GRIDNEY/ YidwithLid's TARGET #2: TAKING A STAND (AND A CAUTIONARY NOTE)

(This expose was first run by us in March, 2005)
Target #2 gave us emails between herself and GRIDNEY/ YidwithLid after she'd found out about him. In fact, Target #2 was the person who brought this story to us in late 2004. We have taken out identifying information at the request of Target #1, who is concerned for Yidwithlids family. Also, some comments from Target #2 and a cautionary note from EOPC (our comments are in purple - Fighter)
_______________
YAHOO MAIL HEADER
(verified)
From: Gridney/ Yidwithlid
To: Target #2
Sent: Wednesday March 17, 2004 9:59AM

I was on the train coming home

I have told [my wife]and will finish telling her in a few. My [clergyman] already knew I spoke to him the other day. I know you hate me but please let her heal.

I am canceling all my messenger accounts an made appointments for me to see a shrink Now please leave me alone
~~~~~~~~~~

We have noticed the tendency for narcissistically vulnerable people to engage in a kink of ritual self-castigation in the wake of an undeniable or unrationalizable failing toward someone. This is a process even more elusive than explaining, and harder to distinguish from true apologizing...

...In the case of a person with a narcissistic character disorder, recrimination is probably as close as he or she ever comes to apologizing, and is doubtless believed to constitute sorrow and reparation.

ARTICLE

TARGET #2 told EOPC: I was beyond pissed! Precisely what had he told everyone? 'Leave him alone? Let his wife heal?' I wanted answers and was getting none. I trusted this man. He'd sang songs from "West Side Story" over the phone to me, called me 3-4 times a day, gave me his emails, his office & cell phone numbers, his office address, told me he didn't love his wife and loved only me repeatedly... he HAD to love me to trust me after giving me all that information.

Yidwithlid'd told me over & over he was in love with me and I was his soulmate. That he didn't love his wife anymore and "our love would go on forever." Leave him alone? He was going to have the last word? I don't think so. I deserved answers. For a while I didn't believe Target #1 though now I know she was completely straight forward with me about her role.

Target #1 told me to go be with him. Yes I had finally contacted her despite Yidwithlid telling me not to. He made a cryptic comment to me about her and I had to know.

Yidwithlid had done a really good job of making Target #1 look like an lovesick puppy. I was very nasty to her for a while because I thought she maybe was just jealous as Yidwithlid implied.

Looking back I see she wasn't jealous at all - just devastated. I ask you, what jealous, 'scorned woman' tells you to go be with the object of their affection? No one.

I called her and we talked for over 36 hours on the phone the night/day we found out and I could hear her [being sick]. She told me she asked to meet his wife & children and for all the cybersex nonsense to end many times. Yidwithlid was controlling her the same way he was controlling me - like puppets.

Yidwithlid had even told me Target #1 and her friend FoT1 were taunting him sexually. I believed it until law enforcement showed me later everything he'd been up to. The police even sent me copies of his chats with Target #1. Like a coward he was saying "I didn't do it - they did." I was a paralegal - the solid evidence didn't back him up - at all. I was sick about it.

Yidwithlid had refused to take Target #1's phone number or address and she was just crying non-stop about how she tried to fix it and stop it but was too stupid & weak. She told me she knew Yidwithlid had always hated her and that I should go and make him happy because Yidwithlid deserved happiness. She still cared about him. Incredible.

The day after I spoke to Target #1, she & I were online still trying to figure it out. Yidwithlid had been trying frantically to IM or phone her all day but she was too sick & scared to talk to him. Yidwithlid got online with me later that same day and said he'd been to his [clergyman] to tell him he'd fallen in love with another woman (me). Now I know that was more B.S. he was giving me. Yidwithlid told his [clergyman] something totally different.

And Yidwithlid never bothered to speak to or try to contact Target #1 that night. I was struck at how suddenly, he was schmoozing me and treating her like SHE DIDN'T EVEN EXIST!! When he finally did get in touch with her he'd already made up his mind to attack her! After he'd been messing with her mind for 2 years! She was trying to protect him and he was at her throat. Was I next?

It jumped out at me: if this is what Yidwithlid did to someone he's known over 25 years... And what he said about someone who he KNOWS was smitten with him... and she's now TELLING ME to go be with him... What will he do to me when he gets tired of me? I got very very angry. Some friend he was!

Yidwithlid had told me about his publishers, his boss, the people he worked with, his assistant - even the names of his clients - and how much they all liked him. All to make himself look good, So, I made it my business to find addresses and contacts for everyone he knew. My husband was a psychologist - I knew exactly what Yidwithlid was - and I was going to make sure everyone in his life knew too!

Yidwithlid had told me it was 'difficult' to admit but he knew he'd 'fallen in love with me.' He sent me an article about how 'Affairs can Help People in Bad Marriages.' All part of his systematic love-attack on me. While I was emailing him love poetry, he'd been emailing me porn and pornographic ecards saying "I can't wait to do XXX to you." I was so brainwashed by him and my prior abusive conditioning - I thought it was LOVE! And it was hard-core porn. He wanted a FREE WHORE.

