"SEDUCING WOMEN ONLINE"

(most of the first part of this post is a joke - poking fun at sites that instruct men (and women) how to seduce people online. However - many a truth is said in jest - and we felt it instructional for our readers. And enjoy a little tongue-in-cheek levity! - Fighter)

I was surfing the World Wide Web, and I came across some websites charging guys for advice on how to seduce women online. I thought this was not right. I probably know more about the subject then they do, so I decided to write an article on it. Also, just like a fat drugged stripper I am giving it up for free.

What should a guy do after he gets a woman's e-mail address?
I like to send my online ladies anonymous emails advertising new and improved drugs for STDs, and wait and see if they respond. You can never be too safe. There is one thing you should learn about women. They love constant attention. Since you are talking to her online you should probably give her double the attention. That means a constant stream of emails. Probably 5 or 6 a day. Each day increase your tone of urgency, and decrease the accuracy of your spelling and grammar. This lets her know you are a passionate person, and women love passion. Remember you want to be the only thing on her mind so flood that mailbox. (this sounds horrifically like every cyberpath we've profiled so far! Keith Clive springs to mind here)

What should I say in my first message to her?
It is always good to start with some sort of joke. Usually one belittling a minority ethnic group will work.

Once you have broken the ice with the joke, make the message as personal as possible. Women love guys that open up. I suggest just opening up the dam right away, and letting loose with all your personal baggage. Let her know your insecurities, and freakiest desires. Tell her how often you masturbate. If you have had homoerotic fantasies, now is the time to let her know. She will be very impressed with your openness and immediately recognize the connection you just made with her.

Do not bother asking her about the minor details of her life. Instead, dive right into its most personal aspects. Ask her if she was molested as a child. To show her you care about her, question her mental health. Ask her if she has any suicidal thoughts or tendencies. After a deep message like this, your bond with her should be rock solid.

What if she doesn't respond to him?
Ahh she enjoys the chase huh. The old cat and mouse game. If she does not respond, she obviously requires more overt displays of affection and passion. Write her professing your undying love and commitment to her. Tell her you cannot live with out her. Tell her your passion is so great that her not responding to you makes you want to do her harm. Women love that. It lets them know that you care, and that you are a man of action. (funny yes - but threats of harm can land you in jail!)

What if she threatens to call the police?
Oh, she is a feisty little minx. Do not be deterred by Johnny Law. All women believe that love will conquer all, and this is just a test to see if you have the drive to land her. Tell her that no law either god's or man's can keep you from her. Tell her that you relish every obstacle in the way, because it only deepens your desire and love for her. Beg her to get a restraining order, because that will show you that you mean something to her. (Unfortunately, for an online sociopath - this last line is often true)

What should a guy do when she asks to see a picture?
Women do not expect you to give them an actual picture of yourself. Just search the Internet for a picture of some male model and send her that. Don't worry about her getting the wrong idea. Women just want to see how resourceful you are.

What if she isn't attractive in her picture?
Relax bud. It is pretty well established rule that women are much, much better looking in person than they are in their Internet pictures. If she looks a little ogreish and chunky in the picture. Just assume that it is bad lighting and she is much thinner now. Trust me.

What do I do once I get her phone number?
Verify that it is legitimate. Do this by calling and hanging up a few times. (LOL - but also a good way to get arrested)

When you call her for real, let her know that you cannot believe she actually gave you her number. This shows that you are appreciative. Make sure she knows that you like her in a sexual way. Tell her, her voice sounds sexy. Ask what she is wearing. Question the state of moisture in her panties. Also, inquire as to whether or not she is touching herself at the present point in time. These are the signals she needs to assure her that you do in fact want to stuff her box.

What should a guy do if a woman he is talking to online is nervous about meeting him in person?
Mmmm a timid temptress. Seducing her should be a pleasure.

First, do not play along with her timid games. Urgently suggest that you meet as soon as possible. Let her know that if you wait any longer to meet her you are liable to go crazy, and can not possibly be held accountable for your actions. (This sounds a lot like "J" with his 'can't control' nonsense)

To put her more at ease tell her you have "a big surprise waiting for her". Women love surprises.

Some women might be nervous because they are scared to go out in public. To be safe assure her that you are taking her some place private, and dark.

What should a guy do once she agrees to meet him?
Heyyy-Ohhh! If a girl you meet online has agreed to meet you that means she is ready for you to f*ck her. She is probably very comfortable with you and totally into you. What you need to do is just close the deal. Tell her you are going to take her to dinner or a party.
When you pick her up do not really say anything to her or look at her for that matter. This makes you seem mysterious, and will heighten her erotic desires. Drive to a deserted location. Whip out your **** and say, "dinner is served" or "here is the party *****". Women love spontaneous men, and since she is already so into you, she should be all over your ****. Score!

FROM THIS SITE

Here's a real seduction site - and a scary one at that! CLICK HERE
(this part is NOT a joke - it is very real. Did your predator do this to you?)

LOVE BOMBING - A favorite technique of Cyberpaths
The term "Love Bombing" originated with the Moonies to describe a step in their process of conversion. Cyberpaths use it to coerce and brainwash their targets and promote thought reform so the targets/ prey will do what they want WITHOUT QUESTION. Targets are overwhelmed with attention which makes them feel special, loved, and an important part of the new "online relationship."

Aspects of this technique include, but are not limited to flattery, verbal seduction, affectionate, as it goes along - cybersex or sexual conversion and lots of attention. (Singer, p 114)

Geri-Ann Galanti, a cult researcher, experienced love bombing. Regarding a very personal compliment she received, she stated, "Even though I knew it was a manipulative technique, I wanted to believe she meant it, and I decided that she really did. After all, it matched my own perception of myself." Recovery from Cults, p 98.

Love-bombing instills trust. It is impossible to think of the new person as harmful, because are so friendly & seemingly honest (its all a game to them). They seem so supportive and nice; how can this be wrong?

Love-bombing can produce a physical, mental & emotional "high." Prey/ targets can come to feel dependent on this feeling and the safety net of talking to the cyberpath. It also makes them feel loyal and dedicated, as they now may feel they owe the cyberpath some attention or even money & goods in return. Targets often mistake this for "being IN LOVE" and the Cyberpath only encourages & cements this perception.

