church with some of his vic­tims -- and sang in the choir.

Vance's defense lawyer, Tommy Spina, said in court records and at the sentencing hearing that Vance's austere upbringing might have led to his behavior.

Agents seized his computer in December 2007, but months later, Vance bought a laptop and his conduct esca­lated. He was arrested in July.

Court records show Vance gained control of his victims' Yahoo, Hotmail, Facebook and MySpace accounts using several means. In interviews with the FBI, Vance said he would contact his victims through instant messaging and pretend to be a friend or a relative. He persuaded some victims to give him their login and password information, saying he was locked out of his own Facebook, MySpace or e-mail account.

In more complicated in­stances, Vance hacked into his victims' e-mail accounts using information from public Face­book pages, which included information such as birth dates, the names of the vic­tims' schools and their home­towns. Password protection on the e-mail accounts would use standard questions such as ZIP code, date of birth or school mascot. Once Vance had control of an e-mail ac­count, he would go to Face­book, pretend he forgot the password and have Facebook send a link to the victims' compromised e-mail account.

Victim relieved
Vance threatened to expose embarrassing details he learned if he didn't get nude photos.

In court last week, Fortune read a letter from a 14-year-old girl who ex­pressed relief that Vance was behind bars. She said she knew that taking the nude photos was wrong, "but I just wanted my Facebook back."

Fortune said authorities passed on what they learned from Vance to programmers for the social networking sites and e-mail services. "I can't say it was as a direct result of this case, but their security questions are more sophisti­cated," Fortune said. "Face­book and Yahoo said they're going to reference this case for training purposes."

The case illustrates the need for parents to know what their children are doing, Mis­kell said.

"A lot of these kids have Fa­cebook without their parents knowing it," he said. "Parents really need to talk to their kids about this."

SOURCE

THE NET MERGES SEX PREDATORS & PIMPS

(We are posting this because this 'mindset' of exploitation applies to many Cyberpaths. It often starts with online porn and escalates to cyberpathy.

Online Predators can be Sexual Predators
remember gridney / Yidwithlid? - who tried to seduce his 'friends' or their friends; turning normal women into free cyberwhores by promising them love and emotional fulfillment, in addition to buying & using high-price prostitutes on his lunch hour?

and Charles Ed Hicks - who sexually seduced women, married some, conned them all out of money a, was a serial bigamist and con man?

Or Dan Jacoby, who plays the 'hero' to women in recovery from prescription drugs - until they find him on SEX FORUMS, with multiple online partners (he smears them to each other, they are all "obsessed" or "scorned" LOL!!) he videotapes them without their knowledge - and is still FULLY MARRIED (no Divorce, ladies!!)

Nathan Thomas? With a wife on every continent for free food, lodging and sex?

These sexual predators and their sick treatment of those they prey on sexually & emotionally - just further their mindset that their targets are "objects" to be used and thrown away - and this carries into their online 'relationships' as well.