I'm a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. So this porn he was sending to me was a huge trigger for me. Yidwithlid KNEW I had this issue and it probably just helped him along! I was frozen and tried to say "but he loves me!"

I knew Yidwithlids' kids needed to be away from this pervert too. Law enforcement sent me copies of everything they found on him including his home address and his parents' address (as well how much he paid for his house, his criminal record, all the websites traces of his IP were on, everything!)

I was going to see to it that everyone was going to know. His family, his clients, his job... everyone. I wanted Yidwithlid to lose as much sleep, feel as sick and as used as I did. I wanted his whole life to go "BOOM" like mine just had.

I was angry with Target #1 too - for introducing us. I realize now she had no idea and was totally blindsided. But at the time I told her repeatedly she was 'minimizing me' and called her "Yidwithlid's pimp."

Once law enforcement called me and sent me everything (and all his personal information) for verification... once I saw for myself what an independent source had turned up... I could no longer deny that this man had lied to me methodically over a 5 week period for one reason. To make me a free whore for him.

In his "escort reviews" Yidwithlid said that certain hookers "loved him" and his 'techniques.' In one he said he "fell in love" with one hooker's pretty face. He was just gushing over how much these PAID sex actresses liked him. It was sick. Really really sick.

Yidwithlid only added to it by denying certain things between us "never happened." He had started rewriting history to cover himself. I was being objectified and minimized by him - not Target #1!

Yidwithlid very quickly got rid of his cell phone probably in order to cut me off. This was after he swore once he "smoothed everything over with the wife" we'd be together. I called his office a few times but he wasn't in or wasn't taking my calls. I was going to keep my eye on the internet for him. I knew he wasn't gone.

After Yidwithlid had sent an email apology to Target #2, she sent him this (references are made to Yidwithlids apology email which we posted earlier this month)

YAHOO HEADER
(verified)
From: TARGET #2
Date: 2004/03/27 Sat AM 8:22:43 EDT
To: Yidwithlid (deleted)@optonline.com

Yidwithlid, your email only shows me you have not begun legitimate therapy. Praying is not enough. You have engaged in criminal behavior; you cannot pray your way to health! The only reason I have been copying your [clergyman] is to keep you HONEST, ie to keep you from continually spinning this whole situation by lying, fudging and handing him more nonsense.

You need serious psychological/psychiatric help. Your problems are well beyond any [clergymans]’s area of expertise. Apparently, he is under the misapprehension that you merely have a cybersex addiction.

You fail to see that you involved 2 grown women by engaging us in highly personal and intense relationships. Target #1's estranged husband knows of that you made her think you had feelings for her, and then turned your back on her. He had a keylogger on her for months of her relationship so he knows everything, and so does his attorney. So, first Target #1 took beatings because of you and now [Target #1 estranged husband]'s instability is daily affecting her & her children.

I fell in love with you (whoever YOU really are – God knows you are so fractured and surreal), had cybersex which I have since learned is tantamount to rape. And your [clergyman] thinks I am a TEMPTATION that can simply be prayed away? No Yidwithlid – we are flesh and blood people who are in abject agony day after horrible day … agony you can’t pray away.

You cannot hide behind religion on this one. Your wife might buy that, but a sophisticated person never would. Clearly, you have not taken responsibility and you are not seeking professional help. You are very dangerous.

You told Target #1 only a couple weeks ago; in other words while I was supposedly your 'one and only'; that you “looked at everyone woman like she was a hole.” That you told ANYONE that is truly depraved, Yidwithlid. Especially telling a woman (Target #1) you even told me you knew was in love with you. But truly criminally depraved.

Using prayer as a crutch while not addressing the crux of your disorder will only cause you to fall back again once you are under stress or bored. It's obvious that you also still don't 'get' the devastation you have caused. You write, "but I am truly sorry for everything all the pain I caused." No. You definitely don't 'get' it. This isn’t about “the pain” you have caused. You simply do NOT GRASP the ENORMITY of what you have done.

You willfully & knowingly tried to destroy Target #1 and nearly succeeded. You have thrown me into emotional turmoil that only reminds me of the life and death issues with which I lived with my entire childhood: that is PTSD. Actually, you are responsible for kicking both Target #1's & my PTSD into high gear, which has caused both of us to go over and over everything that happened as well as keeping both of us from being able to stop crying or to get any sleep. Your wife "sometimes throws up"? She is not the only one, believe me.

Religious, in our cases that would be (clergical) counseling just isn't going to work. Frankly, the Yidwithlid I came to know is not the person you are. The person you are has complete disregard for anyone but yourself and your own pain.

Running away from me like I am the bad one.

Target #1 and I deserve some truth & amends from you.

This is almost impossible for me to handle.