Cyberpaths frequently use all kinds of "friendshipping"techniques to find new and retain targets/ prey. This includes befriending, coercing and sometimes love bombing the initial target's friends (see the story of "J"/ Gridney/ Yidwithlid!). Sometimes this friendship is sincere, but more often than not, it is superficial. Sometimes the cyberpath does this to isolate the friends from each other so they can never put the "full story" together. (They tell each friend that the other is "obsessed with" them or "stalking" them & demand secrecy) They are not really interested in someone as a person who they would honestly like to get to know -- they are interested in them as a potential target!

When the Cyberpath gets bored, or something happens to make the target "inconvenient" for them (spouses/ family members find out) or the target gets wise to them, love is withdrawn. This is the opposite of love bombing, a total withdrawal of love and support as a punishment for going against the Cyberpath's wishes or simply the Cyberpath being bored. This is NEVER the target's fault though the Cyberpath will try to make them believe that it is!

Furthermore, love bombing helps silence complaints and criticism, long after the initial predation. The target will feel 'responsible' and the cyberpath will say the target 'did it too' or is 'just as guilty' - often the target believes it and feels tremendous shame and guilt. Be assured this is TOTALLY the doing & fault of the cyberpath - no one else.

Here's a great discussion on LOVE BOMBING - something Cyberpaths do!

Our First Ever Cyberpath, Serial Bigamist & Ex-Con Back At It!

Cross-Posted as a courtesy to our good friends at FightBigamy:

Former jailbird and convicted serial bigamist, alleged sociopath and Virginia state felon Charles Edward Hicks, sometimes referred to as Ed is now calling himself Charles Greene. Mr. Hicks or Greene or whoever he is now got the longest sentence ever in the state of Virginia for bigamy.

This Charles Greene also has a new email address: e111h444@yahoo.com. (probably more!) I am surprised Charles Greene can remember that one, since he is 64, but he will tell you some younger birth year. I imagine the "e" stands for Ed and the "h" for Hicks; I don't know where the ones come from but 444 could mean his birth year that he always lies about.The real year is 1944.

• He is still telling the same lie about owning property in the Bahamas. He doesn't own squat.
• He is back trolling the online dating sites probably using his "in love with love" line.
• At one time he lived in the back of his van and used a kitty litter box for a bathroom. He rigged up lights and put insulation around the van for warmth.
• His van was parked along a street in Alexandria, VA until he found a woman in North Carolina who took him in and hit her up for $500.00 a month. (prior to his arrest)
  

He is a piece of work, and if he gets near you RUN!

Read everything you can under "Ed Hicks News" and "Ed Hicks Missives" on Fight Bigamy to familiarize yourself with this predator.

Also See a report on Dating Psychos, search under "Hicks" and look at the one without the photograph; read the one with the photograph as well. Hicks has 2 profiles at Dating Psychos! from 2 different women)

Read another comment below from Players & Psychos.com.

Comment from another victim:
He never stops.

He's back online using the name "CHARLES GREENE" - talks about his land in the Bahamas (doesn't own jack), he's an ace sailor (not), he's retired from the gov't (he was FIRED and disgraced after being sentenced for bigamy!), people are telling 'nasty stories' about him (sure... NOT!) and he's got a new yahoo address.

Beware ladies - don't let this charmer in your door

For pictures and more information CLICK HERE

CYBERWORLD: ASSUME ONE PERSON IS A PREDATOR

by Pat Gaudette
In the virtual world, assume that at least one person in a chat room or a forum is a predator and act accordingly.

Don't post personal details in an open forum; don't assume that a private forum is any safer. On the Internet, there is no 100% safe place.

Don't email personal details to strangers no matter how understanding and solicitous they may appear.

Don't give out personal details when you're using chat or Instant Message programs even if the other person seems to give these details to you. They may have given you false information in an attempt to build up your trust.

Even if you feel you can trust the person you've been chatting or emailing, don't give out your address, phone number, or last name. With internet searches, someone with even one personal detail can probably find out where you live and more.

If you're planning to meet someone you've met online, make your first meeting in a fairly busy public place and take a friend along.

If you don't want to take someone with you, at least give them details of who you're meeting, where you're meeting, and when you'll be back to work or home.

No matter how the sparks fly at that first meeting, don't invite him or her back to your place.

No matter how comfortable you feel at that first meeting, don't take a drive with them or let them drop you off at your home.

Trust your "gut." There is no need to force yourself to like someone. That's exactly the point of meeting face-to-face: to see if the "bond" you feel for this person is real or illusion.

Have you been betrayed by your spouse? Have you come to the Web for comfort and support? Have you trusted in virtual friends and been hurt when they've betrayed you? After being betrayed in real life, why would you think a virtual relationship would be any safer from betrayal? Behind that keyboard, all those many miles away, is a real person, not a perfect person.
Remember Ted Bundy? He was an absolute charmer. I'm not implying that your online friend is another Ted Bundy but until you are absolutely certain he or she isn't, play it smart and safe.

SOURCE and FOR MORE GREAT ARTICLES - CLICK HERE

Definitions of a "Player"

WHAT IS A PLAYER?
There are many different (and overlapping) types, but if any of these sound familiar to you, "red flag" them.

Married - The most common type of Player is without doubt the "married" one, but who never tells you he is married. "red flags" to look for - won't give you his home phone number only his mobile, won't give you his address, or can only chat to you during the day ("red flag") is talking to you from work rather than from home.

Married, but - 'wife neglects me, no sex life left' , etc. "red flag" in most cases the only type of relationship you will have will be a "dead end" one full of lies.

Mr. Blowhard - definitely a "red flag" - all he wants is an audience to listen to and believe his bogus stories of danger and bravery, or he has a promising career, brilliant future etc., but all snatched away from him due to an accident or serious injury. He needs your sympathy, and when you get tired of listening, he'll just move on to find a new audience.

Hit & Run Player - another "red flag" usually the younger guys just practicing or fine tuning their chat up lines. You will probably receive love poems, links to the most romantic places on the net etc. Very easy to believe they really love only YOU.

Body Surfers - These guys are easy to spot. The broach the subject of sex early in the relationship. - They are only looking for sex … phone sex, cyber sex, pictures, videos or real sex.