This article gives a horrifying but very REAL assessment of these men and the damage they cause.... and much of the misogyny can be extended to male Cyberpaths as well. - Fighter)
~~~~
The Internet and Web, as communication tools, enable men to merge the role of predators and pimps. They extend their experiences of buying women and children by writing about it and sharing it with other predators. (see TER for one such site) Texts, images and videos that describe or show the exploitation or abuse of a woman or child can be shared online with the world.

No longer isolated, men can reach out to find a community of like-minded predators on the Internet. Through this online community, they can share their experiences and gain validation for their behavior. They can engage in amateur pimping by advising others on how and where to prey on women and children all over the world.

(Gridney/ Yidwithlid was caught on TER and looking for casual sex partners since 2000 and rating the whores he'd been with for other men! AMATEUR PIMPING! He's still trying desperately to erase it all and deny it ever happened or blame his victims for 'planting it.' And now we hear he's on Twitter - watching the feeds of abused women just looking for another 'in' with some trusting, naive woman - LOL!)

Predators Report on Their Exploitation of Women and Children
The oldest forum on the Internet for promoting the sexual exploitation of women and children is the newsgroup alt.sex.services (renamed alt.sex.prostitution). Its "aim is to create market transparency for sex related services" (Atta and M., World Sex Guide, June 1997). Postings from this newsgroup are archived into a World Wide Web site called The World Sex Guide, which provides "comprehensive, sex-related information about every country in the world." The guide includes information and advice from men who have bought women and children on where and how to find and buy prostituted women and children in seventy countries from seven world regions (Africa, Asia, Oceania, Europe, North America, Central America and the Caribbean, and South America). For each country, if known, the age of consent is reported. The slogan of The World Sex Guide in 1996 was "F*ckers of the world unite!" It became "Where do you want to f*ck today?" in 1997; and in 1998, took on the more pretentious title of "A research project about prostitution worldwide."[4]

The men go on to describe, often in graphic detail, their experiences of ...using women. These are not sexual fantasies as can be found in other alt.sex newsgroups (and websites) on the Internet. These are real experiences often backed up by the women or brothels themselves. (Yidwithlid - perfect example)


In the men's writings, the women are completely objectified and evaluated on everything from skin color to presence of scars and firmness of their flesh. Women's receptiveness and compliance to men buyers is also rated. The men buying women and posting the information see and perceive the events only from their self-interested perspective.

Men who have bought women (escorts) and children in prostitution write-up their experiences for postings on the newsgroups, websites and an archive The World Sex Guide. They do not appear to have a commercial interest in the prostitution. They are writing for a peer group of men who buy women and girls in prostitution. They share their experiences and give each other advice and information on where to go to find women and girls and what they might expect in that particular city or establishment.

The graphic descriptions of men’s buying experiences are also a form of pornography on the Internet. The scope and detail of this exchange is completely unprecedented.
Some of the men posting information on the alt.sex.prostitution newsgroup are quite straightforward about their misogyny and sadism. Some men claim to "love" prostitutes, but their words reveal their true hatred of women. The descriptions of the women are usually callous, with disregard for the women as human beings. To these men the women are literally sexual objects to be bought for a few minutes at the prices they can bargain for or listed.

(U.S. sites include: www.theeroticreview.***, www.utopiaguide.***, www.eroticy.***, www.escort-finder.***)

Predators Take Turns with One Woman
This rapid publishing electronic medium has enabled men to buy individual women. Men can go out, buy a woman, go home, and acting like amateur pimps, post the details on a newsgroup or website. In 24 hours, anyone in the world with an Internet connection can read about it and often have enough information to find the same woman.
For example, in Nevada, USA, where prostitution is legal, a man bought a woman called "Honey." He wrote about his experience and told other men the name of the brothel where "Honey" could be found. Within a couple of weeks other men went and bought "Honey" themselves and posted their experiences to the newsgroup. Within a short period of time men were having a cyberorgy of male bonding by describing what each of them did to her. Men are keeping a special Web site for men to post their experiences of buying this one woman.[21] Additional Web pages have been created for "Monique" and "Katherine," who can be bought at legal brothels in Nevada.

To my knowledge this public documentation and exposure of buying an individual women is unknown before Internet communication. The implications for this type of exchange in a fast-publishing, easily accessible medium like the Internet are very serious for the sexual exploitation of women in the future.
SOME DEFINITIONS

Sexual Exploitation
A practice by which a person achieves sexual gratification, financial gain or advancement through the abuse or exploitation of a person’s sexuality by abrogating that person’s human right to dignity, equality, autonomy, and physical and mental well-being; i.e. trafficking, prostitution, prostitution tourism, mail-order-bride trade, pornography, stripping, battering, incest, rape and sexual harassment. Sexual exploitation preys on women and children made vulnerable by poverty and economic development policies and practices. Sexual exploitation violates the human rights of anyone subjected to it, whether female or male, adult or child, Northern or Southern.

Predator
One who exploits conditions of inequality to buy, manipulate and/or abuse for personal sexual satisfaction those with less power, e.g. john, punter, buyer, client, customer, hobbyist, monger, trick, pedophile, rapist, sex offender, child molester, pornographer. (or CYBERPATH!)

Sex industry
The collection of legal and illegal businesses and single and multi-party operations that profit from the sexual exploitation of women, children, and sometimes, men in trafficking, organized prostitution, and/or pornography; e.g. brothels, massage parlors, bars, strip clubs, mail-order-bride agencies, escort services, massage parlors, prostitution tour agencies, "adult entertainment," "adult" bookstores, pornographic Web sites.