~~~~~~~~~~

Target #2: I had gone to a 24 hr. photo place to get pictures of myself taken for him. I waited there for an hour and rushed back to my computer. I had already started rearranging my schedule for our rendevous. I was living for his daily calls. I would call him all the time too. This wasn't right.

Yidwithlid told me he hated porn - but now I see that he was sending me porn cards and porn clips all the time. His excuse? That is was ME making him so 'hot and bothered.' (Once again GRIDNEY/ Yidwithlid makes his Targets responsible for his addiction!! GRIDNEY/ YidwithLid just loves blame shifting, doesn't he?)

Yidwithlid was offering me free trips, free meals and he even tried repeatedly to get me to accept him buying me a movie camera so I could "make some private movies" for him. What he wanted was me to do homemade porn for him! I can only imagine what he would have done with it if I did.

Yidwithlid and I discussed issues we both shared strong opinions on. I got him involved in message boards I thought he'd like but he just promoted his tripe.

Yidwithlid was constantly telling me not to talk to Target #2. He was controlling me and as a person who suffered childhood sexual abuse - I didn't see it.

Yidwithlid was absolutely aware of my history. Yidwithlid swore to me he HATED porn - but the police found he had a computer full of it. He told me it was ME making him so "hot." I cried a lot. He was a liar and had led me on simply for his own pleasure.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here's just two letters Target #2 sent out to Yidwithlids publishers. We have scrambled or deleted information regarding innocent parties but left a letter here & there to prove these as verified & genuine:
TARGET #2's LETTER TO ONE OF HIS PUBLISHERS :

YAHOO MAIL HEADER
(verified)
From: Target #2
To: Editor in Chief, XXXX
Sent: Tuesday, March 16, 2004 4:39 PM
Subject: CONFIDENTIAL

Dear Editor JXXXy:
Good morning; or maybe not. First all, I apologize for having to write this, but I sincerely feel I must. This letter is being sent to inform you of some problems there are with your publishing the writing of "J:.

My name is Target #2, I subscribe to your emails and often go to your website to enjoy your publication. I am a XXX who met a friend of Yidwithlids (she means Target #1) on a XXX site protesting media bias against XXX. Subsequently, she sent me his article on Tom Friedman and asked for help in getting it published. I got it onto a few more sites and he wrote to effusively thank me. Then, he wrote to say he would really like to get to know me; that he was currently online and would I please open up MSN Messenger and chat.

Please allow me to further elaborate: Yidwithlid has been misrepresenting himself as an observant (religious affiliation) and a family man while seducing, using and hurting other women, i.e. certainly breaking more than one commandment. His writings are written to reflect his deep (religious) values, but I have found that to be a pose, something which he doesn't practice: In fact, quite the opposite.

He has probably done all of his damage out of some form(s) of mental illness, however, that doesn't lessen my and others' pain, including his family's. Obviously, he also misrepresents himself and what he practices through his writing. This man has honed in on me and other women once he tests the waters enough to find we come from abusive backgrounds and are therefore more susceptible to his wiles.

He used my Post Traumatic Stress Disorder issues to pull me in, make me feel safe, have cyber-sex (and plan future physical relations) and emotionally abuse us - as formally abused women are set up to accept. His modus operandi is text book, I am devastated to tell you.

The reason this has come up now is that another of his victims and I got in touch with each other (she was the one who unknowingly introduced him to me)(again she is talking about Target #1). We had very long conversations, found out what had been going on and have tried to hold ourselves together through this. Speaking for myself, my natural inclination would be to blame myself, feel shame (from prior conditioning) and run and hide. Target #1 is already starting to do this. However, I have a different reaction whenever wrongs are perpetrated on others rather than just myself.

This is not being written to be vindictive towards Yidwithlid, but out of my ethical center. I do not want to see strong (religious) publications being involved with someone of low moral character & divisiveness while promoting the values of (the Bible). Yidwithlid does hold himself out to have the best (religious affiliation) values and that is belied by his behavior.