The Globe Trotter - Single/married players who travel for a living. They usually have a laptop as well as access to computer at home/work. They are looking to find women who live "on their appointed rounds" (easy to find doing an advanced search of profiles). Some of these guys go so far as to "say" they have big jobs like working for a millionaire or celebrity, they are in the FBI or CIA, etc. They then IM or e-mail you saying they are intrigued by your profile etc., and how much in common you seem to have. After they have you chatting a few times amazingly they will happen to be in your area next week and could they come and see you. Once hooked they can add you to their visiting list (saves spending lonely nights in an hotel!!).

Mr. Big - They usually own their own business (they use that as "bait" which we are meant to translate as "I'm a good catch". Or they may let it slip early in the relationship that they own their own business, or they claim to be a lawyer, a doctor or other highly-paid professional. Now think about it. The same as us women, men want to be loved for themselves, NOT their assets so this man needs a "red flag" too. Can you really believe that a real Professional man would have the time to hang around in chat rooms.

The Sympathy Dog - He gives you a long sob story and then everyday there is a new crisis in his life. All he wants from you are daily "pity parties" - just don't fall for it.

Then we get onto the more serious Players, the real Con men who can cause you enormous emotional distress, harassment and stalking:

The Control Freak - He will also have a sob story and use your sympathy to manipulate you to get his own way. Stories you might hear - has a bad heart condition, or needs a kidney transplant, has cancer but it's in remission. These supposed afflictions are for the purpose of "control" .. whenever you step out of line, the following reaction will occur: you added to his depression and he's feeling suicidal, he starts getting chest pains, he has to go on dialysis, the cancer comes out of remission. Using your feelings of guilt, he will quickly have you back under his thumb again.

The Guilt Trip Player - If you don't fall for his MO which he has worked so hard on, then he will throw a temper tantrum. You will probably receive an e-mail from a supposed friend/relative informing you he committed suicide, implying it was over you of course. Then this friend/relative will keep contact with you for weeks to come with details of the funeral and how devastated the family is etc. Or you will be told he was in some terrible accident and is dying (and you are supposed to feel very guilty about how you treated him. (Shame on you! LOL)

The Freeloaders - This type of player is looking for financial support. He will woo you and then suggest something like "I love you too much to take you away from your family and friends, but I am prepared to move nearer to you." "Could I stay with you for a bit to check out the housing situation/job situation etc.". Big "red flag" comes to stay with you, has no money, alcoholic, drug addict says he'll change if you will just stick by him, help him out for a bit financially. Once in your home - you will have a real job to get him out again.

The Cyberpaths (Online Sociopaths) - These are the worse of the bunch... This type always looks for the easy to bait, vulnerable women, widows, newly divorced, women recovering from a recent heartbreak etc. They lurk, using different screen names, in the widows, classmates.com, divorced, Al-Anon or mature chat rooms (40's, 50's 60's) They start out romancing you like a player does, but it's for an ulterior motive; they become obsessive and then they become the online harasser, the stalker... or worse.

Also a Cyberpath, the Emotional Hitchhiker - They generally look for their "sheep" in rooms that involve emotional support -- widows & widowers, divorced, disabled, abused etc. (really sensitive & vulnerable people). They will start out as being this great and wonderful guy who has also been widowed or divorced and is in a lot of emotional pain. They will use two different screen names (pretending to be two different people) - one who is a man falling in love with you: the other, a man who just wants your friendship. After they have you madly in love with them, then they will fake their own death. You will receive an e-mail from a family member or friend informing you he: died in a car accident, sudden heart attack etc. Then, using their other screen name, they will hear first hand of your reaction: hear all you grief and complete devastation, getting a complete "high" from your emotions. OR they may tell you they just found out they have cancer, terminal - of course and drag it out for six months or se, getting daily "highs" from your sympathies and your heartbreak. When the "highs" start to falter, then you will receive notice of their "very painful" death.

ONE DAY WORKSHOP: Net Safety & Cyberbullying

INTERNET SAFETY AND CYBER BULLYING

SUBJECT OF DAY ONE WORKSHOP

PROVIDENCE, R.I. – Day One will host a workshop on April 23 to help Internet users understand how social media Web sites such as MySpace and Facebook can be abused by sexual predators and how to employ Internet safety best practices.

“MySpace is YourSpace” will be held from 6:00-8:00 p.m. at Day One’s headquarters at 100 Medway Street in Providence, RI. In honor of Sexual Assault Awareness Month, the workshop is free and open to the public. The program carries with it three Continuing Education Units (CEUs). There is a processing fee is $20 for those requesting CEUs.

Facebook and MySpace are immensely popular sites among adolescents and young adults. An estimated 40 million of the under-18 crowd use MySpace daily, as well as frequent chat rooms and Internet Relay Chat (IRC) channels. But so do online predators seeking to meet unsuspecting and naïve teens [and adults] in person or lure them into online sex.

The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children tracks thousands of cases related to Internet exploitation of children, and one in five children has received unwanted sexual advances online, according to the Department of Justice.

This seminar will help families understand how the social media sites work and how they can put people at risk for cyber bullying and sexual abuse.

“If a member of your household [adult or child/teen] connects to these sites, you need to know the ploys that sexual predators use to procure personal information from users,” said Peg Langhammer, executive director of Day One. “The frequency with which this happens is alarming and can be prevented with education and frank discussions with family members.”

To register for the workshop, call Sandra Malone at 401-421-4100 or smalone@dayoneri.org.

FBI's Profile of THE MENTAL RAPIST

FBI Profile of the "Mental Rapist"

The following is transcribed from the written logs of a conversation that an individual from TalkCity had with an agent at the FBI.

The Mental Rapist Enjoys Abusing Women:
He abuses then backs off. After he has abused to a certain point he will back off and take note of his accomplishments. If he is not satisfied that he has reached his desired level of control, he will step up the degree of abuse, coming back and swinging harder. He has to win, and it is very important to him that he is always right.

He Hates and Loves Women at the Same Time:
Endless Cycle of Love/Hate with his Mother This person was probably abused by his mother and then coddled. (For example: She would slap him in a violent rage and then love, cry and apologize.)

He probably hated his mother and loved her at the same time. The relationship with his mother was a never-ending cycle of love and hate that he could not control or stop. He transposes these feelings to other women. He tries to create the same type of environment with other women. This time he IS in CONTROL.