(What starts as mere curiousity in porn, leads to cyberpathy, posting on dating sites "out of curiousity" and leads to a mindset of using other people for sex while throwing seductive words like "love" or "connection" at them when what they are really doing is using emotional rape to commit physical rape, sometimes fraud & bigamy - all without the other person even realizing what's been done to them - Fighter)

EXCERPTED FROM THE ORIGINAL ARTICLE HERE

THE INTERNET ESCORT'S HANDBOOK

IN REVIEW: PAST FULL FRONTAL ATTACK BY A CYBERPATH

In light of people like Angela Buer, another similar prize-Cyberpath who came back on our radar in 2007 was Gridney/ Yidwithlid/ Sammy Benoit (some of his known online identities - none of them his real name)

We re-ran his expose from 2005 in summer of 2007 and it seems Gridney/ Yidwithlid finally found out that he'd been exposed. His repeat notoriety didn't thrill him and he decided to go after us, our friends at The Exposer and just one of his victims; making the ludicrous assumption that she was all of us! Of course she was caught completely off-guard, having zero idea what was going on until after we re-ran the expose.

It never fails that the exposed cyberpath thinks EOPC is run by their victim(s). They are so hyper-focused on the truth being out there and trying to smear & suppress that their narcissistic egos only see their expose and don't even bother to notice that whole long list of predators we have in our right hand columns.

Some, like Brad Dorsky, assume we are a bunch of petulatent teens on a bash-site. Well, if that's what helps them sleep at night...

In the interest of brevity we are going to borrow from our friends at the Exposer, their last post on "Gridney/ Yidwithlid.

(posted from THE EXPOSER with permission:)
A few months ago EOPC told us one of this online predator's victims was being victimized by him (he called it "a falling out" ha ha ha) yet again and she wrote a new blog with all the information on it called THE STUMBLING BLOCK. Its well worth a read because you can really see her devastation and emotional turmoil. Every victim could relate to her honesty!
It was an attempt to stop the craziness & lying by "J"/GRIDNEY/ Yidwithlid against her.

He wants her to control the internet and take down all posts about him - she tried. But he's going to continue to give her a public beat down. GRIDNEY/ YidwithLid. like all of them, even says the relationship was "her fault too" - never mentioning that this victim genuinely cared for him while he lied to her & had a hidden and malicious agenda towards her. (Don't they all?)

The site also has a post which GRIDNEY (who now calls himself "yidwithlid" or "Sammy") - put up and then erased, which whitewashes what he did (never talks about his major addiction to hookers, porn, phone sex, cybersex babes, etc -- all validated by law enforcement internet forensic sweeps) - and paints himself as a victim.

He removed that post from his blog and went right back to business as usual; stating he would 'not react anymore' and the 'subject was closed.' That post still remains HERE however. Sound familiar readers?

EOPC told us that GRIDNEY/ YIDWITHLID has a site which is nothing less than an outright hate attack on one of his victims, full of projection and accusing her of everything he did or is doing.. Like all emotional predators/ cheaters & womanizers (narcissists & psychopaths) - he blames her for everything - even when she has clear, hard evidence what she did and didn't do. After being called on his outright copyright infringment -- he took most of that site down but it still remains, rather than being deleted -- along with a libelous technorati profile - HERE.

She even reported to EOPC she begged an MSN support site in 2004, to remove her posts about Yid when that site owner told her HE WAS SURFING HER NICKNAMES AND COMING THERE TO READ WHAT SHE WROTE! (btw, the support site REFUSED to take down the posts and so did we as well as EOPC)

Yet he's mad and calling HER a stalker? Because WE support his victims and refuse to pretend 'it never happened' and allow him to continue to lie about we really happened.

Incredible!

To Clarify: that MSN group was a VICTIMS SUPPORT GROUP - so YIDWITHLID's just admitted HE'S a stalker!. He CYBER STALKED his targets and got mad that they were looking for support about what he did to them!

That MSN group? We looked -- His picture is there - BUT HIS NAME IS NOT! So unless you have even MORE victims YIDWITHLID, who might recognize you - you are angry over NOTHING!

MSN however, knows he was SURFING and stalking his victims from board to board! Monitoring their every word and emotional pain. What a GREAT GUY!

Hell to pay when you disagree with an internet predator's version of truth, right readers?
This predator also names her and blames her for everything but global warming. yidwithlid committed copyright infringment against our sites and EOPC. We have written to Blogger.com about it - so now this bully says he's making a bunch of new sites about his victim. To RETALIATE FOR THE TRUTH BEING OUT THERE

Why? Because he thinks: She is us.
EOPC told us he thinks she is them too!

He's scared of her because she's that OMNIPOTENT apparently.

This is so funny because this victim does nothing for either us or EOPC. Typical of a narcissistic predator's paranoia when their false image of being perfect & important is threatened. Which is exactly why this story is so important. It's textbook, readers.

He attacks & smears even after she tried to ask everyone to stop bothering him. Unfortunately - can't control everyone now, can you?

YID has only proved he committed copyright infringement as well as speaking libel and harassing someone who, to the best of our knowledge, probably has little to no clue what is going on or has moved from the situation for her own healing.

YID asserts because he was part of the chat that he owns the copyright. He does own part of the copyright to the chat only (which are wall to wall lies & manipulation on his part, and prove his victims had no idea what they were truly getting into) - but not our or EOPC's comments or commentary on the chats .

He can't revoke the copyright because it was published in 2005 originally by EOPC and they extended their copyright to us - and the permission of only one of the chatters or emailers is necessary - and EOPC got them from LAW ENFORCEMENT. bye bye copyright!

In fact: The Exposer did a little checking and back in March 2007, Sammy (yidwithlid's pseudonym) posted this on someone else's blog (along with some other thin-skinned sarcasm):

Posted by: Sammy Benoit | Mar 16, 2007 5:01:07