Therefore, I want you to understand that all of this is now coming out and therefore I urge you, on behalf of your readership, to re-think your professional relationship with him. If you want further details, please feel free to email me at (deleted)@msn.com or, perhaps for freer discussion, please feel free to telephone me at 805-((deleted). Your time and consideration of this very serious situation are very much appreciated.

-Target #2 ANOTHER OF TARGET #2s LETTER TO ONE OF Yidwithlids PUBLISHERS

YAHOO MAIL HEADER
(verified)
From: TARGET #2
To: (deleted)@aXXX.com
Sent: Tuesday, March 16, 2004 1:39 PM
Subject: CONFIDENTIAL

Dear (deleted): Good morning; or maybe not. First all, I apologize for having to write this, but I sincerely feel I must. This letter is being sent to inform you of some problems there are with your publishing the writing of Yidwithlid.

My name is Target #2 I subscribe to your emails and often go to your website to enjoy your publication. I am a (religious affiliation) who met a friend of Yidwithlid's (Target #1) on a (religious affiliation) site protesting media bias against (country). Subsequently, she sent me his article on Tom Friedman and asked for help in getting it published. I got it onto a few more sites and he wrote to effusively thank me. Then, he wrote to say he would really like to get to know me; that he was currently online and would I I please open up MSN Messenger and chat.

Please allow me to further elaborate: Yidwithlid has been misrepresenting himself as an observant (religious affiliation) and a family man while seducing, using and hurting other women, i.e. certainly breaking more than one commandment. His writings are written to reflect his deep (religious affiliation) values, but I have found that to be a pose, something which he doesn't practice: In fact, quite the opposite.

He has probably done all of his damage out of some form(s) of mental illness, however, that doesn't lessen my and others' pain, including his family's. Obviously, he also misrepresents himself and what he practices through his writing.

This man has honed in on me and other women once he tests the waters enough to find we come from abusive backgrounds and are therefore more susceptible to his wiles. He uses our Post Traumatic Stress Disorder issues to pull us in, make us feel safe, have cyber-sex (and plan future physical relations) and emotionally abuse us - as formally abused women are set up to accept. His modus operandi is text book, I am devastated to tell you.

The reason this has come up now is that another of his victims (Target #1) and I got in touch (she was the one who unknowingly introduced him to me) [Yidwithlid now claims Target #2 CHASED HIM and Target #1 never introduced them. Here, in her words, we see he's LYING - no surprise there, huh?]. We had very long conversations, found out what had been going on and have tried to hold ourselves together through this. Speaking for myself, my natural inclination would be to blame myself, feel shame (from prior conditioning) and run and hide. However, I have a different reaction whenever wrongs are perpetrated on others rather than just myself.

This is not being written to be vindictive towards Yidwithlid, but out of my ethical center. We do not want to see strong (religious affiliation) publications being involved with someone of low moral character & divisiveness while promoting the values of(the Bible).

Therefore, I want you to understand that all of this is now coming out and therefore I urge you, on behalf of your readership, to re-think your professional relationship with him.

If you want further details, please feel free to email me at (deleted)@msn.com or, perhaps for freer discussion, please feel free to telephone me at (805) (deleted). Your time and consideration of this very serious situation are very much appreciated.

I would be happy to give you Target #1s email if you wish to verify with her. [Yidwithlid now claims Target #1 turned him in to his publishers... again, we see here he is LYING & TWISTING HISTORY & THE TRUTH to portray himself as the victim when he is the PREDATOR!]

- Target #2
________________

Some words from Target #1: I was scared. Law enforcement had me survellied because they told me it was highly possible he'd put the whole blame on me and perhaps snap and do something violent.

When I was contacted by Detective D'AXXXX, the detective Yidwithlid and his wife involved - he was shocked to learn I was disabled! He even called my doctor to confirm. I knew then Yidwithlid had been able to effectively lie to his wife & everyone else - telling them I made it all up because I was lovesick or something.

I begged Target #2 not to contact his parents or get involved with his kids or job. I told his wife and I mailed his (clergyman) a letter for FOT1 - that was enough. Yidwithlid was going to lie to his wife and had probably worked out the cover story he'd repeat whenever necessary. I was within STRIKING DISTANCE of him, she wasn't!! She wasn't really listening to reason though, she was so angry. She must have done a lot of things I don't know about - stuff I am sure I will get blamed for. But there is no way, I was too sick and made overnight visits to the hospital a few times.