Therefore, in his mind, he is controlling his mother through other women, surrogates of his mother. He may have a wife. If so, he is a model husband. He needs one relationship with a female that is solid and wholesome; that is why he looks elsewhere for women to abuse.

He was disillusioned by an early love, so, in his mind, all women are liars and whores. He was very much in love with someone once who he thought to be pure. The other person did not feel the same for him, and/ or turned out not to be quite the virgin he thought her to be. In his mind, if this ideal woman whom he thought was pure above all else, turned out not to be, then surely all other women must be liars and whores too. His mind is fixed on that as pure 100% fact and can not be changed.

His mother might have been the woman he loved and thought to be pure, and he may have found out that she had several affairs.

His biggest problem is simply that all women just won't admit that they are liars and whores. When a woman does not submit to him and admit what he knows to be true (that she is a liar and a whore), he feels he is back in the unbreakable cycle of his mother again. This upsets him to the point of bursting forth with so much profanity.

Delusions of Superior Intellect
He considers himself to be mentally superior to all women. He is sure he is smarter, because he knows all women are liars and whores, but he has to prove it by making them admit it. This type of individual probably possesses an above-average I.Q. He has engaged in this behavior many times and knows what avenues and shortcuts to take to reach his objective as soon as possible.

He is a Mental Combatant, not Physical
This type of person is not likely to use physical violence because he may not win. He is a mental combatant because he has learned to fight very well at that level and can always
win to some degree in his own mind. There are a few conditions in which he could be violent. Under the right circumstances this person could rape or beat a woman physically because of his dominant personality and if he felt he had to in order to prove his point. He would probably not actually stalk a woman physically, but for sure might mentally via the internet. The Internet is his preferred hunting ground.

Remember, he is most likely very shy and timid or reserved in the real world and has low self esteem until he gets on the Internet. Then he is the MASTER of his domain.

It's much easier to go on the Internet with lots of prey to pursue.

SOURCE

Some FBI Advice for Online Chatters
DO NOT be so open and honest with every person that comes into a room.

NEVER under any circumstances give detailed information about your home address or city.

NEVER give out your phone number.

NEVER post or send pictures of yourself or your family. If you email them to someone, they can use them HOWEVER THEY SEE FIT as you have given up your copyright.

KEEP all conversations about personal info as general as you can; a person that is just curious doesn't expect more and will soon forget.

GO with your instincts. Use "backing-off" behavior: If a person makes you feel uncomfortable, go to a friend and make conversation and slowly back away from the person that is bothering you; eventually ignoring him completely. If that fails to discourage the person, simply say goodbye and leave.

Legal Disclaimer: Please note that the above information is provided to help victims understand the psychological make-up of the Mental Rapist or Cyberstalker. It is only a profile, and as such, there can be no guarantees to its accuracy. Nor can one say with certainty that any cyberstalker would fit this profile 100%. Neither the FBI nor Stop Net Abusers will be held accountable for violent or distressful actions accruing from such an individual. The FBI is the Federal Bureau of Investigation , a Department of the Government of the United States of America, and has full ownership of the profiles it develops of the psychology of criminal natures. Stop Net Abusers, Inc.
Created: 30 June 1999 Updated: 11 September 1999 ftn

Jewish Students Beware! A Cyberpath is Targetting You

A warning has been sent to Jewish communities concerning an internet predator that specifically targets religious Jewish students.

The predator goes by the alias of either David Newman or David Goodman will frequently use social networking sights like Facebook to contact young Jewish men and women

Claiming to be a student from NYU, he will first “friend” students and eventually coerce them into meeting with him in person. He then physically assaults his victim.

Though most of his victims thus far have been male, there is also information that he has made similar attempts on female students. This issue has become severe enough to garner the attention of Yeshiva University Vice President Hillel Davis who, on April 10th, sent a letter to the entire student body to warn them of this predator.

Please be alert to anyone fitting this general profile and advise students, children and friends to exercise caution while using Facebook or other online communication systems.

If you have any questions contact Assistant District Attorney Mollie Friesa at 212-335-3569.

SOURCE

CONFLICT IN CYBERSPACE

How to Resolve Conflict Online
Have you ever noticed how conflict can get blown out of proportion online? What may begin as a small difference of opinion, or misunderstanding, becomes a major issue very quickly. Conflict can be difficult at the best of times, but what is it about online communication that seems to ignite “flaming” and make conflicts more difficult to resolve?

There are a number of reasons to explain why conflict may be heightened online. One is the absence of visual and auditory cues. When we talk to someone in person, we see their facial expressions, their body language, and hear their tone of voice. Someone can say the exact same thing in a number of different ways, and that usually effects how we respond.

For example, someone could shout and shake their finger at you, or they could speak gently and with kindness. They could stand up and tower over you, or they could sit down beside you. How you feel, interpret, and respond to someone’s message often depends on how they speak to you, even when it’s a difficult message to hear.

In online communications, we have no visual or auditory cues to help us to decipher the intent, meaning, and tone of the messenger. All we have are the words on a computer screen, and how we hear those words in our head. While people who know each other have a better chance at accurately understanding each others’ meaning and intentions, even they can have arguments online that they would not have in-person.

Projections and Transference
While many people are convinced that how they read an email is the only way it can be read, the truth is, how we read a text, or view a work of art, often says more about ourselves than it does about the message or the messenger.

All of our communications, online and in real-time, are filled with projections. We perceive the world through our expectations, needs, desires, fantasies, and feelings, and we project those onto other people. For example, if we expect people to be critical of us, we perceive other people’s communication as being critical - it sounds critical to us even though it may not be. We do the same thing online; in fact we are more likely to project when we are online precisely because we don’t have the visual or auditory cues to guide us in our interpretations. How we “hear” an email or post is how we hear it in our own heads, which may or may not reflect the tone or attitude of the sender.

We usually can’t know from an email or post alone whether someone is shouting, using a criticizing tone, or speaking kindly. Unless the tone is clearly and carefully communicated by the messenger, and/or we are very skilled at understanding text and human communication, we most likely hear the voice we hear, or create in our head and react to that. This is one of the reasons why controversial or potentially conflictual issues are best dealt with by using great care and explicit expressions of our tone, meaning, and intent.

