Target #2 gave us emails between herself and Dunetz/ YidwithLid after she'd found out about him. In fact, Target #2 was the person who brought this story to us in late 2004. We had taken out identifying information at the request of Target #1, who is concerned for Yidwithlid's family but, Dunetz outed himself. Also, some comments from Target #2 and a cautionary note from EOPC (our comments are in purple)
YAHOO MAIL HEADER
From: Jeff Dunetz/ Yidwithlid
To: Target #2
Sent: Wednesday March 17, 2004 9:59AM
I was on the train coming home
I have told [my wife]and will finish telling her in a few. My [clergyman] already knew I spoke to him the other day. I know you hate me but please let her heal.
I am canceling all my messenger accounts an made appointments for me to see a shrink Now please leave me alone
We have noticed the tendency for narcissistically vulnerable people to engage in a kink of ritual self-castigation in the wake of an undeniable or unrationalizable failing toward someone. This is a process even more elusive than explaining, and harder to distinguish from true apologizing...
...In the case of a person with a narcissistic character disorder, recrimination is probably as close as he or she ever comes to apologizing, and is doubtless believed to constitute sorrow and reparation.
TARGET #2 told EOPC: I was beyond pissed! Precisely what had he told everyone? 'Leave him alone? Let his wife heal?' I wanted answers and was getting none.
I trusted this man. He'd sang songs from "West Side Story" over the phone to me, called me 3-4 times a day, gave me his emails, his office & cell phone numbers, his office address, told me he didn't love his wife and loved only me repeatedly... he HAD to love me to trust me enough to give me all that information.
Yidwithlid told me over & over he was in love with me and I was his soulmate. That he didn't love his wife anymore and "our love would go on forever." Leave him alone? He was going to have the last word? I don't think so. I deserved answers. For a while I didn't believe Target #1 though now I know she was completely & totally straight forward with me about her role and everything else.
Target #1 told me to 'go be with' him. Yes I had finally contacted her despite Yidwithlid telling me not to. He made a cryptic comment to me about her and I had to know.
Yidwithlid had done a really good job of making Target #1 look like an lovesick puppy. I was very nasty to her for a while because I thought she maybe was 'just jealous' as Yidwithlid implied.
Looking back I see she wasn't jealous at all - just devastated. I ask you, what jealous, 'scorned woman' tells you to go be with the object of their affection? No one.
I called her and we talked for over 36 hours on the phone the night/day we found out and I could hear her [being sick]. She told me she asked to meet his wife & children and for all the cybersex nonsense to end many times. Yidwithlid was controlling her the same way he was controlling me - like puppets.
Yidwithlid had even told me Target #1 and her friend FoT1 were 'taunting' him sexually. I believed it until law enforcement showed me later everything he'd been up to. The police even sent me copies of his chats with Target #1. Like a coward he was saying "I didn't do it - they did." I was a paralegal - the solid evidence didn't back him up - at all. I was sick about it. Dunetz was the taunter, the manipulator, the cruel puppet master.
Yidwithlid had refused to take Target #1's phone number or address and she was just crying non-stop about how she tried to fix it and stop it but was too stupid & weak. She told me she knew Yidwithlid had always hated her and that I should go and make him happy because Yidwithlid deserved happiness. She still cared about him. Incredible.
The day after I spoke to Target #1, she & I were online still trying to figure it out. Yidwithlid had been trying frantically to IM or phone Target #1 all day but she was too sick & scared to talk to him. Yidwithlid got online with me later that same day and said he'd been to his [clergyman] to tell him he'd fallen in love with another woman (me). Now I know that was more B.S. he was giving me. Yidwithlid told his [clergyman] something totally different; that I was STALKING HIM!!! haha
And Dunetz never bothered to speak to or try to contact Target #1 that night. I was struck at how suddenly, he was schmoozing me and treating her like SHE DIDN'T EVEN EXIST!! When he finally did get in touch with her he'd already made up his mind to attack her! After he'd been f**king with her mind and destroyed her for 2 years! She was trying to protect him and he was at her throat. Was I next?