AMA copyright may be embedded into a bitmap or jpeg file with software on a Mac or PC. Also, there are several companies that can officially help copyright images so that it is documented.

If these two things are done, and a quiet agreement is made with whomever uses it, it should be pretty easy to please everyone, and misuse of it would be easy to spot and stop. Well, hopefully.@@@@@

So he does know about copyrights! Well, well, well.

No "I'm Sorry", no attempt to speak to his victims (he's got PLENTY of lame excuses not to) - just rage - telling his victims to MOVE ON because he has [of course he has, he doesn't want to apologize for destroying someone's life - since he's perfect and everyone else is just an object]... besides he started up with this new identity like nothing happened!

Just like all cyberpaths - nastiness - and childish emails like these went to EOPC:

From: Yidwithlid@aol.com
To: cyberpaths@gmail.com
Date: Sun, 24 Jun 2007 16:33:58 EDT
Subject: Re: http://stumblingtchatzkahs.blogspot.com

http://stumblingtchatzkahs.blogspot.com/....

From: Yidwithlid@aol.com
To: exposer@37.com
Received-On: 06/26/07 5:54 PM
Subject: Re: Exposer Requests You Remove Copyrighted Content Please

NO
______________

From Yidwithlid@aol.com by mo-m22.mx.aol.com
for exposer@37.com
Tue, 26 Jun 2007 20:54:21 -0400 (EDT)
Yidwithlid@aol.com X-Eon-Dm: dm08
Date: 06/26/07 1:54 PM

From: Yidwithlid@aol.com
To: exposer@37.com
Received-On: 06/26/07 5:54 PM
Re: Remove Content Please

No

But thanks for asking
____________________

From: Yidwithlid@aol.com
To: exposer@37.com
Cc: support@blogger.com
Received-On: 06/28/07 3:47 PM

Re: http://stumblingtchatzkahs.blogspot.com

cool two emails from you today thank you so much..
If you are publishing stuff that I wrote.. then who gave you the copywite...
I didnt.

and I didnt write them say so take off all references to me and I will take down my site

By the way Are you enjoying the Nut job convention [victim's name]?

Tonight I am going to open up three new stumling tchatches sites.

***************

These immature emails bring to mind this quote:
Innocence seldom utters outraged shrieks. Guilt does.
~ Whittaker Chambers

This cyberbully who is such an innocent victim? He should be more careful what he puts on the net. The Exposer actually checks!!

GRIDNEY's got lots of blogs out there it seems and can't get enough of his own writing! He has accounts on aggregators, etc but the ONLY thing he ever puts out there or approves of are HIS OWN POSTS.

This one's from yidwithlid.typepad.com in past January 2007:

"January 21, 2007
New Peoples Choice Category: Most abusive of system

From two different sides of the world we wondered ....Who was crapping on our posts and yours. We had our lists of suspects but couldn't prove who was giving the bad grades ten at a time ...and how they were working sooooooo fast. Still have no clear proof. We do have some suspects . We googled the posts of one and noticed that there was one who would put up 8-9 posts one day, get them up over a hundred points take them down and repost the same articles the next day.

Then Sherlock Bagel Blogger found the a gun that was smoking even more. He put it in a much nicer way than me:

The awards known as the People's Choice awards seem to be finishing a lot quicker than most people expected.

I was going to hold on to this information until the results of the People's Choice Awards' became known, but I feel that it is not being honest to not divulge what I know.

I've debated with my self, my family and friends, should I or shouldn't I?

I also don't want to be accused of 'bitter lemons'.

I wrote a letter to another blogger and in the course of the letter I presented/made a table, now that I have made the table I feel something is seriously amiss.

I wont say what it is.

I'll leave the plain facts speak for them selves.

I have a PDF of the Google cache of 17th of Jan of the Israel forum's blog_best [rankings] which is now no longer available. [I have a copy and a html back up] and I have a PDF of the 19 th Jan 2007 Israel forum's blog_best
Thats less than two days apart

What's the main difference? Well check it out you should be able to see it, it occurred over less than two days.

The person is relying on no one seeing anything or saying anything. Well I won't say anything if you don't.

Well here it is in Table form:

Rank 19th Jan Blog Name Votes tally on 17th Jan Rank on 17th Jan Votes tally 19th Jan
Date last activity
Tally count difference
Up or DownPlaces
1 The Last Best Place 5224 1 5503 18th 279 0
2 Freedom's Cost 3676 2 3734 16th 58 0
3 Yid With Lid 5916 3 6066 18th 150 0
4 Samson Blinded 2359 8 3579 18th 1220 +4
5 Daf Notes 3993 4 4199 18th 206 -1
6 Bagel Blogger 4737 5 4949 19th 212 -1
7 The Maggid of Bergenfield 1092 6 1113 16th 21 -1
8 Simply Jews 6818 7 6978 18th 160 -1
9 Baleboosteh 2367 9 2422 18th 55 0
10 JoeSettler 2253 11 2255 17th 2 +1
11 Sarah's View 4317 10 4366 18th 49 -1
12 The Way I See It 3250 12 3279 16th 29 0
13 Divrei Chaim 1385 13 1404 18th 19 0
14 Orthomom 3016 17 3102 18th 86 +3
15 Chayyei Sarah 1592 15 1592 14th 0 0
16 Ask Shifra 1600 16 1616 14th 16 0
17 The Muqata 2078 14 2140 18th 62 -3
18 Slightly Mad 1425 18 1425 14th 0 0
19 Israellycool 4319 19 4440 19th 121 0
20 Lazer Beams 2230 20 2315 18th 85 0

_________________________
Here are snapshots of sections of the webpages in question:"

Well, waddya know! Seems he and this BagelBlogger are into watching who comes and goes from this 'supposedly' unbiased site and 'totally fair' blog voting.

And YID attempts to assert he has 'zero control or influence at this aggregator. ' LOL

CLICK HERE TO LOOK WHO'S AT THE TOPS ON THE AGGREGATOR!!

Yid With Lid VOTES: 26910
Bagel Blogger VOTES: 13649

If you click the link to the aggregator? Yid has MORE VOTES THAN ANYONE ELSE - almost DOUBLE! And the list appears to have numerous bloggers who haven't posted in weeks. Yid and Bagel Blogger are CAREFUL not to make themselves #1 and #2 - there's some rigging going on - this aggregator may be a fixed race for FRIENDS or ASSOCIATES OF THESE TWO ONLY! hmmm....

Sounds like YIDWITHLID controls his part of the internet, don't it??

Typical of all narcissists - they make SURE they are TOPS in their little online "club." sickening and childish... but that's a narcissistic cyberpath for you!

And here's a quote we found from 8/14/07 - on GRIDNEY (YidwithLid's) website:

I love the web's freedom. But with freedom comes responsibility. Certainly those who use the internet to harass or terrorize are abusing the freedom the internet brings.

Let us guess - if someone is exposing YID for the sexual & emotional predator, bully and liar he is - they're a terrorizer. Sure he loves the web's freedom - to prey on vulnerable women and dispose of them when they become inconvenient with no remorse!