Where do projections come from? They come from our life experiences - how we’ve been treated, how important figures in our lives have behaved, how we felt growing up, how we responded and coped, etc. All of us project or transfer our feelings and views of important figures in our lives onto other people.

To take a look at your own projections or transference with people online, think back to the last time you felt angry at someone online. What was it about them or their email that made you so angry? What did you believe that they were doing to you or someone else? How did you react internally and externally? Was your reaction to this person (whether spoken or not) influenced by someone or something from your past? While it certainly happens that people are treated with disrespect and anger online, if there are any parallels between this experience and any of your past experiences, it’s likely that how you felt and responded was coloured by your past. When our past is involved, particularly when we are unaware of it happening, we invariably project and transfer old feelings onto the present situation.

Disinhibition Effect
Conflict can be heightened online by what is known as the "disinhibition effect", a phenomenon that psychologist, Dr. John Suler, has written extensively about. Suler (2002) writes,

"It's well known that people say and do things in cyberspace that they wouldn't ordinarily say or do in the face-to-face world. They loosen up, feel more uninhibited, express themselves more openly. Researchers call this the "disinhibition effect." It's a double-edged sword. Sometimes people share very personal things about themselves. They reveal secret emotions, fears, wishes. Or they show unusual acts of kindness and generosity. On the other hand, the disinhibition effect may not be so benign. Out spills rude language and harsh criticisms, anger, hatred, even threats." (Suler, 2002)

Suler (2002) explains that the disinihibition effect is caused by or heightened by the following features of online communication:

a) anonymity - no one knows who you are on the net, and so you are free to say whatever you want without anyone knowing it's you who said it.

b) invisibility - you don't have to worry about how you physically look or sound to other people when you say something. You don't have to worry about how others look or sound when you say something to them. "Seeing a frown, a shaking head, a sigh, a bored expression, and many other subtle and not so subtle signs of disapproval or indifference can slam the breaks on what people are willing to express." (Suler, 2002)

c) delayed reactions - you can say anything you think and feel without censorship at any time, including in the middle of the night when you're most tired and upset, leave immediately without waiting for a response, and possibly never return - in the extreme this can feel to someone like an emotional "hit and run".

d) the perception that the interaction is happening in your head - with the absence of visual and auditory cues you may feel as though the interaction is occurring in your head. Everyone thinks all kinds of things about other people in their minds that they would never say to someone's face - online, you can say things you'd otherwise only think.

e) neutralizing of status - in face-to-face interactions, you may be intimidated to say something to someone because of their job, authority, gender, or race. Because this is not visible to you online, you feel freer to say what ever you want to anyone.

f) your own personality style may be heightened online - for example, if your communication style tends to be reactive or angry, you may be more reactive or angry online.

Tips for Resolving Conflict Online
What can be done to prevent unnecessary conflict in cyberspace? The following are tips for handling conflict online with respect, sensitivity, and care:

Don’t respond right away

When you feel hurt or angry about an email or post, it’s best not to respond right away. You may want to write a response immediately, to get it off your chest, but don't hit send! Suler recommends waiting 24 hours before responding - sleep on it and then reread and rewrite your response the next day.

Read the post again later
Sometimes, your first reaction to a post is a lot about how you're feeling at the time. Reading it later, and sometimes a few times, can bring a new perspective. You might even experiment by reading it with different tones (matter-of-fact, gentle, non-critical) to see if it could have been written with a different tone in mind than the one you initially heard.

Discuss the situation with someone who knows you
Ask them what they think about the post and the response you plan to send. Having input from others who are hopefully more objective can help you to step back from the situation and look at it differently. Suler recommends getting out of the medium in which the conflict occurred - in this case talking to someone in person - to gain a better perspective.

Choose whether or not you want to respond
You do have a choice, and you don’t have to respond. You may be too upset to respond in the way that you would like, or it may not be worthy of a response. If the post is accusatory or inflammatory and the person’s style tends to be aggressive or bullying, the best strategy is to ignore them.

Assume that people mean well, unless they have a history or pattern of aggression
Everyone has their bad days, gets triggered, reacts insensitively, and writes an email without thinking it through completely. It doesn’t mean that they don’t have good intentions.

On the other hand, some people pick fights no matter how kind and patient you are with them. They distort what you say, quote you out of context, and make all sorts of accusations all to vilify and antagonize you. Don't take the “bait” by engaging in a struggle with them - they'll never stop. Sometimes, the best strategy is to have nothing more to do with someone.

Clarify what was meant
We all misinterpret what we hear and read, particularly when we feel hurt or upset. It’s a good idea to check out that you understood them correctly. For example, you could ask, “When you said...did you mean...or, what did you mean by...?” Or, “when you said...I heard...is that what you meant?” Often times, what we think someone said is not even close to what they meant to say. Give them the benefit of the doubt and the chance to be clear about what they meant.

Think about what you want to accomplish by your communication
Are you trying to connect with this person? Are you trying to understand them and be understood? What is the message you hope to convey? What is the tone you want to communicate? Consider how you can convey that.

Verbalize what you want to accomplish
Here are some examples, “I want to understand what you’re saying.” “I feel hurt by some stuff that you said. I want to talk about it in a way that we both feel heard and understood.” “I want to find a way to work this out. I know we don’t agree about everything and that’s okay. I’d like to talk with you about how I felt reading your post.” “I hope we can talk this through because I really like you. I don’t want to be argumentative or blaming.’

Use “I” statements when sharing your feelings or thoughts
For example, “I feel...” versus “You made me feel...”

Use strictly feeling statements
Feeling statements include saying you felt hurt, sad, scared, angry, happy, guilty, remorseful, etc. In everyday conversations, we describe our feelings differently than this. For example, we say that we felt “attacked”, “threatened”, “unsafe”, or “punched in the stomach”. When the person we’re upset with is not present, or able to read our words, this is an understandable way to express the full depth of our feelings and experience. Generally though, these statements are not simply feeling statements because they contain within them unexpressed beliefs. For example, you believe that you were attacked by the person, not that it just felt that way. If you want to communicate with the person involved (or they can read your words), it is best to stick to simple feeling statements otherwise they will hear you as accusing them of attacking them and be angry or upset with you. Some people get confused why other people get upset with them when they think they are only expressing their feelings; usually in these cases there were unstated beliefs expressed which the person reacted to.