It jumped out at me: if this is what Yidwithlid did to someone he's known over 25 years... And what he said about someone who he KNOWS was smitten with him... and she's now TELLING ME to go be with him... What will he do to me when he gets tired of me? I got very very angry. Some friend he was!
Yidwithlid had told me about his publishers, his boss, the people he worked with, his assistant - even the names of his clients - and how much they all liked him. All to make himself look good, So, I made it my business to find addresses and contacts for everyone he knew. My husband was a psychologist - I knew exactly what Dunetz was - and I was going to make sure everyone in his life knew too!
Yidwithlid had told me it was 'difficult' to admit but he knew he'd 'fallen in love with me.' He sent me an article about how 'Affairs can Help People in Bad Marriages.' All part of his systematic love-attack on me. While I was emailing him love poetry, he'd been emailing me porn and pornographic ecards saying "I can't wait to do XXX to you." I was so brainwashed by him and my prior abusive conditioning - I thought it was LOVE! And it was hard-core porn. He wanted a FREE WHORE.
I'm a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. So this porn he was sending to me was a huge trigger for me. Dunetz KNEW I had this issue, capitalized on it and it probably just helped him along! I was frozen and tried to say "but he loves me!"
I knew Dunetz' kids needed to be away from this pervert too. Law enforcement sent me copies of everything they found on him including his home address and his parents' address (as well how much he paid for his house, his criminal record, all the websites traces of his IP were on, everything!)
I was going to see to it that everyone was going to know. His family, his clients, his job... everyone. I wanted Yidwithlid to lose as much sleep, feel as sick and as used as I did. I wanted his whole life to go "BOOM" like mine just had.
I was angry with Target #1 too - for introducing us. I realize now she had no idea and was totally blindsided. But at the time I told her repeatedly she was 'minimizing me' and called her "Yidwithlid's pimp." I later apologized to her profusely. She was sweet & good natured and was totally being used by Dunetz.
Once law enforcement called me and sent me everything (and all his personal information) for verification... once I saw for myself what an independent source had turned up... I could no longer deny that this man had lied to me methodically over a 5 week period for one reason. To make me a free whore for him.
In his "escort reviews" Dunetz said that certain hookers "loved him" and his 'techniques.' In one he said he "fell in love" with one hooker's pretty face. He was just gushing over how much these PAID sex actresses liked him. It was sick. Really really sick. This was the 'important writing' he was always doing late at night.
Dunetz only added to it by denying certain things between us "never happened." He had started rewriting history to cover himself. I was being objectified and minimized by HIM - not Target #1!
Yidwithlid very quickly got rid of his cell phone probably in order to cut me off. This was after he swore once he "smoothed everything over with the wife" we'd be together. I called his office a few times but he 'wasn't in' or wasn't taking my calls. I was going to keep my eye on the internet for him. I knew he wasn't gone.
From: TARGET #2
Jeff, your email only shows me you have not begun legitimate therapy. Praying is not enough. You have engaged in criminal behavior; you cannot pray your way to health! The only reason I have been copying your [clergyman] is to keep you HONEST, ie to keep you from continually spinning this whole situation by lying, fudging and handing him more nonsense.
Date: 2004/03/27 Sat AM 8:22:43 EDT
To: Jeff Dunetz-- (deleted)@optonline.com
You need serious psychological/ psychiatric help. Your problems are well beyond any [clergymans]’s area of expertise. Apparently, he is under the misapprehension that you merely have a cybersex addiction.
You fail to see that you involved 2 grown women by engaging us in highly personal and intense relationships. Target #1's estranged husband knows of that you made her think you had feelings for her, and then just turned your back on her. He had a keylogger on her for months of her relationship so he knows everything, and so does his attorney. So, first Target #1 took beatings because of you and now [Target #1 estranged husband]'s instability is daily affecting her & her children.
I fell in love with you (whoever YOU really are – God knows you are so fractured and surreal), had (coerced) cybersex which I have since learned is tantamount to rape. And your [clergyman] thinks I am a TEMPTATION that can simply be prayed away? No Jeff – we are flesh and blood people who are in abject agony day after horrible day … agony you can’t pray away.