But when HE terrorizes or harasses vulnerable women who actually CARE about him - he's a victim. Did yours do this to you, readers?

And if you want to prey on, lie to and manipulate vulnerable women and use them as sex toys to be tossed away when you're done - according to YidwithLid and all our exposed predators - That's FREEDOM!

The Exposer knows - FREEDOM isn't FREE. Nothing every really disappears on the net, no matter how much erasing you try to do. And where's your responsibility, YidwithLid and all the rest of you predators? For what you did to innocent people who had no idea you were using their naivete, compassion and vulnerability?

Did we mention cyberpaths are hypocrites? Now let's check out some of J/ Gridney/ Yidwithlid's terrorizing tactics:

GRIDNEY /YidWithLid has his blogs set so:
1. you HAVE to have a Blogger account to comment;
2. no anonymous comments. He "says" its for the integrity of his blogs! B.S. He wants to be able to track & smear anyone who calls him on his lies - just like a predator - always protecting their "image." CAN WE SAY HYPOCRITE!

Yesterday I recieved a few "anonomous" postings about one of the writers who's work I have repulished on this blog. (someone whom I have only met via email after I posed one of his stories) The comments were very defamitory about this person.It is quite interesting that people who say bad things about others, like to keep their names and real emal adresses "anonomous" It tells me something about the quality of what they are saying. Anyway, those comments will continue to be deleted as I will not be a party to their acts.

Hold on! "J"/ Gridney/ YidwithLid doesn't use his real name! So that makes HIS comments anonymous. Smells like a double standard there SAMMY!

Don't make a cyberpath THINK about what they've done!! Goodness no! They are beyond reproach.
CHECK what he says to what apparently is one of his victim's friends on his hate blog:

Are you telling me that [one of my victims] posted my picture on the internet including MSN newsgroups as NYC******.

[One of my victims] signed the letter to the Rabbi At aish?

GRIDNEY TRULY IS PATHOLOGICAL!

And none of his targets EVER used the nickname he states on any MSN board.

Gridney/ YidwithLid has gone so far as to accuse his targets of being PREDATORS (can you say PROJECTION?) and says one purposely put him on a porn aggregator (uh... Gridney? Those are automatic aggregators that crawl the net for specific words... no one PUTS you on one of those! You can't even join one - the Exposer checked!) Guess ole' Yidwithlid does an awful lot of ego surfing, huh?

Gridney/ YidwithLid also says he's "MOVED ON and she should too." Right.... "moved on" is predator speak for 'shut up about the truth so I can go back to banging whores and picking up vulnerable women online.' Predators never care because they see everyone as an object.

Let's look at Gridney/ YidwithLid's version of "moving on" and "subject closed" - here's a message we would guess is for his victims.

"when people google your site they will find out what you have been doing for the past three years instead of raising your children"

The victimizing NEVER ENDS with Gridney/ YidwithLid, does it? He's the "gift that keeps on giving!" Great job of him "moving on" too, huh?

He also says he and his wife have "worked it out" - wouldn't you just LOVE to hear the twisted bullcrap he told his wife about these naive, caring, vulnerable women HE preyed on and sent to the hospital? Not the prostitutes he saw for FOUR YEARS, once a month - we mean the NORMAL ones. Like the one he knew over 25 years!

How CRUEL can one Yid be? And he, like all our predators just wants his victims to FORGET about the trauma like it never happened?

UNREAL, aren't these jerks! Which proves their pathological and uncaring nature to us over & over

GRIDNEY/ YIDWITHLID victimizes women, uses their good nature, lies to & manipulates them and when one of them figures his game out & that he's been using & abusing her for 2 years (and sent her to the hospital more than once!!) - he:

GOES TO ONLINE SUPPORT GROUPS AND FINDS & READS EVERYTHING THIS POOR TRAUMATIZED VICTIM IS VENTING ABOUT WHAT HE DID TO HER & HER FAMILY AND LOOKING FOR SUPPORT ABOUT... AND GETS MAD ABOUT IT!

WHAT A MALICIOUS EMOTIONAL & SEXUAL VAMPIRE!! See how ENTITLED these predators feel? They get MAD that their victims are HURT!!

Be warned ladies - is yours doing this to YOU?: As a victim -- you are 'out of your mind' looking for help and they are reading EVERY WORD YOU ARE SAYING?

And then you are a "nut job" for needing mental or emotional help after they take your heart, soul, your peace of mind and trust?

GRIDNEY/ YIDWITHLID, like all cyberpaths - sees only what makes him look like the victim.

Just look at more of the revisionist history Yidwithlid/ Sammy Benoit posted in 2008 about one of his many victims:

You were an old girlfriend of YWL from an upstate NY college. You used the internet to track him down after 30 years, which wasn’t too hard because he’s a published writer.

You had cyber-sex with him and then got him to agree to meet up with you. When he did meet up with you, to his horror, he saw that his ex-girlfriend from college had ballooned into a 275 lb fat pig with poor hygiene and he didn’t want to bang you. He politely excused himself by saying he couldn’t do this to his wife.

You then began stalking him and his family, driving by his house, sending letters to his wife, his parents, his in-laws, his rabbi, the police, anyone with whom you thought you could slander his good name. His poor wife was left with no choice but to report you to the police after you threatened to harm her children.

Sound familiar porkchop?

Law Enforcement sent EOPC a lot of information in late 2004 on Yid, after his Target #2 RELEASED it to us:

• this victim he speaks of in the quote above? Was NEVER his girlfriend... never went on a date with him... was just friends. In fact, in college Yid treated her horribly after he 'got what he wanted' from her, including an abortion.
  
• It has been forensically verified that Yidwithlid used CLASSMATES.com to track down this victim and possibly others. (Total opposite of his assertion)
• This victim was manipulated & lied to by him and had to do DE-PROGRAMMING from what he COERCED her into and still has serious, medically verifiable PTSD. (Did we mention a number of medical people have all the Forensically Verified info. on Yidwithlid also?)
• Yid saw prostitutes, advertised for sex partners , used his credit card on phone & webcam porn sites from 2000-2004 on a regular basis so he had no problem whatsoever "DOING THIS TO HIS WIFE" with anyone he could coerce or pay for. His assertions it was all 'planted' cannot be verified with internet archives or law enforcement.
  