I have kids - Target #2 doesn't and I told her to PLEASE not involve Yidwithlids children or family as they weren't responsible. I'd told his wife so she could help him and gone to the police when he threatened my children. That was really all that mattered.

Target #2's anger was justified, yes - but what she told me she was going to do about it? I was terrified. I was too sick to move for quite a while. My ex husband took my car keys away and I was too weak to do anything. When Detective D'XXX called me in May - I was shocked. It had been a couple months. I was so scared that Target #2 was carrying through with her threats and that I WAS taking the blame.

It wasn't until that Fall - months later - that I started piecing my life back together. I was paying big time - and I was trying to prevent my children from paying.

Afterward I helped Target #2 divorce her husband. To this day I don't know exactly what she did to Yidwithlid. If I think about it too long - I have a panic attack.

I would NEVER NEVER had done any of this if I didn't KNOW Yidwithlid and had some personal experience with him that led me to believe he was honest & trustworthy. (She hadn't yet figured out that Yidwithlid mind controlled, manipulated, seduced & controlled her!! She did nothing!!)

Please, don't get drawn in by an old flame and avoid an online affair like the plague. No good will come of it.
A CAUTIONARY NOTE FROM EOPC
We are posting Target #2's comments to talk about REVENGE.

Readers, while revenge is a natural reaction - please think about what you are doing before you try to destroy someone's whole life. And think carefully about WHY you are doing it? Because you are angry? Yes you ARE angry and you should be and exposing them is good. But - TAKE INTO CONSIDERATION SOMEONE'S INNOCENT FAMILY AND JOB. The point is to expose the person so:

1. they don't hurt anyone else
2. their families get them help (if possible)
3. they are held accountable

Target #2 was still very angry when EOPC spoke to her. She saw nothing wrong with finding ways to poke at Yidwithlid all over the internet - even giving personal information she found online about him (remember zabasearch.com is just one place you can find everything for FREE) and law enforcement had sent to her.

Target #2 told us she was still a member of sites like AdultFriendFinder and AmericanFriendFinder and a variety of dating sites in 2005, despite her Yidwithlid experience. She was married to an abuser, yes - said her husband had "given her permission" to have an outside relationship. Target #2 saw nothing wrong with her behavior.

We at EOPC do not approve of this. The entire point of our site is to warn people about online relationships and online dating and its consequences. Don't be tempted to go back and do it again just because you know more about the red flags!

We tried to speak to Target #2 about it - to no avail.

Remember this: Target #1? - Yidwithlid looked her up. She did not do online dating or chat rooms other than her disability chats. She was married, yes - and told us what she did getting involved was very wrong.

Yidwithlid used their prior relationship to launch a very dysfunctional online relationship with her. Once she found out HOW dysfunctional - Target #1 felt his wife should know, she apologized, and went to the authorities only after Yidwithlid had threatened to see to it that 'her children' were 'taken from her'.

Target #1 was contrite, said she was partly to blame and upset and - She would not give EOPC permission to use his name because of his wife and small children as well as her own. (we did this interview in Nov. 2004 and had to talk to Target #1 many times to assure her we would respect her wishes. Target #1 hopes people will learn from her mistake) We remind you - yes, Target #1 was drawn into an inappropriate online affair but she was not seeing hookers and advertising online for sex. Yidwithlid was.

Target #2 - was introduced to Yidwithlid by Target #1. Target #2 self-reported to be an unbashed serial online dater. Married and unapologetic about having affairs prior to Yidwithlid and probably after. Sorry, but in our opinion, Target #2 allowed her anger to rule in her determination to destroy Yidwithlid. Despite EOPC 'Fighter' members attempting to speak to her about this, Target #2 went ahead anyway.

I.E.: Yidwithlid lives near Target #1 and knows her address. He could blame shift to her for Target #2's behavior and come after her.

Target #2 was not able to see Target #1, her children or Yidwithlids family in her rage.

In fact at the time of this posting, Target #2 told us Yidwithlid had written to her ISP (Juno.com) and gotten her service pulled for harassment so she was going to use anonymous mailers, chat bots as well as friends who traveled and one who lived not too far from Yidwithlid. Yidwithlids' getting her service pulled only helped wind up her revenge towards Yidwithlid. Readers: Expose Them! But when you can do so with a clear head. There is justified and unjustified anger. If you can't stop with relentless or escalating revenge - then please consider counseling. EOPC would be happy to help you try to find someone for you. - "Fighter"

We have a couple more posts on GRIDNEY/Yidwithlid to wind up this story including some updates of typical abuser behavior: lying, twisting history, playing victim, projection & blame shifting.

yidwithlid