You cannot hide behind religion on this one. Your wife might buy that, but a sophisticated person never would. Clearly, you have not taken responsibility and you are not seeking professional help. You are very dangerous.
You told Target #1 only a couple weeks ago; in other words while I was supposedly your 'one and only'; that you “looked at everyone woman like she was a hole.” That you told ANYONE that is truly depraved, Jeff. Especially telling that to a woman (Target #1) you yourself even told me you 'knew was in love with you'. But truly criminally depraved.
Using prayer as a crutch while not addressing the crux of your disorder will only cause you to fall back again once you are under stress or bored. It's obvious that you also still don't 'get' the devastation you have caused. You write, "but I am truly sorry for everything all the pain I caused." No. You definitely don't 'get' it. This isn’t about “the pain” you have caused. You simply do NOT GRASP the ENORMITY of what you have done.
You willfully & knowingly tried to destroy Target #1 and her life and nearly succeeded. You have thrown me into emotional turmoil that only reminds me of the life and death issues with which I lived with my entire childhood: that is PTSD. Actually, you are responsible for kicking both Target #1's & my long term PTSD into high gear, which has caused both of us to go over and over everything that happened as well as keeping both of us from being able to stop crying or to get any sleep. Your wife "sometimes throws up"? She is not the only one, believe me.
Religious, in our cases that would be (clergical) counseling just isn't going to work. Frankly, the Jeff Dunetz I came to know is not the person you are. The person you are has complete disregard for anyone but yourself and your own pain.
Running away from me like I am the bad one.
Target #1 and I deserve some truth & amends from you.
This is almost impossible for me to handle.
Dunetz told me he hated porn - but now I see that he was sending me porn cards and porn clips all the time. His excuse? That it was ME making him so 'hot and bothered.' (Once again Dunetz/ Yidwithlid makes his Targets responsible for his addiction!! Dunetz / YidwithLid just loves blame shifting, doesn't he?)
Dunetz was offering me free trips, free meals and he even tried repeatedly to get me to accept him buying me a movie camera so I could "make some private movies" for him. What he wanted was me to do homemade porn for him! I can only imagine what he would have done with it if I did.
Dunetz and I discussed issues we both shared strong opinions on. I got him involved in message boards I thought he'd like but he just promoted his tripe. (still does)
Dunetz was constantly telling me not to talk to Target #2. He was controlling me and as a person who suffered childhood sexual abuse - I didn't see it.
Dunetz was absolutely aware of my history. Dunetz swore to me over & over he HATED porn - but the NYPD found he had a computer full of it. He told me it was ME making him so "hot." I cried a lot. He was a liar and had led me on simply for his own pleasure.
YAHOO MAIL HEADER
From: Target #2
To: Editor in Chief, XXXX
Dear Editor JXXXy:
Good morning; or maybe not. First all, I apologize for having to write this, but I sincerely feel I must. This letter is being sent to inform you of some problems there are with your publishing the writing of Jeff Dunetz.
My name is Target #2, I subscribe to your emails and often go to your website to enjoy your publication. I am a XXX who met a friend of Dunetz (she means Target #1) on a XXX site protesting media bias against XXX. Subsequently, she sent me his article on Tom Friedman and asked for help in getting it published. I got it onto a few more sites and he wrote to effusively thank me. Then, he wrote to say he would really like to get to know me; that he was currently online and would I please open up MSN Messenger and chat.
Please allow me to further elaborate: Dunetz has been misrepresenting himself as an observant (religious affiliation) and a family man while seducing, using and hurting other women, i.e. certainly breaking more than one commandment. His writings are written to reflect his deep (religious) values, but I have found that to be a pose, something which he doesn't practice: In fact, quite the opposite.
He has probably done all of his damage out of some form(s) of mental illness, however, that doesn't lessen my and others' pain, including his family's. Obviously, he also misrepresents himself and what he practices through his writing. This man has honed in on me and other women once he tests the waters enough to find we come from abusive backgrounds and are therefore more susceptible to his wiles.