• This victim has never stalked, harassed, driven by his home, etc. (BTW - Law enforcement alerted us that his wife has a number of companies registered at their HOME address due to her job and their address and phone is regularly posted on construction projects in the Tri-State area as CONTACT numbers. A little websurfing would turn up anything any wacko needed to know), nor did she have anyone "do it for her"
• Yid gave his spouse 'selective information' so she would use her contacts at their police precinct to have a Detective friend call and needlessly hassle this victim (imply she would be arrested, etc), not once but four times -- just after she came out of the hospital for trauma symptoms the first time - in an attempt to silence her. (NOTE: Yidwithlid didn't silence her because his favorite brothel was busted in a very public trial and allegedly he was ID'd by a couple of the 'employees' there after this victim Yid attacks went to police in fear for her family. Good going, Yid!)
  

Predators love to believe their mere words create reality. But now we know what Yidwithlid is telling people "really" happened.... LOL

So Mr. GRIDNEY/ YIDWITHLID (or any of our cyberpaths) - Tell us - what were your victims supposed to do? LIE & COVER MORE FOR YOU? AFTER YOU DESTROYED THEM?

These predators continue to amaze & astonish at their audacity. GRIDNEY/ Yidwithlid could care less he caused divorces, severe trauma and put one of his victims in the hospital! He just continues on with his baseless accusations & being indignant. (sound familiar readers?)

Predators are ANGRY at their victims. FOR TELLING THE TRUTH AND SEEKING HELP FOR THEIR TRAUMA.

List of the links on gridney/ YidwithLid (a long but MUST READ!)

Why should the truth slow any of them down?

By the way, on Yid's blog he says to email him your email address so he, himself can add it to his mailing list. There are automatic sites that can do this for you (example: Feedblitz) so why are we suspicious that Yid is collecting emails for fresh prey? Women who might like one of his articles and be somewhere his job sends him on business? Does his wife know this?

These Cyberpaths never stop.

How's that for sick?
The Cyberpath is the angry one who wants their victims to JUST FORGET IT so they can lie, never apologize, smear them and continue duping their family & friends? Yes.

And this story, readers is a perfect example.
@@@@@

Don't forget Cyberpaths! If you want help or want to write an open apology to your victim(s) just mail us here at EOPC and we will be happy to help you change & make amends ! Send your apology to: Cyberpaths@gmail.com. If it's genuine - we'll be happy to post it!


yidwithlid

The Psychopath Next Door

Psychopath. We hear the word and images of Bernardo, Manson, Peterson, BTK and Dahmer pop into our heads; no doubt Ted Bundy too. But they're the bottom of the barrel - most of the two million psychopaths in North America aren't murderers.

They're our friends, lovers and co-workers. They're outgoing and persuasive, dazzling you with charm and flattery. Often you aren't even aware they've taken you for a ride - until it's too late.

Psychopaths exhibit a Jekyll and Hyde personality. "They play a part so they can get what they want," says Dr. Sheila Willson, a Toronto psychologist who has helped victims of psychopaths.

The guy who showers a woman with excessive attention is much more capable of getting her to lend him money, sleep with him, and to put up with him when he strays.

The new employee who gains her co-workers' trust has more access to their chequebooks. And so on. Psychopaths have no conscience and their only goal is self-gratification. Many of us have been their victims - at work, through friendships or relationships - and

not one of us can say, "a psychopath could never fool me."

Think you can spot one? Think again. In general, psychopaths aren't the product of broken homes or the casualties of a materialistic society. Rather they come from all walks of life and there is little evidence that their upbringing affects them. Elements of a psychopath's personality first become evident at a very early age, due to biological or genetic factors. Explains Michael Seto, a psychologist at the Centre for Addiction and Mental health in Toronto, by the time that a person hits their late teens, the disorder is almost certainly permanent. Although many clinicians use the terms psychopath and sociopath interchangeably, writes psychopath expert Robert Hare on his book Without Conscience, a sociopath's criminal behavior is shaped by social forces and is the result of a dysfunctional environment.

Psychopaths have only a shallow range of emotions and lack guilt, says Hare. They often see themselves as victims, and lack remorse or the ability to empathize with others. "Psychopaths play on the fact that most of us are trusting and forgiving people," adds Seto. The warning signs are always there; it's just difficult to see them because once we trust someone, the friendship becomes a blinder.

Even lovers get taken for a ride by psychopaths. For a psychopath, a romantic relationship is just another opportunity to find a trusting partner who will buy into the lies. It's primarily why a psychopath rarely stays in a relationship for the long term, and often is involved with three or four partners at once, says Willson. To a psychopath, everything about a relationship is a game. Willson refers to the movie ‘"Sliding Doors" to illustrate her point. In the film, the main character comes home early after just having been fired from her job. Only moments ago, her boyfriend has let another woman out the front door. But in a matter of minutes he is the attentive and concerned boyfriend, taking her out to dinner and devoting the entire night to comforting her. All the while he's planning to leave the next day on a trip with the other woman.

The boyfriend displays typical psychopathic characteristics because he falsely displays deep emotion toward the relationship, says Willson. In reality, he’s less concerned with his girlfriend's depression than with making sure she's clueless about the other woman’s existence.

In the romance department, psychopaths have an ability to gain your affection quickly, disarming you with words, intriguing you with grandiose plans. If they cheat you'll forgive them, and one day when they’ve gone too far, they'll leave you with a broken heart (and an empty wallet). By then they'll have a new player for their game.

The problem with their game is that we don't often play by their rules. Where we might occasionally tell a white lie, a psychopath’s lying is compulsive. Most of us experience some degree of guilt about lying, preventing us from exhibiting such behavior on a regular basis. "Psychopaths don't discriminate who it is they lie to or cheat," says Seto. "There's no distinction between friend, family and sucker."