Choose your words carefully and thoughtfully, particularly when you’re upset
Do your best to keep in mind that the person will read your post alone. You are not physically or virtually present with them to clarify what you meant, and they can’t see the kindness in your eyes. They must rely entirely on your words to interpret your meaning, intent, and tone. This is why it’s important to choose your words carefully and thoughtfully. You can still be real and honest while being selective.

Place yourself in the other person’s shoes
How might they hear your message? To avoid unnecessary conflict or a lot of hurt feelings, it helps to take into account who you’re writing to. One person might be able to hear you say it exactly how you think it, and another person would be threatened by that style of communication. Think about the other person when writing your email or post. Do your best to communicate in a way that is respectful, sensitive, and clear to them. People often say, to do that feels like they’re being controlled and why shouldn’t they just write it the way they want to. Of course you can write it any way you want, especially online, but if you want to communicate with this person and have them hear and understand what you’re saying, it helps to think about how they will hear it.

Use emoticons to express your tone
In online communication, visual and auditory cues are replaced by emoticons, for example, smiles, winks, and laughter. It helps to use emoticons to convey your tone. Additionally, if you like the person, tell them! Having a conflict or misunderstanding doesn’t mean you don’t like the person any more, but people often forget that reality, or don’t think to say it. It may be most needed during a tense interaction.

Start and end your post with positive, affirming, and validating statements
Say what you agree with, what you understand about how they feel, and any other positive statements at the beginning of your email. This helps set a positive tone. End on a positive note as well.

The Paradox of Online Communication
Handling conflict constructively is hard at the best times, and it can be even harder online. It can take a great deal of effort, care, and thoughtfulness to address differences, tensions, and conflicts online. Paradoxically, some of the same things that contribute to heightened conflict online can contribute to peaceful resolutions as well. The internet is an ideal place to practice communication and conflict resolution skills. Just as the absence of visual and auditory cues, the anonymity, invisibility, delayed reactions, and neutralizing of status free us to say what ever negative thing we want, they can also free us to try new, and more positive communication styles and to take all the time we need to do that. As with any new technology, the internet can be used to enhance our personal growth and relationships, or to alienate us from each other. It’s our choice.

References:

Suler, J. (2002). The Online Disinhibition Effect. In The Psychology of Cyberspace (orig. pub. 1996), (article orig. pub. 1996)

(Note from EOPC: REPORT REPORT REPORT anyone who stalks, flames, posts personal information and so on. Though it may be blown off - do NOT give up. Report in writing to:

- to site owner where the flame/ information was posted. Request removal.
- to the IP of the person who posted it (if known)
- to the police precinct closest to the person who posted it
- to the FBI closest to the person who posted it
- file on IC3.gov
- have people who know you write these places as well.)

Internet Fraud Dupes Men More Often Than Women

by Robert McMillan

When it comes to being taken in by Internet fraudsters, men have a knack for losing cash, according to a new report from the Internet Crime Complaint Center.

Data compiled from more than 206,000 complaints received last year by the U.S. Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3.gov) shows that men lost US$1.67 to every $1 lost by women in online fraud.

Identifying Fraud Trends
The IC3 is the clearinghouse for online crime complaints in the U.S., and its database is used by regulators and law enforcement to get a picture of criminal trends and, in some cases, help hunt down the criminals. It is a joint effort run by the U.S. Federal Bureau of Investigation and the National White Collar Crime Center.

The organization says that buying patterns and human nature play into the findings.

"Historically men were more apt to purchase large ticket item like electronics... that could explain a lot of it," said John Kane, the IC3 research manager who wrote the report.

But with women now spending more online, the difference is also due to the fact that certain types of schemes seem to suck men in. "Men tend to fall victim... to business investment schemes and some other schemes that have a higher dollar loss," Kane said.

Investment fraud complaints, where the average loss is more than $3,500, were overwhelmingly submitted by men, Kane said. Compare that to something like auction fraud, where both men and women are frequently victimized. The average loss there is just over $480.

Men also tend to be the victims of check fraud (average loss: $3,000) and Nigerian letter fraud scams ($2,000), Kane said.
Crime Climbs

Overall, Internet crime is netting the bad guys more money than ever.

Total losses from 2007 complaints came to $239 million, up $40 million from 2006.

The 2007 data, released Thursday, shows that the total number of complaints received by the group was actually down for the second year in a row. In 2007 the IC3 Web site logged just under 207,000 complaints. In 2005 that number was over 231,000.

Kane credited the drop in complaints to increased consumer awareness, but according to Gary Warner, director of research in computer forensics with the University of Alabama at Birmingham, there may be another explanation.

Warner spends a lot of time studying the criminals and said that in recent months, researchers have noticed that credit card numbers have often been stolen and then not used. "One theory is that nobody wants to go to jail for stealing $40," he said. "So when they get access to these accounts, they're using only the ones that they can get the most value from."

Often, criminals will do a balance check and then sell only the cards with the highest balances. "I think there's a little bit of filtering on the criminal side that's at play here," he said.

There was another interesting finding in the 2007 data. The IC3 found that many countries that were commonly linked with cybercrime were the sources of the incidents it tracked, but it did not list China as a top source of perpetrators. China has been named as the source of many online attacks over the past year, but it didn't make IC3's list of top 10 countries by perpetrators.

Leading the list were the U.S., the United Kingdom and Nigeria.

SOURCE

INVESTOR POSED AS HER ON 'NET AND SET HER UP TO BE RAPED

(Cyber identity theft can happen to you!! Sometimes its financial, sometimes its just for sick twisted reasons. As bizarre as it sounds - It can and does happen. Be careful who you trust!)

By JANA WINTER, RODDY BOYD & KATE SHEEHY (March 2007)

A renowned hedge-fund honcho hatched a heinous revenge plot against his former mistress by posing as her on the Internet - saying she wanted to be kidnapped and raped as part of a sicko sex fantasy, officials said yesterday.

Albert Hsu, 43, a wealthy, married dad of two and former Cub Scout leader, posted his fiendish ad on a hardcore, S&M Web site, Connecticut authorities said.