He used my Post Traumatic Stress Disorder issues to pull me in, make me feel safe, have cyber-sex (and plan future physical relations) and emotionally abuse both of us - as formally abused women are set up to accept. His modus operandi is text book, I am devastated to tell you.
The reason this has come up now is that another of his victims and I got in touch with each other (she was the one who unknowingly introduced him to me)(again she is talking about Target #1). We had very long conversations, found out what had been going on and have tried to hold ourselves together through this. Speaking for myself, my natural inclination would be to blame myself, feel shame (from prior conditioning) and run and hide. Target #1 is already starting to do this. However, I have a different reaction whenever wrongs are perpetrated on others rather than just myself.
This is not being written to be vindictive towards Dunetz, but out of my ethical center. I do not want to see strong (religious) publications being involved with someone of low moral character & divisiveness while promoting the values of (the Bible). Dunetz does hold himself out to have the best (religious affiliation) values and that is belied by his disgusting behavior.
Therefore, I want you to understand that all of this is now coming out and therefore I urge you, on behalf of your readership, to re-think your professional relationship with him. If you want further details, please feel free to email me at (deleted)@msn.com or, perhaps for freer discussion, please feel free to telephone me at 805-((deleted). Your time and consideration of this very serious situation are very much appreciated.
-Target #2 ANOTHER OF TARGET #2s LETTER TO ONE OF Dunetz PUBLISHERS
YAHOO MAIL HEADER
From: TARGET #2
Sent: Tuesday, March 16, 2004 1:39 PM
Dear (deleted): Good morning; or maybe not. First all, I apologize for having to write this, but I sincerely feel I must. This letter is being sent to inform you of some problems there are with your publishing the writing of Jeff Dunetz.
My name is Target #2 I subscribe to your emails and often go to your website to enjoy your publication. I am a (religious affiliation) who met a friend of Dunetz's (Target #1) on a (religious affiliation) site protesting media bias against (country). Subsequently, she sent me his article on Tom Friedman and asked for help in getting it published. I got it onto a few more sites and he wrote to effusively thank me. Then, he wrote to say he would really like to get to know me; that he was currently online and would I I please open up MSN Messenger and chat.
Please allow me to further elaborate: Dunetz has been misrepresenting himself as an observant (religious affiliation) and a family man while seducing, using and hurting other women, i.e. certainly breaking more than one commandment. His writings are written to reflect his deep (religious affiliation) values, but I have found that to be a pose, something which he doesn't practice: In fact, quite the opposite.
He has probably done all of his damage out of some form(s) of mental illness, however, that doesn't lessen my and others' pain, including his family's. Obviously, he also misrepresents himself and what he practices through his writing.
This man has honed in on me and other women once he tests the waters enough to find we come from abusive backgrounds and are therefore more susceptible to his wiles. He uses our Post Traumatic Stress Disorder issues to pull us in, make us feel safe, have cyber-sex (and plan future physical relations) and to emotionally abuse both of us - as formally abused women are set up to accept. His modus operandi is text book, I am devastated to tell you.
The reason this has come up now is that another of his victims (Target #1) and I got in touch (she was the one who unknowingly introduced him to me) [Dunetz now claims Target #2 CHASED HIM and Target #1 never introduced them. Here, in her words, we see he's BLATANTLY LYING - no surprise there, huh?]. We had very long conversations, found out what had been going on and have tried to hold ourselves together through this. Speaking for myself, my natural inclination would be to blame myself, feel shame (from prior conditioning) and run and hide. However, I have a different reaction whenever wrongs are perpetrated on others rather than just myself.
This is not being written to be vindictive towards Dunetz, but out of my ethical center. We do not want to see strong (religious affiliation) publications being involved with someone of low moral character & divisiveness while promoting the values of(the Bible).
Therefore, I want you to understand that all of this is now coming out and therefore I urge you, on behalf of your readership, to re-think your professional relationship with him.
If you want further details, please feel free to email me at (deleted)@msn.com or, perhaps for freer discussion, please feel free to telephone me at (805) (deleted). Your time and consideration of this very serious situation are very much appreciated.
I would be happy to give you Target #1s email if you wish to verify with her.