No one wants to be the sucker, so how do we prevent ourselves from becoming close friends or getting into a relationship with a psychopath? It's really almost impossible, say Seto and Willson. Unfortunately, laments Seto, one way is to become more suspicious and less trusting of others.

Our tendency is to forgive when we catch a loved one in a lie. "Psychopaths play on this fact," he says.

"However, I'm certainly not advocating a world where if someone lies once or twice, you never speak to them again." What you can do is look at how often someone lies and how they react when caught. Psychopaths will lie over and over again, and where other people would sincerely apologize, a psychopath may apologize but won't stop.

Psychopaths also tend to switch jobs as frequently as they switch partners, mainly because they don't have the qualities to maintain a job for the long haul. Their performance is generally erratic, with chronic absences, misuse of company resources and failed commitments. Often they aren't even qualified for the job and use fake credentials to get it. Seto talks of a patient who would get marketing jobs based on his image; he was a presentable and charming man who layered his conversations with educational and occupational references. But it became evident that the man hadn't a clue what he was talking about, and was unable to hold down a job.

How do you make sure you don't get fooled when you're hiring someone to baby-sit your child or for any other job? Hire based on reputation and not image, says Willson. Check references thoroughly. Psychopaths tend to give vague and inconsistent replies. Of course the best way to solve this problem would be to cure psychopaths of their 'illness.' But there's no recipe for treating them, say psychiatrists. Today's traditional methods of psychotherapy (psychoanalysis, group and one-on-one therapy) and drug treatments have failed. Therapy is more likely to work when an individual admits there's a problem and wants to change.

The common problem with psychopaths, says Seto, "Is they don't see a problem with their behavior."

Psychopaths don't seek therapy willingly, says Seto. Rather, they're pushed into it by a desperate relative or by a court order. To a psychopath, a therapist is just one more person who must be conned, and the psychopath plays the part right until the therapist is convinced of his or her 'rehabilitation.'

Even though we can't treat psychopaths effectively with therapy, it doesn't mean we can't protect ourselves, writes Hare. Willson agrees, citing the most important factor in keeping psychopaths at bay is to know your vulnerabilities. We need to "realize our own potential and maximize our strengths" so that our insecurities don't overcome us. Because, she says, a psychopath is a chameleon who becomes "an image of what you haven't done for yourself." Over time, she says, "their appearance of perfection will begin to crack," but by that time you will have been emotionally and perhaps financially scathed. There comes a time when you realize there's no point in searching for answers; the only thing is to move on.

Taken in part from MW - By Caroline Konrad - September 1999
THE MALIGNANT PERSONALITY
These people are mentally ill and extremely dangerous! The following precautions will help to protect you from the destructive acts of which they are capable.

First, to recognize them, keep the following guidelines in mind.

1. They are habitual liars--They seem incapable of either knowing or telling the truth about anything.
2. They are egotistical to the point of narcissism. They really believe they are set apart from the rest of humanity by some special grace.
3. They scapegoat; they are incapable of either having the insight or willingness to accept responsibility for anything they do. Whatever the problem, it is always someone else's fault. Blame-shifting and projection are chronic.
4. They are remorselessly vindictive when thwarted or exposed.
5. Genuine religious, moral, or other values play no part in their lives. They have no empathy for others and are capable of violence. Under older psychological terminology, they fall into the category of psychopath or sociopath, but unlike the typical psychopath, their behavior is masked by a superficial social facade.

If you have come into conflict with such a person or persons, do the following immediately!

(1) Notify your friends and relatives of what has happened.

Do not be vague. Name names, and specify dates and circumstances. Identify witnesses if possible and provide supporting documentation if any is available.

(2) Inform the police. The police will do nothing with this information except to keep it on file, since they are powerless to act until a crime has been committed. Unfortunately, that often is usually too late for the victim. Nevertheless, place the information in their hands.

Obviously, if you are assaulted or threatened before witnesses, you can get a restraining order, but those are palliative at best.

(3) Local law enforcement agencies are usually under pressure if wealthy or politically powerful individuals are involved, so include state and federal agencies as well and tell the locals that you have. In my own experience, one agency that can help in a pinch is the Criminal Investigation Division of the Internal Revenue Service or (in Canada) Victims Services at your local police unit. It is not easy to think of the IRS as a potential friend, but a Swedish study showed that malignant types (the Swedes called them bullies) usually commit some felony or other by the age of twenty. If the family is wealthy, the fact may never come to light, but many felonies involve tax evasion, and in such cases, the IRS is interested indeed. If large amounts of money are involved, the IRS may solve all your problems for you. For obvious reasons the Drug Enforcement Agency may also be an appropriate agency to approach.

The FBI is an important agency to contact, because although the FBI does not have jurisdiction over murder or assault, if informed, they do have an active interest in any other law enforcement agencies that do not follow through with an honest investigation and prosecution should a murder occur. Civil rights are involved at that point. No local crooked lawyer, judge, or corrupt police official wants to be within a country mile if that comes to light! It is in such cases that wealthy psychopaths discover just how firm the "friends" they count on to cover up for them really are! Even some of the drug cartel biggies will scuttle for cover if someone picks up the brick their thugs hide under.

Exposure is bad for business.

(4) Make sure that several of your friends have the information in the event something happens to you. That way, an appropriate investigation will follow if you are harmed.