He allegedly included the woman's name, photo, address, license-plate number, train schedule to and from work and even the rail car she usually sits in.

"The defendant set the victim up to be abducted and raped by a complete stranger," prosecutor Ricki Goldstein said in Norwalk, Conn., Superior Court.

Hsu, who co-founded Anchor Point Capital in New York City after overseeing billions in investments for everyone from Xerox to Atlantic Philanthropies, meticulously planned the scheme down to the last detail, officials said.

Posing as his ex in the "ad," he allegedly begged anyone responding to not contact her or give her a head's-up before the attack because it "would ruin the fantasy" for her.

His motive appeared simply to be pure "hate," Goldstein said.

She said Hsu had already lined up one potential attacker and has confessed to the crime.

The investor was held in lieu of $750,000 bond after being busted Friday, but a judge jacked up the amount to $1 million at his arraignment yesterday.

The slightly built Hsu appeared extremely grim-faced and hunched over in court. He sported tailored pants, a pricey, button-down, powder-blue shirt, a gray cashmere sweater - and shackles.

His evil plan came to light after his unidentified victim alerted authorities to the terrifying posting about her on www.collarme.com Feb. 26, authorities said.

"We acted on it as quickly and as urgently as we could to protect the safety of the victim," said police Lt. David Bender of New Canaan, where Hsu lives. "We felt she was in grave danger."

Hsu was charged with attempted kidnapping, attempted sex assault, criminal impersonation and other raps, officials said.

The money man's court-appointed lawyer, Dawn Bradanini, said her client was "thoroughly embarrassed by this."

She asked for a lower bond "based on the lack of history of a serious nature."

Goldstein said Hsu had previously been charged with assaulting his wife. A bail official added that he has a history of mental problems and is on medication . He was placed on suicide watch.

News of Hsu's bizarre bust stunned his community and colleagues, who heralded him as one of the nation's leading, most quotable authorities on hedge funds.

"Albert is absolutely the last man in America you would expect to do anything wrong, let alone anything like this," one rival trader said.

"He is incredibly smart and polite, the type of guy you'd like as a partner and a neighbor."

Matt Crowe, the son of Hsu's partner at Anchor Point, declined to comment when asked if anyone at the firm had noticed a recent change in the suspect's behavior.

"We only know what we've read," he said.

Hsu, who attended the prestigious Bronx School of Science, lives with his wife - a management consultant - and young son and daughter in a ritzy home.

jana.winter@nypost.com

MySpace Suicide - Investigation Gets Some Truth At Last

Lori Drew DID lie. Like all predators she even got help (hired attorneys in this case) to help shore up her "belief ceiling" that she's an innocent victim who did nothing wrong. Baloney. We said it before and we'll say it again...

There still needs to be justice in this case. Glad someone other than the clowns in Missouri are doing some questioning. Lori Drew is a murderer or at least guilt of manslaughter & reckless endangerment. Do all the damage control you want - you're still a predator and guilty.