- Target #2
Some words from Target #1: I was scared. Law Enforcement had my home and my email survellied because they told me it was highly possible he'd put the whole blame on me and perhaps snap and do something violent.
When I was contacted by Detective D'AXXXX, the detective Dunetz and his wife involved - he was shocked to learn I was disabled! He even called my doctor to confirm. I knew then Dunetz had been able to effectively lie to his wife & everyone else - telling them I made it all up because I was lovesick or something.
I begged Target #2 not to contact his parents or get involved with his kids or job. I told his wife and I mailed his (clergyman) a letter for FOT1 - that was enough. Dunetz was going to lie to his wife and had probably worked out the cover story he'd repeat whenever necessary. As the police told me a number of times, I was within STRIKING DISTANCE of him, she wasn't!!
She wasn't really listening to reason though, she was so angry. She must have done a lot of things I don't know about - stuff I am sure I will get blamed for. But there is no way, I was too sick and made overnight visits to the hospital a few times.
I have kids - Target #2 doesn't and I told her to PLEASE not involve Dunetz' children or family as they weren't responsible. I'd told his wife so she could help him and gone to the police when he threatened my children. That was really all that mattered.
Target #2's anger was justified, yes - but what she told me she was going to do about it? I was terrified. I was too sick to move for quite a while. My ex husband took my car keys away and I was too weak to do anything. When Detective D'XXX called me in May - I was shocked. It had been a couple months. I was so scared that Target #2 was carrying through with her threats and that I WAS taking the blame.
It wasn't until that Fall - months later - that I started piecing my life back together - and that August I became legally separated. I was paying big time - and I was trying to prevent my children from paying.
Afterward I helped Target #2 divorce her husband. To this day I don't know exactly what she did to Dunetz. If I think about it too long - I have a panic attack.
I would NEVER NEVER had done any of this if I didn't KNOW Dunetz and had some personal experience with him that led me to believe he was honest & trustworthy. (She hadn't yet figured out that Dunetz mind controlled, manipulated, seduced & controlled her!! She did nothing!!)
Please, don't get drawn in by an old flame and avoid an online affair like the plague. No good will come of it.
A CAUTIONARY NOTE FROM EOPC
Readers, while revenge is a natural reaction - please think about what you are doing before you try to destroy someone's whole life. And think carefully about WHY you are doing it? Because you are angry? Yes you ARE angry and you should be and exposing them is good. But - TAKE INTO CONSIDERATION SOMEONE'S INNOCENT FAMILY AND JOB. The point is to expose the person so:
1. they don't hurt anyone elseTarget #2 was still very angry when EOPC spoke to her. She saw nothing wrong
2. their families get them help (if possible)
3. they are held accountable
Target #2 told us she was still a member of sites like AdultFriendFinder and AmericanFriendFinder and a variety of dating sites in 2005, despite her "Dunetz" experience. She was married to an abuser, yes - said her husband had "given her permission" to have an outside relationship. Target #2 saw nothing wrong with her behavior. She even admitted to fudging her age by shaving off 10 years; which is why there were no full shots of her on her online dating profiles.
We at EOPC do not approve of this. The entire point of our site is to warn people about online relationships and online dating and its consequences. Don't be tempted to go back and do it again just because you know more about the red flags!
Remember this: Target #1? - Dunetz looked her up. She did not do online dating or chat rooms other than her disability chats.
Dunetz leveraged their prior relationship to launch a very dysfunctional online relationship with her. Once she found out HOW dysfunctional - Target #1 felt his wife should know, she apologized, and went to the authorities
I.E.: Dunetz lives near Target #1 and knows her address. He could blame shift to her for Target #2's behavior and come after her, as her threatened to.
Target #2 was not able to see Target #1, her children or Dunetz family in her rage.
In fact at the time of this posting, Target #2 told us Dunetz had written to her ISP (Juno.com) and gotten her service pulled for harassment so she was going to use anonymous mailers, chat bots as well as friends who traveled and one who lived not too far from Dunetz. Dunetz' getting her service pulled only helped wind up her revenge towards Dunetz.