Don't tell other people who has the information, because then
something bad could happen to them as well. Instruct friends to take such an incident to the newspapers and other media.

If you are dealing with someone who has considerable money, you must realize that they probably won't try to harm you themselves, they will contract with someone to make the hit.

The malignant type is a coward and will not expose himself or herself to personal danger if he or she can avoid it.

MORE ON PSYCHOPATHS - CLICK HERE

Aftermath: EMOTIONAL RAPE SYNDROME

Emotional rape can be defined as: Emotional abuse characterized by patterned and purposeful behavior which purpose is to undermine and control the victim. It is an attack on the victim's personality rather than their body.

The term "emotional rape" implies a horrific crime, and that is exactly what the victim is going through. In sexual rape, the term "without consent" refer to the victim having not agreed to sex. Emotional rape is the abuse of someone's higher emotions - love, compassion, affection - without consent.

Experts agree that emotional rape is far more complex than verbal abuse. While the latter tends to be erratic and direct response to specific situations, emotional rape is, quite simply, a systematic destruction of someone's personality.

source: Cosmopolitan magazine - September 2001
(DOWNLOAD THE FULL ARTICLE BY CLICKING HERE)

Almost of the targets we have spoken to (some have opted not to put their Online Predator here yet) suffer from some degree of EMOTIONAL RAPE SYNDROME as well as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

These are both very REAL syndromes that can affect physical health as well as mental wellness. Sometimes permanently with illnesses like Adrenal Insufficiency, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Myofascial Pain, Multiple Sclerosis, Diabetes, Migraines, Sleep Disorders and so on. (Hopefully laws can be changed to hold these predators RESPONSIBLE for doing this to their victims! If the target is able, suing them civilly for "INTENTIONAL INFLICTION OF EMOTIONAL DISTRESS" would be a good start!)

The targets/victims were NOT stupid. They were good trusting, people who gave their GENUINE lov, compassion and/or trust to a Cyberpath who was cruel, inhumane and abusive to them. These people had no idea they were being used or manipulated - sometimes by people they'd known for a number of years or had no reason to believe they were predators. Naive - yes, stupid - NO.

Below are excerpts from Dr. Mike Fox's wonderful book THE EMOTIONAL RAPE SYNDROME. - Fighter

What is Emotional Rape?
Emotional rape has many similarities to physical rape, particularly date rape. Date rape involves the sexual use of someone's body without consent. In a like manner, emotional rape is the use of someone's higher emotions, such as love, without consent.

However, in the case of emotional rape the lack of consent is contained in what the perpetrator doesn't say... his or her hidden agenda.

Emotional rape can happen to both men and women. Both forms of rape can be very devastating and require specialized programs for recovery.

Several major obstacles are encountered in recovery from emotional rape. The first is that the victim knows that something bad happened, but doesn't know what or why. And as in date rape, a big issue is that of trust. Victims often feel that they will never be able to love or trust anyone again.

Other obstacles to recovery, again similar to date rape, are the re-victimization of the victim by friends, family, and society ("you were stupid", "how could you let this happen", "...told you they were bad news", "you were naive", "you should have known", "just move on/ get over it", etc.) and the subsequent tendencies toward self-blame and silence about what happened.

It Could Happen to Anyone
Shara, who died after jumping from a freeway overpass into rush hour traffic (because of emotional rape trauma), was exploited by a rapist who could accurately be described as armed and dangerous; an accomplished deceiver who had raped before.

Without exception, victims describe two predominant characteristics of their rapists:

• They are charismatic, ostensibly attractive personalities, likely to be widely admired, but with a naturally manipulative nature.
• They can completely conceal their true selves.

(A SOCIOPATHIC type - Fighter)

These two observations draw attention to one of the central features of such behavior:

• Emotional rape can happen to anyone. The widely varying backgrounds and personalities of those who have already become victims demonstrate the danger in thinking otherwise; in believing "It could never happen to me."
• It is sometimes difficult to believe that no moral responsibility rests with the victim - because he or she was weak, naive, or otherwise "to blame" - but that it lies with the rapist, whose ability to conceal his or her true self is such that almost anyone could be deceived.

The focus here is mainly on the rapist, examining what it is that makes an individual capable of this form of psychological aggression.


Colliding Emotions
It is no exaggeration to describe emotional rape as the most underrated trauma of our age; the effects are powerful and potentially destructive.

Victims are forced to cope with a tangle of conflicting emotions, experiencing all the traumatic after effects of both rape and loss.

This confused pattern of emotional responses is very similar to that experienced by victims of sexual rape.

It's a pattern commonly identified as post-traumatic rape syndrome, although victims of emotional rape will be unaware that this is what is happening to them.

These colliding emotions become so entangled that it is extremely difficult - and would be a serious misrepresentation - to attempt to categorize them individually. They are inseparable.

However, it is possible to identify certain generalized feelings which characterize the emotional aftermath. Principally, these are:

• Denial
• Isolation
• Feeling 'Had' or 'Used'
• Loneliness and Despondency/Depression
• Rage and Obsession
• Inability to Love or Trust
• Loss of Self-Esteem
• Confusion
• Erratic Behavior
• Hidden and Delayed Reactions
• Fear and Anxiety

(Cyberpaths who continue to smear, carry on harassment & hate campaigns only contribute to this trauma and should be held accountable for doing so!)

Each of these is considered in detail... as are the typical physical and material after effects, so victims will understand that what they are going through is normal, that they are not alone, and that they are not insane.

For More Information CLICK HERE

MUST READS:
PTSD is a TRAUMA DISORDER not a Mental Illness

PTSD and Court Accomodations

PTSD & Adrenal Fatigue