Don't worry, Megan - EOPC hasn't forgotten.
~~~~~~~~~~

Take a moment to read this great post by Little Baby Ginn over at our friends at Deathby1000Papercuts:

Prosecutors in Los Angeles questioned Lori Drew’s employee, Ashley Grills, before a Grand Jury over the Megan Meier MySpace suicide case. Grills, who was 17 when Megan Meier committed suicide in October of 2006, testified that she did not act alone in setting up a fake MySpace account used to pull a hoax on the 13-year-old Megan. Grill’s testimony could begin to peel away the fake facade of innocence maintained by Lori Drew through her attorneys.

Grills, who attempted to take her own life after Megan ended hers, stated that while she was responsible for setting up the profile of the fake 16-year-old boy named “Josh Evans”, that Lori Drew and her daughter were also involved in the cruel online hoax.

Lori Drew
Megan and her family lived just a few doors down from the Drews in a quiet suburb of St. Louis where the two girls were friends since elementary school. When the girls reached the 7th grade the relationship had become on-again, off-again, with Megan transitioning to a new school. Megan had asked her parents if she could open a MySpace account, after all, all the other kids were doing it too. Megan’s parents agreed but counseled their daughter to be careful, to be wary of the people she met online. Megan met a boy on MySpace who said his name was Josh Evans, he was 16 and he lived in her area.

Megan’s parents warned her to be careful but the online relationship with Josh seemed harmless and made Megan happy. Megan, like many girls her age, was insecure and unable to see her own unique qualities that made her special. After a period of about six weeks the relationship with Josh took a sharp turn with Josh telling Megan that “she was mean to her friends”.

On October 16th, Megan went to school with invitations to her upcoming 14th birthday party. She had picked out a new dress and when she returned home from school she asked her mother to log onto the computer so Megan could see if Josh had posted any new messages to her. Megan wanted to know why Josh had been “so mean” to her.

Tina logged on but had to leave to take her other daughter to an appointment. Before she left she could see that Megan was still upset, evidently Josh’s newest messages troubled Megan. Tina, in a hurry to get to the orthodontist’s appointment told Megan to sign off.

“I will Mom,” Megan told her. “Let me finish up.”

Tina called Megan when she reached the dentist’s office and asked Megan if she had signed off. “No, Mom,” Megan said, “they’re are all being so mean to me.” Again Tina told Megan to sign off. Fifteen minutes later Megan, crying, called her mother. “They are posting bulletins about me. Megan Meier is a slut. Megan Meier is a fat ass.” Tina was angry at Megan for not signing off, Megan was crying hysterically.

When Tina got home she went to the basement where the family computer was set up and found Megan still online, engaged in a cyberfight, using the kind of language which shocked Tina. “I’m so aggravated at you for doing this” she told Megan. Megan, clearly upset, ran from the computer then stopped and said to her Mother, “You’re supposed to be my Mom! You’re supposed to be on my side!”

Megan’s Dad, Ron, ran into Megan on the second floor landing of the Meier home. Ron grabbed Megan. He said that Megan told him that kids were saying “horrible stuff about her” and she didn’t understand why. “I told her it’s okay, I told her they obviously don’t know her and that it would be fine.”

Megan went into her bedroom while Ron went downstairs to the kitchen where he and Tina talked about Megan and the MySpace account while they made dinner. Twenty minutes later a feeling of dread overcame Tina,”I had this God-awful feeling and I ran up into her room and she had hung herself in the closet.

Megan was rushed to the hospital where she was pronounced dead the next day. Ron opened up Megan’s MySpace account and saw what he thought was the final message posted by “Josh” to Megan:

“Everybody in O’Fallon knows how you are. You are a bad person and everybody hates you. Have a shitty rest of your life. The world would be a better place without you.”

The day after Megan died Ron and Tina made the trip down the street to the house where Megan’s old friend lived, the daughter of Lori Drew, to tell her that Megan valued their friendship. They even returned to help celebrate the girl’s father’s 50th birthday and agreed to store a foosball table in their garage for the Drews.

Six weeks later the Meier’s lives turned upside down once again when another neighbor told them to meet her at their grief counselor’s office. The Meier’s were stunned to find out that the boy Josh Evans was never real, that he was made up, not by some internet stranger, but by the mother of Megan’s friend, Lori Drew. The same family that asked the Meiers to store their foosball table in the Meiers’ garage, the same family that the Meiers had walked down to comfort the day after Megan’s death.

Lori Drew denies she was involved in the MySpace hoax. Drew has hidden behind her attorneys and claims she is innocent even though the computer used to send the fake MySpace messages was located in the Drew home. That other witnesses claim Lori Drew asked Ashley Grill to set up the fake Josh Evans so that Lori could spy on Megan and see what Megan had posted about Lori Drew’s daughter on MySpace.

Lori Drew has, through her attorneys, denied all involvement in the fake MySpace hoax and yet when she called the cops on November 25, 2006, to complain about the Meiers not giving her a chance to tell her “side” of the story she filed a police report where she admitted that she, along with Ashley Grills had set up the fake MySpace account.

from Police Report dated November 25, 2006

“Drew explained she wanted to “just tell them” what she did to contribute to the Meier’s daughters suicide. Drew stated in the months leading up Meier’s daughter’s suicide, she instigated and monitored a “my space” account which was created for the sole purpose of communicating with Meier’s daughter.

Drew said she, with the help of temporary employee named “Ashley,” constructed a profile of “good looking” male on “my space” in order to “find out what Megan (Meier’s daughter) was saying on on-line about her daughter. Drew explained the communication between the fake male profile and Megan was aimed at gaining Megan’s confidence and finding out what Megan felt about her daughter and other people. Drew stated that she, her daughter and Ashley all typed, read and monitored the communication between the fake male profile and Megan.

Drew went on to say, the communication became “sexual for a thirteen year old.” Drew stated she continued with the fake male profile despite the development.” Source - Smoking Gun

Drew now claims that the police report was in error and yet she herself called the cops and filed the report. The St. Charles District Attorney declined to press any charges against Drew but now prosecutors in Los Angeles are going after Drew, trying to claim her actions in creating the fake MySpace account constituted fraud perpetrated against MySpace.

Grills should be commended for coming forward and admitting her part in the whole sordid affair which ended in a young girl hanging herself in her bedroom closet.

One of the supreme ironies was that Drew and Grill posted messages that Megan was a “fat ass” and yet the photo of Grill shows an obese 19-year-old girl while photos of Lori Drew show a frumpy overweight middle-aged woman.

Megan (left)/ Grills (right)
We find it hard to believe that Grill would have set up the MySpace account to go after Megan on her own, she was merely an employee of Drew’s. It was Drew whose daughter had a off-again, on-again friendship with Megan, it was Drew’s house where the fake Josh Evan’s MySpace account originated from, it was Drew’s husband who told everyone to “get rid” of the MySpace account after Megan died. Hopefully Lori Drew will be next to have to testify before the Los Angeles Grand Jury.

In the meantime, the trees are beginning to bud and new grass has sprouted in the quiet neighborhood in suburban St. Louis that the Meiers and Drews still call home. Several communities have enacted cyberbully laws in the aftermath of Megan’s death. Megan was buried in the new dress she had picked out for her 14th birthday party while Lori Drew has become a pariah of her own making.

SOURCE

A few more thoughts from ABC News:
When the Meiers eventually went public with their story, a firestorm erupted in the community and across the country, with Grills and the Drews right in the middle.

Grills said she began getting online messages and threats. "They would tell me to kill myself and save everybody the trouble."

The last year and a half have been difficult, Grills said. She was hospitalized after she attemped to commit suicide, and she says she hardly ever leaves her house.

ABC News contacted lawyers for Lori Drew who said they stand by their original statement: "Lori Drew did not create or direct anyone to create the Josh Evans MySpace account. Although she was aware of the account, Lori Drew never sent any messages to Megan or to anyone else using this MySpace account."

Grills said she is angry at Drew, who she once viewed as a mother figure, for making her the scapegoat.

"I have a lot of anger towards her for making me feel like crap," she said. "She had -- basically she was trying to make me feel like it was my fault and make me deal with everything."

Grills said she is speaking out now in order to get the real story out to the public.

The message she wants to get across, she said, is "that I'm not heartless. I do know what I did and I take responsibility for it every day."

SOURCE

Any of this blaming, guilt-shifting, projecting, nasty comments, no boundaries, pathological behavior sound familiar to you readers? It sure does to us!

'Gripe Site' Is Protected Free Speech, Not Defamation

(an article regarding 'disclaimers' about the type of site - exposure - EOPC is)

"The contents of a New Jersey man's "gripe site" -- a 45-page Web site dedicated to the perceived misdeeds of his car insurer -- were protected free speech that did not constitute defamation, a Manhattan judge has ruled.

"...alleged that Ronald DiGiovanni's site made eight libelous statements about its business, including that it is a "blatantly dishonest company" that has been "running scams," "committing fraud on a grand scale," and "ripping off its contract holders for quite a while...
"The court holds that the cause of action for libel ... should be dismissed because the challenged speech is merely a statement of defendant's personal opinion...

"...his statements reflect his personal opinion based upon his personal dealings with plaintiff. They're subjective expressions of consumer dissatisfaction [and] are not actionable because they are defendant's personal opinion."

(Stick to the truth and be sure you can back it up in black and white -- not just your assumptions.

Don't assume because someone was angry at you - that makes them abusive. The court could say you made 'assumptions.' And only the TRUTH is a complete defense to charges of slander or defamation.)

FULL ARTICLE HERE